PETER GREENAWAY TO DIRECT NEXT JAMES BOND FILM
As the twentieth James Bond adventure "Die Another Day" continues to break box office records around the world, MGM and Eon Productions are already pressing ahead with plans for number 21. Already a director has been found, but not one that any Bondophiles could have predicted.
License to Bewilder
eter Greenaway, best known for beautiful but slow-moving and incomprehensible movies such as "The Draughtsman's Contract" and "The Pillow Book" considers himself to be a surprise choice. "It's not what I'm best known, for, but I'm sure I'll be able to make the violent but fast-moving and incomprehensible world of James Bond my own," he commented, while mysteriously stripping down to his pants and socks.
"art-house"
The new film, which has been provisionally titled "A Seven And Two Noughts", is likely to mark a significant departure from the previous movies, according to star Pierce Brosnan. "Bond has always had to move with the times in order to stand out from its imitators. Over the years we've featured action, sci-fi and even kung fu so the producers thought maybe it was time we went 'art-house'. I hear the money men think we're taking a big risk, but hey, that's what Bond is all about."
Early drafts of the script suggest it will take the form of a sumptuously photographed seven hour long chess game between 007 and Blofeld, interspersed with such typical Greenaway devices as enigmatic time lapse sequences, quotations from obscure literary epics, grotesque animal mutilation, tits and
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. Mr Brosnan was keen to point out that, despite the changes, Bond fans will not be disappointed: "Some people are concerned we might be tempted to cut out some of the hallmarks of the series like product placement or an over-hyped theme song. They needn't worry. Michael Nyman's already started working on the score and I'm told that fans will be able to buy all the zebras and dead swans we feature in the film.""talentless hack"
However, self-appointed life President of the James Bond Fan Club of the Universe, Bruce Cork, told The Brains Trust. "This decision is a travesty. Greenaway is a talentless hack, with no understanding of the Bond ethos. The film will be a colossal insult to the immortal memory of Ian Fleming, and no amount of painterly cinematography, peculiar lists, and full frontal nudity will make up for that."
Producer Michael G Wilson defends the decision however, "The Bond formula can take a little bit of stretching," he commented, "in the last one, we stripped Bond of his license to kill. In this one, we're abandoning the pretitle sequence, M scene, Q scene, chases, gadgets, megalomaniac villains trying to take over the world, exotic locations, coherent storyline and explosions. But the essence of the formula remains."
"four years"
Rumours that the film, whose alternative title is "The Crook, The Spy, His Girl and Her Tits" will take Greenaway four years to prepare have been dismissed by the studio. A spokesperson told us "Mr Greenaway hopes to start production early time next year and plans to shoot the film entirely on location, up his own ****."
