106 replies to this topic

[Double-0-Seven]

When Google can't find something, it asks Daniel Craig for help.

Daniel Craig brought sexy back. He then killed Justin Timberlake for trying to take credit.

Daniel Craig was once bitten by a rattlesnake. The snake died.

Superman's only weakness is Kryponite. Daniel Craig laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Daniel Craig killed Latin.

These ones are great, especially the middle three.

[Humphrey Bogart]

More of Craig facts:

# Likewise, the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami was a result of Daniel Craig jumping into the sea off the coast of Thailand.

# Daniel Craig wanted to be Bond all along and came very close in 1995. However, Cubby Broccoli chose some Irish dude(Pierce Brosnan) over him. Broccoli died soon after.

# Concorde went out of business when they found out Daniel Craig was faster than them.

# Daniel Craig managed to join the Black Panther party by threatning the organization's leaders.

# Now the whole world knows Le Chiffre died scratching Daniel Craig's balls.

# Daniel Craig was replaced by his clone in the airplane fiasco scene. The real Craig accidentally attached the keychain bomb to his own waist the first (and last) time. He came back from the dead to finish the making of the movie, though.

# If Daniel Craig was in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, he would have ripped off Blofeld's head when he jumped on that bobsled. Then, he would invite everyone to party in Switzerland!

# Daniel Craig occasionally had sex with Vesper Lynd, not Eva Green. Because he knew that at the end of the movie, the first one dies.

# If you mistype every letter in Daniel Craig's name, and if you are analpabetic, you should have Vladimir Putin. However, Russian people seem to love that kind of mistyping (ask them).

# They once tried to carve Daniel Craig's face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his piercing blue eyes.

# Daniel Craig has a habit of hanging out at construction yards, jumping from crane to crane. He also likes to come to English embassies and ing kill everyone who starts to run away from him. After all, he's such a sweetheart, he can't be blamed for any of this right?

# When Daniel was six years old, he asked his dad to buy him some ice cream and his dad refused. Since that day Craig kills every ice cream man that comes too close saying: "Ice cream? No, you scream!"

# In the US capital's name, "Washington, D.C." the last two letters stand for "Daniel Craig". As a token of his danielcraigous power all over the US, the founding fathers knew that one day, a messiah would be born that would lead Americans into an era of low fat products and SUV bankrupcies. Of course, that man should be born British.

[dinovelvet]

-The Berlin Wall came down because it was in Daniel Craig's way.

-The Oscars were originally named The Daniels, after Daniel Craig, but he told them to sod off and change the name. On a related note, Daniel Craig automatically wins the Best Actor award every year, but doesn't bother showing up, so they give it to someone else.

-Daniel Craig was offered the role of the Incredible Hulk, but turned it down, insisting it would be bad for his image to play wusses.

-Daniel Craig could have prevented World War Two, but he was too busy sleeping with your wife at the time.

-The tower at Pisa is leaning because Daniel Craig sneezed at it.

-Steve McQueen based his entire look and career on a vision he had of Daniel Craig.

[Janus Assassin]

Daniel Craig's calender runs from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Daniel Craig

[MrDraco]

Saddam Huessin wasn't hung...Daniel Craig killed him.

[hcmv007]

-Daniel Craig gargles peanut butter

-When Craig wants a woman, he tells them 'Now'

-Daniel Craig taught Chuck Norris everything he knew.

-Daniel Craig just had sex with your girlfriend

-Daniel Craig knows no pain, but pain knows Daniel Craig

-Daniel Craig does not run for President, Presidents run FROM Daniel Craig

-In a single room, there are at least 1000 things Daniel Craig can kill you with, including the room itself

-Daniel Craig turned down the role of Batman, because no actor or stuntman could withstand his punches. He actually was Superman for about a week, but the producers refused to let him fly Kate Bosworth in the air, for she is afraid of heights, so they hired some guy from Iowa and laced the movie with special effects.

-China built the Great Wall to keep Daniel Craig out. Their failure still affects China to this day.

-Saddam Hussein was not killed by hanging. Daniel Craig beat the out of him

[bill007]

The Earth is tilted 23.5 degrees because Daniel Craig likes it that way.

[MrDraco]

Daniel Craig didn't wait in line for his Nintendo Weei he just took it.

[hcmv007]

-Daniel Craig is not hung like a horse; horses are hung like Danile Craig!

