955 replies to this topic

[Dalton's Wendy]

I'm wondering how Bond would like a beach barbecue with grilled seafood and lobster... hmmm... white gazebo.. table and everything set in white and blue..

He'd adore it, of course -- as who would not?

Which is precisely what I was trying to tell you earlier on in this thread, Ale, carissima: there is not a man alive who does not relish the thought of his dream girl serving him a delicious repast, whilst he reclines like a king on his throne. . .

BOND: "Darling!" [preceded by Wendy, Alessandra, substitute female name of your choice].

WENDY: [staring worshipfully at his chiseled features.] "Yes, my love?"

BOND: "Sweetheart, this meal is exquisite! It is food fit for the gods on Olympus!"

WENDY: "But of course, my wonderful hero! After all . . . are you not a god yourself? And, after the hard day which I know you have had at MI6 -- all that intriguing, shooting, garroting, rampant killing . . . well, I just thought that the least I could do for you was to prepare your favourite foods!"

BOND: "Yes, but this -- this is superb! Did you really do all this yourself, with your own delicate hands, my angel? And all on my civil servant's salary, too? Such a clever little thing you are -- minx!"

WENDY: [smirks]

BOND: [as he extracts the flesh of the lobster from its scarlet shell "But, my little love -- you have not eaten a thing! Come --" [dangles small piece of lobster flesh teasingly before her] "-- let me feed you with your own wonderful creation."

WENDY: [holds dainty hand before her, to halt his action] "No, no, my magnificent male specimen of the elite Double-O unit! It is not necessary to waste the food on a personage so lowly as myself!"

BOND: "But, my precious little jewel -- there must be some way in which I can reward you for all your hours of slaving away for me, preparing this wondrous bounty!"

WENDY: "Oh, James!" [blushes and simpers] I am certain you shall think of something . . . you wonderful, brilliant, inventive man, you!"

**************************************************************************

Now, I ask you, men . . .

[Moore Not Less]

I'm wondering how Bond would like a beach barbecue with grilled seafood and lobster... hmmm... white gazebo.. table and everything set in white and blue..

He'd adore it, of course -- as who would not?

Which is precisely what I was trying to tell you earlier on in this thread, Ale, carissima: there is not a man alive who does not relish the thought of his dream girl serving him a delicious repast, whilst he reclines like a king on his throne. . .

BOND: "Darling!" [preceded by Wendy, Alessandra, substitute female name of your choice].

WENDY: [staring worshipfully at his chiseled features.] "Yes, my love?"

BOND: "Sweetheart, this meal is exquisite! It is food fit for the gods on Olympus!"

WENDY: "But of course, my wonderful hero! After all . . . are you not a god
yourself? And, after the hard day which I know you have had at MI6 -- all that intriguing, shooting, garroting, rampant killing . . . well, I just thought that the least I could do for you was to prepare your favourite foods!"

BOND: "Yes, but this -- this is superb! Did you really do all this yourself, with your own delicate hands, my angel? And all on my civil servant's salary, too? Such a clever little thing you are -- minx!"

WENDY: [smirks]

BOND: [as he extracts the flesh of the lobster from its scarlet shell "But, my little love -- you have not eaten a thing! Come --" [dangles small piece of lobster flesh teasingly before her] "-- let me feed you with your own wonderful creation."

WENDY: [holds dainty hand before her, to halt his action] "No, no, my magnificent male specimen of the elite Double-O unit! It is not necessary to waste the food on a personage so lowly as myself!"

BOND: "But, my precious little jewel -- there must be some way in which I can reward you for all your hours of slaving away for me, preparing this wondrous bounty!"

WENDY: "Oh, James!" [blushes and simpers] I am certain you shall think of something . . . you wonderful, brilliant, inventive man, you!"

**************************************************************************

Now, I ask you, men . . .

Well, Wendy dear. My version goes like this.

