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[Xenobia]

002, 004, and 009 see 003 leaving the office of 006.

B: Hey Matt, how was the trip?

M: Ah, you know the usual.

B: Same here.

6: Get back here you wanker! Fix this mess.

M: Shaving creame?

B: Wedgy.

M: Atomic?

B: Of course?

M: How do you feel about Eygptian for dinner?

B: Splendid! I know this great little spot, with some lovely dancers.

-- Xenobia

[Joyce Carrington]

009: Male dancers?

*004 and 003 look at her*

009: Hey, I was just wondering.

[Xenobia]

X: Yeah, and she hasn't had her hen night yet, and it's not like you don't have something really insane planned for the Bachelor party Mr. Bryce.

B: I beg your pardon! The bachelor party for Mr. O'Shawnessy will be fitting of a double-oh

*Joyce and Matt answer together*

JM: That's what I'm afraid of.

-- Xenobia

[Matt O'S oo4]

009: Male dancers?

*004 and 003 look at her*

009: Hey, I was just wondering.

004 looks at 003.

Male dancers?

004: You know, its been a while since we did that undercover thing....

*003 gives him an almost sharp look*

004: What? Doesn't your Tux Tie fit anymore?

003: Well...actually...

004: NO!?

003L Well....

009, her eyes getting a bit wider: You mean...

003: No, really.

004: You know.

002: Sheesh!

[Joyce Carrington]

009: Now hang on. Hang on.

*turns to 004*

009: Do you REALLY think there is still something left you HAVEN'T shown me?

*turns to 003*

009: Johnny... *sigh* I like you, but... *sigh* don't do it.

003: But...

009: Just don't. Okay?

*003 nods*

009: Good. Now where is 008?

[Matt O'S oo4]

004: Dunno.

003 looks quizzically at 004.

004: Seriously. No, really. *Looks back to 009* Call up to Moneypenney or Lil. They should have his approx. whereabouts.

003 is still looking at 004

004: WHAT?

[Xenobia]

*Xenobia shakes herself out of her scared reverie*

X: Are you done talking about your....neverminds?

*They nod*

X: G has been resigned to working with Q to handle all the different chemical compounds. He will meet up with us in Cairo, IF they can get a definite ID on what store the flea repellant was bought. It will just be the four of us, or do we need to start counting Bryce as two people?

-- Xenobia

[Joyce Carrington]

*009 looks at 003*

*frowns at 002*

*looks back at 003*

009: You know what, I don't I think I want to kno... let's just get on the plane.

[Xenobia]

X: That, dear Joyce, is probably the best thing you have said in a very long time.

-- Xenobia

[Joyce Carrington]

009: Thank you.

*takes 004's hand*

009: Lear jet?

[Xenobia]

X: Sorry folks, we want to be non-discript this time. We are flying BA, and we are flying Economy.

B: Ah! An adventure then.

*002 and 009 look at 003 with a concerned expression*

M: John has never flown economy before.

*The ladies answer together*

XJ: OOOOOOOH.

-- Xenobia

[Matt O'S oo4]

Okay, OKAY....

Lets go...

Yes a LEAR jet. I've flown many of them, including the one MI6 proudly owes.

So NO worries. Can't alway jump into an SR-71, especially when you have several passengers that could use a little panpering (looking at 009).

Economy class it IS'NT either!

Get you bags packed. A small one with do. I will meet you all in the garage to drive us to the airport.

Good enough?

[Xenobia]

X: Why don't we just hang up a sign by the tail that says "Blofled's Cat here we come?"

B: Xenobia, you are no fun.

X: That's not what James said the last time I saw him.

B: And that would be why he left.

*009 senses the possibility of violence and steps in with a brilliant idea*

J: Would it make you feel better if we all dress up like we are the flight crew, and that way BC wouldn't know it was us? That way, we are lowkey and the boys get to play dress-up.

X: Yeah, OK I guess.

-- Xenobia

[Joyce Carrington]

*Come Fly With Me starts playing in the background*

*flash of light*

(Announcer starts talking)

MATT O'SHAWNASSEY as "Bob, the pilot with a beard"

*flash of light*

XENOBIA ST. JAMES as "Lucy, the stewardess"

*flash of light*

JOHN BRYCE as "Gerald, the pilot with a tie"

*flash of light*

JOYCE CARRINGTON as "Edwina, the 'other' stewardess"

*flash of light*

*the four agents frown*

What was that?

