Posted 09 February 2006 - 06:00 PM
Okay, I have it on solid authority that Bernard Lee and Robert Brown did in fact play two seperate characters who each served in Her Majesty's Secret Service as the head of M.I.6. This is their story:
"BUTTERFLIES AREN'T FREE"
After Bond's recent mission took him up into outer space on a space shuttle, and the sheer silliness of the events and onslaught of sophomoric humor that permeated that mission, Admiral Sir Miles Messervy, KCMG, RNVR, decided he needed a break. He informed his immediate superior, Frederick Gray, Minister of Defense, of his decision to go on leave to the Amazon prairie where he would go on a butterfly-catching safari to acquire rare specimens for his collection. Not to worry, though, his second-in-command, Bill Tanner, was a capable fellow who could run the department like a fine watch. And Sir Miles assured everyone he'd be back before they could say 'ornithologist'.
Meanwhile, in Her Majesty's Royal Navy, Admiral Hargreaves, another old school sailor, was about to set sail on a rather il-advised personal embarkation. The details of which are too lewd and disturbing for this forum. Suffice to say he did not get away with it and was placed on leave, pending charges. The Royal Navy was faced with a grave situation. The Vice Sea Lord recommended harsh and sweeping disciplinary measures be brought against Hargreaves. If every one of Her Majesty's sailors went to the Red Light District in Amsterdam and did what Hargreaves, did...the Vice Sea Lord shuddered in contemplation. But there was another matter at hand that required immediate attention. Something about floating debris sighted off the coast of Albania. The Vice Sea Lord thanked God for the distraction.
Back at 'Universal Exports' things were getting tense. It seemed Bill Tanner was on some kind of a power trip. He started dressing like M, talking like M, he even had the audacity to pilfer the Old Man's pipe tobacco! Miss Moneypenny couldn't wait for the Admiral to return so she could tell on Bill, who insisted everyone address him as Wild Bill. But then something serious was going on at the Minstry of Defense. Tanner could hardly contain himself at the thought of his first secret mission! When Frederick Gray himself appeared to brief the Chief of Staff, Tanner could hardly contain his euphoria. Our own submarines could be ordered to attack our own cities? How exciting! When should he go? No, no, no, was the minister's response. We're going to send that guy who flew around in space. What was his name? Bomb? Bono? Bong? Whatever, just get him here!
Tanner was deflated, but he'd show Bong who was boss. And just to make sure he wouldn't crack under pressure, he'd mix a little special something into his pipe which always made him feel relaxed and happy, but unfortunately made him crave chips and Twinkies. Gray didn't like the look in Tanner's eyes...there was a mixture of craftiness and glassy indifference in them. On the way out he demanded Miss Moneypenny try to get in touch with Sir Miles and recall him back to HQ. Moneypenny explained she's been trying every day, every hour, to do just that. But to no avail. The minister couldn't deal with and changes right now. He left instructions to let him know the second Sir Miles was reached.
The mission, Operation Undertow, seemed doomed from the start. It didn't help matters that Tanner took it upon himself to notify every member of the press, even the sports columnists, and provide every secret detail of the situation. He was showing up to work carrying a megaphone from which he'd shout to the streets of London that while they were all out living their pathetic lives, he was going to go up to his office at Universal Exports, which was really a front for the British Secret Service, and see if he can prevent the imminent destruction of the British Empire.
If that weren't enough, reports were coming to Gray that Admiral Hargreaves was waiting in a cell pending sentencing. It took the court of inquiry exactly 5 seconds to render a verdict. But that business would have to wait. For now, he heard the voice of Tanner on the megaphone getting louder as he and Bonz were arriving for their meeting. Gray decided to not interfere with Tanner's administrative handling of the mission. He would live to regret this. It seemed at every turn, when there was a glimmer of hope, Tanner would be there to totally undermine any potential dividends. He sent a telegram to Melina Havelock, daughter of the slain archeologist that was good enough to help the service, saying "I found the man who killed your parents. Meet me in Cortina." and signed it J. Bond. Worse, he had it posted all over town. While trying to track 007 down in Cortina, he telephoned an ice rink and gave Bond's description and license number to the nice people who answered with phone. Unfortunately, Tanner wasn't sure if that was a Russian accent or Italian one. But since the call was placed to Italy, he was pretty sure they were Italian. Bond, for his part, seemed to stay alive despite the curious lapses in security. But soon enough, he was able to save the day by smashing the lost transmitter and in doing so convinced the head of the K.G.B. that due to its destruction, that meant the British couldn't possibly have any more transmitters just like it or the technology to build another one.
In spite of the positive turn of events, great decision weighed on the mind of Frederick Gray. On one hand, he had a lunatic poised with assuming control of the British Secret Service. That phone call idea of his to the prime minister was a disaster. On the other, he had an emotionally-unstable line officer getting his bags packed for a retirement home in a criminal psycho ward. Wait a minute! Maybe there's a golden opportunity here. Hargreaves looked like Messervy, and that was really the important thing. Sure, he lacked the spine of Sir Miles, and perhaps he'd run the service under ths shadow of his legendary predecessor. But he had the same taste in art and office decor. Even shared the same eye prescription. Heck, Gray could give him a slap on the wrist for his indiscretions and give him a modest reduction in rank. That way, all the cool field-wear that was designed and fitted for Sir Miles could be used by Hargreaves. (As it would turn out, Hargreaves' first field assignment was to Germany. He absolutely insisted on flying there to personally brief Bond. That meeting took about ten minutes, but Hargreaves...M...took the scenic route back home.)
The minister was pleased with himself. The mission was successfully completed by James Bonr, he had a new M, and he just signed a three-picture extension with some film production company. Bill Tanner was another story. After his reckless endangerment of the United Kingdom, he was back in the number two spot in M.I.6 where Q Branch was instructed to saw two feet from his legs and he'd undergo electro-shock therapy to replace his stuffy and arrogant attitude with a softer and more affable personality.
And what of Admiral Sir Miles Messervy? The news is not promising. On last report he was seen frolicking in the countryside of the Amazon frontier, chasing a rare species of Butterfly. Upon catching it, he found himself surrounded by a tribe of locals who happen to worship that particular insect. No one has seen or heard from him since.