MNL: "Oy! You two. Get your big fat butts over here." [preceded by Bambi & Thumper......Er, I mean Wendy & Alessandra]

Wendy/Alessandra: [staring worshipfully at my extremely handsome features] "Yes, your worship."

MNL: "What do you call this? It is food for the dogs on vıagra."

Wendy/Alessandra: "But of course wonderful hero! After all....are you not a dog yourself? And after the hard day which I know you have had at the kennels -- all that intriguing, sniffing, licking and barking . . . well, we just thought that the least we could do for you was to make you feel at home!"

MNL: "Are you barking mad? This -- this is not the dogs bollocks. Did you both Jack Russell this up yourselves with your own un-manicured hands, my god. And all on my unemployment benefit. Such clever little things you are -- NOT!"

Wendy/Alessandra: smirks

MNL: [As he extracts the remains] "But my little loves -- you have not eaten a thing! Come, --" [dangles foul smelling remains] "Let me feed you with your own wonderful creation."

Wendy/Alessandra: [both hold unmanicured hands over their very large noses] "No, no my magnificent male specimen of the elite UB40! It is not necessary to waste that food on personages so lowly as ourselves."

MNL: "Well, my precious little Bambi & Thumper, I deserve a reward for even looking at that so called bounty!"

Wendy/Alessandra: "Oh, MNL!" [blushes and simpers] We are certain you shall think of something . . . you wonderful, brilliant, inventive, extremely handsome, extremely intelligent man, you!"

MNL: "I wan't crumpet..........and make sure you put plenty of butter on it."

[Moore Not Less]

[quote name='Alessandra' date='30 November 2005 - 11:41'][quote name='Moore Not Less' date='30 November 2005 - 00:02']So, you love being in the kitchen and you love cooking. Do you do it barefoot?

[Dalton's Wendy]

Well, Wendy dear. My version goes like this.

MNL: "Oy! You two. Get your big fat butts over here." [preceded by Bambi & Thumper......Er, I mean Wendy & Alessandra]

Wendy/Alessandra: [staring worshipfully at my extremely handsome features] "Yes, your worship."

I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR AND LAUGHING MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT OFF so hard over your post, MOORE, NOT LESS -- that I cannot even dredge up a suitable reply!!!!

OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!

[Moore Not Less]

Well, Wendy dear. My version goes like this.

MNL: "Oy! You two. Get your big fat butts over here." [preceded by Bambi & Thumper......Er, I mean Wendy & Alessandra]

Wendy/Alessandra: [staring worshipfully at my extremely handsome features] "Yes, your worship."

I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR AND LAUGHING MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT OFF so hard over your post, MOORE, NOT LESS -- that I cannot even dredge up a suitable reply!!!!

OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!

Thank you, Wendy dear. It was all done in the best possible taste.

And be careful not to injure your YOU-KNOW-WHAT OFF as you roll on the floor.

[Dalton's Wendy]

Well, Wendy dear. My version goes like this.

MNL: "Oy! You two. Get your big fat butts over here." [preceded by Bambi & Thumper......Er, I mean Wendy & Alessandra]

Wendy/Alessandra: [staring worshipfully at my extremely handsome features] "Yes, your worship."

I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR AND LAUGHING MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT OFF so hard over your post, MOORE, NOT LESS -- that I cannot even dredge up a suitable reply!!!!

OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!

Thank you, Wendy dear. It was all done in the best possible taste.

And be careful not to injure your YOU-KNOW-WHAT OFF as you roll on the floor.

It was BRILLIANT!!! I have tears in my eyes!

I think that you and I should form a writing partnership! Although I don't think I could bear the laughter which I know I would experience reading it, had you written it in the worst posssible taste!

Okay, MNL, Darling! still waiting for you to reply to my query to you (post #755) . . .

[Dalton's Wendy]

  Ah Loomis, I would agree entirely ... there's no need to pander to the Babes. Some of them know that food matters to a man.

