75 replies to this topic

[Jim]

This will be up later on today.

A long short story, if you will. Something for the summertime.

[Bond_Bishop]

Great. Nice to see another fan fic from you Jim! Got to check it out

[Jim]

S'up.

I could say it's another 15 minuter, but that would be a brutal lie. It may need a little tidying up but all that it is, is now out there.

Happy sunshiney story.

[Monsieur B]

Tidying up? Ha! I only read the first - if you want to call it - "small" bit then left for a few minutes only to return to 4 more rather huge additions. I then decided to make camp and continue for the end at a later time. After reading it, I was sort of aghast, you always manage to amaze your readers, Jim. I'm loving what I've read so far and I imagine that the rest shan't dissapoint. Great job!

[Joyce Carrington]

Jim: I've made my way through two 'posts' of your story so far... which is too much of a negative sentence. Forgive me. This is brilliant writing. Not that I expected anything else from you.

A few months ago, you wrote about having lost your entry for the Fan Fiction contest from your hard drive. Is this in any way related to that story (rewrite, based on...?).

I would continue on reading but my head is feeling a bit sleepy at the moment. In any case, great stuff - very inspiring for me as a writer personally.

Maybe I should change my signature. CBn: because of Jim.

Seriously. Wow.

[Jim]

A few months ago, you wrote about having lost your entry for the Fan Fiction contest from your hard drive. Is this in any way related to that story (rewrite, based on...?).

Rewrite.

As for the rest of what you say, and that from Monsieur B, thanks and , which is not brilliant writing but is the best I can do.

[Joyce Carrington]

Rewrite.

Glad to hear it still found its way to CBn - be it with a delay.

[stromberg]

Long short story. Roughly 100 pages, A5 (Sabon 11 pt).

Promising read as far as I got.

Will save this up for a festival weekend out in the green in early September (hopefully with some nice weather). Seems about the right piece for that. Looking forward.

[Loomis]

Happy sunshiney story.

Splendid stuff, as expected. Nothing else to say, really, other than: a truly terrific piece of work, and thanks for giving it to us to read.

[Lazenby880]

This mammoth short story will have to wait, unfortunately, as I continue ploughing through Just Another Kill and Cause For Alarm. I have just realised that sounds as though it is an unpleasant experience, though I can assure you it is not.

Let me just say this; having read over the opening paragraphs you have injected plenty of local colour, no doubt that can be attributed to your wife being one of those 'plebeian locals'. Good sense of place and your prose is distinguished as ever from the small excerpt I have thus far read.

Looks like another terrific piece of writing.

Edited by Lazenby880, 21 August 2005 - 09:14 PM.

[spynovelfan]

'"You have time for a story?

[Jim]

The quote thing appears not to be working. Or that I cannot work it. Probably the latter. Accordingly, quotes in bold instead, save for the first one.

[quote name='spynovelfan' date='21 August 2005 - 22:24']'"You have time for a story?

[Qwerty]

Jim, I noticed that too when trying to do a massive multi quote a few days ago. It seems you can only quote up to and including 10 other people/posts in your own post for it to function properly. Hope that helps.

And this looks like a very good story from the brief bit I've read so far, so I'll certainly be finishing it up in the next day or two hopefully.

[Qwerty]

Rewrite.

Glad to hear it still found its way to CBn - be it with a delay.

I couldn't agree more. I was really looking forward to this for the fanfiction contest.

[Hitch]

I'm slow in most things I do and especially slow in reading from a PC screen (print it, Hitch, you cheapskate!), but I just wanted to say how much I'm enjoying The Heart Bleeds Ice. I'm halfway through the story and am looking forward to seeing what else Jim has in store for his hero - but I know it's going to be good.

And a trifle? A throwaway? It's a plum pudding with a double helping of custard.

