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Bombshell - Discussion


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#211 volante

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Posted 03 February 2010 - 10:04 PM

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The Odds can change

The Number remains the same


If you haven't started already, catch up on BOMBSHELL

Chapter 11

Hits the Fan Fic page on Saturday

TRAITOR'S GATE



#212 volante

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Posted 05 February 2010 - 07:42 PM

Chapter Eleven

Traitor's Gate


Posted Image

Sharvin and 007 locked in a life and death struggle, what more could you want?
The action has never been more furious, the stakes never so high.

Posted Image

As BOMBSHELL races toward its climax, you still have time to place your bet on the outcome; but remember

The odds can change
The number remains the same


Edited by volante, 05 February 2010 - 07:49 PM.


#213 Qwerty

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Posted 06 February 2010 - 05:11 AM

New addition up now.

#214 volante

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Posted 06 February 2010 - 02:29 PM

Ok Chapter Eleven Traitor's Gate in available to read NOW

As Bombshell rushes headlong toward the climax, the odds change in every action packed page.

Next weekend Valantine's Day will see the final episode.

This rollercoater ride has taken us from the depths of the Baltic Sea, where a Royal Naval submarine intercepts a single covert transmission; revealing the existence of a Russian spy as that of a prominent UK Banker.

James Bond embarks on a mission to determine the fate of the suspect. But soon discovers he is not alone in his search.

As the World prepares for war, its fate hangs on the questions posed by a Church of death and a man of vision

When Bond discovers the answers, he is propelled on a roller coaster ride to stop a disaster of biblical proportions.

As time runs out, the odds against Bond grow longer, until he is forced to take the ultimate gamble.

Edited by volante, 06 February 2010 - 02:29 PM.


#215 Automan

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Posted 07 February 2010 - 10:48 AM

Terminus must still be out, so Ill start the feedback
reading traitors gate left me breathless. its impossible to put it down its just got to be read in one hit. Bond's fight with Sharvin was brutal in the extreme, but the twist that we got after his end was inspired totally unexpected and shocked me
I thought the talk with M was a bit like Tomorrow Never Dies but it was just the right thing at the time

You know Im a petrol head so i loved the car chase, and naturally I found it harder to acceopt the death of the Spyker than I did Jenifer
well done mate

#216 Harry Potter

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Posted 07 February 2010 - 01:08 PM

Right behind you Automan. Respect to Volante, this is blistering stuff
Sharvin has been a right pain and evil to boot.
All I want now is for Tolliver to get a nasty end
the chapter was fantastic no pause for my cornfalkes

#217 volante

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 06:11 PM

Once again, I'm humbled by your comments and support. Thanks.

I know a lot of friends are intending to read the story in one hit; well you aint got long to wait.

This weekend will see the final chapter.

There are still scores to settle.
Still twists and turns to encounter.
Still odds to change.

Edited by volante, 10 February 2010 - 06:13 PM.


#218 terminus

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 07:03 PM

Had a bit of a writing/reading block this past week, so I'll be coming late to the party on this installment. Hope to get to it in the next day or two so I'm all up to date for the final part.

#219 volante

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Posted 11 February 2010 - 07:55 PM

Get ready.

Its coming.

This weekend

The final Chapter

BOMBSHELL


Bond ran quickly through the graveyard, hundreds of years of history sped by under his feet. He entered the church, and caught his breath.

With reverence he walked slowly toward the Iron Gate leading to the Ossuary; Jenifer lay beneath the tapestry; where he had laid her; but there was no sign of Mila.

Concern spread through his body, like a naked flame; he would not accept the thought of failing another.

#220 volante

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Posted 11 February 2010 - 08:47 PM

The name of Chapter Twelve is

STORM BEFORE THE CALM



#221 volante

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Posted 12 February 2010 - 03:48 PM

Chapter 12

Storm before the Calm


Tolliver slowly shook his head again; with great deliberation he moved his hand over the keyboard; he dipped his finger, so that it kissed the key.

