49 replies to this topic

[Tarl_Cabot]

Hey Mr.*, I only just checked my PM's yesterday. Thank you for your courtesy. I was a little harsh in that thread, btw.

[Hawkeye]

Originally posted by clinkeroo


Good timing, Hawkeye.  My short story Deathstyles of the Rich and Blameless will be going up either today, or most likely tomorrow, over at Fanfiction.net.  Once I've worked out some of the bumps, I'll then submit it to The Rough and the Smooth here at CBn.  The story is set in the Grenadines in 1982 and will hopefully be as entertaining to read as it was to write.  
The next novel, which for the time being I'm calling The Art of (Cold) War, is somewhere off in the distance.

Looking forward to reading these. I hope the 2nd short story appears soon. Have you considered doing a book of them a la FYEO & OP&TLD?

Hawkeye.

[clinkeroo]

I had a funny email today:

From : Sam Maske
Sent : Thursday, March 18, 2004 5:41 PM
To : [email protected]
Subject : From Death's Door

I googled my name today and found your novel. You just never know where your name might appear.

My name is not a common one. I've only found 3 of us and I think I'm related to 1 of them. How did you choose the combination?

s

Funny world, you come up with a Bond-girl name, and then she writes to you. I just hope no one was actually abusive enough to name their child Pussy Galore .

[TortillaFactory]

Ah, Clink, I ought to have written you feedback long ago. I've probably encountered your story a million times now, and always enjoyed it, but never had the chance to say anything.

THOUGHTS ON THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS because I'm short on time:

Firstly, you write good. Most fanfic has at least some kind of repeated, glaring flaw that makes one go ow, and yours does not. In the absence of that there's usually an inaccurate representation of an important canon character - there is none here. It's far better than anything Benson wrote, and probably Gardner as well.

Felix + physical therapist = an idea I had years ago, before I read this. I know we've discussed this before, but...creepy! Or maybe not. It's not all that uncommon in real life. I love that he's found someone and sort of settled down.

But on to the actual story proper: I love the atmosphere of Bond not in his usual setting. He always seems to be in some exotic locale (is there such a thing as a non-exotic "locale"? It almost seems as if exotic places have a monopoly on that word) even if he's relaxing. I've always loved the Bond and Felix friendship, so this whole idea is lovely. And Sara setting him up...cute.

By the way, phrase "porcupine in heat" makes me angry that I didn't come up with it. Cuuuuuuuute.

Now, gripes - bearing in mind that I'm insanely picky and nobody else cares about any of these. Probably.

Pg. 11 dialogue between Felix and Sara - bit clunky. No one talks like this, except on the Lifetime channel. It's beautifully written, but almost nobody speaks beautifully.

12: He's been asleep for thirteen hours and he doesn't immediately visit the bathroom. Okay...I know this is part of the grand conceit of Hollywood, but it bugs me anyway.

13:

"Cigarette-laden lungs" sounds like he actually has cigarettes in them. I could only think of Teen Girl Squad. "My lungs are filling up with sand. And cigarette butts."

"He could have swum for minutes..." Then he's ashamed that he can only hold is breath for two minutes. So how many "minutes" did you mean in the first place? How dramatic is the difference? I think this is an important detail that's been glossed over.

15:

"Suit ties"? I'm having a hard time picturing what kind of suit has ties. It's not a bikini...or is it?

"Everything's bigger in Texas" is too easy of a gag, even for Bond. Its meaning is also not immediately clear, as when one talks of "bigger" in a sexual context one usually means something that must belong to Bond in this case...but he's not a Texan, and why would it be bigger in Texas? Gah. I think I figured out what you actually mean, but it's still unpleasantly reminiscent of Christmas only coming once a year.

18 and 19: Don't want to spoil this, so, just in case:

Spoiler

Death of the girl is very, VERY jarring. Maybe that's the point. But it almost seems out of place, after you've set up this idyllic world for Bond. I don't have any good suggestions for how to improve it, but a help might be hinting a LITTLE more that they're being watched, as Fleming did towards the end of OHMSS. As is it's almost a cop-out. Well, you thought Bond was gonna be happy for once? NOPE! THINK AGAIN!!!!! We've seen it too many times before.

Then, just after the death, you skip over to a bunch of stuff about the guy who's presumably the villain. Artistically I know why you did this, but I'm not entirely sure that it works. It's far too tempting for the reader to skip over it and get to Bond's reaction...perhaps he ought to react, and THEN we see things through Robert's eyes.

With all that said, I enjoy it muchly, and I do hope you'll keep writing those lovely short stories as well. *quietly applauds*

[clinkeroo]

Hey TF,

I'm sorry, I completely missed your bump on this one.

