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Create the worst possible Bond film


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#1 Joey Bond

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 08:39 AM

In this game you try to create the worst possible Bond film by filling in the following categories

Title:
Release date:
Bond actor:
Bond girl's name + actor:
Villian's name + actor:
M:
Q:
Moneypenny:
Title song performer:
Plot:
Any other details:


For example
Title: Die After Tomorrow (Thai title: Super Dooper Bad Tiger cannot spell death)
Release date: 2012
Bond actor: 59-year-old Pierce Brosnan (returns as Bond to mark 50th anniversary)
Bond girl's name + actor: Ivana Camelot, played by Paris Hilton
Villian's name + actor: Jinx
M: Roger Moore
Q: Sean Connery
Moneypenny: 51-year-old Samantha Bond
Title song performer: Backstreet boys featuring Eminem
Plot: Involves Jinx turning out to be a traitor and travelling through time
Any other details: To celebrate the 50th anniversary, every past Bond and Bond girls make a guest appearance

#2 freemo

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 08:57 AM

There's a obvious joke that I really want to do, but I'm going to try to resist.

#3 Conlazmoodalbrocra

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 08:59 AM

Title: 007 in New York
Release date: Well if you have to wait more than 3 years between the announcement and the release date then that's TOO long!
Bond actor: Not Craig!
Bond girl's name + actor: Agent Sheep played by Natalie Portman
Villain's name + actor: Mathieu Greene (Dominic Greene's twin brother!)
M: Judi Dench, aged 93
Q: Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter
Moneypenny: ???
Title song performer: Alicia Keys & Jack White :(
Plot: Bond must stop Dominic Greene's twin brother from doing exactly the same thing he did in Quantum Of Solace.

#4 Simon

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 10:58 AM

There's an obvious joke that I really want to do, but I'm going to try to resist.

TWODDLE?

No joke

#5 sthgilyadgnivileht

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 11:46 AM

Just start with an original P&W script...........

#6 kyleargyle

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 03:48 PM

Title: Die Another Day
Release date: 2004?
Bond actor: Pierce Brosnan
Bond girl's name + actor: Jinx - Halle Berry
Villian's name + actor: Gustav Graves/Col. Moon/Col. Sun/Richard Branson/Dido - Tobey Stephens
M: Judi Dench
Q: John Cleese (sigh)
Moneypenny: Samantha Bond
Title song performer: Madonna (sigh, again. Well, at least she didn't try to "act" in the movie and...what's that? Really? Sigh.)
Plot: Something about diamonds and Koreans and Madonna and scorpions and there's some swordfighting and a hovercraft and a space laser and an ice palace and Michael Madsen and....
Any other details: My plot outline really DOES look made up, doesn't it? If only it were, friends...if only it were.

#7 BlackFire

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 04:01 PM

^I knew someone was going to make that post...

Title: 007 in New York
Release date: 2010
Bond actor: Daniel Craig
Bond girl's name + actor: Taylor portrayed by Hilary Duff
Villian's name + actor: Sean by Vin Diesel
M: Your Grandma
Q: No Q
Moneypenny: Paris Hilton
Title song performer: Daddy Yankee
Plot: 007 mut go to NY to stop Sean's plan to destroy the city. Taylor is Sean's sister and she tells Craig hoe to kill him. The final fight takes place on the empire state with Sean falling the ceiling.
Any other details:
Ferrari replaces Aston
Craig wears tight Abercrombie t-shirts
Rolex replaces Omega
Moneypenny (Paris) wears mini mini skirts.
Bond gets shot on the leg
No Bond, James Bond line
Bond drops his Martini

C'mon, I win!

Edited by BlackFire, 29 September 2008 - 04:03 PM.


#8 The Dove

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 09:18 PM

Here's a very simple formula for making the worst Bond film ever...just needs one element..

Director : Quentin Tarantino!! :(

#9 BlackFire

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 09:40 PM

Nooo, director: Tim Burton!

