181 replies to this topic

[ACE]

1994

Neeson4Bond says: Have you SEEN the leaked photograph?
http://www.cine-coll...ldeneye0058.jpg

Bond is wearing a JUNGLE uniform! It's obvious that Broccoli is just trying to cash in on the success of Jurassic Park. Bond is no longer the trailblazer it's offical.

LOL.

Yeah, and I hear there's a line about dinosaurs in the movie too - oh why can't Bond lead any more?! They've really Americanized him as I heard that he's referred to as "Jimbo" a lot. And it's getting stupid again as the BMW changes into a tank in the car chase through Moscow! Rumours of a female M are wrong. Michael Kitchen plays the new M and the PM is a woman! And the girls are still being called equal and Bond woman. Sheesh, we all know Bond should shag bimbos and I'm p*ssed that there won't be any T & A in this movie. Apparently U2 are going to be singing the song too. Crap. I wish they would bring back John Glen. Brosnan will fail as Bond and I shan't be watching it at all. Ever. Not even on lazerdisc!

[ACE]

A post by 'BigTam' from the 'Commanderbond.net' of Planet Htrae, an obscure body in a solar system parallel to our own, today, 07:23 PM:

.... 'Peaceful Fountains of vıagra').

....What Eon should have done was fire the writers that did the last ten Bond films, Dick Clement & Ian La Frenais,

.....That final kiss with Judi Dench

....Prime Minister of Scotland to combine a political career with a movie career:

.....there was that 1983 Taliafilm flick I've Had My Say starring Rodger More,

God this thread just keeps getting better. LOL, Lounge Lizard for a fantabulous post!

[dinovelvet]

November 15, 2008

Hey guys, just caught an early screening of SHATTERHAND, which unless you've been living under a rock for the last two years, you'll know is the new Daniel Craig Bond flick. And I have to say, this one is even better than Casino Royale, it could even top the $800 million that Royale took in at the box office! I highly recommend that you try to catch this one on the big screen, I know all the movies now get released on HD-DVD and blu ray on the same day as they're in theatres, but this one must be experienced on the big screen. I downloaded an HD-DVD copy to my cellphone from the booth in the lobby right after the film ended!
Where to start? So many good things. Gulshan Grover's performance as Dr.Shatterhand was fantastic, what a great Bond villain. Ricky Gervais as the new Q was also outstanding, and although I wasn't crazy about the idea of bringing back Vesper Lynd (God, remember the fanboys ranting when the news came out that Vesper would be back in Bond 22? I still remember that crazy 164 page thread "So the bitch ISN'T dead now?"), Rose Byrne did a great job. Pity they couldn't get Eva Green back, but after she won her Oscar for CR, her asking price was obviously too high.
Anyway, a complete triumph. If nothing else, the army of robot assassins is worth the price of admission. Igor Flammingworth would be proud!

Edited by dinovelvet, 26 February 2006 - 01:55 AM.

[Bon-san]

December 14, 1994

Joe Don Baker Fan Club

Message from the President:

The JDBFC has recently learned that Joe Don will be reprising his role as Buford Pusser in a big-budget production tentatively titled BUFORD'S GOLDEN EYE: WALKING TALL PART IV. While the title is somewhat inscrutable, what's even more perplexing are rumours that the production will be based in England.

In any event, this is incredible news for all Baker fanatics. That recent article in the LA Times proclaiming that his days as a leading man were over was obviously just whiny, shoddy journalism. Our sources indicate that TV's Remington Steele (Pierce Brosnan) will be playing second banana in this film. Other co-stars are Simon Baker and Martin Campbell. The film is apparently set for a Christmas '95 release. Hooray!

We'll be keeping you all up to date as more info pours in.

[ACE]

November 15, 2008
Hey guys, just caught an early screening of SHATTERHAND... !

LOVE this!

December 14, 1994

Joe Don Baker Fan Club

Message from the President:

The JDBFC has recently learned that Joe Don will be reprising his role as Buford Pusser in a big-budget production tentatively titled BUFORD'S GOLDEN EYE: WALKING TALL PART IV.

This thread is like that magic goose. It keeps laying gold!

Just heard that Roger's follow up to Spy (which is really breaking box office records - see I told you that those script problems wouldn't affect the final film. I knew that when I saw it at the Peckham Picture Palace in opening week. Twice.), For Your Eyes Only will be set in space! They are updating the short story collection and the film will be premiered in Houston to coincide with the launch of a new American space vehicle, something called a Space Shuttlecock. Cubby says they want to go to Fleming and that Kristatos is an international business man who wants to create a new master race. Bond opens a file to track down Judy Havelock in India. The file is sealed "For Your Eyes Only". Bond gets given a mini jet plane by Q and will battle Jaws again, this time over a blast furnace. Gilbert and Wood are back although Roger has said this is his last Bond. Shame, as he was just coming into his own.

