147 replies to this topic

[Dr Niles Crane]

Yes you are right Mr Pussy cat.

However its much harder to make a bad pun about the letter Z when its pronunced in the English way -

Z is for zedoary - a gingerlike substance used in medicine and perfurmery that was NOT at all in the film and god dam it it should have been. No Bond filmn is complete without zedoary and a dash of lilac and perhaps some tumin..?

Perhaps Jim can use z as in the Cuban guy 'zed' a lot of things in silly accent or perhaps M 'zed' to James 'wouldsh he likes anothers burbones?'.

However I don't feel z for sleepy is how this film makes Jim feel (purely judging by the level of rage, indignation, amusing observations, and general attacks on Pierce Brosnan)

[Wade]

I agree almost wholeheartedly with Jim. I kind of liked DAD, but, Lord, it was overwhelmingly diappointing. It tried to do way too much (as many recent Bond films have done), and ended up doing none of it very well. It had moments of the old Bond brilliance, but it was too cranked up and on speed to be a comfortable viewing experience. All these years, fans have been telling the Bond producers that the series used to SET the standard, not copy it. And they STILL haven't listened. The undercranked camera, the scenes running by at breakneck speed, the impossible stunts cobbled together with truly lousy CG. (A word to Mr. Wilson: CG is great for touching up a scene, or erasing a mistake, but it should NEVER be used to CREATE a scene in a Bond film EVER AGAIN.)

It shares an unfortunately quality with the latest Star Trek film, "Nemesis." There were reportedly several character-driven scenes in that movie, and they were sliced out for time. When will producers understand that movies are, always have been and always will be about two things: character and story. Period. Even Bond films.

Especially Bond films. We're not plunking down $10 to see CG effects or an Aston Martin. We're there to see Bond. We're there to see Bond wrestle with his conscience over a bottle of vodka in TND. We're there to see him coldly execute his lover in TWINE to save the world. We're there to see him experience betrayal from a long-dead friend in GE.

It's the STORY that drives the movies, guys. Not the stunts. Not the cars. Not the gadgets. They're nice, but they're not why I signed on.

OK, I'm done now.

[Wade]

But I'll be Jim isn't.

[DLibrasnow]

My girlfriend and I sat down to watch the DVD of "Die Another Day" yesterday and besides all the talk/lecturing about the big nasty North Korea (she works for the US Senate so she's really in tune with all that foreign relations stuff) she came off with a lot of the criticisms that Jim seems to have pointed out.

She also had Graves figured out as Col. Moon and knew Miranda was a baddie from the scene with Judi Dench onwards. Did anyone else find it as predicatble as she did, it wasn't until Graves said "Have we met before" that I had him pegged as Col. Moon.

[stromberg]

Can't believe it, Jim, you're back. Good to see that, I missed you and your ever enlightening posts. Keep on keepin' on.

[Jim]

R is for Ruined Liver, M

[Jim]

R is also for W, W is for R. Still heartily amused by that dweam machine thing. Very funny if deliberate, but funnier if not.

R is also for Rotten cameo by some singer, Jaw-droppingly. I

[Xenobia]

Badinage about Willies???? I'm in. ;-)

I am a real person (last time I checked, although the Blue Fairy might have something to say about that), and I take your bet, re M's beverage. I'm pretty sure it's iced tea. Can't drink the hard stuff in films, although, if they were smashed, it might make for a better film, no?

-- Xenobia

[Simon]

I thought I was the only one to have noticed Brosnan's running - I likened it in another thread to an Action Man's hinged arms (perhaps, GI Joe in the US)

I am sure there are better ways of filming this to de-emphasise it, perhaps from the quarter angle or side, but they always seem to have him chasing the camera man. Curious.

[DLibrasnow]

[quote]Originally posted by Jim

R is also for Running, This Mr Brosnan

[Loomis]

Originally posted by Jim

And why does she look like a particularly whiskery ferret peering through a mop head?  

Jim, there is but one word that springs to my mind regarding your writing.

That word is "brilliant".

