19 replies to this topic

[ChandlerBing]

Wishing to turn away from the doom and gloom of what's on television, I spent way too much thinking about...well, here you go:


Betcha you've never seen this before!

And now for something really original for Bond 22.

I couldn't think of someone to play the girl
Kevin Bacon will play the villain's henchman (the degrees of Kevin Bacon will get better!)
Ray Liotta will play the main villain
Crispin Glover will play James Bond....


Mr. Wint will make an appearance, but not as Mr. Wint.

Crispin's Bond will, of course, say near the end of the movie to the villain, "Hey, you, take your damned hands off her!"

[Scottlee]

LMAO! Ha, that's some funny ****! Thanx for the best laugh I've had all day.

[ChandlerBing]

Your welcome. As a graduate student getting to the tail end of the semester, it's nice to have a laugh, even one as cheap and tasteless as this one!

[ChandlerBing]

For better or worse, there are more where this came from. I haven't got to finals yet!

[BondNumber7]

Crispin Glover as James Bond:

M: You have an assignment 007 and I expect you to carry it out professionally and objectively."

Bond: Listen, if I go to Spain I'll miss my favorite program "Science Fiction Theater."

Felix Leiter: Hey James, why don't you ask her out?

Bond: What if she says no. I just don't think I could take that kind of a rejection. Plus, I think she would much rather go out with someone else.

Leiter: Who?

Bond: Biff

[ChandlerBing]

Oh, my God, I'm laughing so hard right now I'm about to pee my pants.

[Scottlee]

M : What made you change your mind about taking this assignment?

Bond : Last night, Darth Goldfinger came down from the planet Knox, and said that if I didn't rescue Lorraine from Sean Bean's hideout, he'd melt my crotch.

.................

Alec Trevelyn - Do you know what would happen if I handed MY report in in to M in YOUR handwriting? My license to kill would be revoked! You wouldn't want that to happen would you?

Bond : Well, no of course not Alec.

...................................................

Bond : When I confront Graves in the Ice Palace, do you think I should swear?

M : Yes, godammit Bond, swear!

[ChandlerBing]

Oh, sweet Jesus, I think I'm about to crack up! Too late.

[Agent 0011]

OHHH MAN..... thats so freakin funny.!! i have just about died laughing reading these threads. as another fellow college student...that was also a much needed laugh admist my mountain of tests/papers....

[ChandlerBing]

EXT. CUBAN CAFE - DAY

Bond (Jinx) My density has brought me to you.
Jinx: Wait, don't I know you from somewhere?
Bond: Yes! My name is Bond, James Bond...and you're my density...I mean, I'm your destiny....

[Scottlee]

lol Bing

(Picture the cabin at the beginning of the TSWLM. Bond walks in and accidentally startles Anya and her fit Russian friend in mid-shag)

Bond : Uh errrr

Fit russian friend : Hey beat it McFly! This ain't no peep show!

................................

M : I don't know if she's genuine about giving you the Lektor or not. It might help if you butter her up a bit though.

Bond : And say what?

M : For goodness sake Bond! Just say what comes to your mind

(Brief pause)

Bond : Nothing's coming to my mind!!

M : Jeez, Bond. It's a wonder Blofeld didn't succeed with that volcano scam.

Bond : What?

M : Nothing. Look, tell that Tatiana....Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her.....Tell her she's the most beautiful woman you've ever laid eyes.... (glances at Bond). What are you doing?

Bond : I'm writing this down! This is good stuff!!

[ChandlerBing]

After the scene in Goldeneye when M tells Bond what she thinks of him, he comes out and is consoled by Moneypenny.


Bond: I know what you're gonna say, Moneypenny, and you're right, you're right, But she just happens to be my supervisor, and I'm afraid I'm not very good at confrontations.
Marty: She ripped you, James! , I mean she just ripped you! We needed you to go to Russia, James, I mean do you have any idea how important this was, do you have any clue?
George: I know, and all I could say is I'm sorry.

[BondNumber7]

These are getting funnier and funnier.

Bond: Felix, Felix. Last night, Darth Vadar came down from the planet Vulcan and tolled me that if I didn't take Wai Lin to the dance he would melt my brain.

Felix: Ok Bond, lets just keep this brain melting business to ourselves.

[Contessa]

This is too funny, guys!

[ChandlerBing]

Fellow Double O Agent: I can't believe you loaned me your car, without telling me it had a blind spot. I could've been killed.

Bond: Now, now, Alec, I never noticed any blind spot before when I would drive it.

Alec: But, what are you blind Bond, it's there. How else do you explain that wreck out there?

Bond: Now, Alec, um, can I assume that your insurance is gonna pay for the damage?

Alec: My insurance, it's your car, your insurance should pay for it. Hey, I wanna know who's gonna pay for this? I spilled beer all over it when that car smashed into me. Who's gonna pay my cleaning bill?

Bond: Uh?

Alec: And where's my reports?

Bond: Uh, well, I haven't finished those up yet, but you know I figured since they weren't due till-

Alec: Hello, hello, anybody home? Think, Bond, think. I gotta have time to get them re-typed. Do you realize what would happen if I hand in my reports in your handwriting. I'll get fired. You wouldn't want that to happen would you? Would you?

Bond: Of course not, Alec, now I wouldn't want that to happen. Now, uh, I'll finish those reports up tonight, and I'll run em them on over first thing tomorrow, all right?

Alec: Hey, not too early I sleep in on Saturday. Oh, Bond, your shoe's untied. Don't be so gullible, Bond! You got the place fixed up nice, Bond! I have you're car towed all the way to your house and all you've got for me is light beer?

[homerjbond]

Originally posted by ChandlerBing

Crispin Glover will play James Bond....


Mr. Wint will make an appearance, but not as Mr. Wint.

Nice Bruce Glover/Crispin Glover father/son reference, ChandlerBing!

Ok, here's my attempt:

Bond: Wait a minute, Q. Ah... Are you telling me you built a time machine... out of an Aston Martin?

Q: If my calculations are correct, when this Aston Martin hits eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious *****.

[ChandlerBing]

These two guys look so much alike it scary. I mean, I know they are father and son, but still! Then Crispin plays the weirdo henchman in Charlies Angles 1&2, and you see the resemblance. No sign of his other half.

[BondNumber7]

Don't forget that Crispin got hacked up by Jason in Friday the 13th the Final Chapter. God I hate those turkey movies.

[ChandlerBing]

Oh, yes, who can forget that? I thought there was corkscrew involved there, but it's been so long since I've seen it...ah, hell, I'm not about to subject myself to going back and checking THAT one out.,,

[Scottlee]

Crispin's character was almost that of a young George McFly in that Friday sequal. Check out his dorkiness around those pair of fit twins.