23 replies to this topic

[Righty007]

Create horror film titles and taglines based on the James Bond films and novels.

I'll start:

Bloodbath Royale - Now the whole world knows he died scratching his balls...

Jaws V - Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Egypt...

Die Today - Why die another day when you can die today?

[Publius]

Live and Let a Man Die - Every time James Bond narrowly escapes something that should have killed him, the Grim Reaper takes the life of a random person instead.

In Your Mind Only - James Bond sees dead people. And hears them. And it's making his job as a spy -- and ladies' man -- a whole lot harder with them in the way.

The Dying Nightlights - All the world's nightlights suddenly start blowing out... and can't be replaced. Is this the work of the usual madman, or are supernatural forces at work? With a special appearance by Baron Samedi.

Edit: Okay, so I missed the part about the taglines, but I figure trailer dialogue will suffice.

[Bondian]

Octokill - The first blind baddie with eight machetes.

The Living Finger - A dead mans wife is tormented by her deceased husbands left index finger.

On Her Majesty's Secret Pussy - An army of killer cats (who work undercover for the British Government) find themselves in the Canaries on a mission to rid the place of our little yellow friends.

The Spy Who Moonrakered Me - The evil secret agent 'James Slash-Shalh-Se7en' goes havoc in Basingstoke. Killing everyone who's seen a Bond film more than once.



Another very clever thread, Chris.

[ImTheMoneypenny]

From Russia With Blood-Bond discovers Red Grant never drinks. . . Wine.

[Righty007]

Quantum of Malice - She thought she could trust him but it turns out he was motivated by revenge...

You Only Live Once - Donald Pleasence returns as Dr. Samuel Loomis to track down and kill actor Mike Myers before he makes The Love Guru II.

[David_M]

CASINO FATALE
"He Always Dealt A Dead Man's Hand"

DOCTORED NOSE
"Somehow, Jennifer Gray Is Even Scarier Now"

COLDFINGER
"Turn Your Head and Cough"

SUNDERED BALLS
"The Most Uncomfortable Scene From Casino Royale Is Now A 2-Hour Feature!"

DUSTIN DIAMOND IS FOREVER
"They Shot Him, They Stabbed Him, They Burned Him, But Screech Just Would Not Die"

THE MAN WITH THE OLDEN HUN
"Run! He's Dug Up The Kaiser's Corpse!"

THE FLY WHO CLUBBED ME
"Buzz...Buzz...Clunk! You're Dead"

DIE ANOTHER DAY
"Re-released To Theaters This Fall. Children, Parents, The Elderly, Pregnant Women And Recovering Alcoholics Strongly Cautioned."

[DamnCoffee]

BOND OF THE DEAD:
James Bond fights of a super villain who has used voodoo to bring the dead back to life and attack the living.

[Judo chop]

CASINO FATALE
"He Always Dealt A Dead Man's Hand"

DOCTORED NOSE
"Somehow, Jennifer Gray Is Even Scarier Now"

COLDFINGER
"Turn Your Head and Cough"

SUNDERED BALLS
"The Most Uncomfortable Scene From Casino Royale Is Now A 2-Hour Feature!"

DUSTIN DIAMOND IS FOREVER
"They Shot Him, They Stabbed Him, They Burned Him, But Screech Just Would Not Die"

THE MAN WITH THE OLDEN HUN
"Run! He's Dug Up The Kaiser's Corpse!"

THE FLY WHO CLUBBED ME
"Buzz...Buzz...Clunk! You're Dead"

DIE ANOTHER DAY
"Re-released To Theaters This Fall. Children, Parents, The Elderly, Pregnant Women And Recovering Alcoholics Strongly Cautioned."

Dave, those rock. My meager addition to that line-up:

DIE MONSIEUR FOREVER!!!
“Watch in horror as some poor French chap is killed in a most gruesome and painful fashion, and then gets resuscitated, and then gets killed, and then gets resuscitated, and then gets killed, and then gets…”

[Judo chop]

THE CURLED IS NOT ENOUGH

“So scary it will curl your blood. And then some…”

[David_M]

CONDOM OF WALLACE

"Murder and Mayhem...Magnum-Sized."

[Judo chop]

GOLDIE’S EYE.

