68 replies to this topic

[Jose]

From Quantum of Solace-

Bond makes Mr. White ride up front with him. Bond punches him in the face whenever he gets the chance. At the end of the car chase, Mr. White has lost a lot of blood and is clearly about to die because he's been riddled with so many bullets.

Bond chases Mitchell because he's jealous Mitchell didn't let him in on his little traitor scheme. Bond was pretty sick of M, anyway.

Bond kicks Camille out of the airplane and yells "Nuh-uh, bitch! The parachute is MINE!"

In the desert, Bond runs Greene down a few times. He ties Greene to the car and drags him around while driving at high speed.

Edited by Jose, 13 February 2009 - 09:16 PM.

[DamnCoffee]

Casino Royale.

Bond: Can I get a bottle of chilled Bollinger? With the Beluga Caviar?
Room Service: Is that everything?
Bond: Yes, that's everything.
Room Service: Would that be for two sir?
Bond: For what?
Room Service: Would that be for two?
Bond: No... for one.

Bond hangs up the phone and goes to have sex with Solange, who says she's starving. 'cause she hasn't eaten for days. During their sex, Bond suggests S&M, he ties her up, then gets up to answer the door. He then sits and eats caviar and drinks Bollinger in front of her. She gets pissed off with him, because he's eating all of the food. Solange manages to get free and attacks Bond, who then hits her over the head with the Bollinger bottle, dumps her in a hammock and THEN goes after Demitrios.

------------------------------------

Bond: You cold?
*Vesper Nods.*

*Bond leaves the bathroom and comes back in with a bucket of liquid nitrogen, grinning like a maniac*

---------------------------------

Bond puts his winning cards into the centre of the table to dramatic music. he turns the cards over, and he's wrote on them 'Both of my eyes work properly ha!'

---------------------------------

Bond and Vesper are sitting eating a nice steak...

Vesper: You think I can't take my own advice!
*Bond pushes the candle over so it sets fire to her food and covers it in wax.*

---------------------------------

Vesper gets kidnapped, Bond is running across the road.... the car pulls out, Bond runs into an off licence and gets more booze before it shuts.

---------------------------------

Vesper: You have me there.... you can have me anywhere.
*Bond pulls out her ear-ring*

OR

Vesper: You have me there... you can have me anywhere.
*Bond projectile vomits*

[Jose]

From Casino Royale-

Gettler: I kill her!
Bond: Allow me.
(Bond shoots Vesper in the head)

[DamnCoffee]

Live and Let Die

After Bond walks into the pub in New York, and gets dissaproving looks from everyone. He takes the oppertunity to double back after he leaves and rig the place with explosives.

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

In The World Is Not Enough, Bond torments the Swiss banker by beating him over the head with a calculator, screaming "You can count to three can't you?"

[Jaws0178]

TLD: Bond finishes the wolf whistle in Q's lab

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

In Octopussy, as Bond zooms in on the woman's breasts with the camera, he suddenly loses control of his senses, and seduces her in front of Q and Vijay.

[danielcraigisjamesbond007]

Bond uses Mr. White as a human shield during the car chase in QoS.

Bond actually scare the fish when he and Domino "rendezvous" underwater (lol) in Thunderball.

Edited by danielcraigisjamesbond007, 21 February 2009 - 02:34 AM.

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Bond makes sure Renard can feel no pain by continuously kicking him in the groin...over and over again.

[Mr. Blofeld]

Bond traps Carver with the drill, then spins it around over and over again until he's turned the mogul into Carver-Os.

[Jose]

From Casino Royale-

Bond: Did you bring any chocolates?
Mendel: I'm afraid not. Hahahaha!
Bond: You think that's funny?
*Bond beats Mendel within an inch of his life*
Bond: Who's laughing now?! Huh?! Next time bring the chocolates!

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Bond steals a lottery ticket to make sure he can enter the swanky hotel. When he finds out he hasn't won, he beats Fields to death with the stationary she's found in a cupboard.

[hilly]

From Quantum of Solace

Bond "I can't find the stationery. Care to help me look for it....?"

Fields whips her clothes off and lies on the bed waiting to be given a good seeing to. As Bond looms over the bed...he pauses... then slides open the bedside drawer, pulls out the writing paper and envelopes and shouts "yesss..knew they'd have some somewhere!" and begins to make a list of all the people he needs to send postcards to.

[Jose]

From Casino Royale-

Bond doesn't place a tracking chip in Le Chiffre's inhaler. It's a flesh eating virus.

