13 replies to this topic

[Mr. Blofeld]

Okay, folks, here's Blofeld's CapCon XI!



Cutoff time's two Saturdays hence; 'til then... begin!

[danielcraigisjamesbond007]

I TOLD you! Putting those atomic bombs underwater was a bad idea! But would you listen to me? NOOOOO!

[danslittlefinger]

Today's FRWL Water Polo League Results:
Blofelds Cat - 12 Siamese Fighting Fish - 0

[Jaws0178]

In an effort to make Dr. No's lair more clean, Blofeld send his cat to act as an algae eater.

[danslittlefinger]

"You know, this sort of behaviour could qualify as sexual harassment."

[Jose]

Leave me to die in Stromberg's underwater base, huh? I think not!

[SPECTRE ASSASSIN]

Not quite Bond's idea of a wet pussy

[Blofeld's Cat]

I'll say it one more time...I prefer my martinis DRY!

[Jim]

CAT: ... kick your ing ! I want you off the ing set, you prick!

MINION: I'm sorry.

CAT: No, don't just be sorry! Think for one ing second! What the are you doing? Are you professional or not?

MINION: Yes, I am.

BALE: Do I ing prowl around and rip down - no, shut the up, Blofeld! Do I scamper - no! Nnno! Don't shut me up!

BLOFELD: I'm not shutting you up.

CAT: Am I gonna scuttle around and rip your ing boilersuit and hardhat and weird computer terminal down? In the middle of a scene? Then why the are you walkin' right through? 'Oh, dah-dah, dah-dah,' like this in the background. What the is it with you? What don't you ing understand? You got any ing idea about, hey, it's ing distracting having somebody walkin' up behind Blofeld in the middle of the ing scene? Gimme a ing answer! What don't you get about it?

MINION: I was looking at the pirhanas.

CAT: Ohhhhh, goooood for you! And how were they? I hope they were ing good, because they're useless now, aren't they?

MINION: OK.

CAT: 's sake, man, you're amateur. McGuy, you have ing somethin' to say to this ?

DIRECTOR GUY 'McGUY' HAMILTON: I didn't see it happen.

CAT: Well, somebody should be ing watchin' him and keepin' an eye on him.

McGUY: Fair enough.

CAT: It's the second time that he doesn't give a about what is goin' on in front of the camera. All right? I'm tryin' to ing do a scene here and I'm goin': 'Why the is Boilersuited Minion walkin' in there? What is he doin' there?' Do you understand, my mind is not in the scene if you're doin' that.

MINION: I absolutely apologise. I'm sorry, I did not mean anything by it.

CAT: Stay off the ing set, man. For 's sake. Right, let's go again. No, let's not take a ing minute, let's go again! And let's not have you ing walkin' in! Can I have Tom put this flea collar on, please?

McGUY: Tom, wardrobe and scratching post, please. Can I have Tom, wardrobe, scratching post, worming tablets and vivisectionist?

CAT: You're unbelievable, man. You're un-ing-believable. Number of times you're strollin' around in the background. I've never had a deadmeat boilersuited hardhat minion behave like this. Ahhhhh, you don't ing understand what it's like workin' with cats, that's what that is.

MINION: No, that's not...

CAT: That's what that is, man, I'm tellin' you! I'm not askin', I'm tellin' you. You wouldn't have done that otherwise.

MINION: No, what it is, is looking at the pirhanas, and making sure that you were. . .

CAT: [sound of something being knocked over] I'm gonna ing scratch your ing eyeballs if you don't shut up for a second, alright?

VARIOUS VOICES: Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat, it's cool, it's cool.

CAT: I'm gonna go, you want me to ing cough up a furball? Do you want me to ing eat your ing pirhanas? Then why are you trashin' my scene?

MINION: I'm not tryin' to trash.

CAT: You are trashin' my scene! You do it one more ing time, and I ain't walkin' on this set if you're still hired. I'm ing serious. You're a nice guy! You're a nice guy! I'll lick your face! I'll purr in your lap! But that don't ing cut it when you're ing and ing around like this on set!

McGUY: I got it, I know, I get it.

CAT: Yeah, you might get it, he doesn't ing get it! You might. He! Does! Not! Get it! Mee. ing. Ow.

McGUY: I know. Good adjustments, OK? For real. Honestly. I get it. Just walk for five seconds, just for five seconds.

CAT: No, I don't need any ing walkin'! Or ing grooming. Or ing feeding tasty morsels in a rich ing jelly. He needs to stop walkin'!

McGUY: I get that!

CAT: I ain't the one walkin'! Let's get Tom and put this flea collar back on, let's go again. Seriously, man, you and me, we're ing done professionally. ing ...

...and that ing bathosub's still ing leaking...

[danslittlefinger]

Operation "Put Toilet Lid Down" - (failed)

[MkB]

*bump*

I believe this contest deserves a winner!

Mr. Blofeld, what about you Cat's caption?

