38 replies to this topic

[Bondian]

The template sure looks familiar

Title: The Property of a Lady
Release date: December 2010
Bond actor: Daniel Craig
Bond girl's name + actor: Rose Byrne as Gala Brand
Villian's name + actor: Nicolaj Coster-Waldau as head of Quantum
M: Judi Dench
Q: Alan Rickman
Moneypenny: Rachel Weisz
Title song performer: Amy Lee and the Killers
Plot: A TSWLM type of a big, explosive film with a grand finale battle, but still keeping with the realistic, gritty tone of the Craig era
Any other details: Gunbarrel at the start, traditional Bond-M scene, no Bond going roque

Rachel Weisz as Moneypenny is a great choice.

[Kristian]

PUT IN CONNERY, DALTON or MOORE in O.H.M.S.S. AND YOU HAVE THE BEST BOND MOVIE UNTIL QUANTUM OF SOLACE.


WIPE AWAY THAT AUSSIE CHOCOLATE BAR SALESMAN WHO COULDN'T ACT - LIKE EON DID IN THE GUNBARREL - AND YOU HAVE YOUR ING ANSWER.


HOW'S THAT FOR GETTING BACK ON TOPIC?

Yeah? How's that grab you, Ultra-Aussie?

[Ultraussie (Jordan.adams)]

PUT IN CONNERY, DALTON or MOORE in O.H.M.S.S. AND YOU HAVE THE BEST BOND MOVIE UNTIL QUANTUM OF SOLACE.


WIPE AWAY THAT AUSSIE CHOCOLATE BAR SALESMAN WHO COULDN'T ACT - LIKE EON DID IN THE GUNBARREL - AND YOU HAVE YOUR ING ANSWER.


HOW'S THAT FOR GETTING BACK ON TOPIC?

Yeah? How's that grab you, Ultra-Aussie?

Its Ultraussie, not UltraNoob, UltraFag, or any of the other names some people call me....

[Marty McFly]

Title: The Spy With the Diamond P-ssy
Release date: 2011
Bond actor: Keanu Reeves
Bond girl's name + actor: Plenty O'Warmflash (Miley Cyrus)
Villian's name + actor: Donald Trump (Nicolas Cage)
M: Sharon Osbourne
Q: Jar Jar Binks
Moneypenny: Robert DeNiro
Title song performer: "I Can't Get Any P-ssy ('Cause I'm Emo)" by Death Cab for Cutie
Plot: The film begins in Monypenny's office, where Moneypenny (played by a cross dressing DeNiro) is attempting to seduce Bond (Reeves) by trying to force him to go into a BDSM harness ("You a real man Jimmy Boy? You talkin' to me? I'm Moneypenny, and when I tell you I want to stick it up you, I do!"). All of a sudden, M (Osbourne) comes in, and starts laughing hysterically, and makes Bond do it or else he won't go on holiday. Meanwhile, Donald Trump (Cage) kills the real Donald Trump with the help of Handj0b (Played by Ron Jeremy in a Mario Bros. suit). They embark on a quest to capture Plenty O'Warmflash, because she is the legendary Spy with the Diamond P-ssy! While M is watching Moneypenny getting her way with Bond, Q interrupts, and tells them that Trump is after the Spy with the Diamond P-ssy. M shoots Q, and then Moneypenny begins putting Q in the harness while letting Bond go. So, Bond eventually meets with Trump and Warmflash. Trump attempts to kill Bond with his Nicolas Cage voice, but then Bond holds up Q's head, and Trump dies. Bond then takes Warmflash to his room, when they begin having foreplay and eating shrooms. When Bond pulls down Warmflash's pants, he sees that Warmflash doesn't have a diamond p-ssy, but a diamond cat covering her privates. In fact, Warmflash doesn't even have a p-ssy at all! Warmflash takes off her facemask, and reveals she is Handj0b. In a bitter ending, thousands of cats attack him, to which Bond says "Well, I guess a man actually CAN get too much p-ssy."
Any other details:
- Written and Directed by George Lucas
- Originally was a better film featuring better actors, but George digitally repalced them all.
- George chose the name of the title song because he felt it reflected his life.
- Michael Jackson was digitally replaced by Jar-Jar Binks
- This was originally going to be a Batman movie with Christian Bale and Michael Caine, with Ron Jeremy playing the Penguin and Donald Trump playing himself. When George Lucas took over, he replaced Gary Oldman with Michael Jackson as Commissioner Gordon. Also, Rboert DeNiro was added as a random sadistic police officer, because George liked how DeNiro cross dresses in Stardust and deNiro likes to crossdress. Bale and Caine then dropped out, as did Donald Trump, and were replaced by Reeves, Osbourne, and Cage.
- When this changed to a Bond film, Cyrus and Jeremy were digitally changed from Catwoman and Penguin to their new Bond characters.

