204 replies to this topic

[Bryce (003)]

So what is an appropriate gift for Major Carrington, since she's the one who persuaded you to push the letter of the Official Secrets Act so thoroughly to the limit?

Sssssshh!

What she said.

[Bryce (003)]

Heh-heh-heh...

*leans back and stretches*

Long night, but the coals were hot and the flood gates were open.

Whilst I review, I'm *almost* ready to post Chapter 1.

I'm just finishing Chapter 16 "The Plane from Spain" and then it's time for a break and a FULL review.

The outline is holding up though and I don't *think* I've painted myself into a corner with anything, but the review will assure me for certain.



From Chapter 15 : Plunge into Hell

The other bastard kicked the rear tire of Bryce's bike and nearly toppled him. The first one was coming up again.

Enough.

Bryce steadied the bike and drew out the ASP baton snapping it open as he did. He swung out catching the second man under the chin. The thug all but flew off his bike and tumbled into the under brush and his cries of pain from his shattered jaw bone were quickly silenced.

The first one was back to Bryce's right and he was ever closer with the knife. As the front wheel of the bike came up, Bryce lunged and drove the baton through the front spokes ducking a slash as he did.

The baton caught and in a second swung about, locked behind the front forks and the bike flipped from the rear lauching the rider over the handle bars and sending him off the cliff. The man screamed not so much in pain as in terror seeing the three hundred foot drop beneath him to the steaming lava rock below.

Bryce continued on and regained the trail with a short jump. His Lava had just gotten some payback.

Onward.

[Joyce Carrington]

NICE.

[Blofeld's Cat]

You're such a tease Charlie.

[Double-0-7]

I guess you're going to need a new ASP baton!

[Bryce (003)]

Well, the "tools of the trade" do need to be sacrificed from time to time. That's why they can be replaced by the Quartermaster.



Thanks again for the praise.

[Double-0-7]

Yes...
Considerably.

I suppose if we are looking for a gift at DTBB3 we can see if there are any special edition ASP batons! No doubt The Gun Store carries such "tools of the trade", they seem to have everything else in that place.

[Professor Dent]

Very nice.

[Bryce (003)]

Thanks gents. I'll consider ASP batons for DTBB3 "gifts". Until then, the pens should suffice.

The revisions continue. Joyce: Watch your email. If you get something with a large Word doc attached, make some tea and clean your glasses. It'll be a few days worth of reading and hopefully be worth it.

The plane was an old DC-3 and had clearly been down there for some time. Bryce slowly kicked and swam towards it.

Checking his watch, he had about twenty minutes left on the tank. Then the spear came from his left missing him by inches. The three combat ready frogmen were decending on him. Another raised his spear gun. Bryce drew the knife from the sheath on his right ankle and turned about.

[Joyce Carrington]

Ooh, I do like my tea.

Yes, sir. I'm slightly buried with work at the moment but I can't wait to get my hands on this and I'll certainly make some time for it.

[Bryce (003)]

Thanks luv.

I'm still revising some bits, editing others, but with sixteen chapters done, a break has been needed.

I've now broken down the third act and added two more chapters which will make a total of twenty-five.

I'm at 180 pages.

The "big picture" is about to come fully into focus.

A certain someone is already writing the lyrics to "None Shall Regret".

This may be the first fan-fic that includes an attached mp3 and a title song.

[Monsieur B]

Wow! Rich Douglas composing the theme song? Mr. * making a cover page? CBn seems to be pulling out all the stops with NSR. Really can't wait here, Bryce! When can we expect the first chapter to be posted at least!

[darkpath]

This may be the first fan-fic that includes an attached mp3 and a title song.

Now that's excellent! It will go nicely with Hitch's Joyce Carrington 009 theme.

[Bryce (003)]

• Back to top

[Bryce (003)]

Well, Chapter 1 is up and posted.

Shoot me down or sing my praises.

I'll take whatever I get.

[MHazard]

I didn't know you had a John Bryce character so I didn't know what to expect when I read Chapter One. Like Ian, the attention to details adds an additonal air of reality. I do find myself able to visualize Bryce and the notion of the adventures of another 00 agent is intriguing. I'll be interested to see how chapter 2 plays out.