[Kingdom Come]

Jan 2000


Hello commanderbond fans, this is Neal Purvis, tis a pity you can't see my new jumper. Anyway, I am pleased to announce that I have just signed to write Die Another Day with my pal, Rob Wade.

Since this will be the 20th film and so a landmark in the series, we will be pushing the boat out, which I hope will eventually meet with your approval. We hope to be doing things never seen before in the series - one sneak bit of info is a para-gliding sequence which can NOW be successfully accomplished by our new Special Effects Team led by . . . . . . . . a . . . . . . . woman. . . . anyway, I hope to keep you all informed, not of any more bits of business! as if I did, I would get it round the back of the legs with a slipper. But I shall pop back now and again to tell you all how we are coping with our first solo Bond film.

Wish us luck.

[Mr Malcolm]

From 28/02/2106:

OMG!!!! Sickening!!!!! I can't believe that Jason Cavill is going to get his bum out in the new Bond film!! Don't these idiots remember how during the production of CR, photos of Daniel Craig's willy caused the downfall of civilisation?!!!! It's disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!!

[spynovelfan]

January 1965:

Ian Leffming hates handguns! I read an interview with him in Playboy and he said people into guns were "maniacs"!!!!!

Isn't it time that the people at Gildflower accepted that Fellming is NOT the right person to write about James Bond? Get someone like Kinglsy Ammis instead! At least his name is easier to spell!

Join my petition:

www.MellfingNotBondWriter.com

[Kingdom Come]

January 1975 -

Cubby Broccoli decides it is time to sever his links with Bond and hands over the reins to Harold Saltzman. Saltzman says he wants to expand the films and announces that The Living Daylights will be the next in the series again to star Roger Mooore. Locations are Thiland and Blackpool in the uk. The film is to open with a chase down the Big Dipper.

He wants to return to . . . . . . . . . . Bond's roots . . . . . . for . . . a . . . change.

Saltzman: "No more stuntmen, instead we will have special effects produced in a shed by the best of British technicians. They have worked long and hard with several of our new action sequences and only stopped to drink tea 43 times in half an hour."

[dunmall]

late 1962.... with all this talk of the Vatican condemming this new film version of Dr. No I must say that I'm very upset! Clearly the film makers have turned our beloved and serious literary character into some smutty little blue movie. Well I never! All this talk of sex and violence! well there was never any of that in Ian Fleming!

[SecretAgentFan]

Think about it: the new Bond Roger Moore will NOT be in the pre-title-sequence. Also, he won

[Kingdom Come]

I cannot think of another thread that brings a smile to my face BEFORE I have even read the newest posts.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Winter 1972 -

As Roger Moore is to be the new Bond I am starting a website for any of you who have the Interweb to stop Mr Moore becoming established. Connery is worth another million on top of the other million he recieved for Diamonds Are Forever. All the producers need to do is take a wallet out of any pocket and that should be enough for Connery's eyes to extend out on stalks.

Recently Mr Connery told a reporter he has a new tattoo which reads: Scotland Forever.

He told the reporter this from the comfort of his home in the Bahamas.

[Dr. Noah]

[quote name='SecretAgentFan' post='536274' date='24 March 2006 - 08:03']
Think about it: the new Bond Roger Moore will NOT be in the pre-title-sequence. Also, he won

Edited by Dr. Noah, 25 March 2006 - 04:19 PM.

[Mister Asterix]

MESSAGE SUBJECT CATEGORY BOND JAMES BOND DATE JNA JAN 10 1967 MESSAGE STARTS REPLY RE CONNERY VS NIVEN STOP I REMIND YOU THAT DAVDI DAVID NIVEN WAS FLEMINGS FIRST CHOICE TO PLAY BOND STOP END MESSAGE

[Genrewriter]

An MST3K message board, 1994

usenet-mst3k007fan

I heard a rumor that Joe Don Baker is in the next Bond film. You know what that means, right? MITCHELL!

[Dr. Noah]

MESSAGE SUBJECT CATEGORY BOND JAMES BOND DATE JNA JAN 10 1967 MESSAGE STARTS REPLY RE CONNERY VS NIVEN STOP I REMIND YOU THAT DAVDI DAVID NIVEN WAS FLEMINGS FIRST CHOICE TO PLAY BOND STOP END MESSAGE

LOL

Hey, with a black-haired Peter Sellers and Orson Welles as LeChiffre and Ursula Andress as Vesper, the CraigNotBond idiots going solely by looks would tell you that the 1967 film would be the greatest 007 film ever made.

[Pussfeller]

Recently declassified NATO messageboard records of June 8, 1961...