All of us know, Doctor -- Browbeater!

Carnivore! That's all you MEN ever think of!

After all . . . we BABES are women, are we not? And WOMEN know everything! -- right, BABES????

Pander to THE BABES indeed!

And, furthermore, one wishes to know: what, exactly, do you mean by the word pander, m'sieur le docteur????

On behalf of all the BABES on this specific thread, I, DALTON'S DEFENSIVE (and delectable! WENDY) am personaly shocked and appalled at your cavalier and indiscriminate choice and usage of so vulgar and suggestive a verb.

And I believe it is incumbent upon me, as originator of this thread -- not to mention, the only one wholly qualified to deal with you upon your own vile and sinister level -- to, in behalf of all of the BABES ON BOND, take you to task, and chastise you for your arrogant and typically male attitude!

Presuming that you, as a doctor, speak in classical terms, one begs the question: are you, dear Sir, referring to the 1602 usage, as quoted in the 12,753-page, 1957 edition of the Oxford International Dictionary, that one which defines the verb pander as:

1) to act as a pander to;
2) to minister to the gratification of;
3) to play the pander.

Until such time as a formal response is, or may be, received by Dalton's Wendy, Chairman and Chief Executive of THE BABES ON BOND -- and the only one of whom is really tough enough to withstand your typically masculine bullying -- THE BABES kindly request that you confine your foul tongue to its own precincts.

And DALTON'S WENDY requests that you kindly refrain from the posting of further gratuitous and scurrilous remarks about the predilections of THE BABES.

THE BABES (HOLDINGS ENTERPRISES LIMITED INCORPORATED COMPANY SOCIETA PER AZIONE LLP INC.) hereby respectfully suggests that you, Laird Doctor . . .

. . . watch it!!!!!!

They'll probably change the argument to something like boxers or briefs now!!! ... hahahahahaha.  I can translate their Italian side swipes you know.
... they're just taunting you as is their want.

No, Doctor Broadbuster, Darling -- I believe you meant that last word to be spelled wont -- ie., as is their custom; op. cit.

Or was your Caledonian intent for it to be spelled as spelt?

Or . . . would you like to give me a shot in the chops right about . . . now???

And . . . just remember: when it comes to BABES . . .you defy their leader, DALTON'S INDESTRUCTIBLE WENDY, at your own peril!

NOW: about that Scrabble challenge I sent -- you know, the one which ganutlet you are afraid to pick up . . .

[Alessandra]

Now Moore and Wendy darlings.. I am ROTFL after your stories on MY wonderful beach setting with lobster.
Wendy dear.. I didn't make myself clear on this point: I DO think that food matters and since I do, and I know Bond is a conaisseur, I think a Bond girl can only cook food if it's a hyper refined dinner for Bond and if afterwards she smells expensive French perfume and not cookies! that's what I meant or better again.. direct the kitchen.. yes Stacey speaking here Moore dear. lol
To answer your question Moore:
well, YES I DO wear all the rest if I am at home in the kitchen.
but of course
I'll only wear a La Perla bikini and sarong and I will be barefoot while cooking on the beach setting.
Needless to say, I'll put on an appropriate sexy dress to sit down at the table under the gazebo and have dinner.
and huh..no way I give up my setting.. Caribbean, beach, warm and everything white and blue. No red. oh wait. Red could be my dress!

[Dalton's Wendy]

They'll probably change the argument to something like boxers or briefs now!!! ... hahahahahaha.  I can translate their Italian side swipes you know.

Briefs!

[Moore Not Less]

I think that you and I should form a writing partnership! Although I don't think I could bear the laughter which I know I would experience reading it, had you written it in the worst posssible taste! 

Okay, MNL, Darling! still waiting for you to reply to my query to you (post #755) . . .

A writing partnership? I can see it now, MNL & Wendy are the next Purvis & Wade? Er,........Perhaps not, it would only harm our soaring reputation.

