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Create the worst possible Bond film


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#31 Daylights

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Posted 03 February 2009 - 11:34 AM

Title: James Bond Lawman

Release date: 2009

Bond actor: Steven Seagal

Domino, the Bond girl: Tia Carrere

Blofeld: Donald Sutherland

Largo, SPECTRE's # 2: Mickey Rourke

M: Bob Hoskins

Q: Dennis Hopper

Title song performer: Hanson

Plot: Kevin McClory is back! Just like he once proved that Sean Connery still was the right man to play Bond, he wants to prove that Roger Moore isn't the only Bond actor who can still sparkle at age 58! This is the third time the plot from Thunderball is going to be filmed, and it's going to be done in a hurry the summer of 2009 in order to be ready for the November release.

Two nuclear warheads are stolen by SPECTRE, and Blofeld threatens the world once again. Bond is called in by M from South America, where he has spent the last several years as a rogue killing machine, a soldier of fortune, due to his many issues with M and MI6. Bond fits into his old tux remarkably easy, and before we know it he is good old James. He infiltrates SPECTRES organization, and uses a girl he finds, Domino, to investigate the mysterious mr. Largo.

Edited by Daylights, 05 February 2009 - 08:40 PM.


#32 Eagle oo8i

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Posted 10 February 2009 - 10:29 PM

Title: Do it with a Metal Stick

Release date: X + 1 where X is the current year

Bond actor: Mike Myers

Bond girl's name + actor: Imma Russiangirl played by somebody russian

Villian's name + actor: Eminem, played by himself

M: James Earl Jones

Q: Arsenio Hall

Moneypenny: Eddie Murphy

Title song performer: my chemical romance featuring Eminem

Plot: Eminem tries to take over the music industry with a song called "Do it with a metal stick". Bond, played by Mike Myers, hates rap music and tries to find eminem. Bond (myers) flies to cuba.
(At this point in the movie, it cuts to a shot of brosnan fighting trevelyan on the cradle thingy. When bond is about to let go of alec, alec says his line "For england james?" to which bond replies "That's What she said", then bond drops alec.)
Then bond (Myers) goes to china, and shoots dead some chinaman.
He gets it on with a russian, from russia,
The movie then cuts to a scene with ernest starvo blofeld is trying to fit a sawed-off shotgun's barrel into his own mouth then pulls the trigger.
Bond then leaves to canada. There, he fights Eminem. Eminem nearly kills him, and bond finishes the fight by throwing a large metal stick like a javelin straight through eminem's heart as the song "Do it with a metal stick" plays on the radio.

Any other details:

EMINEM SUCKS!!

Edited by Eagle oo8i, 10 February 2009 - 10:32 PM.


#33 Conlazmoodalbrocra

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 12:51 AM

EMINEM SUCKS!!


Elaborate.

#34 Eagle oo8i

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 01:59 AM

EMINEM SUCKS!!


Elaborate.



Okay, ummmm....

I hate rap music, I hate Eminem the worst.

Is he the one that sang One Shot?

#35 Jaws0178

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 07:48 PM

He is and the song is called "Lose Yourself"

Walks off singing quietly "You better lose yourself in the music"

#36 danielcraigisjamesbond007

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 03:24 AM

Title: We've Officially run out of Fleming titles, so we're using this really long one in place of a Fleming title. I hope that it works out well...

Release: 2009

Bond: Adam Sandler B)

Bond Girl: Britney Spears/Lindsay Lohan

Bond Villain: Dwayne Johnson

Villain's Henchman/woman: Whomever isn't the main Bond girl

M: Gerard Butler

Q: Zac Efron :tdown:

Moneypenny: Someone from "The Hills"

Title song performed by: Katy Perry

Plot summary:
The main villain is an ego-maniacal man who's desire to destroy the moon grows daily. Eventually, he obtains a nuclear missile and aims it at the moon. Bond eventually catches up to the bad guy and uses his super bad jokes to delay the villain from launching the missile until police can arrive and take the villain into custody.
Basically, the movie is filled with Sandler-esque jokes and infantile humour that a three year old would laugh at, but a thirty year old would be appalled and disgusted with.

#37 Hitmonk

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 04:28 AM

Title: Quantum’s Phantom Menace

Release Date: Over my dead body

Bond: Jimmy Krankie

Bond Girl: Bonnie Langford as “I’ll Scream, I’ll Scream, I’ll Scream” Ethel Brown

Head Prefect: McCauley Calkin

Head Prefect’s Henchman: Metal Mickey

Headmaster: Pierce Brosnan (Bond, it’s what kept me alive!)

Headmasters Assistant: Zoe Ball

Q: Tim Brooke Talyor

Also featuring: Sean Connery as the voice of Bond’s dead father who appears as a ghost and guides him at key points in the film, Gary “What You Talkin about Willis” Coleman as Bond’s friend J.W. Pepper Jr from the States, South Park’s Kenny as the sacrificial lamb, and Richard Branson as “Prick”

Title Song: Whatsherface from Pop Idol singing “Jimmy” (a re-working of Toni Basil’s “Mickey”)

Director: Chris Columbus (with Lee Thamori in charge of the 2nd unit)

Screenplay: Purvis, Wade, + a Pint of Beer, and a Packet of Crisps - based on an original story by Puala Fisch


Plot Summary

The first of the “Young Bond” prequels. The Headmaster is alarmed that somebody in the school has been printing their own school dinner vouchers. Young Bond is asked to get to the bottom of it, but soon uncovers a much more sinister plot in which milk bottles are also being stockpiled in an elaborate attempt to set the different houses against each other…


PTS Sequence – Bond on a skateboard to the tune of the Beach Boys “Fun, Fun, Fun” (as covered by the Jonas Brothers)

Gunbarrel: Young Bond and a Catapult

Closing Line on Credits: James Bond will grow up…

#38 Aris007

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 01:45 PM

Bond: Jet Li
Girl: Paris Hilton

'Nough said!

#39 Della Leiter

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Posted 05 April 2009 - 03:15 AM

Title: Dr. Goldfinger With a Licence to Live and Let the World Die Because It's Not Enough
Release date: There is no way this is being released.
Bond actor: Matthew McConaughey
Bond girl's name + actor: Meow-Meow KittyPurrrr (Jessica Simpson)
Villian's name + actor: Earnest Staff-row Blowfeild (Jim Carrey)
M: Lindsey Lohan
Q: John McCain
Moneypenny: Tom Hanks
Title song performer: NSync feat. Celine Dion
Plot: Isn't the cast list bad enough?
Any other details: George Lazenby and Roger Moore make a guest appearance as a married couple, and Pierce Brosnan is Q's assistant. Sounds like jolly good fun.

Edited by Della Leiter, 05 April 2009 - 03:16 AM.


#40 The Ghost Who Walks

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Posted 05 April 2009 - 08:07 AM

George Lazenby and Roger Moore make a guest appearance as a married couple, and Pierce Brosnan is Q's assistant. Sounds like jolly good fun.


Now that I'd pay to see. Add in Connery and Dalton as bickering twins and Craig playing Bond's pervert uncle, and you've got a winner.

#41 Della Leiter

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Posted 06 April 2009 - 01:26 AM

George Lazenby and Roger Moore make a guest appearance as a married couple, and Pierce Brosnan is Q's assistant. Sounds like jolly good fun.


Now that I'd pay to see. Add in Connery and Dalton as bickering twins and Craig playing Bond's pervert uncle, and you've got a winner.


HAHA, definitely. I think my favorite part, though, would be John McCain as Q. Just imagine... "Now pay attention, my friends, er... 007."

Classic.