73 replies to this topic

[Xenia_Onatopp]

"We've decided to turn James Bond into Janice Bond."

[Blofeld's Cat]

"We are here to announce that there will NOT be a Bond #6, and that the production of Casino Royale has been shelved indefinitely. Thank you"

[Qwerty]

"We'd like announce that Martin Campbell has stepped down, and William Shatner has taken over."

[Agent 76]

"We're proud to announce that Bond 21 will be a Die Another Day remake."

[Mister Asterix]

[mra]

[Loomis]

"Of course, this film'll probably turn out pretty much the same as everything from GOLDENEYE onwards. Whatever you may have been told, or felt led to believe, there won't be anything particularly surprising or interesting about CASINO ROYALE."

"We're going back to Fleming. This film will be darker, grittier, more down-to-earth, more intelligent, more adult, and more character-driven than any of the recent ones. We're taking Bond back to basics, with fewer explosions, special effects and over-the-top action scenes. Mind you, we're doing this only because the studio slashed our budget after such a colossal amount was spent on DIE ANOTHER DAY - if it were up to us, we'd happily make another silly sci-fi fantasy epic with face-swapping villains, outer space death rays, and invisible cars."

"Why are we rebooting the franchise with a young James Bond and CASINO ROYALE? Well, actually, what we really wanted to do was make SILVERFIN, but unfortunately Charlie didn't quite get the book finished on time for Neal and Rob to adapt it as the script for the Bond film of November 2006, so...."

"Much of the script is taken from Neal and Rob's screenplay for the Jinx film that got cancelled. In fact, it's pretty much the same script, with the lead character changed to James Bond, the title changed to CASINO ROYALE, and a few such minor modifications."

"We're targeting the pink pound with a vengeance this time round."

[Sun Tzu]

BB: "Now before we begin this conference, it should be recognized that you can only talk when you're holding the yellow highlighter, like I am right now. There is another rule; I am the only one who can hold the yellow highlighter."

"In this next chapter of the 007 saga, we will find Bond showing an affectionate love for fried chicken..."

"We've decided that our target audience must include teenage girls as well, in order to avoid discrimintation of that societal group and guarantee we'll make a [censored]load of money. Therefore, Bond's Aston Martin V8 Vantage will be pink and the headlights will have Roxy stickers on them."

-("Reporter"): "John Connershmith, The London Timeshh. What ish the poshhibiliteh of bringing back the firsht Jamesh Bond, Shhhawn Connereh? You know, he'shh been workin' out. And he'sh alsho mishing out on shleeping with all thosh fine leddiesh."

"Since our fanbase has repeatedly expressed disgust at the writngs of Neal Purvis and Robert Wade, we've decided to hire a new writer. Tom Clancy will be writing the draft for Casino Royale, where NSA stealth agent James Bond will covertly infiltrate a casino without getting caught. And since we've already got a writer, we figured, well, ladies and gentlemen, please meet your new James Bond...Michael Ironside."

[Mister Asterix]

[mra]

[Sam Fisher]

James Bond will have a canine sidekick named Krytpo

[00-FAN008]

"We've decided change the formula around. A spy is supposed to be covert, silent, virtually non-existent. And we've found that in recent years Bond has rapidly brought attention to himself. As a result Bond's attire will consist mostly of t-shirts and blue-jeans, and we've cancelled our agreement with Aston Martin in favour of Ford and their reliable Ford Taurus SE."

"Casino Royale will feature John Leguizamo as Le Chiffre..."

"Mariah Carey will not only perform the theme song to Casino Royale, she will also act as the main Bond girl, solely because of Sean Connery's creative input in this film, and his suggestion that the next Bond girl have, quote, 'A truly gigantic rack.'"

[Sam Fisher]

Producer: Go with me here people.

Casino Royale is actually a planet that's off in deep deep dark space, the other side of the unknown universe. To get there James Bond has to travel thru a circular device called a "Star-gate" But the problem is that he can't get back and he has to play Baccarat and defeat LeChiffre, who speaks some kind of ancient egyptian and has glowing eyes, to get home.

I think this will be the biggesty Bond movie to date. All thanks to the superb writing of Purvis and Wade.

[Qwerty]

[quote name='Mister Asterix' date='29 March 2005 - 12:18'][mra]

[Agent 76]

"Ladies and Gentleman, we present you the new, well...er...not new actually, James Bond , Mr....er...Pierce Brosnan!"

[Xenia_Onatopp]

"We'd like announce that Martin Campbell has stepped down, and William Shatner has taken over."

LOL!!!

[Mister Asterix]

[mra]

[Bondian]

Michael G. Wilson saying "Barbara and I have decided to get married!"

Michael G. Wilson saying "for this one, we have decided NOT to go back to the Ian Fleming novels!".

Michael G. Wilson saying "Charlie Higson did not write 'Silverfin'!".

Sean Connery saying "my neighbours can go forthwith and multiply!".

Pierce Brosnan saying "Jasus, this conference is a little opaque with me not being in the film!".

Shirley Temple singing "on the good ship lollipop!".

[Sun Tzu]

"We've decided to bring back a former Bond villain to play a new one. Ladies and gentlemen...Gert Frobe's freshly-dug up corpse attached to a thin steel pole provided by Friar Steel Works Inc., The leading company in poles for movable corpses! Because steel matters- even after death!