JimmyB: What's this bulldink about an Englishman playing our man 007?

SterlingFan: Doesn't this Broccoli cat get CBS?

JimmyB: Why don't those fellas bring back Barry Nelson? He's only in his forties.

Niven_007: What a load of codswallop! Anyone with half a brain knows Commander Bond is British to the core.

JimmyB: A Limey CIA agent? Applesauce! You must be thinking of Clarence Leiter.

Niven_007: Certainly not. And I for one am looking forward to a proper adaptation featuring a British actor.

JimmyB: You ought to dig this John Connerry, then. I don't know if he's British, but I hear he's from England.

SterlingFan: Scotland, to be specific.

Niven_007: Rubbish! James Bond being played by a Scot! I suppose next he'll be played by some ghastly Australian or even a bog hopper! Why not a bally taffy while we're at it?! Nonsense! Anyway, it doesn't matter, because I have an inside tip that David Niven has been cast. And if he doesn't get the part, Cary Grant will. So deal with it.

Sergei_09: HELLO COMRADE JAMES BOND ENTHUSIASTS!!! R U AS AGITATED AS ME AT APPROACHING BOND KINOFILM?? BTW SORRY TO GO OT BUT CAN ANYONE TELL ME FLIGHTPATH FOR 241ST USAF SURVEILLANCE WING TO PLESETSK? NEED 2 KNOW ASAP. THX! ^_^

[Kingdom Come]

Winter 1978 -

Eon productions has anounce that the next Bond to follow The Spy Who Loved Me will be For Your Eyes Only. The title is taken from a short story of Flemings. Only a few characters anf ideas will be incorporated into the screenplay. Director Michel Winner has been hired and recently said, "I am delighted to be involved in this successful series and hope we can match the standard of The Spy Who Loved Me."

Asked if he had any plans to alter the formula, Winner said, "One cannot alter more than a little as the series has been such an amazing success and I don't want to go down in history as the director who made the unloved Bond film."

(Can anyone guess that for some reason I thought humour would come from all this. I know you are waiting on it as indeed I am. Perhaps the next sentence - fingers crossed)

Winner has said he will change the sex of the villian from male to female and Faye Dunaway is onboard. "It is unsual to have a Bond baddie who is female and I hope this will be a nice change for the audience", said Winner. "The film opens with an attack on Bond's family - this Bond is married and this Bond will have a chessy mustashe. He takes revenge on the muggers who attacked and raped his wife and daughter." . . . said, Winner.

[Lazenby880]

Hirsel House,
Coldstream,
Scotland.

1968

It is with a great deal of trepidation that I hear the fellow writing the new Bond novel is not this 'Robert Markham' of whom we have heard so little but none other than that awful Kingsley Amis! Words cannot even begin to adequately articulate my deep repulsion and acute frustration at what the chaps down at Gildrose have done; they have collectively made what must rank as one of the most seriously misguided decisions in publishing history. What on God's greenest Earth were they thinking by letting this lower middle class communist even near a Bond novel? Shocking.

I hear that Mr Amis is only an erstwhile communist; that over the past decade he has made what must be a most dramatic political conversion. How convenient! But how unlikely. I have little doubt, in fact I have no doubt, that he will propagate his scandalous lefty filth in the book, turn our dear James Bond into some dreadful updated form of Jim Dixon and secrete his literary offal all over Mr Fleming's wonderful oeuvre. Amis will give us provincial Bond, a Bond with the mindset of some red brick educated dogsbody resentful of authority, hierarchy and the natural order of things. Do not be surprised if by the end of his bit of 'writing' Bond has refused orders and is offered the Order of the Red Banner or some such by the Reds.

It has been suggested by some persons (persons, it must be said, of a lower calibre and astuteness than myself) that it may be rather more appropriate and opportune to wait until I read the blasted thing before venting such fumes of unadulterated rage. Frankly, there is no need. This is dire, dire news for us all, and I do lament for poor Bond at the moment, I really do. This is even worse than when I had the misfortune of learning that some Yank/Canuck duo were turning Fleming into a sort of ghastly action picture. This is the end as we know it, fellow Bond enthusiasts.

Why did they not consider that Geoffrey Jenkins chap?

With kindest regards,

Baillie Vass.

Edited by Lazenby880, 31 March 2006 - 12:53 AM.

[zencat]

1973

OH MY GOD!!!

I just heard Roger Moore is the new James Bond! How can they cast Roger Moore as Bond? He's BLONDE!!! James Bond can't be BLONDE!!!

Please sign the petition at my new website, MooreIsNotBond.com, and BOYCOTT Live and Let Die. That is the only way to bring back the one true 007, George Lazenby (I still think in so SUCKS how they FIRED him after only one movie).

