207 replies to this topic

[Hitch]

Call it serendipity. I'm not one for much after 1970 (you should see my hair) or novelisations, but I'll make an exception for this. A raid on a rather run-down factory near Antwerp produced a few hundredweight of Class A drugs, and something far more addictive.

I gambled the little finger of my left hand for this baby, and the owner of my favourite secondhand bookshop got a little miffed when I won. Shots were fired. Sharks were fed. Things got a little heated. Only one man stayed cool as I ducked for cover; one wolfish gentleman brandishing what looks like a golden gun. Yet it's not Scaramanga. Ladies and gentleman, I give you Mr T.Dalton, looking exceptionally Bondian, Bondesque, Bonderoonian, call it what you will, on the front cover of...

Licence To Kill

by Ian Fl - no, by John Gardner. This 1989 Coronet paperback novelisation of Licence to Kill is in pretty good condition, considering the wear and tear 007 suffers during this cinematic adventure. It's a first printing of the British paperback. In other words, very desirable. As is Mr Dalton, I gather. Ahem.

The usual rules apply: see previous posts for details.

[The Cat]

And here I am, striking swiftly with my paws. I'd like Licence To Kill because it's the only recent novelization I'm still missing and the only one I wanted to read. It would look much nicer under the Christmas tree than the usua dead squarrels that fall off...

[Hitch]

I love books.








They're so handy for chucking at cats. But I'm delighted to see that Licence to Kill will find a good home with CBn's Big Pussy. I have the PM and address already. I'll be careful with the cat-flap.

[Qwerty]

They're so handy for chucking at cats.

[The Cat]

They're so handy for chucking at cats.

We gained our infinite knowledge from human matters from those books! You'll regret it when the deathray is ready!

[darthbond]

"What's your opinion on the matter, Quartermaster?"
"Our American colleagues have been trying desperately to perfect their system before the Soviet Union can put their plan into action. It's a race against time. They're almost there, but it seems they've fallen at the final hurdle. One final component is needed before Washington can give the go-ahead."
"Hmm, and I know which component it is," grunted M. "Can't President Kennedy spare his copy?"
"Seconded to Marilyn Monroe, according to surveillance. Rather appropriate in the circumstances, don't you think?"
"Quite. Can we spare it?"
Q blew out his cheeks. "Well, the Service is really going to have to work flat out if our friends over the pond are to avert this crisis. We may have to tighten our belts for a while, but I think it'll be worth it."
"I concur," muttered M as he tended to his temperamental pipe. "These blasted Yanks may have cellophane and cars that will do 90mph, but when it comes to supplying the world's great thrillers, only the mother country will do. But will they learn to play cricket? Will they hell."

Back in the smoke-free confines of his concrete-lined laboratory, Q lovingly ran his fingers over the latest pride and joy of Q Branch: a 1966 21st printing of a Pan Paperback, whose sleek lines and ruby-red cover had already drawn admiring glances from the younger members of staff. She was a classic beauty and, despite her age, was still capable of outshining newer, garish models. He particularly admired the comma, which to him signified the highest standards of craftmanship. Q couldn't resist one last look:

From Russia, With Love

It contained the usual refinements of sex and violence, plus an optional extra that might give 007 pause for thought: one Red Grant.

As soon as Communications handed him a PM from his East Coast contact, Special Agent Darth Bond, with a full, repeat, full postal address, America could rest easy. Unlike that oaf from the Double-O Section.

I wonder...could I have that version? My friends are really starting to irratate me because they have two or three more books to go . Please, can I have that version

[Hitch]

Well, Special Agent Darth Bond, your name did crop up in the de-classified conversation between M and Q.

Send me a PM with your full postal address, and post a surveillance team on this thread.

[Hitch]

***URGENT***URGENT***URGENT***

INCOMING TRANSMISSION RE. SPECIAL AGENT DARTH BOND

YOUR MESSAGE DECODED AND ACKNOWLEDGED STOP TELL OPPOSITION UNIVERSAL EXPORTS RESPONDING TO REQUEST FROM AIR FORCE ONE STOP SPECIAL AGENT GIVEN SPECIAL AND EXTRAORDINARY DISPENSATION TO SEE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT REGARDING 007 ISTANBUL MISSION STOP PACKAGE TO BE DELIVERED CARE OF EFF DOT LEITER BRACKETS CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY CLOSE BRACKETS STOP ENDIT
TRANSMISSION ENDS

***URGENT***URGENT***URGENT

[darthbond]

Sweet. Nice kind of info there. Thanks again, Hitch. I don't know what the future would of brung had I not joined CBN, the only place to talk to other who share my passion.

darthbond

[Quartermaster007]

Hmm.... I love Christmas!

