8 replies to this topic

[Victor Zokas]

You know what the public say; all these James Bond movies are exactly the same. So here we have a selection of handy hints and reminders of which Bond you are watching. This is the first in a 6 part series, which week by week will form a unique, and some may say totally untrue account of your favourite Bonds. And David Niven. And George Lazenby. And Timothy Dalton. Free with part one is part two. Ring binders are available at all good stockists.

Part One:-

Sean Connery (1962

[Jim]

1. To him, no woman is darling.
2. He expresses no surprise that Miss Moneypenny appears to change her head, and become a simpleton.
3. He can sing. Well, sort of.
4. Your mum fancies him.
5. Your mum claims to have been in the "Jump Up" scene as he walks by, although will claim equally vociferously that she has been cut out of that scene when it is played back to her. Will then claim she was "there when it was filmed". When pressed, "there" is whittled down to "in Jamaica at the time", which isn't much use because it's quite a big island.
6. Your mum claims that a friend of hers "knew" him in Jamaica. Your mum stays silent on the name, maddeningly.
7. He grins when he's in a fight. Odd, that.
8. Going back to 6, for clarity's sake, the friend was young and female and Jamaican.
9. He can carry off wearing a camera upon his head.
10. He's so relentlessly wrecked, he has to visit Shrublands. Twice.
11. Going back to 6, the more I think about it, the more I hope it's untrue. If the mother can lie about Father Christmas for years, this one's chickenfeed.
12. He knows how to make a extravagantly perfumed homosexual waiter squeal with pleasure.
13. Probably knows how to make Jamaican girls squeal with pleasure as well. Maybe.
14. Can almost carry off blue towelling romper suit, de riguer for deadly secret agents.
15. Is a brand fetishist on the golf course.
16. Well, we're ten points on from number 6 and I still have my doubts.
17. Cheats at golf.
18. Has this horrible habit of not really killing the main villain. Dr No drowns because you needs hands to show someone you care, and pull yourself out of a fizzing reactor (doesn't quite scan); Klebb and Largo are shot by others, Goldfinger basically causes his own death and Blofeld evades capture. He may have a licence to kill, but he doesn't use it. Useless, really.
19. Has a thing for a girl in a bikini. There's one in every film.
20. Has a thing for rapscallion redheads.
21. Eats many pies between 1967 and 1971.
22. Number 6 is fundamentally disturbing. This can't be true, can it?
23. Cannot pronounce "bon appetit" properly.
24. Gets married to someone who doesn't get shot up. The subsequent delivery of the line "There must be a secret tunnel" by said good lady missus makes this something of a pity
25. Appears to be under the mistaken impression that showing up your boss's lesser knowledge of such vital matters as the palate of brandy or the vintag of sherries or, I dunno, the nutritional value of Bovril, will make him like you., or let you shag his secretary.

[Xenobia]

[quote]RossMan (22 Apr, 2002 11:31 p.m.):
[quote]Victor Zokas (22 Apr, 2002 05:35 p.m.):
23. He killed Blofeld

[Blofeld's Cat]

[quote]Xenobia (23 Apr, 2002 05:46 a.m.):
[quote]RossMan (22 Apr, 2002 11:31 p.m.):
[quote]Victor Zokas (22 Apr, 2002 05:35 p.m.):
23. He killed Blofeld

[White Persian]

Xenobia (22 Apr, 2002 09:26 p.m.):
2) He's the only one to get the same girl twice in two different movies.

Well, except for Roger.

[Xenobia]

Here's a few more:

1) He never says never again.

2) He's the only one to get the same girl twice in two different movies.

3) Toupees are a good thing.

4) So are cigarrettes.

5) He's a scotsman and proud of it!

-- Xenobia

[Victor Zokas]

Xenobia (22 Apr, 2002 09:26 p.m.):

3) Toupees are a good thing.
-- Xenobia

Yes, but only in moderation. In NSNA he seemed to have a new rug for every scene.

[General Koskov]

But Roger didn't get Andrea Anders, nor Octopussy, twice. He just got Maud Adams twice. But wasn't Domino's name changed in NSNA? Her surname, I believe.

[RossMan]

Victor Zokas (22 Apr, 2002 05:35 p.m.):
23. He killed Blofeld’s Cat, sort of.

Ah, that explains why I haven't seen him around the forums lately.