[Robert Watts]

I'm slow in most things I do and especially slow in reading from a PC screen (print it, Hitch, you cheapskate!), but I just wanted to say how much I'm enjoying The Heart Bleeds Ice. I'm halfway through the story and am looking forward to seeing what else Jim has in store for his hero - but I know it's going to be good.

And a trifle? A throwaway? It's a plum pudding with a double helping of custard.

I agree with you completely (especially about the computer screen thing)

[Joyce Carrington]

I finished it, Jim, and once again I'll tell you: Wow.

I always enjoy writing stories with a link to a previous 'official' Bond adventure, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading one. What a great way to continue this... well. I won't go into detail to keep things spoiler-free.

Excellent.

[spynovelfan]

Lots of spoilers, for anyone who hasn't yet read the novella. Same quote problem, and solution.

Shoot. And I have given it more than a nano-second's thought. But the difficulty is coming up with something new. That's the cheat with this fanfiction lark - the situation is already established and pretty resistant to abuse. Writing the story is nothing; coming up with the concept is hellishly hard.

Yes, of course, it would be harder. In a way. But think of the amount of effort you've gone to to restrict yourself, too. Thinking of a situation to exploit - Krest - how to go about doing that, when to set it, where to set it, and so on. Believe me, I've read a lot of spy thrillers, and a great many of them take Bond as a starting point. Cussler's Dirk Pitt. Many of Jack Higgins' characters. Clancy's Jack Ryan. None would exist without Bond. This is a huge issue, and perhaps belongs elsewhere. But one could look at it another way, which is that you have spent a great deal of energy Bond-ising a story idea, when in fact that story idea could have been shaped any which way you wanted. The concept of a ruthless yet suave British agent reporting to a curmudgeonly boss and operating around the world is not in copyright. Of course, much of the pleasure in this story derives from the 'abuse' of characters we already know. It's a mind-jump. But one I think you should seriously consider. Ludicrous modesty aside, there is a strain of best-selling thrillers that are considred 'literate': Robert Wilson, Alan Furst, Martin Cruz Smith and others. On the basis of this - and it's a third of a novel - you're easily capable of joining that club.

It would be a lot of work, of course, but then this must have been, too.

OK, if you wish. I'd say May 1965 or May 1966. Either. This really doesn't matter. You might find that odd, but - genuinely - I didn't want to be too prescriptive.


No, that's a perfectly valid way of doing it (and one, incidentally, that I think Fleming chose - I don't believe he had fixed dates in mind for Bond's adventures, because if a Kiton thing came up, he'd use it regardless, as you've done). I just presumed from the repeated reference to it being six years since he'd seen her that it was set in a specific year, and noted an apparent anomale in that. I'm writing my book the other way, you see, and so am consequently a touch maniacal about this sort of stuff, as might be coming through.

Sound point and such is my hypocrisy.

I didn't explain that well at all - I was simply excusing myself for commenting on the story without having read its predecessor, using your Benson review. I thought it was introduced and explained in just the right way, and in the right amount.

The world's first credit card was introduced by Barclays in 1966.

I guess that explains why the Gambrinus doesn't take them. Although I always throught it was Diner's Club.

Well, again, I was working on the assumption you had a fixed date. If you had, this is cutting it, because would anyone ask this at that time? But you're not. Ditto Kiton.

And Naples had a cholera outbreak in 1973.

Interesting that you picked up on that. Very. The story initially had an epilogue set in 1973 when, observed by his nurse, Bond reacts to a story in his newspaper (which, in an act of grotesque over-the-toppery, is in Braille) to the story of the outbreak, making his decision to do what he does in the story even grimmer. Perhaps I should have kept that. But I prefer it without it.

Well, it was just I was trying to date the story. Hence...

Did Fleming really set a story (which, incidentally, sounds like The Lady of Shanghai from the synopsis I read) seven years in the future? Brave of him. Another experiment? But even if he did, she wouldn't have got the rope.

Didn't quite follow this.