#10 Daddy Bond

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 10:19 PM

Title: James Bond vs. Catwoman at Baywatch (Halle Berry returns)
Release date: March, 2012
Bond actor: Jean Claude Van Damme
Bond girl's name + actor: C.J. Parker by Pamela Anderson
Villian's name + actor: Dr. Badguy (Adam West)
M: Eric Estrada
Q: Christopher Lloyd
Moneypenny: Carmen Electra
Title song performer: David Hasselhoff
Plot: James Bond encounters Catwoman while vacationing in Malibu. Romantic tensions mount as Bond must choose between his newfound love (an aging lifeguard who works at Baywatch headquarters) or his mysterious arch-enemy, Catwoman.
Any other details: Do you really want any more details???



#11 Ultraussie (Jordan.adams)

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Posted 21 November 2008 - 11:15 PM

[quote name='Joey Bond' date='29 September 2008 - 18:39' post='926661']
In this game you try to create the worst possible Bond film by filling in the following categories

Title: The Evolution Of Obese People
Release date: 1988
Bond actor: John Travolta
Bond girl's name + actor: Kin Ky (The chick from I Love Lucy)
Villian's name + actor: Bl0w-J0b (Roger Moore)
M: Sean Connery
Q: Desmond Lylwen
Moneypenny: Tim Allen
Title song performer: Weird Al Yankovic
Plot: After the homosexual community drinks an abnormal amount of regular Coke, the Coca Cola company gets many profits. Due to this, much of the Homo community is overweight or obese. Some have been forced to work for :(, who also genetically modifys them for strength. The result is a Bulletproof, 500 Kilogram soilder. 008 is sent on the mission (Played by Steve McQueen). However, 008 is too busy masturbating in his car, and crashes into a truck carrying gay pørno magazines. So 007 is sent on the mission. He is issued a Lamborgini SUV as his car, constantly dancing to disco music on the roof as he has auto pilot on. He arrives at :)s lair in Ireland. He pretends to be an irish man (Kiss me im irish), and gets an abnormal amount of girls, which he enslaves to fight :) in the finale battle. After all the Homo-Fat-Man troops been elimiated, Bond slams ;) into a vat of hot "Milk", and he drowns.
Any other details: Some of the sectors of the Mi6 Base are named after sexual positions, like Building 69, Sector DuggiStile, and Area Cunnin' Linguast.

#12 Marty McFly

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Posted 24 November 2008 - 11:49 AM

Title: The Spy With the Diamond P-ssy
Release date: 2011
Bond actor: Keanu Reeves
Bond girl's name + actor: Plenty O'Warmflash (Miley Cyrus)
Villian's name + actor: Donald Trump (Nicolas Cage)
M: Sharon Osbourne
Q: Jar Jar Binks
Moneypenny: Robert DeNiro
Title song performer: "I Can't Get Any P-ssy ('Cause I'm Emo)" by Death Cab for Cutie
Plot: The film begins in Monypenny's office, where Moneypenny (played by a cross dressing DeNiro) is attempting to seduce Bond (Reeves) by trying to force him to go into a BDSM harness ("You a real man Jimmy Boy? You talkin' to me? I'm Moneypenny, and when I tell you I want to stick it up you, I do!"). All of a sudden, M comes in, and starts laughing hysterically, and makes Bond do it or else he won't go on holiday. Meanwhile, Donald Trump (Cage) kills the real Donald Trump with the help of Handj0b (Played by Ron Jeremy in a Mario Bros. suit). They embark on a quest to capture Plenty O'Warmflash, because she is the legendary Spy with the Diamond P-ssy! While M is watching Moneypenny getting her way with Bond, Q interrupts, and tells them that Trump is after the Spy with the Diamond P-ssy. M shoots Q, and then Moneypenny begins putting Q in the harness while letting Bond go. So, Bond eventually meets with Trump and Warmflash. Trump attempts to kill Bond with his Nicolas Cage voice, but then Bond holds up Q's head, and Trump dies. Bond then takes Warmflash to his room, when they begin having foreplay and eating shrooms. When Bond pulls down Warmflash's pants, he sees that Warmflash doesn't have a diamond p-ssy, but a diamond cat covering her privates. In fact, Warmflash doesn't even have a p-ssy at all! Warmflash takes off her facemask, and reveals she is Handj0b. In a bitter ending, thousands of cats attack him, to which Bond says "Well, I guess a man actually CAN get too much p-ssy."
Any other details:
- Written and Directed by George Lucas
- Originally was a better film featuring better actors, but George digitally repalced them all.
- George chose the name of the title song because he felt it reflected his life.
- Michael Jackson was digitally replaced by Jar-Jar Binks
- This was originally going to be a Batman movie with Christian Bale and Michael Caine, with Ron Jeremy playing the Penguin and Donald Trump playing himself. When George Lucas took over, he replaced Gary Oldman with Michael Jackson as Commissioner Gordon. Also, Rboert DeNiro was added as a random sadistic police officer, because George liked how DeNiro cross dresses in Stardust and deNiro likes to crossdress. Bale and Caine then dropped out, as did Donald Trump, and were replaced by Reeves, Osbourne, and Cage.
- When this changed to a Bond film, Cyrus and Jeremy were digitally changed from Catwoman and Penguin to their new Bond characters.