-Ali Kerim Bey, Sr

[Genrewriter]

Scary thing is that if the Internet was big then, it's entirely possible this could have actually happened.

[dunmall]

Jeez! enough about Moore being Bond! whats done is done! and stop cliaming they'll bring back George, it will NEVER happen!

But what they should have done was gotten Adam West or Burt Reynolds! Now they have the box office draw to really get Bond back on his feet, but Cubby and Harry didnt want to pay for them!!!!!!

[zencat]

1983

OH MY GOD!!!

I just got my new Starlog and there's a picture of Roger Moore in Octopussy wearing a clown suit! I swear. I am totally serious. A clown suit!

Mark my words, Octopussy will be a major bomb. The series will end and it will be Cubby's and John Glen's fault for doing something so stupid like putting Bond in a clown suit!!!

But who cares? Bond is over. As long as they keep making Superman and Indiana Jones movies, then I'm happy.

What kind of gay title is Octopussy anyway?

Oh yeah, Air Supply ROCK!!!

[dunmall]

Yeah Bond is getting old! It's 1985 Bond needs to be brought up to date! I suggest that when Roger leaves we get Stallone or Swartzenegger to play Bond they teach those damn Commie Pinko Nazi Russians a thing or two! Damn it!

- Mrs. Thatcher Number 10 Downing Street
Mid 1985

[dinovelvet]

Dear Sir,

I am appalled by the announcement of the forthcoming film adaptation of Mr.Flaming Ian's spy book "Dr.No". This is just a cheap attempt to cash in on the Bourne franchise which will be forthcoming in forty years time. This Corn Seannery fellow is nothing but a poor man's Matt Damon, who doesn't even exist yet.

Yours,

Nostradamus.

[dunmall]

Dear Sir,

I am appalled by the announcement of the forthcoming film adaptation of Mr.Flaming Ian's spy book "Dr.No". This is just a cheap attempt to cash in on the Bourne franchise which will be forthcoming in forty years time. This Corn Seannery fellow is nothing but a poor man's Matt Damon, who doesn't even exist yet.

Yours,

Nostradamus.

lol are you predicting that from your grave or from 300 odd years before hand?

[Bon-san]

---12 Dec 1999---

Usenet Board


Hey guys, I was just watching TBS and there was some semi-lame flick on that was a total rip of Austin Powers. They had this one dude who was dressed just like Dr. Evil, with a cat and weird clothes and everything. I think his name was Blofeen. They didn't even try to change it at all! There's just no friggin' originality in Hollywood anymore. As soon as I graduate high school, I'm going to film school. Only 5 more years. I've got this great idea for a movie about a spy who falls in love with a beautiful Russian agent, and they end up having to work together...

[dunmall]

I can't believe these novels I've just picked up some joker by the name of Fleming, he might be related to that Travel Author Peter, they are supposed to be thrillers but they may as well be pørnography! So much sex and violence!
But they aren't even original, they seem to be a photostat copy of Bulldog Durmmond! But they don't even have an excitingly named two fisted hero, instead it's some dull chap called James Bond. And get this from what I've read so far, he doesn't seem to really like the idea of fighting for his country!! After being tortured he moans to his French ally, (who is competant can you believe the nerve!? a competant french man?! Even worse is a heroic American agent!) that he might leave the buisness, this is his first adventure! He doesn't even kill the villian, those vile commies take care of their own!

Give me the old fashioned hero ready to give Johnny Foreigner a good seeing to anyday!

[SecretAgentFan]

I predict Dr.No will only do 1 million at the box office on opening weekend...

[Kingdom Come]

Circa 1984 -

The rumour that Connery will play Max Zorin in From A View To A Kill has been denied by Eon. "At the moment we have several acclaimed actors interested in the role in the 14th James Bond film. We will not know who has been chosen until this summer". Roger Moore spoke to a reporter at a recent Hollywood function on his replacement. "I wish him all the best and hope he enjoys the role as much as I have enjoyed it. He will have to be prepared for many, many bruses along the way, quibbed, Moore".


A silicon chip is captured from the Soviets and found to be identical to a prototype British design capable of withstanding the intense electromagnetic radiation of a nuclear blast. The British suspect industrialist Max Zorin of leaking details of the design to the Russians. When James Bond is sent to investigate he finds that Zorin is stockpiling silicon chips and, mysteriously, drilling near the San Andreas fault in the hope of flooding Silicon valley -the home of the micr-chip. Kate Smith who played one of t.v.s Charlie's Angels has also been rumoured to be playing Stacy Sutton, who joins forces with Bond to twart Zorin's plan.

Producer Michael Wilson recently said, "We want to take Bond back to his roots. Although the scale of this film is as big as any in the past, at the core are the elements that made these films classics and in recent years have edged away from that, with this film, we hope we have got the balance about right."