266 replies to this topic

[seawolfnyy]

Bond "How did you know about that?"
Anya "I stole the blueprints to this car 2 years ago."
Bond "Then why did you scream when I drove into the water? You lying ass bitch?!"

[AMC Hornet]

Felix: "Well hello, 00 - oof!"

Bond: "Shh!" (subdues Quist)

Felix: "Fine way to treat the CIA."

Bond: "Sorry about that, Felix, but you were just about to say 007."

Felix: "You mean like you just did, in front of this guy? And you didn't sock me in the gut in Miami!"

[Call Billy Bob]

Quarrel: "Ain't no use you struggling. Puss Feller wrestles aligators."

Bond: "Then why in the hell is he called PUSS Feller?!?"

[seawolfnyy]

"Well east coast girls are hip, I really dig the style they wear...."
Bond: "who the hell authorized this?!"

Edited by seawolfnyy, 25 March 2015 - 09:34 PM.

[The Dove]

Bond: "He got...the BOOT!!" *rushes forward to grab the controls of the plane*

 

Kara: *screams!!*

 

Bond, after regaining control of the aircraft and avoiding crashing into the mountain,: " You stupid bitch, why didn't you pay attention to where we were flying??!! You can't expect me to search for and disarm the bomb while fighting off the bad guy, climb back into the plane and fly the f*cking thing at the same time!! "

[AMC Hornet]

Bond: "He got...the BOOT!!" *rushes forward to grab the controls of the plane*

 

Kara: *screams!!*

 

Bond, after regaining control of the aircraft and avoiding crashing into the mountain,: " You stupid bitch, why didn't you pay attention to where we were flying??!! You can't expect me to search for and disarm the bomb while fighting off the bad guy, climb back into the plane and fly the f*cking thing at the same time!! "

"You're a pilot! I'm a f*cking cellist!"

[Double-Oh Agent]

BOND: "I admire your courage Miss uh..."

SYLVIA: "Trench. Sylvia Trench. I admire you luck, Mr...."

BOND: "Long. Dick Long."

[seawolfnyy]

Waltz: "Welcome James. It's been a long time and finally here we are."
Bond: "Who are you?"
Waltz: (puts finger to mouth) "It's me, Dr. Evil."

[AMC Hornet]

Koskov: "James! James, I will never (smack!) forget what you (smack!) did for me! Thank you so... What's this?"

 

Bond: "Lay a little more of that sugar on me, Georgi baby, and I'll show you..."

[Double-Oh Agent]

GRANT: "And in her handbag will be a roll of film."

 

BOND: "What film?"

 

GRANT: "Taken from the bridal suite at your hotel. What a performance!"

 

BOND: "Hold on, you can't say that! If you say 'What a performance!', I'll end up repeating it at the end of the mission and the stupid censors won't like either one and they will demand that the line be removed in both places and the editor will have to eliminate them and there will be a obvious jump cut when I say it which will take people out of the scene and hurt the movie which nobody wants. I have no doubt you are correct that it was a great performance--I was there, and it seemed pretty amazing to me--but that's not the point. Honestly, there really shouldn't be anything wrong with saying 'what a performance', but it's 1963 and you simply can't say that on screen. So start over and leave that line out. Thanks. Stupid censors!"

[thecasinoroyale]

BOND: "Switch the bloody machine off!"

 

PAM: "What? I can't hear...the what?!"

 

BOND: "Just push every damn button will you!"

 

 

Where Bond films collide.

[Call Billy Bob]

Shady Tree: "How do you like me so far?"

Audience Member: "You're not as bad as the slot playing elephant that'll show up later!"

[Double-Oh Agent]

BOND: "Do you expect me to talk?"

GOLDFINGER: "No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!"

BOND: "You've never seen one of my films have you?"

[The Dove]

Zorin: "May Day will provide you with a drink.."

 

[ May Day leads the Chinese businessman into the hallway]

 

May Day: "This way.." *points down the stairs*

 

[Chinese businessman starts to walk downstairs]

 

[May Day pushes a button.. but instead of the trap door opening and stairs flattening out, the button activates the blimp's self destructor and the entire ship blows up...end of movie!]