[Dr Niles Crane]

I love to think that if Jim saw Pierce Brosnan lying in a gutter in a street somewhere he would go up to him, politely inquire if he was OK, and then kick him in the nuts...

Hey Jimbo, hand me the hammer - Can't say, don't know, want to, perhaps it does, XYZ, up to you

[Jim]

S is for Spare me the Freud, Oh. James Bond on the couch, paging Dr Freud (for the sake of brevity, call him

[Jim]

S is also for Stephens, Toby. Hmm. I quite like the face he pulls when the strange scarecrow man talks about

[Xenobia]

S is sucker,which Christian Wagner is if he thinks that his speed ramps serverd any real purpose.

S is for spectacular, which the CGI sequence was not; which this reviews continues to be.

-- Xenobia

[DLibrasnow]

I never knew the alphabet was so long

[Blofeld's Cat]

What about T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z Jim?

[gkgyver]

Jim, I wonder what you'd have to say about TND, which is IMO alot worse than DAD (and that really says alot)

[Jaelle]

Keep it going, Jim. Ignore all the jibes and complaints. Complete the entire alphabet, please! And then start again.

[Robinson]

[quote]Originally posted by Jim
Licence to Kill pre-credits. Bond does not use a machine gun. Nothing blows up. With me so far? Apres moi, la deluge.  big bang

[zencat]

Let's just say that this review thread is a masterpiece, Jim (even though I really liked DAD). When you complete it, we MUST make it a main page feature.

Or maybe we should be doing it as it goes along?

[Jim]

T is for This again surely?, Not. Well, 'fraid so. There was I thinking it was high satire to let go of the plot about two thirds of the way through (How life mirrors "art" (the F in "art" is silent)), but - and get this - I watched it again the other evening. My third time. Frankly, I deserve a medal the size of Belgium. All the way through, every rancid atosecond. Those poor sods at Guantanamo Bay have it easier than this (and they do get to wear natty orange threads, so I'm not too sure what they're complaining about). This awful, awful film remains the equivalent of being anally probed with razor wire. The most lamentable thing is that it is so colossally, thunderously superficial. Sure, the Bond films were never meant to be thought-provoking mood pieces, but this is just an excuse for some explosions. And a bit of nookie. And then some more explosions. Bond goes somewhere. Bond blows things up. Bond is captured. Bond is released. Bond goes somewhere else, Bond has sex, Bond blows things up. Bond goes somewhere else, Bond has sex (with someone else), Bond blows things up. Bond goes somewhere else, Bond does not have sex (that's the level of plot twist here) and Bond blows things up. Bond then has sex. Look at that textual complexity. Film ends. This is the ideal Bond film for the DVD generation - it can be watched by dipping into different chapters and you lose nothing of the plot because there's nothing there to lose. It's not as if the "material" in Iceland bears any sort of relationship to the "material" in North Korea at the start, or indeed at the end, so one can quite easily dip into the film with thirty minutes to go having lost nothing at all; or dip out of it after an hour with the same effect. A series of distinct incidents held together by - by what? What the hell is this "film" actually about? Is it Bond seeking revenge? If so, why is this abandoned? Is it about giant space lasers which no-one saw fit to mention until about an hour in? Is it about invading Japan? Is it about smuggling diamonds? So many loose ends which remain loose at the end. That "Happy Anniversary 007" thing Roger Moore presented for the 25th anniversary had more consistency and that was just some sort of glorified clip show...ah...now I see. Die Another Day; the most expensive highlights package ever. It was never meant to have any sort of narrative. If that was the intent, it succeeds. Admirably.