Edited by Marty McFly, 24 November 2008 - 12:11 PM.


#13 Ultraussie (Jordan.adams)

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Posted 24 November 2008 - 08:41 PM

Title: The Spy With the Diamond P-ssy
Release date: 2011
Bond actor: Keanu Reeves
Bond girl's name + actor: Plenty O'Warmflash (Miley Cyrus)
Villian's name + actor: Donald Trump (Nicolas Cage)
M: Sharon Osbourne
Q: Jar Jar Binks
Moneypenny: Robert DeNiro
Title song performer: "I Can't Get Any P-ssy ('Cause I'm Emo)" by Death Cab for Cutie
Plot: The film begins in Monypenny's office, where Moneypenny (played by a cross dressing DeNiro) is attempting to seduce Bond (Reeves) by trying to force him to go into a BDSM harness ("You a real man Jimmy Boy? You talkin' to me? I'm Moneypenny, and when I tell you I want to stick it up you, I do!"). All of a sudden, M comes in, and starts laughing hysterically, and makes Bond do it or else he won't go on holiday. Meanwhile, Donald Trump (Cage) kills the real Donald Trump with the help of Handj0b (Played by Ron Jeremy in a Mario Bros. suit). They embark on a quest to capture Plenty O'Warmflash, because she is the legendary Spy with the Diamond P-ssy! While M is watching Moneypenny getting her way with Bond, Q interrupts, and tells them that Trump is after the Spy with the Diamond P-ssy. M shoots Q, and then Moneypenny begins putting Q in the harness while letting Bond go. So, Bond eventually meets with Trump and Warmflash. Trump attempts to kill Bond with his Nicolas Cage voice, but then Bond holds up Q's head, and Trump dies. Bond then takes Warmflash to his room, when they begin having foreplay and eating shrooms. When Bond pulls down Warmflash's pants, he sees that Warmflash doesn't have a diamond p-ssy, but a diamond cat covering her privates. In fact, Warmflash doesn't even have a p-ssy at all! Warmflash takes off her facemask, and reveals she is Handj0b. In a bitter ending, thousands of cats attack him, to which Bond says "Well, I guess a man actually CAN get too much p-ssy."
Any other details:
- Written and Directed by George Lucas
- Originally was a better film featuring better actors, but George digitally repalced them all.
- George chose the name of the title song because he felt it reflected his life.
- Michael Jackson was digitally replaced by Jar-Jar Binks
- This was originally going to be a Batman movie with Christian Bale and Michael Caine, with Ron Jeremy playing the Penguin and Donald Trump playing himself. When George Lucas took over, he replaced Gary Oldman with Michael Jackson as Commissioner Gordon. Also, Rboert DeNiro was added as a random sadistic police officer, because George liked how DeNiro cross dresses in Stardust and deNiro likes to crossdress. Bale and Caine then dropped out, as did Donald Trump, and were replaced by Reeves, Osbourne, and Cage.
- When this changed to a Bond film, Cyrus and Jeremy were digitally changed from Catwoman and Penguin to their new Bond characters.


