95 replies to this topic

[Goodnight]

I just stumbled across a thread entitled 'your nightmare Bond 21' and thought it would be interesting to start a new one for Bond 23


Name the people, things and music you think would would make the worst Bond movie ever!

Simple.....here's mine




TITLE: The spy who quantum octopussied me
JAMES BOND: Aston Kutcher, Peter Andre or Tom Jones
DIRECTOR: Richard Curtis
BOND GIRLS: Jordan (UK glamour model), Kerry Katona and Megan Fox
GADGETS: crocodile submarine and ski jacket that turns into a massive football
CAR(S): Ford ka, Vauxhall corsa, aston martin lagonda (at least if it turnt invisible you wouldn't be able to see the bloody thing)
MI6 STAFF: jeremy kyle (M) and Jodie marsh (another UK model, as monneypenny)
TITLE SONG: the sugababes
SCORE: basshunter
WRITTEN BY: whoever writes the storylines in ty daytime tv dramas



PLOT: in a desperate attempt to save its , mgm realise that james bond is no more, that is unless they make a decent bond film.
Only about a thrid of the crew are left, as most have left in disgrace. Due to a severe lack of money mgm can only get actors etc who need the money. Just to make the situation worse, because they can't afford to go to other countries, and also due to a general lack of care and interest among the crew, they decide that the whole film should be based around james bonds desperate attempt to save the bond franchise


Don't take it seriously people, it's a joke...have some fun:D

[The Shark]

David Arnold, Richard Pearson, Matt Cheese, Paul Haggis and Lee Tamahori team up for Bond 23.

[Zographos]

2-hour long Moon Buggy chase set to "Do You Know How Christmas Trees Are Grown?"

[Jose]

http://debrief.comma...showtopic=49593

[Guy Haines]

If Bond 23 includes a scene involving a gondola turning into a hovercraft, a double taking pigeon, or a ski chase set to the music of a certain 1960s beach band, I will most likely walk out of the screening.

Even if I'm watching it inflight at 30,000 feet.

Edited by Guy Haines, 27 February 2010 - 11:58 PM.

[zencat]

This time it's personal.

[danslittlefinger]

No wit and no leg-overs.

If they aren't there then I'm not putting my on any cinema's seat.

I'm throwing this picture in for the hell of it :

[Nicolas Suszczyk]

TITLE: James Bond 007 of The Secret Service against The Evil Cloverfield Monster
JAMES BOND: Matt Damon, Brad Pitt or Zac Efron.
DIRECTOR: Marc Forster, Lee Tamahori and Chris Columbus.
BOND GIRLS: Jennifer Aniston, Paris Hilton and Vera Farmiga.
GADGETS: Tressa watch that shows a live broadcasting of the Super Bowl.
CAR(S): Fiat 600, Ford T
MI6 STAFF: Morgan Freeman as M, Robert De Niro as Tanner, Lindsay Lohan as Moneypenny.
TITLE SONG: Maroon Five or any band like that
SCORE: The one of the Spongebob TV Series.
WRITTEN BY: J K Rowling



PLOT: M has started a relationship and he desperately needs vıagra in order to shag his new misstress, but the evil Cloverfield monster has taken every vıagra pills on the world, so Bond must use his 00 status in order to kill the monster and recover vıagra pills so that M can with his new girlfriend, who is a 17 year old teenager

[sharpshooter]

This time it's personal.

Indeed.

[Aris007]

Bond Girl: Paris Hilton

'Nough said!

[Dell Deaton]

... I'm throwing this picture in for the hell of it :

And I'm re-quoting it for the same reason (like it overall, except for the shoes: Thanks for sharing!).

This time it's personal.

Indeed.

Specific to the question asked, I don't see the problem so much as revisiting some previous James Bond film as it is a lack of originality and/or "me-too" approach. Ian Fleming's 007 has been around, survived, and thrived after cinema interpretation for almost half-a-century.

Is there some problem with leveraging that? Or are we doomed to further Jason Bourne-esque directions?

Bring back the double-door to M's office, assignment mission folder, bit of a daliance with the girl en route to completion, a bigger-than-life villain, and something really at risk, hanging in the balance if 007 doesn't deliver in time.

[Mr_Wint]

Quantum of Solace II

[Lachesis]

Quantum of Solace II

Aye in my case the last one was already a nightmare Bond, not sure I can face two on the trot!