T is also for Twist, Plot. The real plot twist is that nothing is made of the plot twists, and there's some definite genius in that. Hugely satirical, if it was intended. A comment upon those damp and lonely spods out there in the dark who had the misfortune to pay to watch this sorry mess thinking that they would expect a plot twist - so let's throw their expectations right out. Solid gold work, that. Bond is betrayed and captured; plot twist #1. Nothing comes of it. Bond does not kill his betrayer, and it's all simply forgotten. Bond may have leaked secrets to North Korea, plot twist #2. Nope, nothing made of this beyond a line of dialogue. Graves is Moon, plot twist #3. But it's so staggeringly obvious from the music introducing Graves ("The Colonel Moon Theme", if it has any sort of name) that this can't really be a twist, can it? Facile. Good God, who are they aiming this at? Jinx may be good or bad, plot twist #4....yawn; did anyone honestly have any sort of doubt, there? If so, why? So - the plot twist is that there are no plot twists at all. Brilliant.

T is also for The audience, Cheating. You might think you are, but you're not watching a James Bond film here. You're watching a carefully controlled demographic exercise. Casting a very handsome man in the lead role doesn't make him James Bond; it manipulates (primarily) a female audience who have long supported that actor into paying to see the film. They want him there, they support him in the role because he's struggled long and hard to get recognised, but to be perfectly frank, it's pride in him and his achievement in being cast in multi-million dollar films - which is a hell of an achievement given his patent limitations as an actor - not pride in the character of James Bond, that influences their advocating him as the best one. They have been horribly manipulated by MGM and Eon here. They have taken a fanbase from his other work and exploited it. If he'd been cast as Superman, there'd be loads more Superman fans out there. Now, this is hardly revolutionary thought - why shouldn't a company go for the most profitable option? And by God, it's been profitable. But has it been artistically successful? Has it been James Bond? Or has it been cynical manipulation of the affection this man's fans have for him and his good looks, not their affection for the character he plays? You decide. Taking this further, having now settled him into the role, what Die Another Day does is sell to these exploited persons and not bother trying out "a plot". Now that they're confident enough, they can make a two hour advert for a handsome man, some subliminal advertising and James Bond can go hang. I get the message. Loud and clear. There's nothing I can do about it. But my worry is that the series is now being sold on the stars rather than the concept, and as a result, when Mr Brosnan leaves, there will be a downturn in support for the series because they haven't bothered to sell James Bond to them, just some Pierce Brosnan action movies. The success of the Roger Moore films is that it wasn't being solely sold on him, but on them being Bond movies, like it or lump it. I don't get that vibe any more, and certainly not from this wretched effort. Perhaps I expect too much.

T is also for Thick?, Is this James Bond catastrophically. OK, so who knew you were going to North Korea? British Intelligence. And who works for British Intelligence, who is capable of betraying her employer? Well, fancy that. If she can betray him, she can betray you, you twerp. Cretin. Utter cretin.

T is also for Think of anything for X?, Can anyone.

[Blofeld's Cat]

There was I thinking it was high satire to let go of the plot about two thirds of the way through (How life mirrors "art" (the F in "art" is silent)), but - and get this - I watched it again the other evening.

Cool, Jim's work oF ART continues.

[Xenobia]

X is for X-ray which Bond had in the DiVinci machine. Amazingly, given everything he has ever done, he has STDs, no broken bones, just a little bit of Scorpian venom. Joy.

-- Xenobia

[Mister Asterix]

I

[Mister Asterix]

Here are some more:

X is for Xerography

X is for xiphoid

X is for XMas

X is for Xylose

X in for Xanadu

X is for Xenogenic

X is for Xerosis

[Atticus17F]

I can't believe I've never spotted this thread before. I've just read it from start to finish, developing an unfortunate touch of eyestrain as a result and I haven't laughed as much in a long, long time.

Quality stuff, Jim!

[DLibrasnow]

Yikes, it's back!! This thread just keeps on coming back like last years fruitcake!

[Genrewriter]

Like Jason Voorhees. I mean that as a compliment naturally.

[Double-Oh-Zero]

X is for Xtroardinarily bad film.

X is for XX, as in double crossing. Whether this refers to the "plot twist" in the film you refer to, or in regards to the double crossing done to the audience, is completely up to you.

X is for Xenon, a heavy inert gaseous element.

X is for Xoanon, a wooden image of deity supposed to have fallen from heaven.

X is for Xylem, a woody tissue (quiet, you).