If it was set in 1973, he last met he in 1967. Which would mean Hildebrand was written in 1960, but set seven years later, and she couldn't have been hanged for the crime. All moot, though and yes, not terribly significant.

Hmm, I'll think about that. Although I think what I was intending was that these are elements of the real, and it is Bond who reads strange and horrible things into innocent incidents. Until he fails to read strange and horrible things into incidents that look innocent.

Which is great, but I just wonder how much of it you need.

'The thrill of the kill, was that the only stimulus for anything now?' Something wrong with the tone of that line, for me. Perhaps a little bit too obvious. It's not true, for starters - he's distraught about it, and has some compassion for the victims. It sounds like a parody of you, or something - I can hear your normal posting on CBn voice in it too much. Can't explain more than that.

It isn't true. But then I don't suggest he's right. And I guess it's inevitable that the voice comes through. Will have another look. But I want him to be wrong.

Didn't explain myself properly. Even *Bond* doesn't believe this at this point. He's not thrilled at the kill, but sickened by it. I find it unlikely he would question whether or not he was just doing it for kicks/to sabotage a perfect love/because he was addicted to violence and hurt having seen her in the ward. How could there be any question of her being innocent, either? Didn't quite follow the doctor bit - was he in Naples? - but surely if M were to sanction this, it would be fairly simple to verify what the kids were dying of. So it seemed like something you'd written later, and then forced into this story.

On reflection, the whole ending feels like that. We have a very leisurely time of it for five sixths of the story and then go into hyperdrive. While I think it should speed up to the end, it seems almost absurdly fast. Perhaps because I read the meeting room scene, it just didn't fit. Perhaps because I (rather lamely) tried to think up what could be so inconceivable to these men, I wasn't entirely sold on their qualms. Offing the wife of the British consul to Italy does seem a nasty business, but all the 'I know only I cannot be a party to this sin' kind of stuff seems to be overselling it somewhat, and belongs to a different conclusion. She's a murdering nastiness about to bring old Blighty into disrepute. These are murdering nastinesses in sharp little suits with sharp little faces, and they'd probably be suggesting the thing. Doesn't quite add up for me - but it's only a few millimetres away, so all this is a little elaborate for my mild concerns on what is still knockout stuff all the way. But while I'm at it, the reverse order stuff also seems to me a bit odd. Reads like you're working it out as you write, a bit, and it is also very strongly reminiscent of Memento, which as far as I know is pretty much the only mainstream thriller type thing to use that kind of device, so it makes me think of that and then I'm not in 1966 anymore. Again, all very very small potatoes, this stuff. Just trying to help if I can by saying what struck me.

"You must be tired after your drive." I thought this was a twist, and wonder if you shouldn't use it as one. How does she know he had a long drive? If she doesn't, why must he be tired? Nobody's walked there, have they? So I wondered that Bond didn't tense and ask himself how much she knew about where he had come from, etc.

Hadn't thought of that, but I'll let her have an off-page chat with Masaniello about how Bond would arrive. It's not an easy drive, believe me.

Ah. Haven't checked if you've changed this, but I think simply changing 'your' to 'the' would have meant me not mentioning this. EDIT: The way you've done it fixes it amply.

Thank you. This is invaluable and encouraging.

I hope so - sorry if it comes across as very picky.

I hope I didn't waste your time.

Don't be daft.

[Loomis]

It's better than much of Fleming, mate.

Y'know, I think so, too, and I was actually trying to figure out a way of conveying that opinion in my above post. Gave up trying after a while, for fear that I might come across as going way over the top, being insincere and/or taking the Michael. No hint of any of those things in your post, spy, but I was worried that I would be unable to word my compliments in such a way as to eliminate all risk of Jim thinking: "Oh, hang on a bloody minute."

Because it's utterly absurd, on the face of it. As you say:

....I can't think what the chances are that a world would exist in which one could join an interweb superhighway site such as this and stumble across something like this. Because it's not just brilliant; it's some of the best thriller writing there is in this world.

