121 replies to this topic

[Automan]

Spot on you promised a sniper shot a long time ago (see I rememberd)
the piece really had a good feel for the action.
Shame about Felix still Bond is really pissed now

[volante]

Spot on you promised a sniper shot a long time ago (see I rememberd)
the piece really had a good feel for the action.
Shame about Felix still Bond is really pissed now

Thanx Ben;
The story is about to take another twist; which will set up the dramatic climax.
Like the honourable Harry Fawkes; I believe this will be the last Bond story I do.
Or at least until Bond 23 has stirred our minds again.

Until then; I am engaged in a project I never envisaged wanting to do.
A non Bond story.
I have found the experience liberating.
Therefore I am savouring these weeks; as Felix lays recovering in hospital; and 007 finaly confronts the villian.

[Goodnight]

Hello Volante,

I have been reading your story and I am really enjoying it. The pace is super

I will finish it (only about three chapters left) early next week, once this work of mine is out of the way.

I love the car chase, I could picture it in my head perfectly



And who is this Scarlett? She seems to be a very sophisticated lady .....unlike the real Scarlett.




Anyway, it is a wonderful story, I look forward to finishing it very soon.

[Jack Rapace]

You're influenced by Raymond Benson a little bit, am I right ? Good style, much faster than Fleming's.
I like it. Congrats

[volante]

Hello Volante,

I have been reading your story and I am really enjoying it. The pace is super

I will finish it (only about three chapters left) early next week, once this work of mine is out of the way.

I love the car chase, I could picture it in my head perfectly



And who is this Scarlett? She seems to be a very sophisticated lady .....unlike the real Scarlett.




Anyway, it is a wonderful story, I look forward to finishing it very soon.

Hi Scarlett;
Thanks for the support. Glad you're enjoying the story.
There are still two chapters to go on the board; with a twist that will have you drifting around corners all through winter.

There will be a Volante Christmas story, which has totally taken over my life this past couple of weeks.

I still hope that there will be some Bond 23 news to coinside with the final "A SECRET TO THE GRAVE" chapter;
so stick with it.

...and as for Agent Goodnight??? well that depends on your definition of sophistication!!!

[volante]

You're influenced by Raymond Benson a little bit, am I right ? Good style, much faster than Fleming's.
I like it. Congrats

Thanks Jack.
Absolutely right; Mr. Benson's HIGH TIME TO KILL is my No1 fav Bond book.
I don't consider myself to be a writer as such. But I do love Bond, and have always thought up adventures for him, which, influenced by the latest films seem to fit as novels "bsaed on a screenplay"
I'm pleased you like it; wait till you get to the climax.
There's a couple of trailer pix which give away the location; but the twists and turns will keep you on the edge.

[volante]

Okay; now the festive season is over its time to look to the future.
The thrilling climax to A SECRET TO THE GRAVE will be coming to CBn very soon.

Thanks to all the readers; and a big thanks to those that have commented and given precious feedback.

For me the writing process is all about visulising the action, and characters.
So I'd like to let you in on the personalities that have flavoured my subjects.

Lecoyte Chelan -



Arms Dealer and would be Presedent WAZIR



Beth Loverseed - Horn of Africa Think Tank Ananlyst; and keeper of 'The Secret'

[volante]

Bee - The Temptress, such a shame she had to die!


Manic's new squeeze - Sahra



Mr. Manic; the man with a mission to kill 007



MI6 Agent Goodnight

[Goodnight]

Arms Dealer and would be Presedent WAZIR

Great cast there!

Always helps to imagine them whilst reading the story.



Not really relevant to anything but he looks a bit like President Ahmadinejad.

Separated at birth maybe? Only messin'

[Harry Fawkes]

Well, is all I can say about this one is this: SHEER EXCITEMENT AND MARVELOUS STORYTELLING FROM A VERY FINE WRITER. Open up a Volante story and you're hit in the face by a blast of intrigue, suspense and edge-of-the-seat action and high adventure.

A secret to the Grave has got me through a rough patch by relaxing my mind and absorbing me in a fab story with the legend that is James Bond.