I've always felt the first two chapters were the weakest, more tone setters than anything else. I feel that the mood was established correctly, and that the characters were on (I remember feeling that I should have fleshed out Sam much better... ... No, no, not like that), but as you pointed out, some of the dialog was a little rough and my prose hadn't quite recovered yet from a few years away from fiction writing. The jarring effect of the end of chapter two was the payoff of the first two chapters, but if I ever revisit it, I will most likely ratchet it up even further.

I appreciate your observations, several of which I share (bigger in Texas, indeed...maybe it was something in the water...or the height above sea level...arg, what a clunker), and all of which are valuable. Your comments are as acute, and funny, as ever, and I will keep them in mind when I redo the first two chapters and add the prelude.

Several reasons for Chapter Three being different:

*there was a four month layoff before it was written. Greg Goodman's site, which was playing host at the time, was dying, and I was beginning to look for a new home for FDD (thank you to Fanfiction.net)

*I was actually beginning to introduce the main plotline with the Irish players entering the stage, albeit in flashback

*there was a conscious decision at the time on my part to begin to make each chapter somewhat self-contained; a short story in its own right that fit into a larger framework

*I had turned the Rubik's cube of the story an infinite number of times, and I found the change of pace and tone I needed for story transition through the eyes of Randy. I was laying the groundwork for payoffs that wouldn't come until three years and hundred of pages later. Randy was my link to Ireland, and I needed him to transition me to Donn, and Feale, and Tom and all the great characters yet to come. It's many years later now, but these guys are still in my head, and I miss them

Jim made a great observation that Fleming's stories, aside from TSWLM and a few other anomalys, never left Bond's perspective. This is one of the few Bond conventions that I consciously broke here. The voice of the story was too important and this was the direction it told me to go...I think that Fleming ultimately would have agreed

Please continue to let me know what you think of the rest, TF, I enjoy your perky insight to things (I know as I attempt to go to sleep tonight, I'm going to see those lungs filled with cigarette butts and have to stifle a laugh.) The nice thing is that you comments are as useful as they are entertaining.

Thanks...and, no, don't worry, I haven't lost sight of the other thing we were discussing, just trying to find time to do things right .

[TortillaFactory]

Sorry for taking so long to reply - I was unwilling to do so until I'd read more, but I'm beginning to realize that may take me a while. I have a very short attention sp - LOOK SOMETHING SHINY!!! *runs off*

Jim made a great observation that Fleming's stories, aside from TSWLM and a few other anomalys, never left Bond's perspective. This is one of the few Bond conventions that I consciously broke here. The voice of the story was too important and this was the direction it told me to go...I think that Fleming ultimately would have agreed.

You make an interesting point here, but I'm not sure I agree with Jim's assessment. Great chunks of Fleming's novels, especially those dealing with the villians, weren't from Bond's perspective at all. When Bond is there, we usually see it through his eyes, but oftentimes he isn't. TSWLM and FRWL leap immediately to mind. There are others.

Of course, there are times when Bond is there and we see him through someone else's eyes. Again, TSWLM. Perhaps more poignantly, YOLT. Also the beginning of TMWTGG. It didn't occur to me that you were doing this until you mentioned it. Since it's all in the impersonal narrator's voice, it's not terribly noticable, but there it is - and it is a wise choice, I agree. This goes back to something that several people have said before: don't ape Fleming! You've avoided this temptation to a large degree.

HOWEVER, and I write this with only three minutes to spare before I must run to class, there's enough of Fleming in your writing that it jars me a bit when - for example - Felix compares himself and his car to a ninety-year-old man with an erection. Same way I cringed at "everything's bigger in Texas" I guess...it seems clunky, something you jammed in there to pay deference to the film legacy of puns and crude humour. Now, I like me some crude humour, but something about the way it's used here is bothering me. I will think more on this and get back to you when I'm coherent.

Thanks...and, no, don't worry, I haven't lost sight of the other thing we were discussing, just trying to find time to do things right.

Don't worry about it. Taking time to do things properly always pays off.

[clinkeroo]

HOWEVER, and I write this with only three minutes to spare before I must run to class, there's enough of Fleming in your writing that it jars me a bit when - for example - Felix compares himself and his car to a ninety-year-old man with an erection. Same way I cringed at "everything's bigger in Texas" I guess...it seems clunky, something you jammed in there to pay deference to the film legacy of puns and crude humour. Now, I like me some crude humour, but something about the way it's used here is bothering me. I will think more on this and get back to you when I'm coherent.

