2238 replies to this topic

[elizabeth]

Granted. She takes your butt with her.

I wish I knew how to surf.

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Granted, the sharks will be most pleased

I wish I didn't have an exam tomorrow

[Mr. Blofeld]

Granted; now, it was earlier today, and you've flunked it.


I wish Pres. Obama was better liked, by some...

[coco1997]

Granted; now, it was earlier today, and you've flunked it.


I wish Pres. Obama was better liked, by some...

Granted, you need to be likable to be liked.

I wish it wasn't so hot where I work.

[elizabeth]

Granted; you move to California.

I wish all my friends and I could stick together now that we've GRADUATED!

[Mr. Blofeld]

Granted; you are now all conjoined siblings, with no operable way of separating you.


I wish that annoying gap in Michael Strahan's teeth would disappear...

[elizabeth]

Granted, but he hears that comment and tackles you.

I wish Mr. Blofeld would recover from his injuries caused by Michael Strahan.

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Granted, but he now makes enemies with David Haye

I wish my housemates would disappear into the Matrix

[elizabeth]

Granted, but Laurence Fishburne throws them back.

I wish my mom would let me learn to surf.

[Goodnight]

Granted, but she should have let you learn to swim first.



I wish I owned 'Midas Touch', a top fancied horse running in tomorrows Epsom Derby.

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Granted, but Cameron, in his infinite wisdom, makes horse racing illegal

I wish I knew stuff about the Reformation

[Goodnight]

Granted, but Cameron, in his infinite wisdom, makes horse racing illegal

HE'S A TORY! He was probably there watching all the horses that he owns.


Granted, but now you have less common sense.



I wish I knew in how to get involved in serious organised crime

Edited by Goodnight, 05 June 2010 - 06:44 PM.

[elizabeth]

Granted, but the mob deems you too weak.

I wish Connery and Dalton were graduating with me.

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Granted. They do much better than you.

I wish I was a kid again

[Eric Stromberg]

Granted. They do much better than you.

I wish I was a kid again

Granted; but your new parents are religious cultists who lock you in the cellar and feed you raw meat.

I wish Eva Green would call me during my lunch break to arrange an afternoon delight session...

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Granted, but she brings three large, hairy, smelly men to join in...

I wish Frasier was still on

[Mr. Blofeld]

Granted, but now the character of Fraiser Crane has been replaced with three large, hairy, smelly men.


I wish I had a Wendy's Frosty...

[Jose]

Granted. It's delicious but it's so cold, you freeze to death. But it's still delicious.

I wish I had a pair of red shoes.

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Granted, but they're the wrong size

I wish I was more attractive

[Eric Stromberg]

I wish I was more attractive

Granted; now you're so attractive that 2 big, hairy, sweaty hillbillies spot you and throw you in the back of their van. A third waits inside in a Batman suit.

I wish God wouldn't kill a kitten each time I touch myself

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Granted, he kills a puppy instead!

I wish I could control what was on TV!

[Mr. Blofeld]

Granted, but now it controls you.


I wish I had an Arcturan megapuppy...

[Eric Stromberg]

I wish I had an Arcturan megapuppy...

Granted; except the closest thing available is an Arcturan spider-puppy, and you can imagine what happens when you cuddle!

I wish Gemma would continue to send me erotic emails, even though I know she's married now

[Mr. Blofeld]

Granted; they're filled with viruses, and your computer crashes, as a result.


I wish more people had voted for the Liberal Democrats in the British parliamentary election...

[elizabeth]

Granted, but the other party has John Mills and Alec Guinness on it.

I wish my sister would stop annoying me.

[Goodnight]

Granted, but now she's turned into one of those friends that follows you everywhere.



I wish I wasn't so painfully shy.

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Granted, but now you're really confident. Too confident. Cocky. And no-one likes that!

I wish Rob Green would break both his arms...and his legs (just to make sure he can't play!)

[elizabeth]

Granted, but he's a sponge, so he can grow his arms and legs back.

I wish Sean could stay forever just the way he looked in Goldfinger.

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Granted, but someone shows him the painting of his older person and he dies

I wish my family were more forgiving

[elizabeth]

Granted, but they believe that sinners are at the hands of an angry God (Jonathan Edwards, 1741 ).

I wish Laurel & Hardy were still performing today.