I am, simply put, jealous

Harry Fawkes

[volante]

Well, is all I can say about this one is this: SHEER EXCITEMENT AND MARVELOUS STORYTELLING FROM A VERY FINE WRITER. Open up a Volante story and you're hit in the face by a blast of intrigue, suspense and edge-of-the-seat action and high adventure.

A secret to the Grave has got me through a rough patch by relaxing my mind and absorbing me in a fab story with the legend that is James Bond.

I am, simply put, jealous

Harry Fawkes

Hey hey! Thanks for that buddy.
Wait till you read Chapter 12

...Okay here's an extract.

When the police entered the burnt out room on the twentieth floor, they found two bodies.
The first was very badly burned, and was only later to be identified as the Yemeni arms dealer, Khaled Wazir.
The body, so the pathologist revealed, had been dead before the explosion.
A 7.65mm bullet had punctured the front of the skull, and was the cause of death.
The second victim was a Caucasian male; discovered just inside the door;
in his charred hand was a burnt and melted Walther P99

Read on
If you DARE

[volante]

Chapter Thirteen In for submission.

Where the reader will discover if 007 actually perished in the bomb attack at the Paris Fashion show.

Gallagher was in a hurry to report the death of James Bond. Once he was within the walls of this city of the dead, the paved roadways meandered through an array of monuments; ranging from lavish family tombs to simple headstones. Gallagher glanced at the extravagant sculptures placed by the city’s wealthy families, as he continued along the straight main thoroughfare. The road was wide enough to allow to two large vehicles to pass each other; to each side of the road, a neatly trimmed grass bank rose to border a cobbled tree lined pavement. Through the many spectacular works of art (that are equally as interesting to view as the various gravesites of famous individuals), Gallagher observed a number of tourists, strolling along the leafy avenues, guide books in hand.

[volante]

Chapter Thirteen
Now online.

Accept No Substitute
BOND IS BACK
A SECRET TO THE GRAVE

[Automan]

Chapter Thirteen
Now online.

Accept No Substitute
BOND IS BACK
A SECRET TO THE GRAVE

This is very heavy stuff. I didn't expect it to take this direction
dont keep us waiting too long for the next chapter

[volante]

Moving on quickly now

Chapter 15 is online NOW!!!

An escape through the graveyard; leads to the fight of Bond's life.

Finally Bond and Manic meet; on equal terms.
Man O Man.

...and Killing is on both their minds.

Manic; because he's a psycho'
Bond 'cause he's out for revenge.

...and revenge is a dish; best served cold.

NO GOING BACK; nothing you've read before can prepare you for where 007 is going in this thrilling climax.

But; don't dispair; there's still one more thrilling twisting chapter; and an epilogue to come; before the secret is finally put to the grave.

Read on; whilst the Secret is still fresh

[chrisno1]

Sounds like I have some catching up to do. I'm only on chapter 5!

Out of interest, Paul, what kind of font are you using? I copy and paste the FanFic I read and I'm having to do a lot of work adjusting paragraphs and punctuation. Is it copying okay from your pc to the forum? Or am I just being over fastidious?

[volante]

Sounds like I have some catching up to do. I'm only on chapter 5!

Out of interest, Paul, what kind of font are you using? I copy and paste the FanFic I read and I'm having to do a lot of work adjusting paragraphs and punctuation. Is it copying okay from your pc to the forum? Or am I just being over fastidious?

I find it very frustrating too.
After pasting onto the forum; I have to go through and correct every paragraph.
None of my paragraph indetations work. If I go too mad on the indens; it simply adds a space between sentences.
If you scan down the different chapters you'll see a number of different approachs.
All to no avail.

Anyway, settle down with a drink, and blast through it; only one chapter and the epilogue to go:)

[chrisno1]

I did notice some differences! I post using Calibri, it seems to copy ad paste fine, but I don't use paragraph indents, i simply miss out a line to break the paragraphs and I still have to review the whole post to ensure it's right. Hard life for us writers I see!

[volante]

Just a quick note to say the fianal chaprter is in for submission.

After the thrill of the last chapter; the pace is a little lighter.

Enjoy the read.

Next week will see the epilogue on line; and with that the SECRET will be put to rest.

[volante]

Can you keep a secret?


