14 replies to this topic

[Hopkins 009]

Within the Land of Liberty

Hey James Bond FANS, I got to my story finally its under Fan Fiction Posting, its called Within the Land of Liberty. It is about 2000 words so far on it, which equals 10 pages, it is in script form. I think you will like it, already there are some twists. Since QWERTY did not make me a discussion thread post your replies on here.

Thank You


Sincerely,

C-Hop 009

[Qwerty]

Story now linked to discussion thread.

[Qwerty]

Hopkins 009, you do not need to create a new thread each time in the Fan Fiction Posting forum for your story, 'In the Land of Liberty.' Please just add onto your original thread.

[Hopkins 009]

I DID it wouldnt let me.

[Qwerty]

Due to some restrictions in that section, forum members must wait for additions to threads to be approved by a CBn Team member. You can post a new chapter, addition, etc. and then one of us will approve it as soon as possible.

[Nilles]

Pretty good Chris, =P you have a lot more now than you did in study hall the other day.

-Matt

[Qwerty]

Once again...

Hopkins 009, you do not need to create a new thread each time in the Fan Fiction Posting forum for your story, 'In the Land of Liberty.' Please just add onto your original thread.

[Hopkins 009]

Hello James Bond fans. I wrote about 3 chapters of Within the Land of Liberty. Im still waiting for replies so go ahead read it. In Within hte Land of Liberty there are 3 replies by me read the 3rd one. The title will be in bold. That is my updated one. Enjoy and reply back to me and tell me how it is and give suggestions. Main character dies in 2nd chapter. (One of them) Hint: MI6 Agent. Featured in Casino Royale.

[echomusic]

Hello James Bond fans. I wrote about 3 chapters of Within the Land of Liberty. Im still waiting for replies so go ahead read it. In Within hte Land of Liberty there are 3 replies by me read the 3rd one. The title will be in bold. That is my updated one. Enjoy and reply back to me and tell me how it is and give suggestions. Main character dies in 2nd chapter. (One of them) Hint: MI6 Agent. Featured in Casino Royale.

I'm confused.
I clicked on the link and there appear to be three of the same posts.
Are these revisions or are you reposting what you posted before with an added chapter or section to it?

[Hopkins 009]

No u read Post Number 3 its updated and longer sorry for the disturbace.

[Hopkins 009]

Ive been updating and adding Within the Land of Liberty everday. Tell me how it is so far , read post #3 that is the updated 1. Post #3!

Enjoy

Sincerely,
Christopher Hopkins -009

[Righty007]

Here's a line from your story:

James Bond: Yes, Thank You. “I need to get my back to MI6 so I don’t get fired said Bond, like I care,” he muttered

1. James Bond doesn't talk like that in either the novels or films.

2. The grammer is extremely weak.

I don't mean to be rude but I think it might be better if you had somebody proofread your work before you post it. Nilles doesn't count.

[Hopkins 009]

Its alright I need constructive criticism. And yes i already edited the grammar on MS Word i need to copy the original. Yes, Ill consider changing the line. Besides that how is the story?

[echomusic]

There's some interesting ideas going on in there, but the execution needs some cleaning up.

The bouncing back and forth between a semi-script format and a novel format is a bit confusing -- sometimes I feel like I'm reading Ulysses all over again. The line Righty007 is a perfect example of staring in one format and then ending in a completely different. And while I'm all for not going by the rules, it does make for a confusing read.

I say really know your story beforehand, pick your format and commit to it. If you

[Righty007]

Its alright I need constructive criticism. And yes i already edited the grammar on MS Word i need to copy the original. Yes, Ill consider changing the line. Besides that how is the story?

That's not the only line that has an error. 99% of the lines have grammer issues. I can't read a story like that.

Don't feel insulted because I've never read a fan fiction story in my 4 years at CBn. I've only skimmed yours and it irritates me to see lines like this:

M: "Your bloody late, I gave you direct orders to come, you missed our meeting by 8 hours."