And this year I'm in particular need of a Gardner book I ca't find anywhere!

I've only read the first 6 Fleming's and if you can find Death Is Forever I can begin reading it after Goldfinger!

And if that's not possible see if you can find a nice copy of Colonel Sun.

Thanks in advance,



Q

[007NC]

So your posting Bond books up or somthing? Well I was wondering if it would not be to much work is if I could read colonial sun. Its the only one I've never read.

[Obiwan]

I dont want to ask but I kind of do. Can you get me the Die Another Day book. Agian I dont want to ask i'll buy it myself if you dont want to buy it for me. I feel really bad for asking this of someone. Thanks if you do. Thanks if you dont, but thanks for thinking of us all at CNB.

Edited by Obiwan, 15 November 2005 - 03:09 AM.

[Hitch]

In no particular order:

Death might be Forever, but in this case it's Never. Sorry.

The only copy of Colonel Sun in possession of the Hitch estate is currently on loan at the CyberDyne Building, Los Angeles. You will probably have to ask the firm's permission to see it; the book is housed in a private gallery, next to a mysterious robotic arm.

"colonial sun" has my researchers puzzled. Perhaps you should apply to the Commonwealth Institute?

To my regret, I have been unable to track down a copy of Die Another Day (though my secretary thanks you for your polite request), and suggest that you Try Another Way to obtain the book. Good luck.

Sorry to come up blank, folks. I don't usually take requests, so please understand it's all in the luck of the draw.

[Quartermaster007]

Aw, poopy.

[Tarl_Cabot]

I'm not sure which Fleming to read next.

Live And Let Die! Second novel by Fleming, and one of the best!

Ok you sold me.

Hope you enjoy it. I myself love it, easily one of the most fast-paced in the series and a great follow-up to Casino Royale.

I just picked it up at Borders.

[Qwerty]

I just picked it up at Borders.

Be sure to review it when done!

http://debrief.comma...showtopic=26772

[Hitch]

Blast and double blast, I've completely forgotten to post the books promised above. Sincere apologies to all concerned.

I'm on the phone to RAF Tangmere and I'll have an AWACS make a circumnavigation asap.

[James Bond [007]]

If you please could get me a copy of Live and Let Die since I started reding Casino Royale and want to read all of Ian Fleming's collection in order and appreciate as a Bond fan the works of Bond creator Ian Fleming. If you can't or won't for any reason it's OK. But I will really appreciate the effort and for thinking of us fans.

[Quartermaster007]

Hey, Hitch, just wondering, but would the bookstore have any Benson Bond books?

[SportzStooge007]

Well, I only read two Fleming's, TB and YOLT.

I've read four Benson's and two Gardner's however.

My library, dare I say, is horrible. They only have those two Fleming's and the Benson's, along with a few Gardner's.

I have never read any Fleming short stories.

That's pretty much the reason why I started writing fan fictions. I wanted more of the literary Bond, and I figured, hey, why don't I make my own literary Bond?


You're one hell of a guy, Hitch.

I've read the thread all the way through, and you did some great things.

A "random act of kindness".

Edited by SportzStooge007, 27 November 2005 - 05:43 PM.

[Hitch]

*clang*

That was the sound of my favourite bookshop's portcullis banging down in no uncertain terms. As soon as the owner gets the door troll to lift the thing off his foot, white smoke will start to pour from the chimney announcing the shop's winter shutdown. From now until further notice all orders, pleas and wails should not be sent to CBn but to the sister website, Dr. Narnia. But before I go and talk to that funny little chap with no trousers on who's loitering by a gaslight, I need to sort out a few things.

Right, no ifs, buts or maybes - to business:

Quartermaster007 - you're having no luck at all, I'm afraid. Bereft of Bensons, my bounteous bonanza brings beatific smiles to all Bond beatniks but you. Brace the mainsails and book passage for eBay.

Sportz, *shakes head ruefully* Sportz, what am I to do? Have you any idea how lucky you are to have all those Flemings waiting for you? You are going to have a blast, my fanfic fanatic. I've spent long nights at Hitch Hall, with only the nagging tick-tock of a grandfather clock for company, trying to think how to help you. You've never read any Bond short stories? Hmmm. How about a copy of For Your Eyes Only? Contents:

From a View To a Kill, FYEO, Quantum of Solace, Risico, The Hildebrand Rarity.

You're getting a 1964 12th printing of a Pan paperback:

For Your Eyes Only

Like it?

It's seen better days, but I'll wager it's a lot older than you - and it's free. If you want it, please PM me with your FULL postal address.