[spynovelfan]

Haven't read this thread, but read the excerpt. I enjoyed it - you have a nice flowing style, an authoritative voice, some well-chosen details (I liked the housekeeper) and create a convincing atmosphere of a Double O agent returning home, and the friends he has around him. Some hopefully constructive criticism:

• 'Green Park' - no 'the'
• 'Penny' rather than 'quid' in that context
• Would someone really wear their SAS beret in the centre of London? Perhaps you have researched this and know they would, but it seemed odd to me
• I had a bit of a jolt with the 'wanker' stuff. I'm not a prude - it's just that it seemed to have a very different tone suddenly. Most of the rest of it seemed like it could be from a straight Bond-style story, and even seemed as though it might not be set now. While the word has been around for a very long time, its use and the jokes that went with it seemed to change the tone to something laddier and more Nick Hornby. Which could be quite an enjoyable idea - it was the mix of the two I found strange.
• The references to Sean Connery and The Liquidator and so on. Raised a smile, particularly the latter, which I thought was quite clever - but I'm not sure I'd like to see a lot of this self-referential stuff. Depends what you're aiming for, of course - I realise you may have distinct aims with this that are different from most fan-fiction.
• Not a hell of a lot happens! Again, same for the above point and probably the one above that - this probably isn't the idea. But reading it as a straight piece of fiction, there's a lot of building of tone but no Inciting Incident. Not much conflict, motivation for the plot to go forward.

I hope you're not too offended by the above - it's a bit difficult to critique the work of someone you don't know, online. But I liked the excerpt, and enjoyed reading it.

[Loomis]

Liked it a lot, Bryce. Not fussed about anything "happening" - just happy to enjoy the humour and turn of phrase; for me, the authorial voice here provides more than enough entertainment (BTW, laughed out loud at "If sleeping while standing was an art form, John Bryce was Rembrandt" - good one, that) and could carry the whole thing. That said, if you do have a decent plot and some cool twists and so forth, then by all means be our guests. But as far as I'm concerned it hits the spot as it is, but then I've always found your posts a good laugh.

To echo spynovelfan, there are a few Americanisms clashing with British English, as well as a typo here and there, and I'm not sure that too many Brits would use "completely tossed" in the sense of "utterly exhausted" (unless, of course, O'Shawnassey is not trying to suggest that Bryce is very tired, in which case, erm, well, carry on). Still, these are mere details, and, as spy says, you have a nice flowing style. And I mean this: I've read worse-written and less witty professional Bond prose and Bond spoofs.

Good stuff. Looking forward to more.

[MarcAngeDraco]

A nice bit of work there Charlie, looking rather forward to reading more! Keep it coming!

[marktmurphy]

Is Dover in Wales now? Could have sworn it was in a different country!
And the tube is regarded as highly efficient, eh? Bryce has obviously been lucky enough to be out of the country in Dover at the time of the many tube strikes!

You seem slightly in love with your main character which makes it a bit of an intrusive read; I feel like I should leave you two alone with each other!

[Professor Dent]

Very good! Thanks for the early teaser.

[darkpath]

I rather enjoyed that! Thanks!

[Double-0-7]

Thanks Charlie, I enjoyed that first chapter and look forward to the rest of the novel.

I don't know all the local details like Spynovelfan, but questioned whether there is a Browning ASP. I believe that like your personal ASP, they were all based on the S&W M39.

Keep up the good work, 003!

[Bryce (003)]

All good and well gents.

First - Damn typo's. I damn well know my way in and about London.

Second - This is just the first chapter and an intro to the book and 003. Look back at Chapter one of CR. Think about it. I'm not Ian, CR was hardly exciting beyond establishment, but SNF, I agree. Start slow, move quick.

Wait for it.

As to the use of the phrase "wanker", I was raised with a Scottish/English background and the term was tossed about (take that as you will) but with no lack of respect. Now, to the Brits, I understand that is either passed off or regarded as very adolocent (Check Benson - Tequila and Limes ). Then again, James and Felix had/have similar bits. Granted, I am taking quite a bit of the 003/004 relationship based on our own true relationship (for those that know us) with a grain of salt and do accept that not many (or very few) of those that know us in the real world could/would accept this as a term of enderment, but they've worked together for 19 years. Give it time and the details.