[Xenobia]

X: That was Timothy Dalton. The MI6 gives him a job now and then, since he did some PR work for them back in the 80's.

M: He did, as what?

X: Don't know, do you Joyce?

J: Nope, John?

B: I think it was some movie. I didn't see it. I don't think anyone else did either.

*awkward pause*

M: Oooookay. Shall we board?

-- Xenobia

[Matt O'S oo4]

Ahem.

Uh, fellow agents....

Just a point of clairificaion....

We are using the MI6 Lear Jet....Yea?

This one is outfitted much more like a well decorated living room. Not like a regular aircraft.

Ergo....we will have very little if any FLIGHT crew. WE will be the flight crew.

AND...for those of you still unfamiliar with MI6 security measures:

We will be take to the airport to the Lear in an rather humdrum looking transport vehicle to the hanger that the plane is currently stationed.

We will be driven into the building juxtaposed to the hanger.

We will disembark the ground transport and meet Q to obtain any last minute equipement.

We will then gain access to the hanger via the basement.

After we are all on board, I, unless we are required to bqil out over our objective, in which case a MI6 agent will be piloting the craft, will taxi out to the designated runway, etc., etc.

No, REALLY.

Any questions?

004

[Joyce Carrington]

*009 looks at 002 and 003*

*turns to 004*

No, sir.

[Xenobia]

X: Actually Matt, I have two very important questions. One, since you are the pilot, and Bryce is presumably the co-pilot, how will you drink your scotch? Two, why is the sky blue?

(Matt and John look at each other)

B: May I Mr. O'Shawnessy?

M: With pleasure Mr. Bryce.

B: (Holds up middle finger on right hand). One, we have special hats that deliver the scotch to us via straws. Two, (holds up middle finger on left hand) it is blue because it knows you are going to be in it.

X: Wanker.

B: Spinister.

X: If you are indictive of what is left for marriage, I'll take old
maid-dom happily!

J: Boys, girls, can we please get ready to get on the plane?

(Bryce, Matt, and Xenobia shrugg)

X: Ok, OK.....

-- Xenobia

[Joyce Carrington]

J: It's just that it's been all talk and no action for at least ten minutes. I don't like that.

*004 glances at her*

J: (without looking at him) No honey, don't interpret it like that. Now let's get to that airport.

*starts walking*

X: Uh... Joyce, the airport is THAT way...

*002 points in the other direction*

J: (spinning around, annoyed): I knew that!

[Bryce (003)]

EXT. - TWILIGHT HORIZON SKY - MI6 LEAR

The Jet cruises at just under 500 Knots. Cut to:

INT. CU - BACKGAMMON BOARD

Dice roll across and turn up a 3 and a 4. Pull back to reveal Matt and John playing and drinking scotch. John lights a smoke.

JOHN: Not a completely useless roll.

INT. CABIN - MED. SHOT - JOYCE - XEN

Both stroll down the aisle and pause. Exchange a concerned look.

JOYCE: Boys? Aren't both of you supposed to be flying?

MASTER SHOT - JOHN - MATT - JOYCE - XEN - NEW ANGLES - INTERCUT

MATT: (not taking his eyes from the board but raising scotch glass) We are!

JOHN: (also focused on the board) Quite.

MATT: Indeed.

XEN: Who or WHAT is flying the plane?

MATT: (flatly with a sort of "isn't it obvious?" delivery) Pepe.

JOYCE/XEN: Pepe?

JOHN: A little "pet project" of Matt and mine.

Xen and Joyce's eyes widen as we

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. COCKPIT - JOYCE - XEN

Both burst in and are frozen in their tracks.

With the addition of pedal extensions and a booster seat, an average size sized CHIMPANZEE sits in coveralls and a captain's hat flying smoothly.

The Chimp smiles back over his shoulder and makes a bunch of well - Chimp noises. As he speaks, the noises are subtitled.

CHIMP: Ladies....Would one of you get me some tea and a sliced banana please?