“Such a tiny movement, needing almost no effort; and all the people will die”

Tolliver inclined his head “No more bets Mr. Bond; the game is over”

#222 volante

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Posted 12 February 2010 - 05:39 PM

Chapter 12

Storm before the Calm


Tolliver slowly shook his head again; with great deliberation he moved his hand over the keyboard; he dipped his finger, so that it kissed the key.

“Such a tiny movement, needing almost no effort; and all the people will die”

Tolliver inclined his head “No more bets Mr. Bond; the game is over”


The final chapter is now in for submisson.

The odds can change

The number remains the same

007



#223 Qwerty

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 06:08 AM

New addition up now.

#224 Harry Potter

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 08:51 AM

Yes yes yes yes yes. That B)ing showed um. Im glad Tolliver got a particularly grissly end. Great twist with Felix great chapter. well done mate well done

Loved the Storm before the calm sex reference, nice bit of relief to the tension there.

#225 Automan

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 09:51 AM

WOW that certainly raised the standard again
apart from Felix sounding like a Gangsta rapper I was taken for the ride and really thought it was a good one.
All way in the book Tolliver was a slimy piece of ***** glad he wasnt the savior after all
I can see Manic and Bee making an apprearnce in the next story???? am I right???
and a new M bril bit of atmosphere i thought there
all in all a great story action all the way with plot twists that Poirot would be proud of.


#226 terminus

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 01:02 AM

Rightio - here we are, two lovely chapters in one sitting B)

Pretty creative ending you've given Sharvin there. Could totally see that being filmed, the bleakness of the scene and Bond's pure coldness.

The confrontation between Bond and Tolliver below the Ossuary was very well written and tense. Could definitely hear Craig speaking the words.

#227 Jim

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 09:37 AM

Splendid; very entertaining. Thanks for that, and all the effort put into it.

#228 chrisno1

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Posted 23 February 2010 - 09:54 PM

Congratulations to Paul (aka Volante)... Bombshell just passed 2000 views, and counting.

#229 volante

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Posted 27 February 2010 - 12:23 PM

Hi all, long time no post. Hols were a great success. I should be home Sunday, and will respond to the posts during my absence.

Jst a quick thanks to all the members and guests downloading BOMBSHELL.

With a few cocktails under my belts, I have been able to dream up some new capers for 007 to involve himselfe in in A SECRET TO THE GRAVE.

Must go this Pay as you Go costs a fortune.

#230 chrisno1

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Posted 28 February 2010 - 12:46 PM

I enjoy Volante's work. Paul writes good, urgent stories. However, after reading Bombshell, I was underwelmed. This review has already been read by Paul.

Paul, what happened?

I know I am the world’s biggest critic, but really, what happened with Bombshell? Where was the in depth psychoanalysis, the tense exciting narrative, the inventive action sequences, where was the love of local colour, the attention to detail? Where were all the things that made your earlier trio of FanFic so good?

Despite a few misgivings, I generally consider your writing a cut above the ordinary, Paul, but Bombshell really disappointed me. And it started off so well. I enjoyed all the mystery surrounding M’s removal from office, the stuff in the Maldives and (despite my initial confusion) the hoodwinking of Jenifer Foxwell. There was a brilliant scene in the nuclear sub when Bond interrupts her little piece of espionage and the gun battle on the quay side was fantastic. You developed a brilliant contemporary premise again (where do you get these ideas from? I’m rather jealous of that!). The stuff about trident jamming the co-ordinates was a touch of genius (very TND, I thought, one of my favourite 007 movies). And your interpretation of Q made me chuckle. But where were you going with all this?

I may not be the brightest button in the bag, but I simply couldn’t make head or tail of this story at all. There was a series of scenes (one of them was on a flight to Helsinki, I think) where you were explaining the plot, or the background to the characters, and I still didn’t grasp it. There was a plethora of villians who all sounded the same (e.g. Sharapov, Stenko, Skedar) and were all underwhelming; how I longed for Stasi! You switched locations rapidly from Scotland to London to Finland and characters appeared and disappeared (Felix, M, Tanner, in particular, popped up at the strangest of locations and with no warning).

Even your action scenes lacked bite, the usual blood and thunder I expected seemed to have vanished and was replaced with a series of short, sharp, rather tawdry sequences. The maliciousness I remember from To Kill & Die For was completely lacking here; even the torture scene was funny rather than frightening (your one liner’s have improved!)