As though this were a guitarists' forum and someone was uploading audio files of his playing and you realised that he could be as good as Jimmy Page or John Squire. I know, I know, it's ridiculous, but believe me that my face is straight (the brain's still squirming around in some shock, though) when I type that, yes, agreed, it's better than much of Fleming. I know this because I re-read "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" recently, and found it for the most part a turgid, adolescent bore (sure, there are a couple of fine moments, such as Bond's encounter with Griffon Or and Sable Basilisk; but I really don't understand why this book should be considered good) - Jim's work is far superior. As for his writing being better than everything IFP has commissioned since the '60s, it doesn't even need to be said, which is a relief, since, hey, that would be pretty ker-azy, too, would it not? I mean, "High Time to Kill" is in shops (or was), so how can it be inferior to a bit of, erm, internet fan fiction? (Although I guess that favourable comparisons to Fleming would automatically take the oh-come-off-it-ness out of the assertion that "The Heart Bleeds Ice" beats anything by the Gardners and Bensons of this world.)

This I love:

"....(Bond) stared at the raindrops running down the window in front of him. In the haphazard quickslowquickquick journey of one of them...."

Brilliant! It's exactly how raindrops behave when running down panes of glass. Not quite sure why this should be so (add this to the list of Baffling Unanswered Questions, along with "When did men, en masse, decide to stop wearing hats, and why?"), but, yes, they are "quickslowquickquick", and, yes, they do indeed (as Jim goes on to point out) shoot off in odd directions (hmmm.... the wind, most likely).

It's precisely this kind of little detail that lodges in one's brain when reading a decent story and brings it to life.

Another particularly ace bit:

"Bond would not have otherwise noted the junction with the Via Morghen save that his memory insisted that it was here that he had stabbed the SMERSH agent Elsperi

[Hitch]

Being a gloomy type of fellow, I started reading The Heart Bleeds Ice through a funk of the usual worries: life, love, health, money, the chance that Australia might retain the Ashes after all, how the hell did my love handles expand to love handholds - all the usual crap that threatens to clog up my wellbeing. For the duration of THBI I forgot about all of the above, which in my book (or should that be Jim's?) means that the writer knows what he is doing. Thank you, Jim. And all for free, as well. Get thee to some e-book software, change the main character's name to Bames Jond and spread the word. Better still, as has been said before in this thread, forget 007 and set sail for the literary horizon.

The only thing that I felt didn't work was the pacing: the main course was excellent, but the starter was a little rich and the sweet underwhelming. Ouch - dreadful metaphor. Sorry. What I meant to say was that the opening is a tad languid, though I gather this was deliberate, and the ending felt skimpy. But those are minor quibbles - in fact, my opinion of the opening might be influenced by the roasting my eyeballs receive when reading lots of electronic text; I suspect I would feel differently if I had read the text on good old paper, wrapped in a Chopping cover.

I shan't repeat the good points of THBI already mentioned, but I will say thanks for reminding me of the power of clauses, similes and metaphors, which are largely absent from my own fanfic (an intentional omission - there's no point in polishing a turd). Your prose is rich and confident, describing a winding narrative with elan. Little details remain in the memory: Bond spotted as a stranger because he is the only diner not to look at a newcomer; the appropriately named "Angri", the terrific description of hills and seascapes, the "cratered" Peugeot, the lovely description of Bond and Masaniello's meal for two, and so on.

Hats off to you for weaving The Hildebrand Rarity into your story. Do I detect a touch of Graham Greene/The Third Man in the combination of children and harmful medication? That's a very nice twist to the story, giving it an unexpected power and resonance (I can never see these things coming), though I do think the ending is a little "unfocused", for want of a better word.

I'll shut up. Thanks again for the entertainment and distraction.