Thats very funny.... Ooops, Miley Cyrus?? And Death Cab For Cutie I have never heard of. Please tell everyone else about this excellent thread to avoid "AtoB" posting.

Heres my fact file on the :(test Bond film ever.

Title: Dear 007 Leader
Release date: 8093
Bond actor: Kim Jong Il
Bond girl's name + actor: Deer Leedere (Kimmy Rox)
Villian's name + actor: Homer Simpson (Jong 'Heres to the dear leader' Wong)
M: George W Bush
Q: John McCain
Moneypenny: Hillary Clinton
Title song performer: "The Dear Leader!!!!" by Kim Jong Il and The Socıalısts
Plot: After leaving his clone lab in Korea, Kim Jong Il also temporarliy changed his genes to look like a Englishman. He then flies to Britain. After applying for a job at Mi6, he soon "Fast Fowards" time to get to a high rank of 00 agent. When he recives his breifing from M and Q (Bush and McCain respietcialy) his DNA disguise wears off. He then whips out a Korean made "Super Kim Future Blaster" and threatens to shoot unless they dont say "Dear Leader, I love you". They refuse, and suddenly they get shot. Suddenly he finds out that Homer Simpson, now president of "United States of Homers" is about to launch his "HomerNuke 4000" on North Korea. Kim Jong il flies his "Super Kim Future Jetpack" and flies to the USH to kill homer. Kim Jong il uses his "Super Kim Future AK-86" and shoots homer. He dies. Super Kim Jong Il retruns to North Korea, were he has a MANDATORY all citenens free to come communist dance party!
Any other details:
There were no actors: Enemies of the state were forced to be an actor foir the film, where they were shot with real ammo. Also the North Korean title is "Dear Leader is god and we love him very mch if we dont he will put you in a concentration camp".

#14 Qwerty

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 02:48 AM

There's a obvious joke that I really want to do, but I'm going to try to resist.


Don't resist the temptation, freemo.

#15 HildebrandRarity

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 03:15 AM

Worst possible Bond film?

Bring back Pierce as an aging Bond and Sean Connery as his long lost father - or possibly as M. Give them 50 percent of the budget plus "points". Make damn sure there's no money left for Space Laser FX a la Diamonds Are Forever.

Have Michael Apted directing the 'drama' and Lee Tamahori fleshing out the 'action' set pieces.

Get Eric Serra to score it and make sure he puts in a technofied Beach Boys cue somewhere during a cool moment an opening pursuit.

Let's not forget to put in a tarzan yell while Bond swings after firing a piton gun. Ensure the best car stunt in ages has a 'kazoo' sound effect.

There'll, of course, be "cameos" from American Bond Girls from each decade...Jill St John, Tanya Roberts, Denise Richards and Halle Berry. Madonna doing an 'extra' "cameo" too.

What else?

Oh yea...Bond gets the biggest clue from a talking parrot and he goes into space with daddy.

Mercifully they stay there.

Luckily, that Bond was only a "code name" according to the End Titles.

#16 Bondian

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 03:30 AM

Title: For Your Bulgy Eyes Only
Release date: To Be Deciphered
Bond actor: Marty Feldman
Bond girl's name + actor: Pussy Havelook (Kate Winslet)
Villian's name + actor: Richard Head (Liam Neeson)
M: Bernard Matthews
Q: Weird Al Yankowitz
Moneypenny: Bette Davis
Title song performer: Adolf Hitler
Plot: James Bond is about to retire. In recognition of his many years working for HMSS, he cooks more than 12 eggs and burns down the MI5/MI6 building.
Any other details: Too gory to mention.