A SECRET TO THE GRAVE



If a teardrop held a secret
and it fell upon the ground
it would soak into the earth
and wait there to be found

and when you find that secret, you become it's lover.
You can never let it leave your heart
You can never tell another

But when a man knows a secret
and it burns upon his skin
he must tell it he must sell it
he must purge himself of sin

and when you keep that secret, you become it's slave.
You can never tell another soul
You must take it to the grave

[chrisno1]

Last year I published a top ten of Fan Fiction for 2009 - 2010.
This year's top list only features eight stories as I believe there are only eight completed stories submitted during the last twelve months. I discounted The Ultimate Bond Project as I suspect it will be continuously updated.
All figures are correct at 30th Janunary 2011.

8: THE THIRTEENTH LETTER by Jim 245 views
7: VOODOO CHARM by tb75 310 views
6: SHATTERHAND by Leon 385 views
5: 007: FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY by Terminus 436 views
4: THE HEART BLEEDS ICE by Jim (a reissue) 442 views
3: THOSE WHO THE GODS LOVE DIE YOUNG by chrisno1 1016 views
2: THE BLINK OF AN EYE by chrisno1 1839 views
1: A SECRET TO THE GRAVE by volante 2133 views and still growing.....

CONGRATULATIONS TO PAUL FOR TOPPING THE LIST.

Though I'm sure he's not the least bit competitive!

If this really is his farewell offering in 007 fan fiction, then what better way to go out!

Out of interest, the top three Christmas stories are as follows:

=2: GOODNIGHT MR. BOND by tdalton 177 views
=2: A RIGHT CHRISTMAS by Joyce Carrington 177 views
1: CHARM THE DEVIL by Harry Fawkes 260 views

So well done, Harry!

[chrisno1]

A Secret to the Grave - IMO

BEWARE OF SPOILERS

Paul Taylor’s A Secret to the Grave is his fifth full length Fan Fiction. He started his cycle with three clever thrillers each of which displayed a distinctive flair for action and possessed imaginative plots. In many respects they resembled the movie franchise much more than the novels. There were some interesting characters and several excellent narrative and climatic set ups which showed real authorial promise. While not entirely convinced about Mr Taylor’s cinematic writing style (which often used narrative ‘jump-cuts’ to create suspense) or whether he always brought substance to his protagonists (this rarely ventured beyond surface depth), I found he provided worthwhile, complex stories and had a real gift for describing his many exciting scenes.

Things fell apart a little for me with Bombshell, his previous opus, which, while exceedingly popular (you can’t argue with over 5000 views), lacked any depth of detail in its characters and had a confusing ill-described plot. It started well, but the story became repetitious and over intricate and lost much of its initial sparkle, being ultimately resolved in something of a rush. Later, Mr Taylor tagged on a more satisfying epilogue, which suggested he wasn’t over happy with his ending either.

So I approached A Secret to the Grave with some trepidation. While his trademark action is still prevalent, I remain unconvinced about Mr Taylor’s characters, who lack emotional depth, and the world they inhabit, which reads as if transposed from the hotel literature of some exotic cities. It lends precious little atmosphere to the goings on.

That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it; bizarrely, I did. But a story needs more than a composite of great action scenes to succeed on all levels. Despite all the mystery and high level intrigue, despite all the numerous gun fights and fisticuffs, despite all the chases and cliff-hanger moments, it was missing a soul. A novel stands and falls by its characters. Do we believe in them? Are they tangible? Do we share their emotion, their pain, their joy? The answer to those questions is frequently ‘no.’

Mr Taylor propels his story forward with a series of athletic set pieces and open-ended conundrums, which is okay if you want that kind of thing and it’s certainly vigorous and inventive, but I cried out for something a little deeper, a semblance of the people behind the facades. This is a grim faced lot, from LeCoyte Chelan’s superior financier, to Wazir’s Arab politician and Mortimer’s unhinged English turncoat. The women are passive and unexceptional. Most distressing of all is Manic, the henchman, a misogynistic dinosaur of a man who would out-rival even Pierce Brosnan’s Bond.