The worst offence was your insistence on cutting away from the denouement of a scene, exactly how an editor would. As it went on, I felt Bombshell was reading more and more like a screenplay, with the edits, production notes, directions, sound and visual effects included. By the climax I was convinced it was a movie in the making.

This was most evident during the scenes in the Bone Ossuary. While sensationally alarming, I sensed a Tarantino-esque delight in the repetitive stand-offs between different sets of characters. It’s a good job no tourists decided to visit that day, they’d have had a heart attack...

I know I’m spoiling everyone’s congratulations, Paul, but IMO you have done much better than this and you will do so again. I just don’t believe Bombshell is up to your previous high standards. Sorry, my friend.

Edited by chrisno1, 28 February 2010 - 12:48 PM.


#231 volante

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Posted 01 March 2010 - 05:42 PM

Yes yes yes yes yes. That B)ing showed um. Im glad Tolliver got a particularly grissly end. Great twist with Felix great chapter. well done mate well done

Loved the Storm before the calm sex reference, nice bit of relief to the tension there.


Thanks Harry, glad you enjoyed the tale. Although I'd become quite attached to Tolliver; it was a real joy to kill him off in such a nightmarish way.

Storm before the calm, came to me about 15 minutes before I submitted the chapter.

cheers for the support.

#232 volante

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Posted 02 March 2010 - 08:25 PM

WOW that certainly raised the standard again
apart from Felix sounding like a Gangsta rapper I was taken for the ride and really thought it was a good one.
All way in the book Tolliver was a slimy piece of ***** glad he wasnt the savior after all
I can see Manic and Bee making an apprearnce in the next story???? am I right???
and a new M bril bit of atmosphere i thought there
all in all a great story action all the way with plot twists that Poirot would be proud of.


Again a big thanx to Mr. Auto for your kind comments.
I think Felix's conversation style started with "I'm bleeding chips" in Casino Royale.

Were you able to see Rupert Everet playing Tolliver?

...and yes Bee and Manic were kept alive for the sole purpose of another face off with Bond in A SECRET TO THE GRAVE.


Cheers for your support

#233 volante

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 08:38 AM

Rightio - here we are, two lovely chapters in one sitting B)

Pretty creative ending you've given Sharvin there. Could totally see that being filmed, the bleakness of the scene and Bond's pure coldness.

The confrontation between Bond and Tolliver below the Ossuary was very well written and tense. Could definitely hear Craig speaking the words.


Thanks for your support all the way through the story.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and took the time to give feedback.

Ever since I'd seen the Ossuary I wanted it to feature in a Bond storyline.
I had read other books (Black Angel) where it features, but it didn't do it for me. So I'm pleased to have found my outlet.

My Bond is Craig, and it's easy to think like his character.

Plenty more coming up in the Epilogue followed by
A SECRET TO THE GRAVE

Cheers
Paul

#234 volante

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Posted 05 March 2010 - 06:14 PM

Splendid; very entertaining. Thanks for that, and all the effort put into it.


Thanks Jim,

As always a few well chosen words, with the impact we all strive for!

Thank you

Paul

#235 volante

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Posted 06 March 2010 - 10:27 PM

Congratulations to Paul (aka Volante)... Bombshell just passed 2000 views, and counting.


Thanks Chris; That messege was on Feb23. I just checked and the downloads now stand at 2267.

...and I can now announce that

Coming soon

The Epilogue

...and on that Bombshell


Edited by volante, 12 March 2010 - 01:45 PM.


#236 volante

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Posted 07 March 2010 - 01:45 PM

Posted Image

#237 volante

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Posted 12 March 2010 - 01:43 PM

Roll on the weekend, and my first opportunity to reply to Chrisno1's feedback

First and foremost, thanks for taking the time to read and revew, and provide feedback to BOMBSHELL.

Feedback is a gift and should always be recieved as such. Thanks.

Having read Chris's reviews of ALL the Fleming books and ALL the Bond continuation novels. I am pleased to be deemed worthy of a review from the self proclaimed,"world’s biggest critic"

In answer to the question "Where was the in depth psychoanalysis, the tense exciting narrative, the inventive action sequences, where was the love of local colour, the attention to detail?" Answer, Don't know; there was no attempt to write any differently from TO KILL AND DIE FOR.