He's read only two Flemings, he says. Next he'll be telling me he's never read any Sherlock Holmes stories.



Sportz - say it ain't so!

Now, to my last vic customer of 2005. Seeing as you're my very last customer, and seeing as you're named James Bond [007], and seeing as you've asked very nicely...and seeing as you're trying to read the stories in order...

*round of applause for making the effort*

It just so happens that only a few hours ago I had a very unexpected stroke of luck, which should make you smile, as it did me. I spotted something very nice just as I had given up all hope of ever doing so. To cut a long story short, I had to lower myself from the ceiling on a rope until I was inches from the floor, where, after catching a drop of sweat in the palm of my hand - I hope it was sweat - I grabbed the preciousss and returned to the ceiling and left the building triumphant, leaving only a plastic fork quivering in the absent owner's cheese and pickle sandwich to betray my ghostly presence.

The clandestine package? As you requested, a copy of Live and Let Die. But not just any copy. Ohhhh nooooo.

Steady, James Bond [007], steady.

Before I go on: if I send this book to you and you don't read it, I shall hunt you down like a dog and shoot you. With both barrels.

I'm so glad we understand each other.

You're not getting a slick 90s paperback, or a naff 80s one, or a dreadful "white" Pan paperback from the 70s. You're not even getting a lovely, stylish Pan paperback from the late 60s.

Or the early 60s.

You're not getting a paperback at all.

You're getting this:

Live and Let Die

Believe me, a large number of Bond fans are salivating right now. The book you're getting is a 1956 Reprint Society hardback. I'll say that again: 1956, just two years after Mr Fleming let it loose on the public. It'll be 50 next year, has a stained spine and is sagging a little, but overall it's in very nice condition - and you will definitely smile at the author's photo and credo on the inner rear flap.

Your copy is definitely collectable; take care of it. It's been in my possession for less than eight hours, and it's quite a wrench to let it go, but the whole idea of this thread is to encourage Bond fans to enjoy Fleming's stories - so it's yours. If you don't enjoy the book, please give it to someone who will. It deserves a good home.

All you have to do, if you want the book, is to PM me with your FULL postal address.

And do me a favour - remember that Bond is serious fun, but is never to be taken seriously.

Enjoy.

[Hitch]

Oh, crap, crap, and double crappin' crap.

At the end of last year I was busy PM'ing all over the boards, and had to archive my PMs a few times over. Then work and life and injury got in the way and contrived to make the last month not as much fun as I'd hoped. (Hitch fans may have noticed my absence.) And then...I checked my emails today, realised I hadn't opened the archived PM's and, to my horror, began to read my blithe promises to send the books mentioned in this thread.

As I said: Oh, crap.

I'll have to check, but I think medrecess might be the first person to fall foul of my poor December, followed by everyone mentioned afterwards. I'm so sorry everyone. The whole thread is based on my offer being trustworthy. I haven't received any complaints or queries (which may explain why I didn't realise my mistake), so I can only assume that recent posters must have thought that my offer was a typical internet scam. (Though other satisfied members can testify my offer is/was genuine.) All I can say is that it's just the last few promises that I've (unintentionally) broken, and I shall make good on them as soon as possible. The books will be in the post shortly.

*CBn membership queues up to slap Hitch*

[Hitch]

I refer you to the above post.

I didn't receive any pleas/complaints so now I'm confused. Being an utter idiot meant that I got totally confused when archiving my emails and PMs so now I don't know where I am.

Plus I genuinely have a bad memory. I forget things easily, always have, always will. Very embarrassing.

Alcohol has nothing to do with this, I might add.

So, if in the past I promised you a book and you didn't receive it, please let me know. A PM is best.

[Robert Watts]

I'll gladly take them all for safe keeping

One address, in a location where a quid buys $2.1.

Take the offer while it still lasts!

Edited by Robert Watts, 30 July 2006 - 11:25 AM.

[Hitch]

*ring*

"Supplies. What? Speak up, it's a terrible line. Yes, this is Supplies & Provisions, Documentation Division. Who? The seedy what? Oh, the C.I.A. Well, why didn't you say so? And what can Her Majesty's Se - Civil Service do for one of her colonies? All right, former colony. There's no need to be so touchy about it. What's from Russia? I thought - look, I'm going to put this on the scrambler if you don't explain what you want. A field manual, yes, we do those, you've come to the right place - have you a reference number? PAN1 - what? Well, try standing up, it might improve the reception. PAN1966FRWL. Got it. Hang on, I'll have a shufti.

*places hand over receiver*

"Daphne, it's those bloody awful Americans again. Want to know if we've sent them something or other. Do you know anything about this reference number? Oh, you're a love. Thank you so much."