Nice shot of Gemma Anderton, only thing I would gladly see return from QoS - you know I think she could play a twin sister 'smouldering with Revenge' that puts the combined eforts of Carole Bouquet and Olga Kurylenko to shame.

[jaguar007]

"Never Say Die Another Day Again"

After delays in Bond 23 due to MGM legal battles, Daniel Criag is already committed to another project so EON decides to switch paths and bring back a 60 year old Pierce Brosnan to play Bond brought back from retirement and re-team with Jinx (played by Halle Berry) to battle the Zombie invasion.

James Bond - Pierce Brosnan
Jinx - Halle Berry
Head Zombie - Clive Owen
Trixie the Zombie Slayer - Sarah Michelle Gellar
Bongo the Zombie - Richard Patterson

Directed by Uwe Boll
theme song by The Jonas Brothers

-This is not meant as s diss on Brosnan as Bond, just a 60 year old Brosnan as Bond

[danielcraigisjamesbond007]

Nightmare Bond 23:
Director: Marc Forster
Editors: Matt Chesse and Richard Pearson

[Nicolas Suszczyk]

Nightmare Bond 23:
Director: Marc Forster
Editors: Matt Chesse and Richard Pearson

We've already had that nightmare.

[danslittlefinger]

... I'm throwing this picture in for the hell of it :

And I'm re-quoting it for the same reason (like it overall, except for the shoes: Thanks for sharing!).

She's wearing shoes?

[Goodnight]

TITLE: James Bond 007 of The Secret Service against The Evil Cloverfield Monster
JAMES BOND: Matt Damon, Brad Pitt or Zac Efron.
DIRECTOR: Marc Forster, Lee Tamahori and Chris Columbus.
BOND GIRLS: Jennifer Aniston, Paris Hilton and Vera Farmiga.
GADGETS: Tressa watch that shows a live broadcasting of the Super Bowl.
CAR(S): Fiat 600, Ford T
MI6 STAFF: Morgan Freeman as M, Robert De Niro as Tanner, Lindsay Lohan as Moneypenny.
TITLE SONG: Maroon Five or any band like that
SCORE: The one of the Spongebob TV Series.
WRITTEN BY: J K Rowling



PLOT: M has started a relationship and he desperately needs vıagra in order to shag his new misstress, but the evil Cloverfield monster has taken every vıagra pills on the world, so Bond must use his 00 status in order to kill the monster and recover vıagra pills so that M can with his new girlfriend, who is a 17 year old teenager

"Never Say Die Another Day Again"

After delays in Bond 23 due to MGM legal battles, Daniel Criag is already committed to another project so EON decides to switch paths and bring back a 60 year old Pierce Brosnan to play Bond brought back from retirement and re-team with Jinx (played by Halle Berry) to battle the Zombie invasion.

James Bond - Pierce Brosnan
Jinx - Halle Berry
Head Zombie - Clive Owen
Trixie the Zombie Slayer - Sarah Michelle Gellar
Bongo the Zombie - Richard Patterson

Directed by Uwe Boll
theme song by The Jonas Brothers

-This is not meant as s diss on Brosnan as Bond, just a 60 year old Brosnan as Bond

Nicolas....very good my dear and Jaguar007 top marks, I can't think of anybody worse to sing the title song, If I absolutley had to, I'd probably choose the sugababes over the jonas brothers!!

I hate to blow my own trumpet but I think my title is the best so far, or should i say worst?

[danielcraigisjamesbond007]

Nightmare Bond 23:
Director: Marc Forster
Editors: Matt Chesse and Richard Pearson

We've already had that nightmare.

Don't remind me, lol

[Nicolas Suszczyk]

I hate to blow my own trumpet but I think my title is the best so far, or should i say worst?

Very good darling! I was based in the Spanish and Portuguese translation of some Bond films such as "Agent 007 against Dr No" or "James Bond versus Goldfinger", and "007 against the rocket of death" (Moonraker)

EDIT: In my story, Bond appears in Shorts and T-Shirt on the Gunbarrel, which is exactly on the middle of the film, while the Cloverfield Monster is watching Playboy TV and suddenly James appears on screen.

[Guy Haines]

Quantum of Solace II

Aye in my case the last one was already a nightmare Bond, not sure I can face two on the trot!

Nice shot of Gemma Anderton, only thing I would gladly see return from QoS - you know I think she could play a twin sister 'smouldering with Revenge' that puts the combined eforts of Carole Bouquet and Olga Kurylenko to shame.