As for post #755. Wendy dear, how shall I put it to you delicately? Do you cook STARK BUTT NAKED?!!!

[Dalton's Wendy]

I think that you and I should form a writing partnership! Although I don't think I could bear the laughter which I know I would experience reading it, had you written it in the worst posssible taste! 

Okay, MNL, Darling! still waiting for you to reply to my query to you (post #755) . . .

A writing partnership? I can see it now, MNL & Wendy are the next Purvis & Wade? Er,........Perhaps not, it would only harm our soaring reputation.

No, MNL, Darling; it would be WENDY & MNL!

As for post #755. Wendy dear, how shall I put it to you delicately? Do you cook STARK BUTT NAKED?!!! 

Depends what I'm cooking . . .

[Moore Not Less]

To answer your question Moore:
well, YES I DO wear all the rest if I am at home in the kitchen.
but of course
I'll only wear a La Perla bikini and sarong and I will be barefoot while cooking on the beach setting.
Needless to say, I'll put on an appropriate sexy dress to sit down at the table under the gazebo and have dinner.
and huh..no way I give up my setting.. Caribbean, beach, warm and everything white and blue. No red. oh wait. Red could be my dress!

OK, so you DO wear all the rest. SPOILSPORT!
Do you ever wear curlers and smoke a cigarette in the side of your mouth at the same time?
When you say you'll put on an appropriate sexy dress to sit down at the table under the gazebo, do you mean a mini-skirt? The smaller the better as far as I am concerned.
And what's wrong with you and me and a bag of fish & chips on an English beach in winter? I am not fooled. You are just playing hard to get.

[Scrambled Eggs]

Do you cook STARK BUTT NAKED?!!! 

How can you ask a lady such a question? You bounder you.

I occasionally cook stark butt naked, hope this helps.

[Dalton's Wendy]

And what's wrong with you and me and a bag of fish & chips on an English beach in winter?

Personally, I cannot see a thing wrong with a bag of fish & chips on an English beach in winter -- as long as it's being shared by two people in love (or in something!) In fact, I think it sounds divinely romantic!

However, MNL, since you are asking the question not of me, but, rather, of my dear friend Alessandra, you shall have to wait until she appears to receive your final answer!

[Dalton's Wendy]

Do you cook STARK BUTT NAKED?!!! 

How can you ask a lady such a question? You bounder you.

I occasionally cook stark butt naked, hope this helps.

Thank you, SCRAMBLED EGGS, for coming so gallantly to my defence!

You, my dear friend, are not merely a scholar, as is so well-evidenced by your excellent writing, but a gentleman, as well!

[Bondian]

[quote name='Scrambled Eggs' date='1 December 2005 - 22:23'][quote name='Moore Not Less' date='1 December 2005 - 20:55'] Do you cook STARK BUTT NAKED?!!!

[Mr Malcolm]

Do you cook STARK BUTT NAKED?!!! 

No, but if my flatmate beats me into the bathroom in the morning, while waiting my turn, I make my breakfast in my underwear.

Crumbs tend to chafe a bit though.

[Scrambled Eggs]

while waiting my turn, I make my breakfast in my underwear.

....and in doing so you have managed to combine the themes of food and underwear.

Nicely done sir.

[WC]

while waiting my turn, I make my breakfast in my underwear.

....and in doing so you have managed to combine the themes of food and underwear.

Nicely done sir.

Re food and underwear, I posted this in the other Canadian thread devoted to Wendy's headlights.

The microwavable bra invented by the Japanese. Just pop the bra in the microwave for a few minutes, and voila - instant warm bra. I bet you could even heat it in then with the rest of the cooking.

http://news.xinhuane...ent_3764788.htm

[Dalton's Wendy]

while waiting my turn, I make my breakfast in my underwear.

....and in doing so you have managed to combine the themes of food and underwear.

Nicely done sir.

Re food and underwear, I posted this in the other Canadian thread devoted to Wendy's headlights.