As the puzzle thickens and the spurious action continues, Mr Taylor isn’t afraid to employ the writing technique which has become his milieu, if you like: the cinematic ‘cut.’ Unfortunately this is a structural device I find irritating and uninvolving. It deflects attention away from the central character and, instead of heightening suspense, lowers it, so that the expositions become blindingly obvious. Goodnight’s shock on disembarking the ferry and discovering Bond is alive is an early example. A little disguise would have earnt more reward.

Thankfully, there isn’t too much of this in A Secret to the Grave. The restraint is noteworthy. Instead we are given some extended scenes, particularly the journey to Wazir’s desert retreat, which work well because the reader is focussed on Bond’s plight and his alone. While even here Mr Taylor can’t resist shooting bullets, it isn’t the action that disappoints, but the lack of anything in the way of a three dimensional character.

The main protagonists are a series of interchangeable high level businessmen or hired killers whose personalities alter depending on the circumstances. So the Bedouin Wazir is a powerful, decisive tribal chieftan, but when his dreams start to unravel, he is almost begging Chelan to keep trust in him. This is no leader of men. Chelan himself is a corporate menace, the prime negotiator for the oil firm Taxargo, a man who has an uncanny ability to anticipate the actions of others. I believed in him when he sat at the negotiating table, but as his role in the play grew, he became prone to fits of childish anger and [naturally] underestimates Bond several times. This reduces Chelan’s impact and it’s no surprise his death is swift and unremarkable.

Even the good-guys suffer from a split personality; Bond’s Yemeni contact, Ben Kelly, seems split three ways: a dreamy youngster, a career policeman and a hapless coward. His portrait was condescending and unexceptional.

Of the four women, two are assassins and both are treated badly by the heavy, Manic, who seems to have a liking for submissive but physically strong women. Both women also share a strange erotic charge, which the author allows to inhabit all of his female characters without ever explaining why. For instance, we already know Bee is a nymphomaniac (read Bombshell if you don’t) yet Mr Taylor does nothing to iterate the fact she might secretly enjoy being manacled to a chair by Bond as much as he seems to enjoy doing it. The author is more successful with the Nubian Sahra, a woman seeking the rewards of materialism through practised violence.

The lead heroine, Beth Loverseed, is interpreted like an immaculate goddess or a saint; Bond seems in awe of her beauty. The by play between her and Bond is mawkish and seems inspired by Hollywood musicals, with some skipping around street lanterns. Bond seems to like this girl, but it isn’t entirely clear why as he has an odd way of showing it, putting her in needless peril when it would be far easier and safer to let her return to London. Subsequently, poor Beth is stripped and tortured, but having been rescued, her naked predicament is played for laughs. Later Bond even has to pretend to kill her, which he’s very adept at.

This last act shares overtones of the prologue, when Bond is similarly straddling the novice agent Scarlett Goodnight, harshly attempting to calm her nerves. It’s described in a curiously sensual manner, yet there is nothing remotely sensual about the circumstances the two agents are in. Indeed at the start of the sequence Goodnight doesn’t even like 007 very much, offering him “an evil snarl.” The tone of this scene is as uneven as their later unconsummated and unnecessary flirtation in Yemen.

These descriptions add nothing to the personalities of the women, which may be just as well. What they actually do is promote a perception of Bond as a sadistic cheerless killing machine, for this is a very callous and cruel James Bond. At one point he refers to his actions as “an aggressive takeover” and this rather sums up his attitude throughout the novel. Witness to a terrorist explosion, Bond has every right to be sickened; yet his reaction is to ponder the spider’s web of a plot and the motives of the single minded killer Manic. Bond’s vengeful intent feels unlikely and much too calculated. Similarly, his reaction to Leiter’s mauling by Nile crocodiles is to attempt to shoot the uber-villain Chelan. Preserving his friend’s legs seems to take second billing. During an elaborate car chase, Bond ignores Beth’s howls of anguish as he calmly directs a missile attack via his mobile phone; undeniably clever, but this 007 hardly seems to operate on a human level. In the final chapters “M searched Bond’s face for a hint of emotion - he found none” and this line feels highly appropriate.