[danslittlefinger]

*bump*

I believe this contest deserves a winner!

Mr. Blofeld, what about you Cat's caption?

bump

[danielcraigisjamesbond007]

*bump*

I believe this contest deserves a winner!

Mr. Blofeld, what about you Cat's caption?

bump

Bump!

[Mr. Blofeld]

Ooo-kay, folks... the WINNERS!

9th Place:

"You know, this sort of behaviour could qualify as sexual harassment."

8th Place:

Operation "Put Toilet Lid Down" - (failed)

7th Place:

I'll say it one more time...I prefer my martinis DRY!

6th Place:

Today's FRWL Water Polo League Results:
Blofelds Cat - 12 Siamese Fighting Fish - 0

5th Place:

Leave me to die in Stromberg's underwater base, huh? I think not!

4th Place:

In an effort to make Dr. No's lair more clean, Blofeld send his cat to act as an algae eater.

3rd Place:

Not quite Bond's idea of a wet pussy

2nd Place:

I TOLD you! Putting those atomic bombs underwater was a bad idea! But would you listen to me? NOOOOO!

…and the clear winner:

CAT: ... kick your ing ! I want you off the ing set, you prick!

MINION: I'm sorry.

CAT: No, don't just be sorry! Think for one ing second! What the are you doing? Are you professional or not?

MINION: Yes, I am.

BALE: Do I ing prowl around and rip down - no, shut the up, Blofeld! Do I scamper - no! Nnno! Don't shut me up!

BLOFELD: I'm not shutting you up.

CAT: Am I gonna scuttle around and rip your ing boilersuit and hardhat and weird computer terminal down? In the middle of a scene? Then why the are you walkin' right through? 'Oh, dah-dah, dah-dah,' like this in the background. What the is it with you? What don't you ing understand? You got any ing idea about, hey, it's ing distracting having somebody walkin' up behind Blofeld in the middle of the ing scene? Gimme a ing answer! What don't you get about it?

MINION: I was looking at the pirhanas.

CAT: Ohhhhh, goooood for you! And how were they? I hope they were ing good, because they're useless now, aren't they?

MINION: OK.

CAT: 's sake, man, you're amateur. McGuy, you have ing somethin' to say to this ?

DIRECTOR GUY 'McGUY' HAMILTON: I didn't see it happen.

CAT: Well, somebody should be ing watchin' him and keepin' an eye on him.

McGUY: Fair enough.

CAT: It's the second time that he doesn't give a about what is goin' on in front of the camera. All right? I'm tryin' to ing do a scene here and I'm goin': 'Why the is Boilersuited Minion walkin' in there? What is he doin' there?' Do you understand, my mind is not in the scene if you're doin' that.

MINION: I absolutely apologise. I'm sorry, I did not mean anything by it.

CAT: Stay off the ing set, man. For 's sake. Right, let's go again. No, let's not take a ing minute, let's go again! And let's not have you ing walkin' in! Can I have Tom put this flea collar on, please?

McGUY: Tom, wardrobe and scratching post, please. Can I have Tom, wardrobe, scratching post, worming tablets and vivisectionist?

CAT: You're unbelievable, man. You're un-ing-believable. Number of times you're strollin' around in the background. I've never had a deadmeat boilersuited hardhat minion behave like this. Ahhhhh, you don't ing understand what it's like workin' with cats, that's what that is.

MINION: No, that's not...

CAT: That's what that is, man, I'm tellin' you! I'm not askin', I'm tellin' you. You wouldn't have done that otherwise.

MINION: No, what it is, is looking at the pirhanas, and making sure that you were. . .

CAT: [sound of something being knocked over] I'm gonna ing scratch your ing eyeballs if you don't shut up for a second, alright?

VARIOUS VOICES: Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat, it's cool, it's cool.

CAT: I'm gonna go, you want me to ing cough up a furball? Do you want me to ing eat your ing pirhanas? Then why are you trashin' my scene?

MINION: I'm not tryin' to trash.

CAT: You are trashin' my scene! You do it one more ing time, and I ain't walkin' on this set if you're still hired. I'm ing serious. You're a nice guy! You're a nice guy! I'll lick your face! I'll purr in your lap! But that don't ing cut it when you're ing and ing around like this on set!

McGUY: I got it, I know, I get it.

CAT: Yeah, you might get it, he doesn't ing get it! You might. He! Does! Not! Get it! Mee. ing. Ow.

McGUY: I know. Good adjustments, OK? For real. Honestly. I get it. Just walk for five seconds, just for five seconds.

CAT: No, I don't need any ing walkin'! Or ing grooming. Or ing feeding tasty morsels in a rich ing jelly. He needs to stop walkin'!

McGUY: I get that!

CAT: I ain't the one walkin'! Let's get Tom and put this flea collar back on, let's go again. Seriously, man, you and me, we're ing done professionally. ing ...

...and that ing bathosub's still ing leaking...

Jim, you're up!