Darlings, darlings . . . no arguments, now, over moi!

The microwavable bra invented by the Japanese. Just pop the bra in the microwave for a few minutes, and voila - instant warm bra. I bet you could even heat it in then with the rest of the cooking.

http://news.xinhuane...ent_3764788.htm

And of course I heartily concur with that last, my dearest, wittiest WELSHCAT, Darling!

In fact -- so much so do I agree with your bet, that I shall even cover it, and scratch the overlay!

I think it would heat up marvellously with the meringues . . . the ones with the single cherry crowning the peak!

[Dalton's Wendy]

while waiting my turn, I make my breakfast in my underwear.

....and in doing so you have managed to combine the themes of food and underwear.

Nicely done sir.

BUT . . . how could I not comment upon,

and express my most heartfelt appreciation to,

my parfit, gentil knight, SIR SCRAMBLED EGGS?

who, as ever, is the gallant who comes riding to the rescue of the tender sensibilities of myself and BABES everywhere?

(P.S.: S.E., my dear: Thank you so much for your wonderful gift! Will begin my contemplation of it first thing tomorrow!)

Kiss-Kiss!

[Dalton's Wendy]

Mmmmm .... 2)

I like my 5 hour jetlag spelling mistakes to be corrected. I feel humbled that you take the time to reciprocate the wontaaan lack of education. Recall my roots?


I have a query here: >>>>  NOW: about that Scrabble challenge I sent -- you know, the one which ganutlet you are afraid to pick up

looking carefully I think the answer is gauntlet?  Bonus points for that please ... 

If this is not the Scrabble challenge ... can you explain further ...

[Sigh]( Must I do everything around here? What's the point in my being Chairman of The Board if I have to do all the dirty work? Who was his last slave, I should like to know?

(And furthermore -- why does he only come around to taunt and harass in the evening, when I am all alone here? Why can't he show up in the forenoon -- when every civilized person is still asleep???? Oh, very well . . . )

WELL, Doctor Blockcracker, if you would click back to the thread in the SCHIR SCHEAN CONNERY schection (speak with gritted teeth, Sir, please), and then simply scroll (you do know how to scroll -- yes?) to my post #8, dated 21st November of this calendar, as opposed to fiscal, year, you shall find therein my cleverly-tossed gauntlet of a challenge to you at a transatlantic game of Scrabble.

And . . . just on the chance that you missed that first dare, I offered it again in my post #13 of that self-same thread!

but wait til I've had a bite to eat ... something cold I hope.

Don't look at me! My kitchen is closed for the night! (I may start an international trend! -- wouldn't be the first time! )

Oh . . . all right! Just scroll back to my post #758 (758 posts? In six weeks? Amazing!) of this thread, said post dated 30th November of this year, posted at 3:04 Eastern Standard Time (I'm beginning to feel like a lawyer!)

If that doesn't fill you up -- then I don't know what will!

Good Night!!!!!

[Alessandra]

To answer your question Moore:
well, YES I DO wear all the rest if I am at home in the kitchen.
but of course
I'll only wear a La Perla bikini and sarong and I will be barefoot while cooking on the beach setting.
Needless to say, I'll put on an appropriate sexy dress to sit down at the table under the gazebo and have dinner.
and huh..no way I give up my setting.. Caribbean, beach, warm and everything white and blue. No red. oh wait. Red could be my dress!

