40 replies to this topic

[M_Balje]

Bond girls in bond 21.
Bond Villians in Bond 21.
Bond Friends in Bond 21.

[Blue Eyes]

I'd like to see Shatterhand as the villain.

As for the Bond girl, gimme a while to come up with the right connotations

[Harmsway]

DAD SPOILERS

Shatterhand would make a good villain - but Blue Eyes, are you sure that whoever is the surving villain in DAD won't make it here? Perhaps there won't be a new villain. But knowing you, you probably know the whole film from start to finish and are unwilling to share with the rest of us - just for our protection. If I didn't know better, I'd start to confuse you with MGM. But now that I think about it, I probably wouldn't. MGM doesn't want us to know anything.

[HailtotheKing]

I would like to see the name Shatterhand used in a "real" film as well. I have used the name in my upcoming script for a tribute film but that's different.

Gala Brand for a Bond girl. One of the names from the book that never got used, it needs to be used!

[Blue Eyes]

Originally posted by Harmsway
But knowing you, you probably know the whole film from start to finish and are unwilling to share with the rest of us - just for our protection. If I didn't know better, I'd start to confuse you with MGM. But now that I think about it, I probably wouldn't. MGM doesn't want us to know anything.

Hey! I'm protecting you from twists. MGM are protecting you from knowing there are other Bond films apart from Die Another Day and that Sean Connery once played Bond!

[Jim]

Bonanza Jugarama for the girl
Or Ecstasy Festival
Or Titwitch McCavity

Or something like that.

For the villain? Zapruder Videotape

[Blue Eyes]

hah, the Kennedy Assassination as the villain. Interesting idea there

[Blofeld's Cat]

Originally posted by Blue Eyes
As for the Bond girl, gimme a while to come up with the right connotations

Well, I've already used Virginia Geespot, so how about Jenny Talia, or Connie......? No, better not.

As for the villain? John Smith, John Hancock, etc.

[Evil Doctor Cheese]

Once again BC you sail the high seas of bad taste!

Myself I'd like to see a proper woman villian like a female Goldfinger... possibly played by Maggie Smith... called Diana Virtue.

[Loomis]

While we're on the subject of character names, here's my idea for Bond 21:

Title:
THE THINGS I DO FOR ENGLAND (title turns out to refer not to Bond but to the main villain, who is English)

Bond's Friends:
CARLO CAVALETTI (benevolent Italian mafia kingpin; a warm-hearted criminal boss [yeah, right] along the lines of Ali Kerim Bey, Marc-Ange Draco and Milos Columbo)
FELIX LEITER (retired CIA agent living in Italy)

Bond Villians:
SIR LIONEL CORNELIUS (corrupt British politician who gains effective control of the secret service)
SOL HORROR and SLUGSY MORANT (mafiosi who plot to take over the Cavaletti organisation from within)
HAWKINS (Sir Lionel's supercilious butler, and a coldblooded, efficient killing machine; imagine John Gielgud in Arthur crossed with Rambo)

Bond Girls:
REIKO GOLDMAN (CIA agent, Japanese-American, working in London)
CLAUDIA CORNELIUS (daughter of Sir Lionel, early 20s, whom Bond seduces to learn more about her father)
LUCRETIA CASINI (Rome-based assassin for the mob - think Xenia Onatopp meets supermodel, instantly recognisable as the "bad Bond girl", and very, very bad indeed; Bond kills her shortly after he "has" her)
JASMINE FOX (British secret service martial arts instructor; has a particularly memorable session on the judo mats with Bond)