[The Richmond Spy]

"I Can't Get Any P-ssy ('Cause I'm Emo)"

LMAO

[joshkhenderson]

Title: Property of a Lady
Year: 1991
Bond: Dalton
Everything else: I don't care.

I wish there were more Dalton films.

[ComplimentsOfSharky]

I thought your Risico idea was the most incoherently funny post I'd ever read on CBn until I got to this one.

Title: The Destruction of Overkill
Release date: 2009
Bond actor: Daneil Craig (Or Sam Worthington if its allowed)
Bond girl's name + actor: Wenda Dillans (Jennifer Hawkins)
Henchman Name and Actor: 1337 AKA "TheDragon" (Some guy)
Villian's name + actor: 3835 8053 1337 1648 906 AKA "AwesomePwnerX7"
M: George Lazenby
Q: John Clese
Moneypenny: Jody Foster
Title song performer: The Killers
Plot: 2 computer hackers with their 1337 ways crack into the Wall Street market. Bond is assigned to break into their elite base in The Gold Coast, Australia. Bond does not play Dungons and Dragons, instead he tries to shoot them with a sniper, fails, they escape to Bali, and Bond hides in the cargo hold of the plane. And then it ends in a dramatic finale at the airport with henchmen.
Any other details:

So the movie is about 25 minutes long, has a title that sounds like a poor Chinese translation of Another Way to Die, and involves Bond attempting to kill a bunch of 11 year old Counterstrike players?

Sign me the up!!!!!

[Jose]

Title: Pierce & Tim's Excellent Adventure
Release date: 1989
Bond actor: Sean Connery
Bond girl's name + actor: The Princesses
Henchman Name and Actor: None
Villian's name + actor: None
M: None
Q: None
Moneypenny: None
Title song performer: "I Can't Break Away" by Big Pig
Plot: In the small town of San Dimas, a few miles away from Los Angeles, there are 2 nearly brain dead teenage boys going by the names of Pierce S. Brosnan, Esquire and Tim "Timothy" Dalton, they have a dream together of starting their own rock and roll band called the "Wyld Stallyns". Unfortunately, they are still in high school and on the verge of failing out of their school as well, and if they do not pass their upcoming history report, they will be separated as a result of Ted's father sending him to military school. But, what Pierce and Tim do not know is that they must stay together to save the future. So, a man from the future named James "Rufus" Bond came to help them pass their report. So, both Pierce and Tim decided to gather up historical figures which they need for their report. They are hoping that this will help them pass their report so they can stay together.
Any other details: EXCELLENT! MOST BODACIOUS! (air guitar)

ROFLMAO! YES! EXCELLENT! MOST BODACIOUS! (air guitar)

PUT IN CONNERY, DALTON or MOORE in O.H.M.S.S. AND YOU HAVE THE BEST BOND MOVIE UNTIL QUANTUM OF SOLACE.

Well played.

Title: Property of a Lady
Year: 1991
Bond: Dalton
Everything else: I don't care.

I wish there were more Dalton films.

I agree. Though I would have liked Casino Royale adapted for Dalton with Jean Reno as Le Chiffre, as someone here had already posted. I wonder how that would have been. Ah well.

[Eagle oo8i]

Movie Title: QUANTUM OF SOLACE