18 replies to this topic

[MHazard]

I'd welcome any thoughts you might have on my attempt to provide a further adventure of our James and even if you have no thoughts on it, thank you anyone who took the time to read it. (This writing stuff is hard!)

[Qwerty]

Added a discussion link to the story for you.

[MHazard]

Added a discussion link to the story for you.

Thanks. I'm still learning to navigate this section!

[Qwerty]

No problem!

[Bryce (003)]

Nice opening, all the details, good exchange of lines, strong narrative, hint of the plot (why does it always have to start with the "simple assignments" ) and, for myself, enough to make me want to read more.

Well done.

Carry on.

[Kilroy6644]

I like it.

[Hitch]

That slipped down rather smoothly. Thank you for such an enjoyable read. A definite

[Scrambled Eggs]

Bryce is right, it's a great opening. A lovely way of dragging you into Bond/Fleming's world. I like that you've written a story in which Bond is a slightly sloppy spy whose cockiness sometimes outweighs his abilities and needs a stroke of luck to save his bacon.

[MHazard]

Bryce is right, it's a great opening. A lovely way of dragging you into Bond/Fleming's world. I like that you've written a story in which Bond is a slightly sloppy spy whose cockiness sometimes outweighs his abilities and needs a stroke of luck to save his bacon.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. As I know most of you must appreciate trying to set down your own version of Bond makes you a lot more sympathetic to the task faced by Gardner, Benson, Amis, et al and whatever failings those efforts (by much more skilled and experienced authors may have). Also makes you appreciate just how talented Ian was. Anyway, it was nice of you to share your views. As to Scrambled Eggs' comment, my take on Bond has always been that he is not Superman, however fun Sean Connery's invulnerable movie persona may have been. Although he is a fantastically skilled and effective agent, luck has saved him more than a few times, most notably at the end of CR. And, he does drink too much and perhaps tends to underestimate women. So, I decided to see where some of those ideas took me. I see that Bryce has just posted a new story which I'll have to check out. Thanks.

[echomusic]

Man, what a great read!

Just got done and had to comment right away!

BRING ON THE REST!!!!!

[MHazard]

I was wondering what time period readers assumed my story was set in (i.e. present day or Fleming era-late 50's early 60's). I made a conscious decision on how to handle it but I was curious how it played. Thanks.

[MkB]

Hello!
I assumed the story was set in the Fleming era. There is no direct clue, but the syle is so Fleming-like, there are so many little reminders of the Fleming recurrent themes (like chivalry and Bond as St George slaying the dragon, or the food-conscious, "old maidish" Bond when it comes to dinner or drink, etc.) that I can't imagine it taking place nowadays. There's something too about Bond's attempt at a pick up with the girl and her reactions that sounds "Fleming era like" to me, but it would be difficult to explain.

Edited by MkB, 17 October 2007 - 08:03 PM.

[MkB]

MHazard, I'm just curious: you asked readers what time period they thought TWN was set in, but you didn't give any clue about what was your intention. Would you mind telling us?

[MHazard]

Actually, I attempted to write a story that worked either way- either set in the present or in the period shortly after The Man with the Golden Gun. The locations described: David's restaurant, the Bourganvilleau Beach Resort Hotel, St. Lawrence Gap are depicted as they presently exist (based on first hand experience) and the food ordered by Bond is taken from one of David's recent menus. I have no idea if the Christ Church/ St. Lawrence Gap area was laid out that way in the early 60's and would frankly doubt it. On the other hand, I consciously avoided any descriptions that would force the reader to conclude that the story takes place in the present. For example there are no references to cell phones or descriptions of automobiles. This reflects my own conflict as to when Bond fiction should be set. On the one hand, like any great literary hero you like to think about Bond still being around. But, on the other hand, if you are a Fleming fan, trying to re-create the literary Bond, I'm not sure that character really works properly set in the present. To some extent Bond is a creature of the 50's and early 60's. So, since I couldn't decide what era I wanted to set the story in, I tried to make it work so that a reader could enjoy the story either way. Which is why I was curious how readers perceived it. If I had to include details that would date it I would probably have set it right after TMWGG (or possibly even between The Living Daylights and On Her Majesty's Secret Service), which is probably when I'll set my next Bond piece, if I ever come up with a good plot and get around to writing it.