Also, one of the Gardner novels mentions Bond watching "The Untouchables" during a mid-Atlantic flight and commenting that a "favourite actor of Bond's portrayed a tough Irish cop". The Bond novels and and films do not exist in Bryce's universe.

"quid vs. penny" Well, Ellie is 70+, hence I took it 'old school'.

OK, end of my defensive stance. Actually, more explanitory.

I appreciate it though.

As to the "white cliff's of Dover" - it's an old commando saying for training that was passed to me by a true SAS chap referring to WWII training. I also thought about 'Moonraker'.

The Browning HP - ASP....

It was gift from 004. Take all that you know of the ASP 9mm and apply it to a Browning HP. Cut an inch off the front and add an extra three rounds. Widen the ejection port, and you have 003's Browning ASP. He has the only one in the world.

Threaded for a silencer w/ flash supressor and adding another two inches to the barrel. He only shoots Glasers through it. They punch with the effective power of a .44 magnum JHP, yet with the control and accuracy of a 9mm.

Why?

To quote 003: "It sends a message...Don't Fuck with me."

Hopefully, the rest will deliver.

[Monsieur B]

"It sends a message...Don't Fuck with me."

Hahaha! I can't believe this got past the filter! Bryce, you cheeky devil Unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to sit down and read through your first chapter. Been busy here at university. But I do intend to read through it tomorrow night. I can't wait! From what everyone else is saying, it sounds like it's going to be an amazing read!

[Joyce Carrington]

Ah, it's here.

[Double-0-7]

The Browning HP - ASP....

It was gift from 004. Take all that you know of the ASP 9mm and apply it to a Browning HP. Cut an inch off the front and add an extra three rounds. Widen the ejection port, and you have 003's Browning ASP. He has the only one in the world.

Threaded for a fixed silencer w/ flash supressor and adding another two inches to the barrel. He only shoots Glasers through it. They punch with the effective power of a .44 magnum JHP, yet with the control and accuracy of a 9mm.

As well-sorted as the High Power is, I would like to see an ASP version of it. Those Glaser rounds will certainly stop an adversary in his tracks.

Nothing like a special "tool" to make the job easier - and this one should add to the enjoyment of the novel!

[darkpath]

Hmmm.. I rather like the idea of an ASP conversion applied to the Hi Power. Of course, that does invite the question of whether the donor (pre-conversion) Hi Power was an original single action model or one of the later hybrid models that FN manufactured with double/single action triggers, known as the BDA or FN HP-DA which were first sold in 1983.

I could easily see this weapon fitted with an ASP conversion.

[Bryce (003)]

Thanks everyone.

As mentioned, it's all you're getting until the book is finished, but the comments etc. are greatly appreciated.

Feel free to PM me with any suggestions or just post here.

Interesting note: My gunsmith was very much involved in the idea and development of a Browning ASP. We talked quite a bit about it. I got and email from him. He's recently gotten a hold of two old Brownings and is considering actually "making" an ASP version based on my idea and his skill. If he turns one out, it's mine...for a price.

Who knows? But, for those of you that have "Dared to be Bond" or have desired to, there just *might* be something unique to try out next year. However, observing the "ladies first" policy, the lovely Alicia will get the first clip - and probably put us all to shame.

Now, back to my revisions, but, short a typo or two, Chapter 1 stands as it does.

Chapter 2 - "It's 'Chinatown' Matt" will promise some action.

But not until November 11th.

Thanks again all.

[Monsieur B]

Well, I said that I'd get around to reading this and I just have. And I must say that it is shaping up to be a very enjoyable read! I'm not too concerned, as some have stated, about the pacing issue and how nothing really happens in the first chapter. I don't think that's a problem. Rather than introducing us to the plot, you're introducing the reader (new or otherwise) to the character. And in giving this early peek at John Bryce and his life, it should easily allow new readers to the character to accept (probably not the right word exactly) the character. At least that's how I'm trying to justify your layout here.

Besides, the highlighting of Bryce's relationship with this 'Lava' was well-placed. Not only did it shed light onto an aspect of Bryce, but it also (as I presume) will generate more impact from what will happen soon. And I thought all the action that was needed for the time being was delivered quite well in that brief reminiscence of that rooftop kill. Perfect PTS for a possible film adaptation

I'm really looking forward to reading more on Bryce's exploits and seeing how this story will reach its happy ending!