22 replies to this topic

[dodge]

The music critic for Creative Loafing, a local alternative weekly, recently reviewed 200 albums...in precisely ten words each. I thought it might be equally cool for us to have a place to go when we've only the time for a quick ten-word jolt.

Ten words. Not one less or more. Okay if I get the espresso machine into gear?

1) THE YAKUZA: The best film about Japan made by a gaijin director.
2) THE WILD BUNCH: Bloody Sam was never bolder, badder or better than here.
3) QUANTUM OF SOLACE: Rank sushi in a wrap of pomp and lofty pretense.
4) JOHN WOO: Poor John went Hollywood and lost the Wow in Woo.
5) THE GOOD WIFE: A menage a trois of drama, suspense and compelling characterization.
6) LADY GAGA: A big attitude can take a little talent many miles.
7) DAMAGES: Is Patty Hewes the devil? No, simply hell on wheels.
8) DEREK FLINT: Once the hippest, now he plays more like Austin Powers.
9) 24: 8 is great, but let 9 be divine--on screen.

[Santa]

Stella McCartney STELLANUDE perfume: Makes me want to keep sniffing at myself all day.
Sweet potatoes: Velvety deliciousness and healthy goodness wrapped in lumpy red packages.

Is that the kind of thing you mean?

[dodge]

Stella McCartney STELLANUDE perfume: Makes me want to keep sniffing at myself all day.
Sweet potatoes: Velvety deliciousness and healthy goodness wrapped in lumpy red packages.

Is that the kind of thing you mean?

It's exactly what I mean! And thanks for expanding the scope of the thread. Ten-word reviews and opinions can be of absolutely anything. Now here I am wishing for some sweet potatoes and the need to go to Macy's to check out the STELLANUDE.

[Safari Suit]

Some random thoughts on stuff I've come across recenrly

Strepsils Throat Lozenges: Doesn't cure sore throats, but helps. For about five minutes.
The 2010 Oscars: Everything went to everyone you expected, unless you're James Cameron
The Jaws 2 Log: Surprisingly interesting making of book on entertaining but generic film
We Are the World: Does anybody like this song when it's not raising money?
ASDA Supmarkets: Great for DVD bargins, just stay away from the food
Tetris: The simplest video game ever, possibly also the most addictive
Caffeiene: Can't live without it. The theoretical needle in my arm.
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps: Pushed back to win prizes, prizes come at price for audience.
Royal Mail: Great when you're not bothered, too slow when you are
Metropolis: Very important film. Still great entertainment? Of that I'm uncertain

[Loomis]

1) THE YAKUZA: The best film about Japan made by a gaijin director.

Although I'd be tempted to say "the best film about Japan", or even "the best film".

[Santa]

Professor Colin Pillinger: One of Britain's finest scientific brains and all-round dude.
QoS: Anti-climactic, like oranges that are sweet instead of sharp.

[00Twelve]

LOST: Will go down as one of the best dramas ever.
Star Wars Battlefront II: Incredibly addicting, fantastic game that proves geekily cathartic after work.
Trappist ale: Delicious, complex works of art brewed to honor the Savior.
Pipe smoking: Another delightfully cathartic pasttime that taps into the fogey inside.

[Jackanaples]

THE PROFESSIONALS: Between THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN and THE WILD BUNCH, watch this.

POINT OF IMPACT by Stephen Hunter: Boy who watched above movies grows up and writes thrillers.

[dodge]

Was delighted to drop by the Central and savor the shots served up by some. To which I add these new ones:

1) WATCHMEN (THE MOVIE): Graphic proof that films should respect, not adore, comic sources.
2) UMBERTO ECO: An academic who writes what he pleases--pleasing while instructing.
3) KAZANTZAKIS: Zorba's great. But greater: his ODYSSEY sequel and LAST TEMPTATION.
4) BRIAN WILSON TODAY: No genius ever benefitted more from a long nervous breakdown.
5) WORDS: What can't be summed in ten isn't worth a thousand.
6) RAP: Ear rape by gangstas with dreams of becoming new Gatsbys.
7) JUDO CHOP: a rat for not showering us all with his pith.

[dodge]

And:

MARRIAGE: Everyone should marry twice to sweeten bleak hindsight with foreplay.

ROMAN POLANSKI: Let the past be bygones. This old man still swings.

[Judo chop]

JUDO CHOP: a rat for not showering us all with his pith.

Loomis: If Stallone came in a can… Loomis would drink it.

00Twelve: As beer disciples go, he’s as good as all 12.

Santa: Dogs aren’t people, but were they, Santa’d be bitch #1.

And lastly, for my friend Dodge:

Pardon my lithp, as I shower you with rat pith.

[Judo chop]

Daylight Savings Time: Where is it being saved, and when can we collect?

[Loomis]

JUDO CHOP: a rat for not showering us all with his pith.

Loomis: If Stallone came in a can… Loomis would drink it.

I hope you mean this in the sense of "if Stallone were available in the form of a canned drink", because the other possible meaning.... well, even I would draw the line at that. And I've sat through DRIVEN twice!

[Santa]

Santa: Dogs aren’t people, but were they, Santa’d be bitch #1.

I'm not impressed. Couldn't you come up with anything... prettier than that?

Flat feet: Irritating and painful all the way from foot to hip.

[Judo chop]

JUDO CHOP: a rat for not showering us all with his pith.

Loomis: If Stallone came in a can… Loomis would drink it.

I hope you mean this in the sense of "if Stallone were available in the form of canned drink", because the other possible meaning.... well, even I would draw the line at that. And I've sat through DRIVEN twice!

All of my statements are full of… meanings.