[spynovelfan]

I loved the character or Rico. A bit green, a bit Greene (even references Greene!) and a bit Ambler (thinking of Mr Arthur Abdel Simpson), but beautifully imagined. I love that bit where Bond says 'Those things are important.' Refreshing that he doesn't see it all as cops and robbers nonsense.

[Bond_Bishop]

Excellent. Absolutely excellent ! Glidrose, IFP can you hear me!!! Let Jacques Stewart write the next series of adult Bond. I really loved this short story

[Jim]

But while I'm at it, the reverse order stuff also seems to me a bit odd. Reads like you're working it out as you write, a bit, and it is also very strongly reminiscent of Memento, which as far as I know is pretty much the only mainstream thriller type thing to use that kind of device, so it makes me think of that and then I'm not in 1966 anymore.

And from Hitch:

The only thing that I felt didn't work was the pacing: the main course was excellent, but the starter was a little rich and the sweet underwhelming. Ouch - dreadful metaphor. Sorry. What I meant to say was that the opening is a tad languid, though I gather this was deliberate, and the ending felt skimpy.

Interesting. It was a deliberate idea to disorientate and have a series of punches to the guts at the end - and the Memento idea is a shameless lift from that; it's a fair cop. All the nice, comfy flow interrupted and everything breaks down. That was the idea, anyway - the story and the structure as one (and how pretentious is that?). Seems to have worked.

And thanks for the absurdly kind feedback.

[Bon-san]

Just took in a bit of it (My home pc monitor is down, and I'm at work, so no time to do the whole thing just now).

Quite, quite enjoyable so far. I was wholly transported. My major beef at this point is that I feel horribly cheated of a gratuitiously worded nookie-riff in re the lass in Venice.

Me likes readin' yer stuff, Jim. Me likes it a lot.

[TortillaFactory]

Wow.

Just...wow.

You realize I may have to kill you, right, Jim? You're giving us all a bad name with your excellence.

[stromberg]

Originally intended for my own convenience, I gave this a quick typesetting treatment, as the piece deserves it, and created a PDF of it.

It's nowhere near perfect, but it makes a much more comfortable read (hate reading on screen, have to do it on the job all day), so why not share it with you lot... Takes 50 sheets in case you want to print it.

Hope you have no objections, Jim.

Attached Files

•  THBI.pdf   256.13KB   72 downloads

[Jim]

Originally intended for my own convenience, I gave this a quick typesetting treatment, as the piece deserves it, and created a PDF of it.

It's nowhere near perfect, but it makes a much more comfortable read (hate reading on screen, have to do it on the job all day), so why not share it with you lot... Takes 50 sheets in case you want to print it.

Hope you have no objections, Jim.

Can't object.

Can't actually open it, but that's not terribly important.

[Bondian]

Hey Jim.

I read a few pages of your incredible fanfic last night, and I have to say bloody well done "old chap!".

To tell you the truth, I'm so busy with others things these days I do not have the time to read many of the fanfics here. But, I read the first paragraph, then the next, and got totally immersed in it's brilliance.

Move over Ian Fleming, here IS Jacques Stewart!!!.

I'm going to read the rest tonight Mate...thanks for sharing your excellent talent.

All the best,

Cheers,


Mrs J. Stewart.

p.s. ta for the cheque.

[Double-Oh-Zero]

Just ploughed through the whole thing a few hours ago, and I'm still reeling in the sheer brilliance of it. Well done, sir.

[Jim]

Originally intended for my own convenience, I gave this a quick typesetting treatment, as the piece deserves it, and created a PDF of it.

It's nowhere near perfect, but it makes a much more comfortable read (hate reading on screen, have to do it on the job all day), so why not share it with you lot... Takes 50 sheets in case you want to print it.

Hope you have no objections, Jim.

Can't object.

Can't actually open it, but that's not terribly important.

Lordy, 97 pages.

And Mrs Bondian Stewart - look carefully at the date on that cheque. And, next time, call yourself something shorter than "British Telecommunications plc".