#17 TheREAL008

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 03:35 AM

Title: Tomorrow Never Dies Unless You Die Another Day at the Casino Royale by the Pink Panther.
Release date: 9/9/09
Bond actor: Ashton Kutcher
Bond girl's name + actor: Ashton Kutcher
Villian's name + actor: Ashton Kutcher
M: Eddie Murphy
Q: Eddie Murphy
Moneypenny: Ashton Kutcher
Title song performer: The Killers (I HATE this band)
Plot: Mishaps and stupid stuff are sure to occur when John Bond (Kutcher) has to travel all around Europe searching for AA batteries before he turns into the Incredible Turd at the stroke of Midnight on New years Day.
Any other details: No action scenes, No love scenes, No drama, No sub-plots, No story, No plots, , no antagonists or protagonists; just everyone in a little white room trying to make a movie.

#18 Marty McFly

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 12:15 PM

Thats very funny.... Ooops, Miley Cyrus?? And Death Cab For Cutie I have never heard of. Please tell everyone else about this excellent thread to avoid "AtoB" posting.


Haha, Yep, she'll probably be legal by the time this would come out, but again, its a joke since 1) She's a lil too young, and 2) he never beds her, he ends up getting in bed with Ron Jeremy.

Death Cab for Cutie is an emo band, and its a sure good thing you have not heard of them, their music is aweful. Their songs were featured on some episodes of the American TV program "The OC."

#19 Mister Asterix

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 02:53 PM

Title: Pressure Point

Release date: 007/007/2007

Bond actor: Julian McMahon
Bond girl: Iyusta Beaman by Samuel L Jackson
Villian: Senior Coalknees by Dwane ‘The Rock’ Johnson
Hench: Sniffles played by a CGI Cat
M: Daniel Radcliffe
Q: Jeremy Clarkson
Moneypenny: Amanda Bynes
Title song performer: The Jonas Brothers

Plot:
The British Government has discovered that someone is stockpiling vast quantities of
coal and suspects international coal dealer Senior Coalknees of being involved. MI6 sends British agent James Bond be sent to investigate. Bond soon uncovers an audacious plan to commit ‘the crime of the century’ and bring economic chaos to the world by using a nuclear device to render useless the world’s stock of coal .

#20 Ultraussie (Jordan.adams)

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Posted 26 November 2008 - 12:31 AM

Thats very funny.... Ooops, Miley Cyrus?? And Death Cab For Cutie I have never heard of. Please tell everyone else about this excellent thread to avoid "AtoB" posting.


Haha, Yep, she'll probably be legal by the time this would come out, but again, its a joke since 1) She's a lil too young, and 2) he never beds her, he ends up getting in bed with Ron Jeremy.

Death Cab for Cutie is an emo band, and its a sure good thing you have not heard of them, their music is aweful. Their songs were featured on some episodes of the American TV program "The OC."

Ok. Never heard of "The OC" either. I am glad My Chemical Romance is the best.

e
Q: Jeremy Clarkson

"Now pay attention 007. We have modifed your vocal chords so when you drive a car, you'll say 'Power!!' ever better than I do. It looks cool, but its rubbish. Also M reckons you need a wand..."

#21 DamnCoffee

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Posted 26 November 2008 - 09:50 AM

Title: Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
Release date: November 2010
Bond actor: Sam Worthington
Bond girl's name + actor: Felicity Kate (Milla Jovovich)
Villian's name + actor: Big Finger (Leslie Grantham)
M: Tom Baker
Q: Jeremy Kyle
Moneypenny: Bette Middler
Title song performer: My Chemical Romance

Plot: Bond is sent on a revenge mission to australia by Mathis girlfriend. Only to come across Mr. Big Finger, an expert computer hacker who plans to hack in to the bank of england.

#22 Trey

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Posted 09 December 2008 - 12:15 AM

Title: A View to a Kill
Release Date: June 13, 1985
Bond Actor: Roger Moore
Bond girl's name + Actress: Stacy Sutton (Tanya Roberts)
Villain's name + Actor: Max Zorin (Christopher Walkin)
M: Robert Brown
Q: Desmond Llewelyn
Moneypenny: Lois Maxwell
Title Song Performer: Duran Duran

Plot: An investigation of a horse-racing scam leads 007 to a mad industrialist who plans to create a worldwide microchip monopoly by destroying California's Silicon Valley.