OK, so you DO wear all the rest. SPOILSPORT!
Do you ever wear curlers and smoke a cigarette in the side of your mouth at the same time?
When you say you'll put on an appropriate sexy dress to sit down at the table under the gazebo, do you mean a mini-skirt? The smaller the better as far as I am concerned.
And what's wrong with you and me and a bag of fish & chips on an English beach in winter? I am not fooled. You are just playing hard to get.

of course I'm playing hard to get Moore darling.. who do you think you're dealing with, an amateur??! rather than that, a femme fatale!
Anyway... we'll move to a Caribbean beach.
PS: ewwwwww a cigarette in my mouth?! that is never going to happen, I HATE smoke!!
PPS: hint for you. Sexy doesn't necessarily go with short.
I prefer silk, and either a strapless dress or a dress with slim straps and a deep back d

[hcmv007]

(Imagining Alessandra in a mini skirt, then in a bikini)

Simply. Awesome

[Alessandra]

[quote name='hcmv007' date='2 December 2005 - 14:39'](Imagining Alessandra in a mini skirt, then in a bikini)

Edited by Alessandra, 02 December 2005 - 01:53 PM.

[hcmv007]

(Reads Alessandra's post)

(Visualizes her as she is currently attired)

(reads last sentence of her post)


(faints, with a HUGE smile on my face!!)

[Major Bloodnok]

(Imagining Alessandra in a mini skirt, then in a bikini) 

Simply.  Awesome 

*blushes* (well.. almost! )
I'm flattered and deeply moved by this astonishing, wonderful compliment you are paying me hcmv dear...thank you! *leaves lipstick kiss trace on hcmv's cheek*
and darling, if it is of any help.. I'm wearing a mini skirt (jeans) right now!. (With a cashmere twin set, of course, since it's cold)

Ladies and Gentlemen, now you know why this is the best thread in the history of the internet.

It's cold here too, but that doesn't seem to matter at the moment.

Wendy Darling, how can I get to your inbox with my love missives if it's already full? We really need to do something about that. I've come to expect a certain level of satisfaction.

'Miss me?

[WC]

while waiting my turn, I make my breakfast in my underwear.

....and in doing so you have managed to combine the themes of food and underwear.

Nicely done sir.

Re food and underwear, I posted this in the other Canadian thread devoted to Wendy's headlights.

Darlings, darlings . . . no arguments, now, over moi!

The microwavable bra invented by the Japanese. Just pop the bra in the microwave for a few minutes, and voila - instant warm bra. I bet you could even heat it in then with the rest of the cooking.

http://news.xinhuane...ent_3764788.htm

And of course I heartily concur with that last, my dearest, wittiest WELSHCAT, Darling!

In fact -- so much so do I agree with your bet, that I shall even cover it, and scratch the overlay!

I think it would heat up marvellously with the meringues . . . the ones with the single cherry crowning the peak!

Oi! That's the Bond girl talking in you!!

Such sensuous imagery doesn't usually come forth from the mouths of mere PC mortals.

[Alessandra]

(Reads Alessandra's post)

(Visualizes her as she is currently attired)

(reads last sentence of her post)


(faints, with a HUGE smile on my face!!)

*strongly blushes* (ok.. almost! )
Since my Tod's 10-cm heel shoes don't allow me to run and pick you, avoiding your fall on the ground for fainting... I believe you'll resuscitate when you smell my Ralph Lauren "Blue" perfume.
I assume no lipstick traces on the cheek, as those would provoke yet ANOTHER fainting?!
I must say, with a more elegant skirt (jeans mini is not the right kind for a Bond girl in a movie) I could look like a Bond girl today... well ok, a little resemblance maybe?? lol (They have a little resemblance to me, of course, not the opposite! )
Time for my humble pie I think. LOL
I'm still trying to figure out why they are in pitch-dark over the Vesper casting, when they could pick up the phone and.. call me! lol
uh.. forgot. I'm already taken by Bond jr. And Pierce. And Hugh Jackman. And Marat Safin. No can do.
So Hcmv dear.. need me to pick you up from the ground still.. or did my strategy work? lol

[Alessandra]

[quote name='Major Bloodnok' date='2 December 2005 - 15:53'][quote name='Alessandra' date='2 December 2005 - 08:52'][quote name='hcmv007' date='2 December 2005 - 14:39'](Imagining Alessandra in a mini skirt, then in a bikini)