PLOT: Sir Lionel Cornelius is put in charge of the British secret service. Bond learns that Sir Lionel is connected by marriage to the Cavaletti crime syndicate and has been using British agents (without their knowledge) to carry out smuggling and assassinations on the mobsters' behalf. Digging deeper, and teaming up with CIA agent Reiko Goldman and her former mentor Felix Leiter, Bond discovers Sir Lionel's alliance with Slugsy and Horror, renegade mafiosi plotting to unite and take over the "families" of Italy and the United States. Sir Lionel's ultimate goal is to manipulate both the British secret service and the world's wiseguys in order to kill several members of the Royal Family, as well as various Western and African leaders, at the same time as exploitiing conflicts in the Middle East and the Indian subcontinent, setting in motion a train of events that he believes will result in the re-establishment of the British Empire. Bond seduces Claudia Cornelius to learn more about her father (Sir Lionel has her killed) and gains the trust of mob boss Carlo Cavaletti. Sir Lionel orders his mistress, assassin Lucretia Casini, to seduce and murder Bond, but - needless to say - Bond turns the tables on her. Slugsy and Horror end up falling out, and one of them comes over to Bond's side. Sir Lionel orders a group of 00 agents to hunt down Bond, who manages to evade them and makes it to Lisbon, preventing the first of Sir Lionel's planned atrocities against world leaders. His deceptions and evil schemes exposed, Sir Lionel vanishes, along with his psychopathic manservant, Hawkins. Bond and Reiko Goldman (who is revealed to have Yakuza connections) trace them to Hiroshima, where Bond confronts and kills them.

LOCATIONS: London, Rome, Cayman Islands, Miami, Lisbon, Hiroshima.
DREAM CASTING: Pierce Brosnan as James Bond, Charles Dance as Sir Lionel Cornelius, Giancarlo Giannini (Hannibal) as Carlo Cavaletti, Christopher Walken as Felix Leiter.

[spankymoore7]

very interesting loomis! are you going to write a fan fiction? i would really like to read one on The Things I Do for England.

[marktmurphy]

How about Wilma Eyeswater as the girl? Or Wilma Boxsplit, or other such filthiness.

[Harmsway]

Originally posted by Blue Eyes


Hey! I'm protecting you from twists. MGM are protecting you from knowing there are other Bond films apart from Die Another Day and that Sean Connery once played Bond!

I know. I just get a bit flustered sometimes! Darn it, I can't wait for Nov. 22!

[Xenobia]

How about some of these for the girls:

Dodo Bayaeva
Sue Friendly
Ting Ling
Patience Unconquo

I have others...I will find them.

-- Xenobia

[Loomis]

Sue Friendly and Ting Ling are classics!

[Loomis]

Incidentally, is there a fan fiction place on this site anymore? I wouldn't mind posting some stuff but I can't seem to find it....

[rubixcub]

Shatterhand all the way for villain name. Make that title, too.

Girls: only name I've got for right now is Cleo Taurus. Might make that Clea instead of Cleo, depends on how safe you want to play it.

Dave

[Bryce (003)]

I've got an idea for a pair of girls. A bit of Bambi & Thumper was my insperation for...

Summer & Winter

Summer - Always wears red (or some red) and very warm.

Winter - Brrrrrr. Always wears Blue and very cold and calculating.

Both have to be knockouts.

[Icephoenix]

Originally posted by Loomis
Incidentally, is there a fan fiction place on this site anymore? I wouldn't mind posting some stuff but I can't seem to find it....

Due to the closer of CMGN the fan-fic section went with it, but dont worry, it is returning in a a few weeks.

[IrishCrown]

Why not bring in Holly Goodhead's sister, Lotta Goodhead? Or maybe go with a relative of Domino, her sister Digiorno? Just a few thoughts.

[Mister Asterix]

Villain: Soloman Hock

Girls: Randi Kittens, Gretchen Yorbach

Henches: Tic, Tac, and Toe

Friends: Quarell III

[Jim]

Villain: Clint O'Ris (Bond is the only man who can find him)

Girls: Virginie Hymen; Precious Lactate; Fanny Clamflaps

In that "vein"

[Blofeld's Cat]

Originally posted by Jim
Villain: Clint O'Ris (Bond is the only man who can find him)

Girls: Virginie Hymen; Precious Lactate; Fanny Clamflaps

In that "vein"

And I thought I was rude, crude, and lewd!

