37 replies to this topic

[GreggAllinson]

[quote name='KPDQ' date='5 January 2005 - 17:45']Meatloaf as Odd Job

[Tarl_Cabot]

Title: Never walk away from destiny

James Bond: Pierce Brosnan

cast: Judi Dench, Samantha Bond, Colin Salmon, Joe Don Baker,


and STARRING Halle Berry as Robert Wade's JINX

director:Lee Tamahori

James Bond is on a self imposed retirement after losing the beautiful 009 aka Jenny Funbags, a former lover and collegue, in a operations misshap. Full of guilt and angst, Bond grows out his hair and turns to the bottle while putting on 20 pounds and generally not looking as good as used too...until an offer to return to MI6 comes one day...with the help of Jinx,his other recent former lover and collegue,Bond must get in shape(got to be a montage!) and report to MI6 ready for action....armed with his invisible Aston Martin and his indisputabelbly equal sidekick Jinx, James Bond races to save the world one more time!

[Felix Heavier]

Title: You Only Live and Let Tomorrow Never Die Another Day Twice, On Her Majesty's Finger
Bond: Orlando Bloom
Theme Performed by: Foghat
Directed by: Uwe Boll
Plot: Bond is sent on a mission to save the president of, I don't know, Pepsi, because without product placement we can't have all the awful CGI we so desperately need. Anyway, the president of Pepsi is being held hostage by some generic young villain, who the script says has accomplished quite a lot, but is still lacking in the character development area. All the while, Bond must deal with a sassy Oscar-winning prima donna who shares top billing. And since Uwe Boll is directing, random crappy scenes taken directly from video games will be interspersed between live-action shots. And at no point does Bond show any human characteristics, like love, anger, or the ability to bleed or feel pain.

[satyricrash]

In a world much worse than our own:

Ben Stiller as Ian Fleming's James Bond 007 in
"GoldenDies"

Bond must stop a ring of crafty DVD bootleggers hell bent on flooding the market with cheap copies of Hollywood blockbusters. Should Bond fail, Hollywood falls! Bond meets the Hollywood version of "M", played by Jack Valenti, and the Hollywood Moneypenny, played (more like read) by Gywneth Paltrow. Also starring Drew Berrymore, as the girl who downloads the wrong avi file, Bruce Willis, as the crafty bootlegger Simon Preposterous, Paris Hilton as Ima Skank--the femme fatale, Owen Wilson as the henchman NoJob, Matthew McConaughey as 0018, Matt Damon as 000, George Lucas as Francis Ford Coppola, and special guest star Bernie Mac as the Hollywood Q. Director: Joel Schumacher Running Time: 274 minutes MPAA Rating: PG-13

[SPAWN]

HUGH GRANT IS JAMES BOND OO7
IN
NEVER SAY OOPS SORRY AGAIN
WRITTEN BY RICHARD CURTIS
STARRING:
ROWAN ATKINSON AS M
DAWN FRENCH AS MONEYPENNY
THAT BLOKE OUT OF CASUALTY AS Q
AND
JOE PASQUALE AS NEW SUPER VILLAIN MR. NASTY

BOND GOES UP AGAINST THE SUPER EVIL MR.NASTY WHO IS HELL BENT ON DOMINATING THE WORLD OF LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT WITH HIS FREAKISH ABILITY TO MAKE MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE LAUGH BY TALKING IN A SQUEAKY VOICE. BOND BRINGS DOWN HIS EMPIRE BY CONSTANTLY APOLOGISING AND STUTTERING THROUGH THE ENTIRE MISSION.

[Wade]

HUGH GRANT IS JAMES BOND OO7
IN
NEVER SAY OOPS SORRY AGAIN
WRITTEN BY RICHARD CURTIS
STARRING:
ROWAN ATKINSON AS M
DAWN FRENCH AS MONEYPENNY
THAT BLOKE OUT OF CASUALTY AS Q
AND
JOE PASQUALE AS NEW SUPER VILLAIN MR. NASTY

BOND GOES UP AGAINST THE SUPER EVIL MR.NASTY WHO IS HELL BENT ON DOMINATING THE WORLD OF LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT WITH HIS FREAKISH ABILITY TO MAKE MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE LAUGH BY TALKING IN A SQUEAKY VOICE. BOND BRINGS DOWN HIS EMPIRE BY CONSTANTLY APOLOGISING AND STUTTERING THROUGH THE ENTIRE MISSION.

"Uh, well, actually, my name is ... and I don't mean to be forward or impudent by just coming right out and saying my name, as though it were that important, but, of course, as one in my position, I must carry myself with that demeanor, despite any misgivings I might have about it, and further, not to put too fine a point on it, although that is certainly a possibility ... Bond ... and then, as a way of following that rather inadequate response, I hasten to add ... James Bond ... blast!, I already said "Bond!" I have to admit, I certainly am mucking this up, but in this situation ..."

[Qwerty]

In a world much worse than our own:

Ben Stiller as Ian Fleming's James Bond 007 in
"GoldenDies"

Bond must stop a ring of crafty DVD bootleggers hell bent on flooding the market with cheap copies of Hollywood blockbusters.  Should Bond fail, Hollywood falls!  Bond meets the Hollywood version of "M", played by Jack Valenti, and the Hollywood Moneypenny, played (more like read) by Gywneth Paltrow.  Also starring Drew Berrymore, as the girl who downloads the wrong avi file, Bruce Willis, as the crafty bootlegger Simon Preposterous, Paris Hilton as Ima Skank--the femme fatale,  Owen Wilson as the henchman NoJob, Matthew McConaughey as 0018, Matt Damon as 000, George Lucas as Francis Ford Coppola, and special guest star Bernie Mac as the Hollywood Q.  Director:  Joel Schumacher  Running Time:  274 minutes MPAA Rating:  PG-13

Schumacher directing a 274 minute Bond film? Well said satyricrash, and welcome to CBn.

[SPAWN]

HUGH GRANT IS JAMES BOND OO7
IN
NEVER SAY OOPS SORRY AGAIN
WRITTEN BY RICHARD CURTIS
STARRING:
ROWAN ATKINSON AS M
DAWN FRENCH AS MONEYPENNY
THAT BLOKE OUT OF CASUALTY AS Q
AND
JOE PASQUALE AS NEW SUPER VILLAIN MR. NASTY

BOND GOES UP AGAINST THE SUPER EVIL MR.NASTY WHO IS HELL BENT ON DOMINATING THE WORLD OF LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT WITH HIS FREAKISH ABILITY TO MAKE MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE LAUGH BY TALKING IN A SQUEAKY VOICE. BOND BRINGS DOWN HIS EMPIRE BY CONSTANTLY APOLOGISING AND STUTTERING THROUGH THE ENTIRE MISSION.

"Uh, well, actually, my name is ... and I don't mean to be forward or impudent by just coming right out and saying my name, as though it were that important, but, of course, as one in my position, I must carry myself with that demeanor, despite any misgivings I might have about it, and further, not to put too fine a point on it, although that is certainly a possibility ... Bond ... and then, as a way of following that rather inadequate response, I hasten to add ... James Bond ... blast!, I already said "Bond!" I have to admit, I certainly am mucking this up, but in this situation ..."

LOL....It wold be the first time he world would want Bond to get one right between the eyes!! JAMES BOND WILL NOT RETURN!!