“Ex-Bond baddie is driven mad by scorning critics, and plucks out his own eye, which he finds, to his dismay, to have very little effect on London’s computer circuits.”

[Aris007]

Tomorrow Never Dies ???- "Think it twice next time you fall asleep!"

[Judo chop]

SUNDERED BALLS
"The Most Uncomfortable Scene From Casino Royale Is Now A 2-Hour Feature!"

At last!!! The long awaited sequel to the 2-day mid-week ‘smash hit’ blockbuster, SUNDERED BALLS…

THUNDERED BALLS.

“Eddie outthinks his tormentors, escapes their clutches and flees to the police only to find that without his testicles he is unable to properly pronounce the title of the first film! Police believe the report to be just another hoax by just another rabid Bond fan and send Eddie off, with his mutilated package in hand, to…”

SHRUBLANDS

Their mission: To cover the face of the world with bush.
Their motto: Check-in as a man, check-out as a woman.
Their medic: Mistress Klebb. “I'll kick the p-p right out of therapy!”

[David_M]

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
"Once When You're Born And Once When A Pagan Ritual Re-Animates Your Corpse"

FROM FLUSHER WITH GLUBS
"It Crawled From The Toilet, Gurgling 'Kill, Kill, Kill!'"

HER MAJESTY'S SECRET PURVIS
"His Orders Came From The Queen Of Hell: Destroy Their Minds, One Script At A Time!"

A STU TO A JILL
"Once It Was A Man. Now It Stalks The Night As a Woman. Starring Tula."

[Loomis]

BLOOD FEVER - Erm, pretty self-explanatory, I think.

BUT TODAY IS FRIDAY THE 13TH, COMMANDER - Bond teams up with Draco to fight Jason Voorhees.

[DamnCoffee]

Nightmare on Dellas Street!
Della Churchhill returns to kill children in their nightmares!

1. 2....Dellas Coming for you
3. 4....Rose on the floor
5. 6....Widowed Felix
7. 8....She knew her fate
9. 10...Kissing loads of men

[agentjamesbond007]

Tomorrow Everyone Dies- What would happen if one day the dead come out of their graves to kill everyone in the world before the sun comes up?

[DamnCoffee]

Quantum of Pelham:

Roger Moores James Bond battles his Psychotic self, Harold Pelham (From The Man Who Haunted Himself), Bond is framed for several gruesome murders, which Pelham commited and is forced out of her Majestys goverment, it's up to Bond to fight and stop Pelham before he murders again.

[David_M]

Wow, Mharkin007, that's a movie I'd actually like to SEE!

[Mr. Blofeld]

Live and Let Live
The new James Bond... living as a pacifist!

McCain Never Dies
Whatcha gonna do when the Straight-Talker runs wild on you?

Thinnerball
007 falls under a gypsy's curse...

Octopsycho
James Bond's all-time die!

[Blonde Bond]

I Know What You Did On Her Majesty's Secret Service - James has a secret past and now his past has come back to haunt him

Fingerdead - They Busted his Thunderballs and Now He's Out For a Vengeance! One Quantum Member at a Time...

Thunderball Busters - When There's Something Titillating In the Undergarment, Who Do You Gonna Call?

Golderatu: A Symphony of Horror - He Will Turn You into GOOOOOLD, Solid GOOOOOLD, He Loves GOOOOLD, His Name Has GOOOOLD, Solid GOOOOLD, He Loves Only GOOOOOLD. Women Beware of His Golden Touch

[Mercator]

BUT TODAY IS FRIDAY THE 13TH, COMMANDER - Bond teams up with Draco to fight Jason Voorhees.

ROTFLMAO

DR NO LEGS WITH A BLOWTORCH! Ian Fleming's No. 1 fan rescues him drownin off of the coast of Jamaica.

Edited by Mercator, 01 August 2008 - 12:46 AM.

[DamnCoffee]

Freddy got Fingered. aka - Mannequins are Forever.

Says it all I think, the main character is Q's lab rat. Fred from GoldenEye.

[Blonde Bond]

The Man With The Wicker Man - Flesh to touch...Flesh to burn! Don't keep the Wicker Man waiting!

The residents of Summerisle invited James Bond to their traditional May Day festival. He didn't expect to meet...The Wicker Man