Vesper: How was your lamb?
*Bond stabs Vesper multiple times until she dies.
Bond: Skewered. One sympathizes.

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

In Goldeneye, Bond decides to reverse the tank over the police car, after the cop's lucky escape.

[DamnCoffee]

From Quantum of Solace

Bond "I can't find the stationery. Care to help me look for it....?"

Fields whips her clothes off and lies on the bed waiting to be given a good seeing to. As Bond looms over the bed...he pauses... then slides open the bedside drawer, pulls out the writing paper and envelopes and shouts "yesss..knew they'd have some somewhere!" and begins to make a list of all the people he needs to send postcards to.

LMFAO That's brilliant.

Dr. No

Bond is awoken by Honey singing:
Honey: Underneath the Mango Tree
Bond: Underneath the Mango Tree, ma honey and me...
Honey: Who's that!?
Bond: Me!
*Shoots her in the chest*
Bond: Now shut up and let me get some sleep!

Quarrel: Hey Cap'n. Cap'n, what do you think of that!?
Bond: It's a ing beach, what do you expect me to think of it.

When Honey is telling Bond the story of what happened with her father, he bursts out laughing at her.


Bond: I told you to stay back there!
Honey: I was frightened!
Bond: Stupid ing idiot!

[Jose]

From The Living Daylights-
Bond: Why didn't you learn the violin?
(Bond punches Kara in the face)

Bond pulls the lever before it reaches 100.

[Jaws0178]

The World is not Enough

M is locked in the Maidens Tower

M: Bond!!
Bond runs to the door
Bond: Eh. And runs off after Elektra

[Mr. Blofeld]

Dr. No

As Bond waits for Professor Dent at Miss Taro's house, he puts on a record of Underneath the Mango Tree. The record crackles on and begins playing; as it does so, Bond's face sours. He screws on the silencer of his Walther, then shoots the record player.

BOND: "! Why am I always hearing that song ing everywhere?! I bloody hate that song!"

[DamnCoffee]

Dr. No:
Bond: Moneypenny! What Gives?
Moneypenny: Me! Given an ounce of encouragement.
Bond: Filthy Bitch!

*Bond backhands her*

[Mr. Blofeld]

From Russia with Love

Man in Boat: "Great sport, this!"
Woman in Boat: "What?"
Man in Boat: "I said, great sport this punting!"

As their boat passes by the riverbank, Bond leaps up and shoots them.

[DamnCoffee]

The KGB didn't trash Kara's flat. Bond did, and waited for her. Merely because she's blonde and dim.

[Jose]

From The Man with the Golden Gun-

Bond: I am now aiming precisely at your groin. So speak now or forever hold your- it. Hold your piece.
(Bond shoots Lazar in the crotch)

M: So if I understand it, Scaramanga got away - in a car that sprouted wings!
Bond: Are you ing deaf? That's exactly how it went down. .
Q: Oh, that's perfectly feasible, sir. In fact, Q branch are working on one right now.
M: Oh, shut up, Q! Where is Miss Goodnight now?
Bond: Well, Communications aren't picking up the signal from the homing device supplied by Q.
Q: Rubbish! They're simply not stepping up the reception sufficiently to enable...
M: Oh, Q, shut up!
(Bond punches Q in the face)
Bond: Yeah! The man said to shut the up!

Goodnight: Oh James, you didn't!
Bond: You're goddamn right I did!
(Bond holds up Nick-Nack's severed head)

From the Living Daylights-
Lady on boat: Who are you?
Bond: Bond, James Bond.
Lady: Won't you j-
(Bond beats the out of her with the phone)
Bond: I'm on the ing phone, bitch!

From Licence to Kill-
Bond sees Della's dead body on the bed and thinks for a moment. Bond unzips and mounts.

ugh.

Edited by Jose, 10 March 2009 - 04:39 AM.

[Airrider]

This might be cheating because I'm using a game for this, but:

Goldeneye: Rogue Agent

Instead of just falling to his "death" in the simulation that starts the game, Bond grabs Jonathan Hunter's pants leg and drops him down with him.

Edited by Airrider, 11 March 2009 - 03:41 PM.

