106 replies to this topic

[00Twelve]

While urinating, Daniel Craig can easily weld titanium.

Speaking of this, someone had the bright idea of collecting Daniel Craig's urine and selling it as a beverage. We know it as "Red Bull."

Daniel Craig lost his virginity before his father did.

Daniel Craig's hair doesn't grow...out of sheer terror.

[ComplimentsOfSharky]

While urinating, Daniel Craig can easily weld titanium.

I think Sean in NSNA has this one covered too.

[Double-Oh-Zero]

Daniel Craig once encountered The Virgin Mary when he was making his way to his weekly chess match with Jesus in Heaven. She is now known as Mary.

Daniel Craig bleeds acid, pees holy water, farts the scent of lavender, and craps blocks of solid gold. He cries...Daniel Craig NEVER cries, fool.

Daniel Craig's watches do not tell the time. When he looks at them, they just reassure him that it is indeed the time he thinks it should be.

Daniel Craig does NOT put his trousers on one leg at a time like everyone else. He puts them on one testicle at a time.

Daniel Craig, an accomplished time traveller, was really Ian Fleming's first choice. He was offered the role a total of 3,678 times (before Doctor No was filmed), but he wanted to give some struggling actors a chance first.

When Daniel Craig goes fishing, he does not bring hooks or rods. He just punches a grizzly bear in the face until it swipes a few fish for him from the stream with it's paw.

Shark cages are not used to protect Daniel Craig from sharks. They are used to protect the sharks from Daniel Craig.

Every single Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie is based on Daniel Craig's memoirs. They actually had to tone down the violence in order for them to be more accessible to mainstream audiences.

[rogermoore007]

Chuck Norris speaks braille

[DanMan]

The twelve apostles asked Daniel Craig's permission to publish his life story in what we now know as The New Testement.

[Vauxhall]

Men don't get angry with their wives admitting to fantasising about Daniel Craig during sex... because they're secretly doing the same thing.

Your attraction to Daniel Craig in no way affects your sexual orientation.

Daniel Craig can smell sounds.

Daniel Craig sleeps with a gun under his pillow... but he could kill you with the pillow.

Killing Daniel Craig doesn't make him dead... it makes him angry.

If you wake in the morning it's because Daniel Craig spared your life.

Superman wears Daniel Craig pyjamas.

Daniel Craig once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.

Coffee cannot start it's day without being drunk by Daniel Craig.

In recognition of Daniel Craig's great performance as James Bond, his hometown of Chester renamed a street in the city centre "Daniel Craig Way". Following a number of pedestrian deaths, the street had to be renamed once more. No-one crosses Daniel Craig and survives.

[Gothamite]

*Daniel Craig can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass... At night.

That's one of the funniest ones I've ever heard. Did you make that one up or did you hear it from someone else?

* Daniel Craig's sperm is so potent, he once impregnated a man.

[Double-0-Seven]

When Daniel Craig does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.

[*Gala*]

Daniel Craig likes his steak so raw it will moo when he pokes it.

Le Chiffre wanted Daniel Craig's balls because he wasn't man enough to admit he had none. Now the whole world craves Craig's balls.

[MrDraco]

Daniel Craig told Jesus to turn water to wine so he'd have something to drink.

Daniel Craig is jesus.

[Vauxhall]

Daniel Craig never retreats. He just attacks in the opposite direction.

When Mollaka tried to shoot Daniel Craig at the top of that crane, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out.

Daniel Craig could strangle you with a cordless phone.

Daniel Craig's poker face is so good that he once won a game of Texas Hold 'Em with Monopoly money, a joker, an eight card from Uno, an iPod, a tissue and a pebble.

[*Gala*]

Daniel Craig is not on the credits of Casino Royale. It is Casino Royale that is credited to Daniel Craig.

[Vauxhall]

Oh I heard that the credits were people scared of Daniel Craig!

[*Gala*]

The critics of Casino Royale are people scared of Daniel Craig's mom, yet alone Daniel Craig.

[Double-0-Seven]

When Mollaka tried to shoot Daniel Craig at the top of that crane, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out.

Love this one.

[MrDraco]

the reason Sean Connery did Dr.No, was because Daniel Craig didn't want to.

[*Gala*]

There are 2 kinds of people in this world: Those who are ignorant, and those who know Daniel Craig.

[00Twelve]

The two kinds I know are people that are living, and people who have insulted Daniel Craig.

By the way, crop circles are Daniel Craig's way of letting the world know that sometimes corn just needs to lie down.

[JameswpBond]

James Bond is Daniel Craig spelt backwards.

Edited by JameswpBond, 19 December 2006 - 02:32 PM.

[DaveBond21]

Daniel Craig once killed and ate the entire British Royal Family.....he only regurgitated the Queen so she could see Casino Royale better from outside his stomach.

[00Twelve]

James Bond is Daniel Craig spelt backwards.

I don't know why, but I find that really funny right now.

In the beginning there was nothing. Then Daniel Craig kicked that nothing in the face and said, "Get a job." That is how the universe began.

[Judo chop]

The Bodyworks scene in Casino Royale was actually filmed in Daniel Craig's personal trophy room.

Edited by Judo chop, 20 December 2006 - 03:01 PM.

[00Twelve]

LOL. You got me.

[Judo chop]

LOL. You got me.

Thank you, thank you. I can't believe how many good ones there are on this thread though! Are people picking these off of the internet, or actually coming up with them on their own? I consider myself to be a reasonably witty man most of the time, but I have been humbled by this crew.

[DaveBond21]

Daniel Craig never kills anyone. They just die from his sheer existence.


Daniel Craig once killed someone for a laugh. But then he forgot to laugh.

[Double-0-7]

Daniel Craig's poker face is so good that he once won a game of Texas Hold 'Em with Monopoly money, a joker, an eight card from Uno, an iPod, a tissue and a pebble.

This one cracks me up, no idea why, but it does!

[00Twelve]

Daniel Craig is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his .

[Bryce (003)]

There are 2 kinds of people in this world: Those who are ignorant, and those who know Daniel Craig.

*clinks pint glass with Dan*

Bryce: I told you this thread was funny...

Dan: You're right...but now I have to kill you...Unless you give me Joyce, Pam, Athena, Gala, Flicka, Kara and Bond Girl 007's personal contact information...and pay for these pints...NOW!

Bryce: Check please...Do you have a pen?

*step kicks Bryce in the face*

Bryce: Right then...I'll just scrawl it with my blood.

[bill007]

The reason Daniel Craig sleeps with a nightlight is because the darkness is afraid of Daniel Craig.

[Vauxhall]

When Google can't find something, it asks Daniel Craig for help.

Daniel Craig brought sexy back. He then killed Justin Timberlake for trying to take credit.

Daniel Craig was once bitten by a rattlesnake. The snake died.

Superman's only weakness is Kryponite. Daniel Craig laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Daniel Craig killed Latin.