#23 Conlazmoodalbrocra

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Posted 09 December 2008 - 12:21 AM

Title: Diamonds Are Forever
Release Date: 17 December 1971
Bond Actor: Sean Connery
Bond girl's name + Actress: Tiffany Case (Jill St. John)
Villain's name + Actor: Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Charles Gray)
M: Bernard Lee
Q: Desmond Llewelyn
Moneypenny: Lois Maxwell
Title Song Performer: Shirley Bassey

Plot: Bond tracks down Blofeld to seek revenge for the death of his wife. After supposedly killing him, he is assigned to investigate a diamond smuggling case, contacting Tiffany Case and partnering her on a trip to Los Angeles, and eventually Las Vegas, where he pointlessly rides round in a :(ing moon buggy...it proceeds to even more ridiculous heights...

#24 Captain Tightpants

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Posted 19 December 2008 - 08:18 AM

Title: DEATH IS A FIVE-LETTER WORD
Release date: God, I hope not.
Bond actor: Rob Schneider
Bond girl's name + actor: Sexpun (the blonde girl from HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL)
Villian's name + actor: Baron von Babarumba (Mike Myers)
M: Dolph Lundgren
Q: Mr. T
Moneypenny: Katy Perry
Title song performer: Katy Perry
Plot: Vesper is revealed to be Camille's sister, and both are the daughters of Dryden (based on a photo in the CASINO ROYALE pre-title sequence that appears for all of two fetmoseconds). The villain plans to flood a pipeline with gravy, and uses exploding horses to kill anything that stands in his way (like sense). This is possible because daylight savings time is actually a lie designed to make people stay up longer in the hopes that they will confuse car mufflers for condoms.
Any other details: Written by JJ Abrams, Seth MacFarane, Dan Brown and Stephanie Meyer.

#25 Double-0-Seven

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Posted 29 December 2008 - 05:59 AM

Title: Die Another Day
Release date: 2002
Bond actor: Pierce Brosnan
Bond girl's name + actor: Jinx (Halle Berry)
Villian's name + actor: Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens)
M: Judi Dench
Q: John Cleese
Moneypenny: Samantha Bond
Title song performer: Madonna
Plot: Bond gets captured and later ends up in Iceland.
Any other details: The film is packed with bad CGI.

I apologize, I could not resist the temptation. :(

#26 The Richmond Spy

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Posted 29 December 2008 - 06:18 AM

Title: Spies Never Snitch
Release date: 2004
Bond actor: 50 Cent
Bond girl's name + actor: About 25 Bond girls...Bond beds all of them
Villian's name + actor: Diddy (Flo'feld)
M: Dr. Dre
Q: Eminem
Moneypenny: No one female actress, but around 5-6 random women are seen lounging around Bond and M's pre-mission meeting
Title song performer: G-Unit
Plot: Someone snitches on Flo'feld, but it's mistakenly blamed on Bond...then Bond must find out who set him up. The climax is a 30 minute long car chase in which both Bond and Flo'feld go through countless guns and ammo only for both of them to gang up on the actual snitch at the end instead of killing each other.
Any other details: Film is about 90 minutes in length.

#27 Double-0-Seven

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Posted 29 December 2008 - 09:07 PM

Just noticed somebody already beat me to the Die Another Day joke. :(

Here's an original:

Title: Never Live To Die Again Tomorrow

Release date: 2012

Bond actor: Sean Connery

Bond girl's name + actor: Pussy Ryder (Denise Richards)

Villian's name + actor: Blofeld (Joe Don Baker)

M: Judi Dench

Q: John Cleese

Moneypenny: Caroline Bliss

Title song performer: Jonas Brothers

Plot: James Bond comes out of retirement to take on Blofeld, who he discovers survived the fall down the smokestack in For Your Eyes Only. Blofeld plans to drop a nuclear bomb on England, and Bond must stop him. Along the way he meets Pussy Ryder, a woman who is very knowledgeable in the field of nuclear warfare. They team up and head out to stop Blofeld, who is hiding at a space station.

Any other details: For the 50th Anniversary of the series, Sean Connery is called back to play James Bond. Much of the film is a tribute to past Bond films, including Bond going to space and the Bond girl's name. Past actors and actreses are called back to both reprise roles and play new roles. The film grosses over a billion dollars at the box office and inspires EON to return to making Die Another Day type films.