Its sort of been done before, although Tilly Masterton wasn't a twin. But I wouldn't object. That said, who would be the object of revenge? Greene, for killing her sister? Difficult to exact revenge on a corpse somewhere in the Bolivian desert.

Or Bond for carelessly leaving poor Strawberry Fields at the mercy of Greene and his cronies?

[Lachesis]

Quantum of Solace II

Aye in my case the last one was already a nightmare Bond, not sure I can face two on the trot!

Nice shot of Gemma Anderton, only thing I would gladly see return from QoS - you know I think she could play a twin sister 'smouldering with Revenge' that puts the combined eforts of Carole Bouquet and Olga Kurylenko to shame.

Its sort of been done before, although Tilly Masterton wasn't a twin. But I wouldn't object. That said, who would be the object of revenge? Greene, for killing her sister? Difficult to exact revenge on a corpse somewhere in the Bolivian desert.

Or Bond for carelessly leaving poor Strawberry Fields at the mercy of Greene and his cronies?

My simplistic thought was against Quantum....although as I have been immersed in the Prisoner recently she could also be a doppleganger designed to dupe a partially brainwashed Bond into action....ok maybe I watched too much Magoohan ^^....though it did cross my mind that the shocking event in Bond 23 might be to pick up on TMWTGG idea of Bond being sent to attempt an assasination of M.

[Guy Haines]

Quantum of Solace II

Aye in my case the last one was already a nightmare Bond, not sure I can face two on the trot!

Nice shot of Gemma Anderton, only thing I would gladly see return from QoS - you know I think she could play a twin sister 'smouldering with Revenge' that puts the combined eforts of Carole Bouquet and Olga Kurylenko to shame.

Its sort of been done before, although Tilly Masterton wasn't a twin. But I wouldn't object. That said, who would be the object of revenge? Greene, for killing her sister? Difficult to exact revenge on a corpse somewhere in the Bolivian desert.

Or Bond for carelessly leaving poor Strawberry Fields at the mercy of Greene and his cronies?

My simplistic thought was against Quantum....although as I have been immersed in the Prisoner recently she could also be a doppleganger designed to dupe a partially brainwashed Bond into action....ok maybe I watched too much Magoohan ^^....though it did cross my mind that the shocking event in Bond 23 might be to pick up on TMWTGG idea of Bond being sent to attempt an assasination of M.

It could be against Quantum, but this twin might also think that her sister might still be alive if she hadn't got involved with Bond, and blame him too. A twisted way of thinking, but not unknown in real life.

[Zorin Industries]

My nightmare would be a Martin Campbell clone directing a style-less film with set pieces shoe horned in and blatantly not even lensed by the director but some third rate stunt unit in Aldershot somewhere. That and Leona Lewis singing the title tune.

[David Schofield]

The scene we know just has to be coming:

Bond in Q Branch. Picking up his stuff. Watched by M.

Shoes, socks, underwear, Tom Ford suits, shirts and ties. John Lobb shoes.

And a copy of the "Guide to Being a Gentleman in the Word's Most Exclusive Places and How to Belong"

M saying: "And make sure you tuck you're shirt into your underpants."

And Craig-Bond replying sheepishly: "Yes, mu'um."

[O.H.M.S.S.]

Title: "YO MAMMA"
James Bond: Vin Diesel
Director: Michael Bay
Bondgirl: Halle Berry
Villain: Vin Diesel (Bond's evil twin)
Allie: Vin Diesel (Bond's good twin)
Car: Lamborghini Murciélago (it can fly)

Plot: As it's a Bay film, things explode, the rest doesn't matter.

Edited by O.H.M.S.S., 01 March 2010 - 06:04 PM.

[The Shark]

Score by Hans Zimmer and David Arnold.

Tamahori cameos as himself in drag, and ends up eating his own .

[Eric Stromberg]

Score by Hans Zimmer and David Arnold.

Tamahori cameos as himself in drag, and ends up eating his own .

I like where your head is at, Shark. Twisted as usual. Make it in 3-D and I am there.

[Rufus Ffolkes]

Plot: As it's a Bay film, things explode, the rest doesn't matter.

Baysplosions!

[Dell Deaton]

Plot: As it's a Bay film, things explode, the rest doesn't matter.

Baysplosions!

Close-- but the camera is too steady, the action too comprehensible, and the individuals shots last too long!