I am encouraged by your statement that you generally consider my writing a cut above the ordinary.
And the review started off so well; in accordance with the other feedback recieved. The mystery surrounding M’s removal from office, the death of Mathis in Tahiti and the hoodwinking of Jenifer Foxwell.

Followed by a brilliant scene onboard the nuclear sub when Bond interrupts Jenifer's nervous little piece of espionage followed by the explosive gun battle on the quay side. Your words "fantastic"

I was pleased you enjoyed the development of a brilliant contemporary premise.
And in answer to the question "where do you get these ideas from? I’m rather jealous of that!" the answer is once again "Don't know; thay just evolve.
I too am proud of the story lineabout Trident jamming the co-ordinates "a touch of genius" I'll take that as a thumbs up!!!

I was also pleased you (like many others) enjoyed the invention of my Q character. As explained before, I use Nigel Havers as my insperation; and so understanding his acting mannerisums find it easy to adjust the dialogue.

But then came the bombshell (foregive the pun)

I'm suprised you couldn’t make head or tail of the plot.
I felt the villians were well seperated. Skedar, as head of the Hildebrand Institute showed his hand on the first meeting with Bond.
Sharvin, had been identified as KGB
Mila, after the initial meeting was soon validated by Felix Leiter as an ally.
Working for Skedar; are the menacing couple Manic and Bee.
Sharapov, was introduced with Medyev, so it was clear he was the Russian version of 007. The fact that you longed for Stasi; encourages me to develop the Manic character through the next story A SECRET TO THE GRAVE!

I'm at a loss to understand how characters popping up through the story "with no warning" cause you a problem. I feel it's part of the twists and turns of the plot. It is a spy story after all, and should not be predictible.
Also you'll need to be more precise about your understanding of "the torture scene"
I wasn't aware I'd included one.

Also, I need more clarity about your statement "cutting away from the denouement of a scene" I don't know what that means. However if it is "exactly how an editor would" I take that as a complement

The fact that you felt BOMBSHEL reads like a screenplay, with edits, production notes, directions, sound and visual effects included.
"By the climax I was convinced it was a movie in the making" Well once again THANK YOU. If you have any influence, please have a chat to Mr Purvis and Mr Wade

I personally was very proud of the scenes in the Bone Ossuary; and am pleased you found them "sensationally alarming". To have it compared to a "Tarantino-esque delight in the repetitive stand-offs between different sets of characters" Is high praise indeed

In reply to you believing you were spoiling everyone else's congratulations. Well I don't believe it soured anyone else's enjoyment one iota.

One thing I will do is to continue to think out plot's to "Take over the World" I will event characters to enable a suspension of belief; and I will continue to think up a number of scenarios for James Bond to act out. One thing I'm convinced of is that A SECRET TO THE GRAVE will be better than ANYTHING I've done before.

There is an old Chinese proverb that goes "If I have the earth to sleep on; my arm for a pillow; and the stars to watch; I shall be a King amongst men. But should there be one house where I am not welcome; I shall be a prisoner"

Roughly translated it means; votes for BOMBSHELL 2400 against 1.
...and we all know that The odds can change, but the number remains the same.

...and lets face it THAT is a great TAG line

Edited by volante, 12 March 2010 - 01:56 PM.


#238 Automan

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Posted 12 March 2010 - 10:30 PM

Roll on the weekend, and my first opportunity to reply to Chrisno1's feedback

First and foremost, thanks for taking the time to read and revew, and provide feedback to BOMBSHELL.

Feedback is a gift and should always be recieved as such. Thanks.

Having read Chris's reviews of ALL the Fleming books and ALL the Bond continuation novels. I am pleased to be deemed worthy of a review from the self proclaimed,"world’s biggest critic"

In answer to the question "Where was the in depth psychoanalysis, the tense exciting narrative, the inventive action sequences, where was the love of local colour, the attention to detail?" Answer, Don't know; there was no attempt to write any differently from TO KILL AND DIE FOR.