I must say I have mixed feelings about your response, Loom. Equal parts relief and disappointment.

[Judo chop]

Santa: Dogs aren’t people, but were they, Santa’d be bitch #1.

I'm not impressed. Couldn't you come up with anything... prettier than that?

SANTA: Joan Collins would be proud. Joan of Arc? Mmm… not-so-much.

HYPHENS: When you’re limited to ten-words-or-less, they replace dogs as man’s-best-friend.

[stromberg]

4) BRIAN WILSON TODAY: No genius ever benefitted more from a long nervous breakdown.

And I've sat through DRIVEN twice!

Amazing. That one even bombed over here, even though it has one of Germany's most popular (and IMHO equally talentless) actor Till Schweiger (Ing. Basterds' Hugo Stieglitz)

HYPHENS: When you’re limited to ten-words-or-less, they replace dogs as man’s-best-friend.

Use of German language would be helpful here, as it allows you to create monster words like Donaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitänsmütze (hat belonging to a captain of the Danube steamboat company - there you have your ten words, all in one) without having to use hyphens

[dodge]

Some interesting new responses. Judo, you're right on the money re judicious juse of hyphens. And Stromberg's left me wishing for more dandy portmanteaus. All in all, a good day to drop me ye olde Central for a couple of good quick jolts.

[dodge]

GOOD NEWS RE JUDO CHOP: I've checked the pubs and learned what's been ale-ing him.

[elizabeth]

The Great Gatsby: The best film about the 20s made in the 70s.

[B. Brown]

John Barry's "You Only Live Twice": A truly inspiring score that captures the essence of Japan.

[dodge]

Thanks to B Brown and Elizabeth for their canny contributions. Though I hadn't the strength or time to rival that music critic's compilation of 200 10-word reviews, I was determined to try my hand at an extended list. The result: a list of 40, many about James Bond.

1) 2001: It might have been more aptly called A SPACED OUT-YSSEY.
2) JAWS: Alas, the last masterpiece of cinematic terrorism by Steven Awesome.
3) SHERLOCK HOLMES (THE NEW FILM): Who says a stodgy Victorian eccentric can't rock the house?
4) MICKEY ROURKE: From Pretty Boy to Magnificent Beast, lion-hearted Mick still roars.
5) SEAN CONNERY (BONDS 1-4): A rrrrrugged, virrrrrile rrrrrogue who charrrrrmed us while drrrrropping jaws.
6) FRWL: Still waiting for a villain half as great as Grant.
7) HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL: Ignorance of Paladin is ignorance of Bond. Shame on y'all!
8) PETER GUNN: Mancini's rousing anthem roars, 'Folks, we've got a winner here!'
9) AVTAK: God, spare us the memory of Grace Jones in bed.
10) PURVIS & WADE: Two assassins hired to beat Bond to death with cliches.
11) DAN CRAIG 1: Another Bonder like ROYALE will crown him as the king.
12) DAN CRAIG 2: Another Bonder like QUANTUM will launch a blowback of Boos.
13) HALLE BERRY'S JINX: Proof that even a beauty with terrific knockers can repulse.
14) JOHNNY STACCATTO (John Cassavette's old TV show): Cassavetes made a fine hero before becoming the go-to Psycho.
15) LOST: No great idea has ever bled to death more slowly.
16) AMERICAN IDOL: Don't send this show to Hollywood without Simon or Paula.
17) DAN CRAIG 3: Almost unrivaled so far in his dismal choice of non-Bonds.
18) BROOZA 1: His legacy and reputation hinge on Dan Craig's third outing.
19) BROZZA 2: Prediction: Soon we'll all pine for his more polished charm.
20) MARTIN CAMPBELL: So good he doesn't need to call attention to himself.
21: JOHN GLEN: So bad he had no self to call attention to.
22: OHMSS 1: One-time Bond goes toe-to-toe with Con and kicks Scot's butt.
23: OHMSS 2: Unsurprisingly, its great script wasn't written by Purvis and Wade.
24: MARC FORSTER: I was right: the anti-Christ was let into the tent.
25: DAF: Con's flabby Bond suggests a lot less sweat then suet.
26: ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ: Don Siegel always knew how to free Eastwood the Actor.
27: OLIVER REED: The greatest nasty actor to gross--er, grace--the screen.
28: STRAW DOGS: Only Sam could have transformed wee Dustin into a bruiser.
29: SHALAKO: Abysmal. Hopefully, Con at the least got to nail Bardot.
30: THE ANDERSON TAPES: Fine film tanked by shock of Sean without a rug.
31: TAKEN: Oh, Liam Neeson...From the glory of this to TITANS?
32: THE LONGEST YARD (ORIGINAL): Burt Reynolds' best: a classic blend of comedy, drama, action.
33: BURT REYNOLDS: Blew his comeback after BOOGIE NIGHTS with rancorous, bitter remarks.
34: BOSTON LEGAL: Denny Crane blew memories of Captain Kirk right into space.
35: JAMES SPADER: Real comeback film potential, but needs to shed some pounds.
36: KILL BILL 1 & 2: You must love both parts or you can't love the film.
37: THE END: Young Burt could make even dying seem sexy and fun.
38: CHINATOWN: Its title has entered the language. Polanski's and Nicholson's best.
39: LEE MARVIN: A unique presence and delivery style that are sorely missed.
40: THE PROFESSIONALS: Lee Marvin at his toughest. Rocks trembled when he passed.

[elizabeth]

ROBERT REDFORD (in The Great Gatsby): He's got the charm, the hair, everything to spaz over.

(and I do! )

Edited by elizabeth, 24 March 2010 - 09:53 PM.