Oh, no, TF. Sorry, but the movie comment is horribly incorrect. I can't stand the films post OHMSS, and the quips are a big part of why. I am a Fleming purist, one who actually read the books before seeing the films, and exist on these boards only to discuss the literary aspects of the character. Fleming always wrote Felix as a foil to Bond; he was never as humourless, bland, or grim as 007. Pulling the line out like that takes it out of context. There's more than a little foreshadowing and theme work going on here, and later on in the story a very old man and his um...er...erection play a um...er...big role in things. I'm afraid I packed this novel full of underlying themes and imagery, and "naughty bits" are right at the top of the list (along with knights/dragons, water, and a certain white whale.) Fleming's writing was very crude, almost scandalous, for the late 50's and early 60's (all those "hard, thrusting nipples" he was always carrying on about) and he saved much of his humour for the Bond/Felix exchanges. The problem with the Texas comment isn't so much the context; it is the horrible lack of originality.

Read more, some of what is sticking in your craw at the moment will start to make sense.

[TortillaFactory]

Whoa - down, boy!

I have read it, and I do see what you meant by sticking in the comment about the cadillac. It still sticks in my craw. And I'm perfectly aware of the flagrant hypocrisy here - me, of all people, criticising you for being crude. And I laughed at all Gardner's sly little jokes in Cold.

The whole theme of the story, I love. I love that you weren't afraid to go there - even I'm not that courageous, and I'm certainly not that creative! And just...ow. You know? Ow. I don't even have one, and it hurts.

I am terribly irreverent and twisted, and yet it bothered me for some reason. Don't know why. Don't know why I brought it up - but there you have it, my two cents.

Hehehheh. "Brought it up."

But Bond, humourless? Never! Sometimes grim, perhaps, but never call Mr. Noses Are Just Like Furniture humourless again. I'll harm you.

Agreed, though, about Felix being a fun character to play around with in opposition to Bond. I'd intended him to make a cameo appearance in BMB, then ended up liking him so much he became a main character.

I do think you're a bit rough on the films, though. I realize they're deeply flawed, but they did bring me into the Bond world...and for that I have to give them credit.

[terminus]

Eventually got round to this on my FanFic reading list.

[terminus]

Just finished Chapter 2 - to be frank, I was almost ready to give up on this, but the fabulous ending to Chapter 2 has really changed my opinion and I'm really very interested to see where this is going to go now.

I guess that Samantha is the sacrificial lamb of the piece, which is good as she was somewhat nauseating as a Bond girl and I can't picture Bond settling for someone like her for more than a one night stand, despite her mental anguish giving her similarities to Tracey.

Hopefully I'll have another few chapters read within the next few days and will post more comments then.

[terminus]

Printed Chapter 4 off and read it on the bus on the way to work - not sure I like the real world nature of the villain, but it's something I can get past since the situation has me intrigued and the story is very well written.

[terminus]

Just finished Chapter 6 - got a bit confused about what happened, but am assuming they just killed off the kid they'd sent to shoot Samantha?

[terminus]

Printed Chapter 8 off and read it on the way home from college. I have to say this is possibly the most Fleming-esque piece of fanfiction I have ever read, whereas MTTS and HITFA always reminded me of Benson-esque prose. That isn't a bad thing - actually, for myself who doesn't particularly enjoy the style of writing that Fleming utilises at all, you must be doing something right to get me thoroughly enjoying this yarn and wanting to know where this is going.

Glidrose would be tough pressed to find a continuation author as talented as you.

I'm particularly enjoying the way you're winding this huge backstory for the villains through the story - and the subtle examination of the morality of the whole IRA/FLRC/MI6 thing is really good too.

I'm really intrigued by the whole Donn/Feale (and, can I say how much I like that name, much better than the sub-Mary Goodnight of Samantha Maske) angle and look forward to seeing how that carries out.

[terminus]

Just read Chapter 9 - the action scene seemed a bit superfluous, but it did serve the point for getting us some gratuitous outdoor sex with Bond and Feale.

And here was me looking forward to Feale being a lesbian as you'd teased us with at the chapters commencement - shame at you for your titillation.

But, we now know that Bond pretty much has an army he can't really trust camped on his doorstep - with the Big Bad on the way and five chapters still to go, there must be more to the story than I'm seeing at the moment.

I'm kinda seeing Raelee Hill as Feale, Demi Moore as Colleen and, despite the assumption we'd picture the OHMSS Draco as himself, I'm kinda picturing Giancarlo Gianini (am hoping I spelt that right).

But that's just me.

I'm really interested in seeing where this goes next - and, if there was ever a fanfiction novel that wouldn't look out of place amongst the official continuations, in league with Amis, Gardner and Benson, this would be it.

[clinkeroo]

Hey, Term, sorry I missed your comments when they first came out, I was spending a week with the family down at Disney and missed your commentary. I don't check on my own stuff very often, I'm afraid.

Just finished Chapter 2 - to be frank, I was almost ready to give up on this, but the fabulous ending to Chapter 2 has really changed my opinion and I'm really very interested to see where this is going to go now.

I guess that Samantha is the sacrificial lamb of the piece, which is good as she was somewhat nauseating as a Bond girl and I can't picture Bond settling for someone like her for more than a one night stand, despite her mental anguish giving her similarities to Tracey.