[seawolfnyy]

Foreign Secretary: "I'm afraid gentlemen, if the bombs aren't recovered, payment will have to be made."
M: "guess I picked he wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

[AMC Hornet]

[May Day pushes a button.. but instead of the trap door opening and stairs flattening out, the button activates the blimp's self destructor and the entire ship blows up...end of movie!]

If only...

 

But, since that didn't happen:

 

Bond: "I told Howe that Zorin was pumping sea water into the wells."

 

Stacey: "But...that's incredibly dangerous!"

 

Bond: "And you're incredibly untalented!"

 

 

(BTW, according to Alistair Maclean's 'Goodbye California', water is sometimes injected into fault lines in order to cushion the plates and prevent earthquakes.)

 

Just sayin'.

[AMC Hornet]

Felix: "Okay, I give up. I know the diamonds are in the body, but where?"

 

Bond: "Alimentary, Dr, Leiter."

 

Felix: "Eeewwwww!"

[Call Billy Bob]

M: "You both know what's at stake here. We can't afford to lose that list."

Bond: "Tell that to the guy who had the top secret file on his f%@#ing Sony Vaio!"

[Double-Oh Agent]

LARGO: "Why don't you join us? My friend won't mind, Mr...."

BOND: "Bond, James Bond."

 

How the screenwriters never gave that line to 007 I will never know. It's sitting right there and he doesn't take it. Bugs me every time. Anyway, here's another, only a little more in line with the thread.

 

LARGO: "Do you know much about guns, Mr. Bond?"
BOND: "No, I know a little about women."

LARGO: "In that case, could you give me a few pointers?"

[seawolfnyy]

Bond: "what's the buzzing?"
Pussy: "that buzzing means you're in the....Danger Zone."

[The Dove]

Bond: "It might be useful to know your real name.."

 

Fields: " Oh alright..but don't laugh...it's Strawberry!"

 

Bond: *singing*  "Let me take you down..cus I'm going to...Strawberry Fields..."

 

[Fields smacks Bond in the face]

[Double-Oh Agent]

BLOFELD: "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ernst Stavro Blofeld. They told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong."

BOND: "Yes, this is my second life."
BLOFELD: "You only live twice, Mr. Bond. Or seemingly, in your case, nine times. I swear you have the indestructibility of a feline. My pussycat's jealous."

[Call Billy Bob]

(Bond looking at woman's bosoms in LCD watch)

Bond: "Perfect image, Q."

Q: "You're lucky I see you as a son, 007! The times I could write you up for sexual harassment..."

[Double-Oh Agent]

Bond: "She's having a rest. We'll be going on soon. There's no hurry you see. We have all the time in the world."

Motorcycle cop: "My condolences sir, but could give me a description of the shooter? I need to put out an A.P.B. A.S.A.P."

[seawolfnyy]

*Scaramanga shoots Gibson.*
*Bond draws his gun and attempts to hide behind cover.*
*Lt. Hip reacts by shooting Bond.*
End credits

[Double-Oh Agent]

BLOFELD: "Right idea, Mr. Bond."

BOND: "But wrong pussy. You may have won this round Blofeld, but I swear I will avenge Tracy and give you the death you so richly deserve, if it's the last thing I do."

[DaveBond21]

Blofeld 2 - "We deeply sympathise"

 

Bond shoots him

 

Blofeld 1 - "Right idea Mr Bond"

 

Bond shoots the other Blofeld as well. 

 

The End - roll credits.

[seawolfnyy]

Bond: "Operation Grand Slam for instance."
GF: "Three words that you may have overheard that couldn't possibly have any meaning for you."
Bond: "Can you really afford to take that chance?"
GF: "Yes."
Laser cuts Bond in half. Goldfinger robs Fort Knox, Felix is fired and the Soviets win the Cold War. End credits.

[DaveBond21]

Henderson:- "That's stirred, not shaken...that was right, wasn't it?"

 

Bond:- "You haven't seen my movies have you?"

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[Call Billy Bob]

Willard Whyte: "FBI? CIA?"

 

Bond: "No British Intelligence, Mr. Whyte. James Bond."

 

Willard Whyte: "Of course. Because British Intelligence is the next logical answer in that sequence..."