I am encouraged by your statement that you generally consider my writing a cut above the ordinary.
And the review started off so well; in accordance with the other feedback recieved. The mystery surrounding M’s removal from office, the death of Mathis in Tahiti and the hoodwinking of Jenifer Foxwell.

Followed by a brilliant scene onboard the nuclear sub when Bond interrupts Jenifer's nervous little piece of espionage followed by the explosive gun battle on the quay side. Your words "fantastic"

I was pleased you enjoyed the development of a brilliant contemporary premise.
And in answer to the question "where do you get these ideas from? I’m rather jealous of that!" the answer is once again "Don't know; thay just evolve.
I too am proud of the story lineabout Trident jamming the co-ordinates "a touch of genius" I'll take that as a thumbs up!!!

I was also pleased you (like many others) enjoyed the invention of my Q character. As explained before, I use Nigel Havers as my insperation; and so understanding his acting mannerisums find it easy to adjust the dialogue.

But then came the bombshell (foregive the pun)

I'm suprised you couldn’t make head or tail of the plot.
I felt the villians were well seperated. Skedar, as head of the Hildebrand Institute showed his hand on the first meeting with Bond.
Sharvin, had been identified as KGB
Mila, after the initial meeting was soon validated by Felix Leiter as an ally.
Working for Skedar; are the menacing couple Manic and Bee.
Sharapov, was introduced with Medyev, so it was clear he was the Russian version of 007. The fact that you longed for Stasi; encourages me to develop the Manic character through the next story A SECRET TO THE GRAVE!

I'm at a loss to understand how characters popping up through the story "with no warning" cause you a problem. I feel it's part of the twists and turns of the plot. It is a spy story after all, and should not be predictible.
Also you'll need to be more precise about your understanding of "the torture scene"
I wasn't aware I'd included one.

Also, I need more clarity about your statement "cutting away from the denouement of a scene" I don't know what that means. However if it is "exactly how an editor would" I take that as a complement

The fact that you felt BOMBSHEL reads like a screenplay, with edits, production notes, directions, sound and visual effects included.
"By the climax I was convinced it was a movie in the making" Well once again THANK YOU. If you have any influence, please have a chat to Mr Purvis and Mr Wade

I personally was very proud of the scenes in the Bone Ossuary; and am pleased you found them "sensationally alarming". To have it compared to a "Tarantino-esque delight in the repetitive stand-offs between different sets of characters" Is high praise indeed

In reply to you believing you were spoiling everyone else's congratulations. Well I don't believe it soured anyone else's enjoyment one iota.

One thing I will do is to continue to think out plot's to "Take over the World" I will event characters to enable a suspension of belief; and I will continue to think up a number of scenarios for James Bond to act out. One thing I'm convinced of is that A SECRET TO THE GRAVE will be better than ANYTHING I've done before.

There is an old Chinese proverb that goes "If I have the earth to sleep on; my arm for a pillow; and the stars to watch; I shall be a King amongst men. But should there be one house where I am not welcome; I shall be a prisoner"

Roughly translated it means; votes for BOMBSHELL 2400 against 1.
...and we all know that The odds can change, but the number remains the same.

...and lets face it THAT is a great TAG line


Damn right, that is one hell of a tag line.
oh yeah and a good reply too. You must be in marketing, coz you got another 34 downloads since this afternoon. kewl

#239 volante

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Posted 13 March 2010 - 09:39 AM

Hey you don't have to worry about me!

there's no such thing as bad publicity. As long as the thread stays at the top of the list, guests will take a look; and of course its a cracking Bond story.

There are just a few loose enmds to tie up which will be covered in the epilogue.

I'm tied up with work and the new Grand Prix season at the moment so it looks like A SECRET TO THE GRAVE is progressing on the same time line as Bond 23.

But, I say again, thnaks to all the members and guests that have downloaded BOMBSHELL.
Please leave some feedback

#240 chrisno1

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Posted 14 March 2010 - 04:22 PM

votes for BOMBSHELL 2400 against 1.
...and we all know that The odds can change, but the number remains the same.

...and lets face it THAT is a great TAG line


Nice riposte.