[spynovelfan]

I've just read this, and enjoyed it very much. Some quick thoughts I jotted down:

• Smooth dialogue, everything flows very easily, good pace.
• Very convincing and authoritative, especially on the location and the drinks. In keeping with Fleming and one could imagine him using lots of this stuff (Banks, for instance) but it was new, not the same old. Rather a lot about drinks, but then it is a Bond story.
• In general, a very nice Fleming feel to it. Also made me think of Pearson and the beachcombing stuff. Not sure it could be read as both in the early 60s or now due to the conversation about going Dutch?
• I liked the girl having Fleming's widow's and mistress' names combined!
• Slightly bare and by-the-numbers set-up for the mission, I felt: another 'damn assignment' that appears easy but we know won't be - and it all skimmed past just a little too quickly for me. Might be good to flesh out the M scene a bit more, give it something of a twist. Perhaps the ashtray fell on the floor and M's furious, perhaps M was sick or Bond met him at Blade's or was still recovering from a bullet wound... or just something to spice up the flashback setting up the mission.
• Would he really need to ask a New Yorker if she were American?
• Twist a bit too obvious, and Bond gets out of it too easily and without much ingenuity - he simply sees her holding the vial. It should be through the reflection of the glass or because he knows the place has mirrors behind her or some sort of local knowledge that fits with the rest of the piece that makes him see through her, or see it. It should also, ideally, link up to the beginning. Perhaps they order rum not champagne and the vial turns it slightly the wrong colour or something. Something - not just that he sees the vial in her hand. She'd close her hand, surely: she's not that stupid.
• Enjoyed the Vesper reference.

But this is all pedantry. All in all, a very enjoyable story, deftly handled. Thanks.

[MHazard]

Thanks for the kind words, Spynovelfan. I'm delighted you caught the origin of the girl's name. I was wondering if anyone would pick up on that. I figured that it was a combination of the two most dangerous women in Fleming's life. Your suggestions are also appreciated. I would like to share my thinking on two of them. First, Bond does recognize the accent is probably American, but as he's trying to make conversation, he asks "you're American aren't you?". I confess I hadn't given much thought to the distinctive New York accent, but I think Ann Blackwell probably came from downstate before she moved to the city (of course, she's probably really not from New York at all).

Most significantly to me is the issue of Bond getting out of danger primarily through luck. I agree that I generally prefer stories where Bond (or any other hero) uses his wits to escape danger. Fleming's Bond does, however, benefit from luck a lot. The most striking example that comes to mind is Casino Royale where LeChiffre would have tortured him to death if Smersh hadn't unexpectedly saved the day. Personally I prefer climaxes where the hero's skill and ingenuity rather than dumb luck save the day. In this story, however, I wanted to explore the issue of why someone hadn't tried to kill Bond by sending a beautiful woman after him and why this hadn't succeeded. It seems to me Bond lets his guard down around women to a dangerous extent. So, for this story I thought it was important that the girl almost succeed and that there be an element of luck involved in his escape which reminds Bond that he's become sloppy and that he needs to remember Vesper (and what she represents) to survive no matter how much he tries to repress her memory to dull the pain. If you're interested, in my next story Best Traditions (under my real name and contained in the collection Forever Yours With Regret) there is no element of luck involved in the climax.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the story and I'll keep your suggestions in mind the next time I decide I have a Bond story to tell. Thanks!

[spynovelfan]

Hi, MHazard - yes, I thought that was a very nice touch, Ann Blackwell!

I think the accent thing is tiny, but it just tripped me up a little. You could always insert a couple of words to make it clearer. 'To make conversation, Bond asked...' or what-have-you.

I don't mind Bond escaping by luck so much - it's more that she's unforgivably sloppy. I just didn't find it plausible that she would try to poison his drink and then be stupid enough not to cover the vial in her hand! I think if she threw it away and by dumb luck he dropped something and threw it in the same bin and noticed it, or something along those lines, it would work. Some way in which it's not so much her fault but his luck.

But, as I said, all very small points: a very enjoyable story. If I have time, I'll try to read the other one you mentioned.

[MHazard]

Yes, a good point, Ann Blackwell does get rather sloppy herself. Maybe she got overconfident when she thought Bond was being arrogant and stupid. Or perhaps I got overconfident in my writing.

[spynovelfan]

No, I think it's just one of those small things - every story has them. It's easily fixed, if you want to do that. I'm sure a solution will present itself to you.