I hope this never happens. :)

#28 007karl007

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Posted 29 December 2008 - 10:17 PM

Here's a very simple formula for making the worst Bond film ever...just needs one element..

Director : Quentin Tarantino!! :(

hahahahhahahahah agreed just one more ingredient p.diddy as bond :)

#29 Captain Tightpants

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Posted 03 January 2009 - 07:05 AM

Title: I AM KING
Release date: Tomorrow, if Diddy has his way
Bond actor: Sean Coombs, otherwise known as P. Diddy
Bond girl's name + actor: Vola Uptuous (Angelina Jolie)
Villian's name + actor: The audience
M: Anybody with a size 34DD bra
Q: Anybody with a size 34DD bra
Moneypenny: Anybody with a size 34DD bra
Title song performer: Rather than spend weeks trying to find a performer, Diddy volunteers to do the title song
Plot: Diddy spends two hours in casinos, on luxury yachts, riding jet skis and surrounded by women with enough botox and silicone in them to keep plastic surgeons swimming in money for years. This all has to do with a plot to launch contaminated cologne ... or something; Diddy Bond is variously seen stocking store shelves with the stuff, so I can only assume he was personally recalling competitor brands. All of this - even the jet skiing - is done while wearing designer tuxedos.
Any other details: All tickets come free with a sample bottle of I AM KING, as does the DVD release.

#30 Professor Pi

Professor Pi

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Posted 04 January 2009 - 05:43 PM

Title: Moon After Tomorrow
Release date: 2004
Bond actor: Sean Moore Brosnan (CGI hybrid)
Bond girl's name + actor: Nurse Yes / Paris Hilton
Villian's name + actor: SilverToe / Mike Meyers
M: Mike Madsen
Q: Rowan Atkinson
Moneypenny: Julia Roberts
Title song performer: Britney Spears / "Silver Tongue"
Director: Lee Tamahori

Plot: Colonel Tan-Sun-Moon had survived the waterfall hovercraft crash, but did not become Gustav Graves. Instead, Bond reveals that to be a mere case of identify theft via a phishing spam email. But the colonel did break his toe in the process, and decides to model his new persona on a famous villain, only to find the rights tied up in a McClory/EON lawsuit. Cast as the baddie, Mike Meyers must settle for the silver appendage instead, as explained in the title song lyric "Silver toes he will pour in his shoe." The plot involves going into space to retrieve diamonds from all the leftover satellites in orbit. The nurse who assists in the broken toe operation, having fallen in love with Bond's picture on a social networking website, defects to MI6 to warn Bond of the Colonel's space race. Q retrofits the Aston Martin to rocket into space. After confronting Silver Toe with his true identity as Colonel Sun/Tan/Moon with the Purvis & Wade dialogue "So you didn't die yesterday and live again today but tomorrow you die, Colonel," Bond kills the villain, but not before he sets his moon space station to self destruct. Bond and Nurse Yes parachute safely to Earth. Rolling in the sheets of the chute, Bond quips, "It's a full moon." Credits roll.

Any other details: Determined to make a sequel to Die Another Day, but out of Fleming titles, EON makes most of the film out of clips from other James Bond and Austin Powers movies ala "The Trail of the Pink Panther." Unable to cast Brosnan in contract negotiations, they opt to follow their CGI success in DAD with a Jar Jar Bond CGI of Pierce's head superimposed on Connery's body with Roger's English accented voice providing the audio. The soundtrack has no score, just dance remixes of Britney's Spears title track. Judi Dench declines to play M, telling the producers, "Call me back when you're willing to start over." The film grosses more money than any Bond movie in history as the general public flocks to what is marketed as a Julia Roberts movie. Despite its special effects, the movie's only nomination is best supporting actor for Rowan Atkinson as Q. The producers decide to go back to the drawing board and announce a prequel Bond for release in 2006. The last line of the credits on the DVD hence read "James Bond Will Reboot in Casino Royale".