It’s good to see an author defend his work and you chose a particularly nefarious method, turning each of my negatives to a positive. It shows as good a turn of thought as most of your prose.

However in my own defence, I admit I was not specific enough. The review was born from the frustration over what I consider to be your least successful opus.

Firstly, Paul, I did a little back checking against some of your previous work and I in one aspect I agree with you. There isn’t very much in depth psychoanalysis anywhere. Rather, your ability is to portray character traits through actions, words and body language. While that works wonderfully well in To Kill & Die For, particularly with Stasi, and to a lesser extent in Silhouettes and Shadows, I didn’t see much of it in Bombshell.

Tolliver comes across as merely an angry man; his grotesque smile at the end of the tale hardly makes up for so many lost pages. Skedar is the most rounded of your plethora of villains, because you tell us he began to anaesthetise himself against death. However when you have the opportunity in Chapter 6 to expound further, to offer an impression of him from Bond’s POV, you reject it in favour of a game of prophetic roulette. We are presented with the barest description and the merest hint of his madness. He’s clearly a bit loopy (a casino night at a research institute? really?) but it doesn’t aid my belief in his character.

Sharapov hardly raised an eyebrow of concern for me. He seems created solely for the purpose of providing more blood and thunder. The machinations of your plot, which involved several governments and/or interested parties attempting to obtain the Hildebrand Rarity allows you to involve many subsidiary characters. This can confuse the reader. I noticed this again when you introduced us to Gregory Raikkon and his activists; initially I kept thinking about Remoziva, who I thought was dead. In Bombshell, you have developed a peculiar ‘John Gardner-esque’ liking for surnames with the same letter, which ultimately doesn’t aid clarity.

Sharvin was a poor man’s Stasi. He’s no where near as interesting, being more a bully than a dedicated killer. That he is available to the highest bidder makes his motivation even less appealing. You tell me he was identified as being KGB; I don’t remember that. It doesn’t seem particularly relevant either as he is Tolliver’s chief executioner. By the end, he isn’t even a worthy opponent for Bond. When he dies you tell us he was at peace, as if he has just been in a confessional. This man should be residing with the devils.

It is Sharvin who tortures Bond. I’m surprised you forgot it. Wasn’t Bond imprisoned in a vivisection cage in Chapter 5 and almost had a slice of his skin removed? Perhaps you didn’t think it was a torture scene because you laced it with so much humour.

You are correct in that cinema has influenced the writing world. There is no need to be ashamed of using cinematic techniques in prose. For instance shifting character’s from the first to third person, altering the POV from long shot to close up, presenting overlapping dialogue, paring down the action sequences so they become swift and sparse. It can also involve narrative edits and non-linear storytelling. But with Bombshell, you chose to take this to your farthest degree yet.

Let me elaborate. You cut away from the continuation of perfectly acceptable sequences for no reason other than to delay the revelation of an escape or explanation. I remember you doing this during the Shelby incident of To Kill & Die For, when Bond lands in a cattle truck. But you over egged it for Bombshell.

You started as early as the prologue, which leaves Bond’s predicament in Tahiti unresolved. You do inform us mid way through Chapter 1, but then leave Bond’s date with M until Chapter 3. At the start of Chapter 2, Jenifer Foxwell is kidnapped – then we hear nothing for half a chapter. The finale of Chapter 3 is not resolved until mid way through Chapter 4. The format hardly changes throughout the novel. It actually becomes repetitive and dull because you first heighten the suspense and then deflate it to a whimper. If you saw this on the cinema screen you would be disappointed as the result would be a series of dramatic highs followed by several lows. If you use the technique once or twice, it has the effect of pulling the reader in and holding their intrigue. By repeating the scenario again and again you are failing to give due justice to your own writing abilities: as if you don’t have the descriptive skills to maintain suspense. I know this isn’t the case which makes your choice of style all the more irritating.