[1q2w3e4r]

Villian(S): Christopher Skase, Alan Bond.

Anyone in Australia is bound to know what I'm on about. Skase could have been a Bond villian too. Pulled more tricks than Blofeld.

[Cyris]

Villain: Vincent Vin La Rougue (a vinbaron)

Girls: Maxime Nightingale
Chrysalis Fanfare

[jetsetwilly]

How about Fanny Golightly?

As A Bond Girl, obviously

[Icephoenix]

How about this for a female henchman - Orgasm Organism

[Jim]

Girls:

Labia Tickle (Bond's secretary. "Comes" good on her innuendos)

Tit-tit Ryde-Mi (Let's say she's a Japanese Secret Service agent. Dies when stabbed from behind in a mass of thrashing bodies, despite Bond's efforts to rescue her by shouting "Ryde-Mi, Ryde-Mi" as loudly as he can, then smirking in a smug way and inserting his cigar...although quite where is another matter)

Fellatio (the villain's bird, who Bond nicks. Obviously what Fleming wanted to call Domino...Wait 'till you get to my teeth)

Jooce Mebabye (Treacherous strumpet with a...trumpet (could be very, very rude))

Liq-Mai Lovepump (Dr Lovepump of...let's say...NASA or UNESCO or NABISCO or "a nuclear physicist")

Villain:

The anarchist collective known as "Fraternity of Unlicensed Contract Killers" headed up by the blind (did his mother never warn him about "that"?) and mysterious "O", and his henchmen "Uh" and "Ah" and "Uhhhhh....Godddd" (Uh's genetically engineered superhuman twin brother)

Plot: The usual twaddle. Film will involve missiles, trains and tunnels, no obvious acting, cars with big engines, guns et cetera

References (for these we must have): In a reference to Octopussy (fnarr), instead of Vijay Thing, we have ex-Prime Minister of India Mr VadgePie or however you spell it. Because it's a rude name.

Tagline: "Never mind the other fella, this hasn't happened to me before. Honest."

Title: "The Facts of Death"...oh damn...OK..."Sticky White Love Piss"...ummm...may be hard to market in Idaho...umm..."XXX XXX"...or not...or On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix...potentially seditious libel...or "Incest Qui Trust"...sounds foreign...use something that'll rhyme well in the theme song..."Death Leaves a Stain"...yeah, that'll do

Rating: 12A, obviously

[Evil Doctor Cheese]

Sticky White Love Piss! What a title! Never laughed so much at a post in my life! The pure, unexpected filth! Well tickle my love pump!

You're highly comic disillusion with modern Bond continues I see!

[stromberg]

Originally posted by HailtotheKing
I would like to see the name Shatterhand used in a "real" film as well.

That would absolutely confuse the German audience.
This is mostly unknown outside of Germany: We have a very popular author over here, Karl May (actually Germany's most selling author ever), who wrote a series of western stories in the end of the 19th century.
Heroes of the stories are mostly Apache Indian chief "Winnetou" and his white blood brother by the name of "Old Shatterhand" who is the "narrator" of the stories... Nearly every German kid in the last 100 years has read at least one book by Karl May or has seen the films from the 60's (German-Italian-French-Spanish co-productions, mostly filmed in Yuguslavia...), starring Lex Barker as Old Shatterhand and some of them also have Karin Dor (Helga Brandt of YOLT) in it. He was kind of a German James Bond in the early 20th century indeed .
Now you can imagine how a German audience would react to a villain named Shatterhand. I was surprised myself when I got into the Flemming novels and found out about this. I'm quite sure that Flemming stole the from May.
Read more about: http://www.tsha.utex...w/MM/fmaer.html

And for new character names: can't beat Jim. Absolutely marvelous. Like EDC wrote: "Never laughed so much at a post in my life!"