He turns back to face the sky. Makes a slight adjustment to one of the controls.

BACK ON:

Matt and John sitting prone in their chairs looking confronted and guilty as the ranting continues. Joyce is sitting across from both holding her head rocking back and forth trying not to freak out.

JOYCE: A chimp is flying the plane....No he's not...NO....It's cool....Happy place...

She grabs bottle of blended scotch and stands up.

JOYCE: I'll be under the sink...

During all of this Xen has continued ranting loudly a plethora of comments on "safety, animal rights, FAA regs, MI6 protocol, lack of professionalism, basic stupidity and general intoxication, the color certain cars can and can't be, dogs and cats living together" etc.

Once the dust settles and all is quiet.

JOHN: So.....We're not going to put on the movie then?

EXT. NIGHT HORIZON SKY - JET

As it banks away a loud *SMACK* is heard.

*voice over*

JOHN: Owwww!

MATT: You had that coming...

Another *SMACK*

MATT: Owwww!...You know....He MADE me do it!

The jet banks away into the night sky.

[Xenobia]

*Xenobia enters the loo and joins Joyce under the sink*

X: I don't know why I am so upset. I mean, after all, a chimp would have better manners than those two.

*Joyce hits Xenobia upside the head*

X: Ouch! What was that for.

J: My fiancee is not a chimp.

X: You are absolutely right. I'm sorry dear. *thinks to herself* Chimps are too evolved to be brought down to the level of 00-sneeze and 00-bore

*Xen's palm pilot chirps to life*

X: Finally! The results on the tox screen in the cat flea repellant and....wait...this is impossible.

*Joyce leans over*

J: What is it?

X: The virus that keeps taking everyone out....is a modified version of King Tut's revenge.

J: Huh?

X: When Tut's tomb was opened at the turn of the 20th century, several people involved got very sick. They called it Tut's revenge. It was actually a virus from the dander of bats. *THIS* repellant is part of the virus, made from bat and cat dander.

J: So what does that mean?

X: We will find the cat somewhere that rhymes with bat and cat.

-- Xenobia

[Joyce Carrington]

*009's eyes go wide in excitement*

In a HAT?

[Matt O'S oo4]

After John and Matt have played out everal games of backgammon, each with an equal number of victories each, and having emptied an additional bottle, each, Matt lumbers to the cockpit.

Matt looks over to John: Care to join...(Matt gentures forward)

B: Eh, what the hell.

Both men stop short of the entrance, Matt looks in first.

M: OKAY.....THAT IS ENOUGH!!

*The interior of the cockpit is adorned with pic of what can only be female chimps, some placed over the instument panel, windscreen, and a full sized blow-up/stuffed chimp sits in the co-pilots chair. Banana peels are everywhere. *

B: No more bananas for you!!

M: I though that scotch was an issue...
B: We know better than that.
M: Indeed!
B: Quite, so.
M: I suppose we need to relieve Bonzo.
B: Pepe.
M: As you wish.
B: No.
M: What?
B: His name.
M: Why are you asking me?
B: PEPE!
M: Fine.
B: Drink?
M: Please
B: Scotch?
M: Yes!
B: Two fingers?
M: Three.
B: Ice?
M: Neat.
B: Soda?
M: A dash.

Short pause.

B: Wanna shoot a monkey?
M: You first.
B: Aren't you my friend?
M: Ordinarily, but I'm drinking right now.

At this point the chimp grabs his pix and exits the cockpit in disgust.

Bryce looks at Matt: Works every time.

M: Indeed!

Bryce looks after Pepe: You forgot to clean up your peels younk man!

M: Where's he going?

B: Looks like he heading for the loo.

Both together, softly: Uh-oh.

[Xenobia]

*The chimp runs past 002 and 009*

J: Oh dear God! I have the virus!

X: What? What are you talking about?

J: I just saw a chimp run past me.

X: He did. Pepe must be on a break.

*Joyce exhales*

J: Right. That was Matt's experiment.

X: And Bryce's too. But enough about those three primates, let's get back to the Pryamids.

J: So we think of a Pharaoh who's name...

X: Or nickname....

J: Rhymes with Cat?

X: Or the Pharoah most closely related to cats. Those pyramids and burial crypts are notorious for having secret passages and rooms. The Cat could have taken a couple of them over.