[Double-0-Seven]

- Daniel Craig's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

- When Daniel Craig has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

- Daniel Craig does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

[bill007]

Lightening doesn't strike twice for fear of hitting Daniel Craig.

[Juliet]

[quote name='Humphrey Bogart' post='660889' date='1 December 2006 - 09:48']* Daniel Craig once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Daniel Craig re-entered the earth

[hcmv007]

-MacGyver can escape from anywhere using a paperclip, a rubberband, and a handkerchief. Daniel Craig can kill MacGyver, kick the door off of it's hinges and get away with a paperclip, rubberband, and a hndkerchief, and STILL kill over 200 people in the process.

[Juliet]

More of Craig facts:


# In the US capital's name, "Washington, D.C." the last two letters stand for "Daniel Craig". As a token of his danielcraigous power all over the US, the founding fathers knew that one day, a messiah would be born that would lead Americans into an era of low fat products and SUV bankrupcies. Of course, that man should be born British.

OMG, this one made me piss my pants...Thanks for the laugh...

Juliet

[MillesGloriosus]

How can you tell that Daniel Craig has a high sperm count?






































Pierce Brosnan has to chew before swallowing!

[Mister Asterix]

The Chunnel was built as an escape route in case Daniel Craig gets mad.

The US Government put polar bears on the ‘threatened’ list despite their population more than doubling in the last half-century because they heard Daniel Craig does not like ‘Lost’.

Global warming was caused because Daniel Craig doesn’t like sweaters.

Freud originally called it ‘Craig-Envy’ but then he thought that was too obvious.

When Satan saw the dailies from ‘I, Lucifer’ he decided he’d been being way too nice for the past dozen or so millennia.

[Mister Asterix]

The Vatican are in the early stages of their plan to relocate the entire operation to Chester.

The Ford Motor Company is currently researching a line of cars that will run on Daniel Craig’s endless supply of machismo.

In 1913, Lionel Martin and Robert Bamford went into business so that their company could someday make the world’s finest car for Daniel Craig to crash.

[bill007]

[color="#808000"]Marl

[hcmv007]

-Daniel Craig CAN believe it's not butter

-Wilt Chamberlain claims to have had sex with 20,00 women in his lifetime. Craig calls that a slow Tuesday.

-The real winning hand Craig had in CR-a joker, rules of the game card, a get out of jail monolpoly card, and a green UNO card, #7 of course.

-Daniel Craig orders Big Macs at Burger King and gets them.

-When Daniel Craig jumps in water, he does not get wet, water gets Daniel Craig

-Superman saw a Casino Royale and Layer Cake Double Feature. He cried himself to sleep that night.

-Once you go Craig, it is physically impossible to go back

-94% of women lost their virginity to Daniel Craig, the other 6% were fat and ugly

-Daniel Craig gave a kid a candy bar, then broke his leg and took the candy, saying "What Craig giveth, Craig can taketh away."

-Daniel Craig CAN judge a book by its cover.

-Daniel Craig went back in time to stop the JFK assassination, and his cold stare caused Oswald's shots to just drop to the ground. Kennedy's head exploded in amazement.

-Daniel Craig doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives

-Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beat paper-but Daniel Craig beats all 3 at the same time.

-Think of a hot woman. Daniel Craig has hed sex with her.

[Thunderfinger]

Daniel Craig shaves with a burning torch,
and buttons his shirt with a nine inch nail through his neckskin.

Also,he is so potent,he once slept with a statue.

[Thunderfinger]

The dinosaurs are extinct because Daniel Craig fancied their brains tasted like roast turkey.

Rocky Balboa,Sylvester Stallone and John Rambo were originally Siamese triplets,
until Daniel Craig separated them with one karate blow.

[Humphrey Bogart]

As a deleted extra in Star Wars: Episode VI Return of the Jedi, Daniel Craig was an extra in the film as a stormtrooper taking a dump in the toilet inside the Death Star. His dump was so powerful that it was Craig and not Billy Dee Williams that blew up the second Death Star. Sadly, George Lucas had to cut this scene since that scene has caused a fanboy to spontaneusly blow off his head at a Star Wars Convention in 1982.

Daniel Craig had a cameo in Heat. He was playing a man who passed by Tom Sizemore's character. Just pay attention...right about now...Okay Tom's been shot in the head by Pacino. Looks like you've missed him.