Yeah, the beginning is too slow on the action, and too quick on the characters. Sam needs to be less flesh, and more fleshed out. Felix and Needy are solid, and I wanted the sombre tone, but I didn't really find my voice until chapter three.

Printed Chapter 4 off and read it on the bus on the way to work - not sure I like the real world nature of the villain, but it's something I can get past since the situation has me intrigued and the story is very well written.

Like most of Fleming's baddies, there's much more to Donn that the organization that begat him.

Printed Chapter 8 off and read it on the way home from college. I have to say this is possibly the most Fleming-esque piece of fanfiction I have ever read, whereas MTTS and HITFA always reminded me of Benson-esque prose. That isn't a bad thing - actually, for myself who doesn't particularly enjoy the style of writing that Fleming utilises at all, you must be doing something right to get me thoroughly enjoying this yarn and wanting to know where this is going.

I started writing it before Benson had made the scene as a continuation author. MTTS does mirror Benson's world quite a bit (a good thing from my perspective) and I would have been hard spent to have finished FDD without Evan's encouragement. HITFA I found to be more movie based, well done, but not the Bond I grew up reading. I didn't really set out to ape Fleming, I leaned more on his story elements that I did on his style. I grew up reading Fleming and his contemporaries so I'd be very proud if my own pen reflected his, or Chandler's, or Hammet's, or...you get the idea. You are what you eat.

I'm really intrigued by the whole Donn/Feale (and, can I say how much I like that name, much better than the sub-Mary Goodnight of Samantha Maske) angle and look forward to seeing how that carries out.

Sam was a throw-away name, Donn and Feale were very real to me, and I took some time picking out the right names and personalities for all the Irish, Corsican, and Thai characters.

And here was me looking forward to Feale being a lesbian as you'd teased us with at the chapters commencement - shame at you for your titillation.

Can't wait to read what you have to say after the next chapter. It's worse than you think.

I'm kinda seeing Raelee Hill as Feale, Demi Moore as Colleen and, despite the assumption we'd picture the OHMSS Draco as himself, I'm kinda picturing Giancarlo Gianini (am hoping I spelt that right).

I tape up pictures while I'm writing of people that remind me of, or inspire, my characters, settings, cultural items, etc. to keep me focused on who, what, and where I'm writing (I also listen to the music of whatever culture I'm writing about, and prepare and eat/drink the food/libations as well) . The two characters that had photos for FDD were Feale (a light-haired Andrea Corr) and Marie-Claude (Marie-Claude Pietragalla, the beautiful Corsican ballerina). Raelee would be an inspired choice, a very beautiful and talented lady. Demi Moore has almost had as much plastic surgery as Colleen, and has the husky, sexy voice, so she would be a good choice as well. Giancarlo Gianini made a good Mathis, but I'll always think of him as the Emperor from Dune.

I'm really interested in seeing where this goes next - and, if there was ever a fanfiction novel that wouldn't look out of place amongst the official continuations, in league with Amis, Gardner and Benson, this would be it.).

Gardner...there's no reason to get nasty now . Seriously, thank you, and I hope you enjoy/enjoyed the rest.

[terminus]

My life went off kilter for a few months, but hopefully I'm going to read the rest of the novel within the next few weeks.

[Double-0-7]

Clinkeroo,
After several starts and stops, I finally read the entire FDD novel over the last 2 weeks.

TF makes some very good observations above, and I enjoyed the conversations on pace, perspective, etc. between the two of you. I'm not going to critique the novel, just wanted to throw my two cents in.

I enjoyed reading this story and thought the different perspectives worked well. The history of Donn the Celtic God was very Fleming-like and fit in quite well. I felt that Donn's transformation was too far-fetched, but certainly showed the depth of his hate for Bond and that his whole life was built purely to create the opportunity to take apart the man who destroyed his life.

Keep up the good work, this was a very enjoyable novel.

[Epic Honor]

Hello,

Would the original poster please repost a link to the novel? I clicked on the links and got a "page not found" message I too had read Mr. Clink's novel years ago, in fact it was so many years ago I can't even remember the name of the website I got it from to begin with. But I was overjoyed to have found this link and would really love to re-read it...

Thankx!

[clinkeroo]

Hello EH,

More than anything else, I miss seeing Mr. Asterix's wonderful artwork to the story, and the even more amazing work he did on my second Bond novel, The Art of Cold War. The removal of the formal fan fiction section became necessary, and hopefully someday will reappear in a more tooled down version.

Right now, the only place that the whole novel appears on the web is:

http://www.fanfictio...eath_bs_bDoor_b

I've been playing with it a bit lately. Ten years later and I'm still a cat batting away at the desecrated bones of a long dead mouse.

Hope you still enjoy.

[Epic Honor]

Ah thanks for the link!!