"Bond's new sidekick will be Yub-Yub, a hamster...with attitude."

"Bond infiltrates the ghetto disguised as Eazy-Fresh, a wack- bling-bling player."

"We've decided to show that Bond does have a life outside of saving the world and getting laid, therefore the film will show some of his hobbies, like scuba-diving in the Thames, playing croquet in his posh flat, and dissecting pigeons found in London's Piccadilly."

"In Casino Royale we learn that through a mystic ceremony Bond's body has been taken over by the soul of a deceased ten-year-old boy, therefore Bond will have to fight the urge for ice cream, cotton candy, early bedtime, and Saturday morning cartoons all while saving the world...we really think it has a strong comedic potential."

"As a name tie-in for Casino Royale we've been able to secure an endorsement from the Royale toilet paper company. There will be numerous shots in the film of Bond, and of other characters, wiping themselves during bathroom breaks and smiling at the same time, awed by the comfort each roll provides. In fact, the paper will save Bond's life in one particular sequence where assassin T.P. Whypes is strangled by an extra-tensile length as he manages to climb underneath Bond's stall."

[Sam Fisher]

Toward the end of Casino Royale James Bond decides to join the Catholic Church and enrolls to become a Jesuit priest. Leading to the remake of Live and Let Die, where Bond disrobes and ...we we here at EON won't go into much detail.

[Agent 76]

"We have the great pleasure to announce that the role of Le Chiffre will be played by Bud Spencer"

[Stephenson]

After complaints of CGi effects, we have decided to go back to basics. The next Bond girl will be Jessica Rabbit.

[Qwerty]

"We'd like announce that Martin Campbell has stepped down, and William Shatner has taken over."

LOL!!!

Be a good April Fools joke.

[KPDQ]

In truth we already made Casino Royale with Ioan Gruffudd and released it in 2004 but since it failed to sell a single ticket we figured there would be no harm in trying again with an actor with a personality.

We next hired Rikki Lee Travolta to play Bond in our second attempt at Casino Royale in order to appeal to women but he proved too irresistable and impregnated every girl on the set including our newest Bond girl Britney Spears. Out appologies to Spears' husband Kevin Federline, but the baby is not yours. Thankfully all is not lost with this second attempt at Casino Royale, we have managed to capitalize on the Travolta/Spears affair by releasing footage of them as an adult feature under the title James Bondage 0069. Paris Hilton makes a guest appearance.

We still have hopes for a successful adaptation of our vision of Casino Royale. We are hoping that three times is the charm.

We are proud to introduce our Newest New James Bond, Julian McMahon and returning as his co-star Paris Hilton....Has anyone seen Julian and Paris?....Oh no, not again!

Edited by KPDQ, 14 April 2005 - 04:48 PM.

[spynovelfan]

'Gus Van Sant has been hired to do a shot-by-shot remake of the 1967 film.'

'Clive Owen replaces Colin Salmon as Robinson.'

'The theme song will be performed by The Anti-Nowhere League, featuring Ya Kid K.'

'Alan Sugar is M.'

'Peter Snow is the new Q.'

'The new Schmoo is the new Q.'

'Pierce Brosnan plays James Bond's father.'

[Genrewriter]

"Ladies and gentlemen, the new James Bond: Carrot Top!"

"Bond 21 has been shelved and we're just going to skip ahead to Bond 22 and do Bond 21 in an alternate dimension where Die Another Day has only just come out. God, these mushrooms are making my head spin!"

"Well, Bond's gadgets will be a fondue fork, a needle and thread and some chewing gum that inflates into a BMW."

[spynovelfan]

"Well, Bond's gadgets will be a fondue fork, a needle and thread and some chewing gum that inflates into a BMW."

Oh, I think we might hear that one.

[Mister Asterix]

"Well, Bond's gadgets will be a fondue fork, a needle and thread and some chewing gum that inflates into a BMW."

Oh, I think we might hear that one.

I seriously doubt that. Everyone knows the chewing gum will inflate into an Aston Martin. Geez, what were you thinking?

[Seannery]

"Thank you for coming to our April 22 press conference. Sorry for the last minute notice but we decided to hurry up this announcement because we didn't want our world-wide Bond fans to wait any longer. The next Bond is......"

[RITZ]

Bond has many knew gadgets such as a sonic scredriver, a matter transmitter, a time-slavey relay, a molecular........"

"Please welcome the new James Bond......Mr Christopher Eccleston!"

[Sam Fisher]

Michael G Wilson: For James Bond's 21-24 James Bond shall be portrayed by, oh waitaminute the audience didn't get the chance to vote because the phone lines are tied.

Barbra Broccoli: But the theme song shall be sung bya coop effort featuring Fine Young Cannibals, Faith No More, and My Life With The Thirll Kill Cult. The new Bond girl shall be a volleyball named...wilson

[Sam Fisher]

Michael G Wilson: After a long and hard discussion everyone was SACKED as of right now. Casnio Royale shall be written, produced and directed by Sylvester Stallone and Steven Segal Shall be the next James Bond. Yes Babs,you are sacked also. Now if you'll excuse me I have a Green Day concert to go to but I have an extra ticket so who out there wants to go see American Idiot with the "G man"?

Edited by Sam Fisher, 15 April 2005 - 10:15 PM.