The plot of Luc Besson's Bandidas starring Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz was based on Dan's sperms which became ovums after having a homosexual intercourse between the two of Craig's sperms.

Daniel Craig knows what's in the briefcase. But he won't tell ya.

Edited by Humphrey Bogart, 22 January 2007 - 09:00 AM.

[yolt13]

Alright, being a Chuck Norris fact afficionado (whatever that means...I just REALLY get a kick out of them, no pun intended), I'll throw out a few of my faves:

1)Daniel Craig puts the laughter in manslaughter.
2)On his birthday, Daniel Craig randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
3)"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Daniel Craig calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
4)Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Daniel Craig heads outside and brands his cattle.
5)Daniel Craig was born in a log cabin that he built with his own two hands.

Until next round...

Fantastic!


That's no moon. It's a Daniel Craig.

Daniel Craig actually created the CraigIsNotBond boycotters with his mind, because there was no one else left whose he hadn't already kicked.

Angelina Jolie turned down CASINO ROYALE because she's already been to the top of Mount Craig and she still can't walk right. Brad Pitt is very frustrated by this, but there's no way he'll ever confront Daniel Craig about it!

Daniel Craig willed TOMB RAIDER 2 to fail at the box-office. Not because he wasn't in it... just because he could.

Edited by yolt13, 21 January 2007 - 04:59 PM.

[Thunderfinger]

The reason the sky looks blue, is because it reflects Daniel Cr

[Vauxhall]

When Daniel Craig goes to donate blood he declines the syringe and instead requests a handgun and a bucket.

Some people see the glass as half-full. Others see it as half-empty. Daniel Craig sees it as a deadly weapon.

Only Daniel Craig can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.

If Daniel Craig's gun ever jams, it's probably because he'd rather beat you to death with it.

MTV once tried to set up Daniel Craig on Punk'd. The episode was never shown, as he pulled out a Walther PPK and shot Ashton Kutcher.

Daniel Craig does not use a door. He makes his own.

Daniel Craig doesn't eat honey. He chews bees.

Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu once wrote: "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Daniel Craig, you're ing dead."

When Daniel Craig goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

[Mister Asterix]

On the Zeroth day, Daniel Craig created God.

Daniel Craig once beat a Grizzly Bear thumb wrestling. Well, Daniel only used his thumb anyway.

BBC stands for Bow Before Craig

The Cold War ended because Daniel Craig became old enough to join the armed forces.

Ian Fleming was Daniel Craig's first choice to write James Bond.

Angelina Jolie turned down CASINO ROYALE because she's already been to the top of Mount Craig and she still can't walk right. Brad Pitt is very frustrated by this, but there's no way he'll ever confront Daniel Craig about it!

That explains why she keeps having to adopt children.

[Thunderfinger]

After Daaniel Craig drank the entire ocean, he needed to take aa piss.
Thiss is why the ocean iss ssalt.

Of coursse Darth Vaader isn

[Gothamite]

When Daniel Craig heard the 'joking impression' Pierce Brosnan made about him not having any teeth, he went to Brosnan's home and stared his predecessor down until all of Brosnan's teeth fell out. He then made love to Brosnan's wife. Repeatedly.

Edited by Gothamite, 02 February 2007 - 07:02 AM.

[My name's Bond]

The True Facts About Daniel Craig:

1.Daniel Craig knows where you live. And he will kill you

2.Chuck Norris doesn't win because he's so tough; he wins because Daniel Craig lets him.

3.The Americans has Chuck Norris, The Chinese has Chow Yun Fat, The British has Daniel Craig

4.He doesn't need to fly. He only needs to walk through walls


5.if you with either James Bond or Daniel Craig, he will steal your car, steal your wife, and blow up your house

6.Daniel Craig will kill any man who appears in stairs!!

7.Don't ever scratch Daniel Craig's balls, because it's full of metal spikes and has an alarm trigger which could make your best friends to kill you.

8.If you beat Daniel Craig at a poker match, ninjas will come and kill you.

9.Daniel Craig doesn't need Q. he is a gadget!

10.Daniel Craig doesn't need a house. Everywhere he is is his house!

11.If Daniel Craig was in Moonraker, he would have taken that Moonraker space shuttle and ride it straight into Hugo Drax's . Then, he would invite evryone to party in the Bahamas!

Your turn

??

[Mister Asterix]

In 2005, XXXX was the seventh most popular name given to baby boys in the world. It was 93rd most popular for girls.