By example, Sharvin’s attempt to kill Jenifer was tense, up to the point the knife slashed down. Because you cut away from the scene I knew already that Jenifer wasn’t there, that somehow she had escaped. If you had simply continued the scene from Jenifer’s POV, it would have delivered a far better climax. Equally Bond’s helicopter is shot down over a lake and he appears to be drowning. We know something is up, because you tell us (there’s a single line about his equipment floating upwards) but you don’t even bother to explain how he escapes. Mid way through Chapter 8 Bond miraculously appears with a scuba tank on his back. Yet your end to Chapter 7 was very good, tense and startling; delaying the denouement of the scene, and worse not even describing it, is cheating the reader. Indeed, you had already used this technique at the end of Chapter 6, when you decide to eschew the elevator fight. I forgave you then because those two lines had an element of humour and whimsy to them. There was nothing to suggest you’d given the escape from the helicopter such thought.

Perhaps this cinematic style is why I consider characters come and go without warning. I don’t believe in over populating stories with people. You can disagree all you want, but for me it displays a lack of a clear fixed narrative. I’m not very interested in what’s going on at MI6 HQ, or what Tanner is doing to help Bond, or Q, or why the Russians are involved, or whose wife was killed by whom. I’m interested in the hero James Bond and I want him to be the focal point of the story. Fleming was very smart about this. With the notable exception of FRWL and TB, he invariably concentrates his stories around Bond. It adds depth to his persona, it allows the plot to develop through one person’s eyes and keeps the flow of the story concise. When a villain’s plan, or his motivation, is finally revealed the impact of it on Bond (and therefore the reader) is far greater because we haven’t already had it telegraphed for us. That’s one of the reasons TB doesn’t work so well as a tale, because Fleming based his novel on a defunct screenplay and included all the scenes where the villain’s discuss their actions. There was a moment in your penultimate chapter when you explain Bond’s piecing together of Tolliver’s plot. This is far more effective and clear that any of the preceding explanations offered by Skedar et al. And it only took one paragraph.

I notice that dialogue is very important to you. You use it to paint your protagonists and lend them extra gravitas. While this works fairly well, I have to take issue with how you present spoken words. Readers are intelligent. We don’t need to be pre-warned about who is speaking. That is what I meant by feeling I was reading a screenplay. You often present you dialogue in this stilted manner. Take M’s meeting with Bond in Chapter 7. It starts with:

Bill Tanner raised his hand “Are you alone?”
Bond answered, “Are you?”


We know Bond answered. We know he’s the only one there. You don’t need to tell us. The scene progresses in the same vein:

“Bond conceded... Tanner broke in... M continued... Bond smiled... M ‘s tone was cold... Bond was taken aback... Tanner asked... Tanner said... Bond shook his head... Tanner answered... M offered... Bond asked....”

And on and on. I know you are constructing a triangular conversation, but a reader doesn’t need this much help to know who is speaking.

I was surprised you considered my phrase “sensationally alarming” to be praise, as I didn’t think I suggested any such thing. The scenes in the Bone Ossuary had an over current of Poe and Herbert about them, all those rats, skeletons, spiral staircases, creaky doors, axes and people bludgeoned to death. In itself that isn’t a bad thing, but you over played your hand with the stench of death and the mountains of rats scurrying through the place. The longer it went on (and let’s remember Bond returns there for a showdown with Tolliver) the less impressive it was. The fact Tolliver’s death throes resembled the earlier scene where the rats are devouring two corpses only served to highlight your reliance on a "sensationally alarming" premise.

I know this all reads like swinging criticism. It isn’t. What I am trying to offer is a fair assessment of what I am reading on the page. That isn’t to say Bombshell doesn’t have merit; it does and I have touted the good things also. What I don’t want, Paul, is for your writing to drive into a blind alley. The potential for real quality work is fully evident, but I’m not convinced the style you currently utilise will help you fulfil your potential. You are not challenging yourself enough. The cinematic route you are taking may provide fine action staple, but it won’t add anything significantly new it terms of a literary flourish.

As I think I said before, I honestly believe you are better than that. Sections of To Kill & Die For prove it, and indeed sections of Bombshell (especially the opening chapters) had me enthralled. I’m glad you suggest your timeframe for A Secret To The Grave is likely to take you most of 2010 as I hope this will enable you to refine aspects of your style and ponder some of the techniques you use. You may be comfortable with them, but I don’t believe they help the development of your prose. I look forward to A Secret To The Grave.

Chris.