62 replies to this topic

[iexpectu2die]

Bond villains always dream up fun, funny and ridiculous ways of killing off Bond. Whether they stand him underneath a rocket, or send a laser up his crotch, they're never short of ideas.

Imagine you're a villain - how would YOU dispatch of the world's greatest secret agent?

Kudos for whoever gives the most imaginative plan

[Please give fun and elaborate ideas, and try to avoid gory descriptions, this is intended as a bit of fun!]


I'll kick start:

We all know 007's favourite drink is a Vodka Martini - shaken, not stirred. But Bond has interfered with my plans one too many times! We'll see just how much he likes this drink! I intend to tie him up, and continuously feed 007 Vodka Martinis! Soon he will be too drunk to even contemplate escape! But the drinks will keep coming! Just imagine, a bound and gagged Bond tied to a restaurant chair whilst a waitor keeps walking over: "another vodka martini, sir?" But 007's protests fall on deaf ears! - he has no chance of survival!

(Sorry to those at AJB who have no doubt noticed that I've posted this over there. Its tough living on two forums!)

[iexpectu2die]

Or, if I was in the mood for giving Bond a quick death, I'd sit him in front of craignotbond for a couple of hours!

[mcsearg]

Tell him hes too old, then get a younger man to take his place....

[Jeff007]

"I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death."

[Blofeld's Cat]

I'd do what Indy did...just draw my gun and shoot him.

[Matt_13]

I'd do what Indy did...just draw my gun and shoot him.

Ditto.

[DaveBond21]

As the deadly villain, Dr Cheese, I would put 007 in my cheese-making machine.

Ha ha ha!!

That will teach the British spy to try and mess with my international cheese sabotage plot!!! I will rule the world and Bond will be on a slice of toast!!!!

[ComplimentsOfSharky]

I'd do what Indy did...just draw my gun and shoot him.

I thought of that but if it's Pierce's Bond, the bullets wouldn't hit him!!!!!!

[Jaws0178]

I thought of that but if it's Pierce's Bond, the bullets wouldn't hit him!!!!!!

He'd pull an Agent from The Matrix with the really trippy sound effects.

I'd place a button on a wall, attached to an anvil, and tell him not to touch it.

[TortillaFactory]

Syphilis.

Too morbid?

All right, then. My colleague Dr. House will explain the second option.

*Dr. House pops a vicodin*

*limp* *limp*

*begins scribbling on the whiteboard*

"Patient presents with sharp, recurring flashes of pain in his leg. He's unresponsive to blood thinners, so it's not a clot. We send him home with some chicken soup and vicodin. S'aright? S'aright. Until he gets the pains in his arm during target practice and nearly shoots himself. We start keeping an eye on him. He's twitchy. On a whim, I tap his knee, and he nearly kicks me over. Now we have two: flashes of pain, and hyperactive reflexes. Anyone? Bueller?"

*silence*

"And at night, the ice weasels come, and he starts bleeding from the eyeballs. No, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. The next symptom is actually a lot more fun. Delusions! Hallucinations! He's transformed from a cool, smart customer into a raving lunatic. Flashes of pain, hyperactive reflexes, insanity."

*silence*

"Come on, people. Don't be shy."

*Dr. Cameron pipes up*

"...late-stage syphilis?"

"Very good, you get a cookie."

"But isn't that treatable?"

"Sure, but some of the damage is irreversable. When the patient heard he would never be normal again, he refused all treatment and checked himself out of the hospital. They found him the next day with a bullet in his brain."

*limp* *limp*

"So, Liz, it was syphilis after all. That's nasty."

*pause*

"I like it."

[Jericho_One]

You just tell him he's not hip anymore.

[DamnCoffee]

Put him in an episode of Midsomer Murders and let him make loads of enemies

[The Richmond Spy]

I'm not entirely sure, but I'd probably lock him in a cell in the meantime. A crappy cell...maybe the one with the vent thats always loud and keeps the room extra hot! Ha! That'll teach 'em.

[Jaws0178]

Tell him every woman on Earth has died.

Edited by Jaws0178, 15 August 2006 - 06:23 AM.

[james st.john smythe]

to quote scott evil "go back in time and kill him when he's on the crapper!"

[Skudor]

When he's otherwise engaged with a lady friend.

[DamnCoffee]

Give him a gun that shoots backwards

[Jaws0178]

Been there, tried that. Didn't work. Still got the stitches

[Shadow Syndicate]

take away his watch. Theres a start

[Trey]

I would somehow capture Bond, and hold a gun to his head and PULL THE FREAKIN TRIGGER! It annoys me so much when a villain in a Bond movie has a gun to his head, has a great chance to kill Bond and DOESNT.

[DaveBond21]

As the evil Mr Quango, I would feed Mr Bond to my killer parrots.

Unfortunately, 007 has a way with birds, and escapes and then shoves me onto a spike....

[bond_girl_double07]

Ok, as an evil Bond girl, I would easily lure Mr. Bond into some 'cough' physical pursuits.. while he's lulled in a post-coidal sleep, I'd give him some poison (he may keep a gun under his pillow, but I keep a syrringe under mine!)

Which is a great plan until in the middle of our 'cough' physical pursuits, I accidentally stick myself and die Man, it's hard to kill bond!

[Joyce Carrington]

Knock him on the head until he stops breathing.

Hmm... of course that probably sounds easier than it is.

[Clouseau]

well i considered the idea of kidnapping Prof. Fasbender to have him build a Doomsday Machine i could use to demolecularize him, but that sort of thing never works.

[DaveBond21]

I was going to feed Bond to my pet python, but he would only kill it....

[Qwerty]

You just tell him he's not hip anymore.

Well then he'd have to hunt down Fat Bastard to get his mojo back then.

[DaveBond21]

Drown him in a large vat of custard...!!!

[MrDraco]

sit him in a chair, one garanteed he cant excape and procceed to remove the toes and fingers of his latest girl as he sits and watches...

then shoot him infront of her.


That was very sick and i'm sorry. LOL but if were going to be a bond villain why not be the best

[bond_girl_double07]

sit him in a chair, one garanteed he cant excape and procceed to remove the toes and fingers of his latest girl as he sits and watches...

then shoot him infront of her.


That was very sick and i'm sorry. LOL but if were going to be a bond villain why not be the best

They tried that in Casino Royale, no?

I see the problem Fleming and others had.. it's really very difficult to think of a scenario that Bond can escape from with any degree of believability that doesn't become absurd.

[Spurrier]

Lock him up in a room with the jealous husband of a woman he has bedded, a chef he has insulted and a tailor he has infuriated.