*Joyce opens her palm pilot*

J: Good thing I had an encyclopedia put in here.

X: Tell the truth. You did that so you would know where the best Scotch is.

*Joyce hangs her head*

X: I thought so.

-- Xenobia

[Matt O'S oo4]

As 004 takes the pilots seat, 003 assumes the co-pilot station and the both clink glasses.

004 puts on the head seat and snaps in his seat belt.

003 looks ta him: Your not going to....

004: Oh, yes I am.

004 switches over on the intercom, sounding much more tipsy than he actually is: Attention, this is your captain speaking....we are currently cruising at 32 thousand feet at an airspedd of approximately 420 knots.

*004 Looks over at 003 and winks.*

003 fastens his seat belt and quickly finishes his drink, putting the glass under his seat....

002 and 009 look at each other. 008's eyes widen a bit.

002: What? What is it?

009: Ummm. I think....

004, slurping his drink loudly over the intercom, sounding a bit more drunk: Current-ly there are no real speacial feature-type thinings to point out on either the port side or the other....uh...the starbord sides of the plane....so for you entertainment and to pass the time....

009: ...we might be...

004, sounding very drunk: I'd like to show....all of you (hic) on board....

009: in trouble....

004: Some of the flying...(burp, gasp)...that made me famous.

009, looking quickly at Xen: Oh, God. GRAB SOMETHING!!!!

004, looks at 003, smiling and mouthes the words "READY?" recieving a nod and a return smile from 003.

004 pushes the throttle forward and throwas the jet into a beautiful spiraling barrel roll that take the jet into a three thousand foot decent. Slowing out the roll of the jet and opens up the throttle to full, 004 noses the jet upward in a specatacular 036 degree loop rolling out of it at the end.

004 looks over to 003: Is the cabin door locked?

[Xenobia]

*When the plane levels off, Xenobia looks at Joyce*

X: Were you planning on having children with Matt.

J: (who knows what Xen is thinking, and would miss the sex far too much) Yes, several.

X: How do you stand on adoption?

J: I'd rather be pregnant.

X: (looks 009 over) You'd rather have sex.

J: Can you blame me?

X: If I beat him into a coma, you can still have sex.

J: Fair enough.

*Xenobia retrieves lock pick and heads for the cockpit*

-- Xenobia

[Joyce Carrington]

*002 and 009 come storming into the cockpit, their hair a mess, this 'wild' look in their eyes*

009: ...near death experience... *gasp*

[Xenobia]

X: Set course for the Sahara desert.

J: Ha-ha.

X: I am serious Joyce. I am landing this plane in the desert.

J: You can't land this in the desert!

*Xenobia smacks Joyce upside the head*

X: NATO has a base there, and all operatives of the MI6, CIA, French Intelligence, etc, have automatic clearance. Didn't you know that?

J: Of course I did. I....I had heard something about NATO moving it to....Libya, to encourage their moves toward democracy.

X: Joyce.

J: Yes?

X: Less Scotch, more reading.

J: Yes ma'am.

-- Xenobia

[Joyce Carrington]

X: Alright, get ready for landing.

*009 glances at 002, a sparkle in her eyes*

*002 sighs, hangs her head*

*rolls her eyes*

*another sigh*

X: Yes, you can. But only this once.

J: Oh, goodie!

*009 switches the microphone on*

J: Good evening, la.. uh.. gentlemen and uh... chimp. We are about to arrive at out destination, so please don't forget to fasten your seatbelts. Also, don't forget to bring your sunglasses, sunscreen, sexy desert gear, Scotch, backgammon...

*002 cuts off the microphone*

X: That's enough.

J: But I thought...

X: THAT'S ENOUGH.

*009 pouts and stares at the microphone in dissappointment*

*the jet approaches the runway*

[Xenobia]

X: Do you really think I want to see those two in what they would consider to be sexy desert gear?

J: Probably not.

X: And after the beat down we gave them, do you think they would even be conscious?

J: Again, probably not.

X: Well then....

J: But I hope they are since it appears we have a welcoming committee.

*Xenobia looks out the cockpit window and shudders.

X: Oh dear.....

-- Xenobia