While I appreciate many readers will disagree with my comments and thoroughly welcome all this surface glitter, I think it is worth re-iterating that I did actually enjoy A Secret to the Grave. The intent of Mr Taylor is not to analyse his cast, so much as direct them, like chess pieces, from one gambit to another, until he has forced checkmate. While much of the violence is perfunctory and laced with pithy humour, it never ceases to be original, despite copious hints to past Bond movies and novels and Fan Fiction. The author has covered his tracks well, but I caught glimpses of [at the very least] GF, LTK, YOLT, LALD, DAF and CR in the proceedings.

Two scenes particularly stand out. Bond’s rescue from a sea bourn drowning has an air of wonder to it. No cinematic editing here. It’s told plainly, bleakly, and benefits enormously from emphasising the hopelessness of Bond’s situation. Ditto a potholing excursion which has a claustrophobic and terrifying feel to it.

At times the author slips into colloquialisms, but it doesn’t harm those scenes, indeed overall the piece benefits from some familiarity in the prose, using every day expressions and comparisons; similes like “as a bad ventriloquist might do on a difficult word” were very welcome. Occasionally there is double emphasis (“pure contempt” or “nodded in compliance”) and people do smile, laugh and nod a lot, giving a staid presentation to the dialogue, but these concerns don’t wither the flow of the novel, which happens at break neck speed and for the most part is entertaining, if a little over the top. There were, it seems, several plot strands and Bond unravels them one by one, first in Yemen and Somalia, then in Paris, finally in London.

Tellingly, perhaps the most successful section is the final part, where Bond is tying up the London loose ends, uncovering the traitor within. Shorn of the need for any more derring-do, Mr Taylor has to let his characters talk and the dialogue is sparse, taut and controlled. No silly banter here. This is serious concentrated stuff. The clipped sentencing aids clarity. We learn more about Mr Taylor’s version of James Bond in these two chapters than we do in the rest of the novel:

“The windows turned to mirrors, and he caught sight of his own reflection. The curved surfaces made him look even more haunted than ever. But it didn’t deflate his demeanor. Bond knew there was to be no back-up; with this mission he knew he was to be on his own, just one man with one goal. The mission: to eliminate just one name. The one name Bond had removed from Chelan’s list. Until that man was eliminated James Bond would remain dead.”

The final sentence is twice a metaphor, for Bond’s official circumstances and for his edgy, cruel, scarily cold countenance; a life without love or emotion, a ghost of a man.

Any other quibbles I have, in terms of Fan Fiction, are not really worth reporting in depth. A Secret to the Grave isn’t a literary masterpiece, but then I don’t think the author ever intended it to be. It certainly improves on the dismal Bombshell and I think Mr Taylor has got himself firmly back on track, supplying the prerequisite thrills to his audience without so much as a blink.

A return to form then, which, while not exactly groundbreaking, certainly pushes most of the right buttons most of the time.

Edited by chrisno1, 02 February 2011 - 12:36 AM.

[volante]

Thanks Chris.
I found your critque extremely helpful.
You capture the the genre of the piece with uncanny accuracy.
I wrote the story; and yet your piece made me want to read it again; so I'm sure many CBn'rs; will see this (now it's completed) as a worthy stop gap until 'Carte Banche'

I finished writng A SECRET TO THE GRAVE last August; and what with other (Non Bond) projects, holidays, and work commitments; felt the discipline of editing, and publishing chapters to the site on a weekly basis; as much of a chore than a pleasure. Which probably means that I didn't polish the final cuts as much as I could have done.
Having said that; I'm very proud of the story; and believe it sits well with a number of other continuation novels.

When coupled with the lack of any 'Bond' news; my motivation to devote another six months to inventing plots and villians for 007 to untangle and defeat, has had to go onto the back burner.

Chris; you will have a field day analysing the characters from my latest novel EYES WITHOUT A FACE.
They all have faults, and secrets which they attempt to hide by behaving differently in different situations.
It's my first ever attempt at a non Bond piece of work; and has just passed the 40,000 words threshold; and is about half way through.
As with all my plots; I have taken a real event; and woven an intregue of conspirecy to mesmerise, shock, and delight the reader.
My main character is, as un-cool as my Bond is callous and cruel.(That has been a VERY difficult character to stick to)
The leading lady is a complicated person, whose constent lies and treachery lead her into a World, where life is cheap and brutal.