"Hallo? We've tracked down - hang on - "

*whispers*

"Are we still on for tonight? I thought we'd catch Spartacus at the Odeon and then try out that Italian just off the green. Lovely. Can't wait."

"Hallo, you still there? Jolly good. Listen, I've had my team pull out all the stops and it seems that we did send the package to our despatch department. You never got it? Hmm. Let me think. Oh, damnation! What? No, I haven't just realised that the package has been languishing in our holy relic collection along with thousands of other crates in a vast warehouse attended by one man with a wheelbarrow - I've just dunked my biscuit in my tea and it's dropped off! Yes, I'll make sure your ruddy book is sent asap. And good day to you too!"

*slams down receiver*

"Honestly, Daphne, some people are so unreasonable. Oh, that's very kind of you. Two sugars, please."

*Goes back to reading The Sporting Life*

(In other words, darthbond has sent me his address and he'll soon get a 1966 Pan paperback of From Russia, With Love. Sorry about the delay. I'm still waiting for others to send me their addresses and requests again.)

[C_M_Bianchi]

hey hitch. i was wondering if i could have a copy of Live And Let Die. The reason i think i should get one is because i always loved Casino Royale (thats the only one i can find ) and i am fan of the serious thrillers the ian fleming writes about. they give me a feel of danger. the only ones i have read are Casino Royale and TMWTGG. those thrillers have made want to expirence Ian Flemings novels again and again. plus it is so hard to find them (my mom won't let me buy any off of ebay or anything eather ) so iam am sending this to you to see if i can get Live And Let Die. I dont care what year it is or anything. so that is why i think i should get Live and Let Die.

my bond book collection is only 2 books. it is horrible. only silverfin and casino royale.

you have been doing many acts of random kindness in this thread. so i have a question. how about 1 more random act of kindness? please and thanks

Sincerely,
C_M_Bianchi
Chris Bianchi

Edited by C_M_Bianchi, 23 August 2006 - 05:42 AM.

[Hitch]

Chris,

I'm very sorry but my offer has ended. That rather unique bookshop I frequented has closed for business. Sorry.

While I'm at it, would those people who were promised a book by my good self and haven't received it (due to the health and computer problems mentioned in this thread previously) please send me their full postal addresses again? (I've got darthbond's.) I can't send the books if I don't have the addresses and I don't have the time or inclination to go chasing after people. Much obliged.

Having said all that...

*straightens tie*

Chris, you sound so desperate for some Flemingy goodness...perhaps I might open a buff folder for you...

*switches on green desklamp, taps pipe against ashtray*

Hmm. I'm pretty sure that I don't have a copy of LALD to spare.

*loads pipe with best shag tobacco*

I'll send a chit to Supplies. But no promises. There may be...

*puff*

...something gathering dust in the stores cupboard at Station P* but I'll...

*cough* *hack*

...have to check. Give me a day or two to find out.

*puff*

Dismissed.

*presses intercom button*

"Miss Moneypenny, send in 007, would you?"

*in-joke for all you fans of TWIMC.



Whoops, there goes a tumbleweed...

Edited by Hitch, 23 August 2006 - 02:55 PM.

[C_M_Bianchi]

i wanted LALD. but could also do with FRWL, Moonraker, or OHMSS. im sorry if i feel naggy. but if there is no LALD...

maby you could send me one or something.i told you why i think i should get one.

thanks,
C_M_Bianchi
Chris Bianchi

[Hitch]

Chris,

I'll do what I can about LALD. London has sent the following message to all the Stations around the world: Crashdive. This means the whole global intelligence network, not including those nasty SMERSH people, is currently ransacking their archives for your Fleming field manual. The game is afoot, etc.

I'd like to get you LALD because it's great fun to read the books in order. The only books it's "essential" to read in order are the "Blofeld Trilogy" (Thunderball, OHMSS and YOLT), but there are many tiny nuggets of continuity throughout Fleming's canon, so you get to double your pleasure.

I'll do what I can to get you a copy, OK? But no promises.

And for general consumption (this means all of you): my offer has ended. It's an ex-parrot. Got it?

Now, one field agent at CBn, in an attempt to avoid the normal security channels, has gone over M's head and straight to Downing Street demanding that he be given access to some of Whitehall's archives. M was going to give him a rocket, but was so impressed at his ingenuity that he may second him to that big grey building in Regent's Park. Timpossible, watch this space.

The rest of you: hop it!

Edited by Hitch, 23 August 2006 - 11:36 PM.

[C_M_Bianchi]

if you think it is nessarcary, then by all means