[Jose]

From Casino Royale-
Bond: I always thought M was a randomly assigned letter, I had no idea it stood for-
M: Utter one more syllable and I'll have you killed!
Bond: We'll see about that!
(Bonds says M's real name and shoots her in the head)

When the guest gives him the keys to the SUV in the Bahamas,
Bond: Do I look like a ing valet to you?
(Bond pistol-whips him and hooks up his nuts to the car battery, then he pushes the SUV off a cliff, with the guests inside)

Bond: Stop touching your ear!
Carter: What?
Bond: Holster the bloody weapon Carter! I need him alive!
(As the chase starts, Bond goes up to Carter and makes the snake bite him in the jugular)
Bond: Didn't I tell you to holster your ing gun? Listen next time, you stupid mother[censored]er!

From Live and Let Die-
Bond: Harold Strutter, CIA. Where were you when I didn't need you?
(Bond shoots him)
Bond: I could have been killed, you ing idiot!

From Quantum of Solace-
Camille and Bond are trapped in the burning room.
Camille: Not like this... Not like this...
Bond: Look at me.
(Bond shoots Camille in the head)
Bond: How's that? Oh what do you know? This window leading to a ladder leading outside to safety was open all this time!

Edited by Jose, 16 March 2009 - 04:18 AM.

[hilly]

Diamonds Are Forever

Having set Mr Kidd alight and watched him jump over the side of the boat, Bonds gets another sniff of Mr Wint's aftershave and realises what effect that smell REALLY has on him...He changes his plan, tosses Tiffany over the side with the bomb strapped to her, and he and Mr Wint spend the evening tango-ing and salsa-ing to Shirley Bassey on the deck in the moonlight...

[DamnCoffee]

Quantum of Solace:

Bond was only staring at Camille because he wanted his jacket back, couldn't give a what she was moaning on about. Actually, he was trying no to laugh because he's stuck in a hole with a girl named after a form of desert animal.

When he finds the water, he's thinking "Should I drown her like the last one for 5 minutes peace? Nahh I'll just not tell the dehydrated villagers theres a huge off lake nearby!"

"Would you mind waiting down here?" Bond takes every single person in the hotel up with him to see M, except her.


"Take a deep breath, you only have one shot... make it count!" *spits in her face*

OR

"Take a deep breath, you only have one shot... make it count."
*Shoots her*
"Hey look! It counted!"
*Prances off into the desert*

Bond: What are you doing?
Camille:.. The slide's caught.
Bond: Well STOP IT! IT'S ING IRRITATING!

Bond: You Canadian?
Corrine: Yes.
Bond: Get out.

[DamnCoffee]

Half way through Quantum of Solace, Bond realises that Mathis is in love with him, so he does alot of things to lead him on.

First of all. Bond knocks on a big wooden door and a small bearded man answers it with a big gay blue jumper wrapped around his neck then he has a glass of wine and goes on about about how much his dead girlfriend loved him. He's bound to get annnoyed...

Bond: come with me?
Mathis sniggers because he thinks Bond is on about mutual mastubation, then he finds himself in Bolivia.

Later on...

Bond: I was wondering why you came with me.
Mathis: *clocks on about the masturbation thing* It takes something to admit you were wrong
Mathis: You want a sleeping pill?
Bond: No.
Mathis: Pain Pill
Bond: No.
Mathis: Blue Pill?
Bond: what!?
Mathis: I have pills for everything.

Mathis was pissed off because he got his own hotel room and Fields didn't. He wanted to sleep in with Bond. That's why he acts pissed off at him when he comes to the door...

Mathis: You're invited to a party... I'm having a drink with MY FRIEND the colonel
.. he thinks Bond gives a - he doesn't.

Bond soon regrets the hotel room thing...
Bond: I shouldn't of left you alone

Oh, just a side note... Mathis is the double agent. He infiltrated Greene's organisation by having sex with him, he hit on the Colonals Daughter... that's why he wound up dead. He's just a sex pest.

[Jose]

From You Only Live Twice-

Tiger Tanaka: Permit me to introduce myself. I am Tanaka. Please call me Tiger.
James Bond: If you're Tanaka, then how do you feel about me?
Tiger Tanaka: [the code response] I... love you.
*Bond punches Tanaka in the face*
James Bond: Ugh! What the is wrong with you?! I don't swing that way!

Mr. Osato: You should give up smoking. Cigarettes are very bad for your chest.
Helga Brandt: Mr. Osato believes in healthy chest.
(Bond squeezes Helga's breasts)

[hilly]

Mr. Osato: You should give up smoking. Cigarettes are very bad for your chest.
Helga Brandt: Mr. Osato believes in healthy chest.
(Bond squeezes Helga's breasts)
[/quote]

If this were accompanied by a "honk honk" sound effect, YOLT would be the greatest film in the history of cinema. Fact