But; back to Bond. The final sentence to A SECRET TO THE GRAVE.
“The windows turned to mirrors, and he caught sight of his own reflection. The curved surfaces made him look even more haunted than ever. But it didn’t deflate his demeanor. Bond knew there was to be no back-up; with this mission he knew he was to be on his own, just one man with one goal. The mission: to eliminate just one name. The one name Bond had removed from Chelan’s list. Until that man was eliminated James Bond would remain dead.”

The lonely world of the spy; an assasin; a man chosing to live a life without love or emotion, a ghost of a man.

JAMES BOND WILL RETURN

[chrisno1]

From the sounds, Paul, you haven't given up on 007 which is good news, but I know how hard it is to keep the creative fires burning.
I have a similar problem here, in that I have a half finished project I simply can't enthuse over, so I am taking a time out, as it were, doing some reading and re-thinking. My own non-FF attempt has met with short shift from many literary agents so I'm pausing for thought over that one too.
Anyways, back to ASTTG...
One thing that raised my eyebrows was the remarkable similarities between your latest opus and mine (TWTGLDY) That's not to say we've plagarised each other, but I was surprised how close some of the minor incidents were.
By example: We both chose to set some of our story in Paris, we both feature a disguised elevator to a hidden chamber activated by a push pedal, we both introduced a new M, we both set some of our story in Abu Dhabi, we both featured a trip to a desert rendzvous with a baddie, we both decided our villians would invoke revolution, we both featured a horrific battle against the animal kingdom (crocs for you, vultures for me). While I appreciate we also shared massive storyline differences, and our prose isn't comparable, I thought these cases of - what would we call it? - literary serendipity quite surprising.
Your next piece isn't set in Crete is it?
Chris

[George88]

Hi

I've read a lot of this and the story's interesting, but could you for your next one consider a bit of quality check for typos and layout?

It's really quite difficult to take it too seriously when it looks a bit sloppy. Which is a shame and may be preventing others reading and feeding back on a grand adventure.

Liking the story, disliking the writing, if that makes sense?

[chrisno1]

George88,
interesting you raise this. It's one of the points I decided not to mention in my review as I did discuss it with Paul before. I agree it is intensely frustrating (especially the over use of the semi-colon). I like to give Paul the benefit of the doubt on this one as I'm not sure the FanFic part of the site copy and pastes correctly for all font styles. for that, it's a somewhat awkward read, and an edit/review of each chapter would have benefitted the piece immeasurably.
Chris

[Jim]

George88,
interesting you raise this. It's one of the points I decided not to mention in my review as I did discuss it with Paul before. I agree it is intensely frustrating (especially the over use of the semi-colon). I like to give Paul the benefit of the doubt on this one as I'm not sure the FanFic part of the site copy and pastes correctly for all font styles. for that, it's a somewhat awkward read, and an edit/review of each chapter would have benefitted the piece immeasurably.
Chris

The attached link (a pinned topic in the Fan Fiction area) may help with the formatting.
http://debrief.comma...iction-writers/

(I'm not sure if it works - I just double paragraph space in Word and then, when cut and past over here, it works out as single paragraph space).

Might not help the spelling and grammar but it's a start I suppose.

[volante]

Hi

I've read a lot of this and the story's interesting, but could you for your next one consider a bit of quality check for typos and layout?

It's really quite difficult to take it too seriously when it looks a bit sloppy. Which is a shame and may be preventing others reading and feeding back on a grand adventure.

Liking the story, disliking the writing, if that makes sense?

Perfect sense.

[volante]

My first visit to the site for a couple of months.
Thanks to all those that have downloaded A SECRET TO THE GRAVE.

EYES WITHOUT A FACE is now complete; it's not a Bond fan fic so won't be seen on here; still there will be a hard copy for a quick perusal on the Bahamas cruise next week.

[chrisno1]

My first visit to the site for a couple of months.
Thanks to all those that have downloaded A SECRET TO THE GRAVE.

EYES WITHOUT A FACE is now complete; it's not a Bond fan fic so won't be seen on here; still there will be a hard copy for a quick perusal on the Bahamas cruise next week.

Paul,
will it be seen anywhere? Lulu or Smashwords, perhaps?