33 replies to this topic

[hanss]

Free $250 Walmart Gift Card !
Walmart Gift link...

[zencat]

We normally delete these commercial spammers. But I thought I've leave this one so we can tell Wal-Mart what we think of this new form of internet spam.

Hey, Wal-Mart, YOU!!!!

(When we have enough colorful responces, I will email the official Wal*Mart website 1000 emails with this link. )

[Bondian]

Unfortunatley, we do not have a Wal*Mart over here in the UK. However, you have taken over one of our Superstores namely Asda!.

To add a little humour on this thread, I will refrain from mentioning 'spam', but will include 'The Cheese Shoppe' sketch from Monty Python...

(a customer walks in the door.)

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Customer: Good Morning.
Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?
C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now,
skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over
all peckish.
O: Peckish, sir?
C: Esuriant.
O: Eh?
C: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!
O: Ah, hungry!
C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do
the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and
infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some
cheesy
comestibles!
O: Come again?
C: I want to buy some cheese.
O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!
C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the
Terpsichorean muse!
O: Sorry?
C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!
O: So he can go on playing, can he?
C: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
C: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.
O: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
O: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it
fresh on Monday.
C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if
you please.
O: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this
morning.
C: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?
O: Sorry, sir.
C: Red Windsor?
O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
C: Ah. Stilton?
O: Sorry.
C: Ementhal? Gruyere?
O: No.
C: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.
O: No.
C: Lipta?
O: No.
C: Lancashire?
O: No.
C: White Stilton?
O: No.
C: Danish Brew?
O: No.
C: Double Goucester?
O: <pause> No.
C: Cheshire?
O: No.
C: Dorset Bluveny?
O: No.
C: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin,
Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?
O: No.
C: Camenbert, perhaps?
O: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.
C: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
O: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
C: Oh, I like it runny.
O: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
C: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
O: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
C: I don't care how [censored]ing runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
O: Oooooooooohhh........! <pause>
C: What now?
O: The cat's eaten it.
C: <pause> Has he.
O: She, sir.
(pause)
C: Gouda?
O: No.
C: Edam?
O: No.
C: Case Ness?
O: No.
C: Smoked Austrian?
O: No.
C: Japanese Sage Darby?
O: No, sir.
C: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?
O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got-
C: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
O: Fair enough.
C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
O: Yes?
C: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir.
Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(pause)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

C: Greek Feta?
O: Uh, not as such.
C: Uuh, Gorgonzola?
O: no
C: Parmesan,
O: no
C: Mozarella,
O: no
C: Paper Cramer,
O: no
C: Danish Bimbo,
O: no
C: Czech sheep's milk,
O: no
C: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
O: Not *today*, sir, no.
(pause)
C: Aah, how about Cheddar?
O: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
C: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world!
O: Not 'round here, sir.
C: <slight pause> and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?
O: 'Illchester, sir.
C: IS it.
O: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manusquire.
C: Is it.
O: It's our number one best seller, sir!
C: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?
O: Right, sir.
C: All right. Okay.
"Have you got any?" He asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
O: I'll have a look, sir..
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
C: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
O: Finest in the district!
C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
O: Well, it's so clean, sir!
C: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....
O: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.
C: Would it be worth it?
O: Could be....
C: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!
O: Told you sir...
C: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
O: No.
C: Figures.
Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have
posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
O: Yessir?
C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.
O: Yes,sir.
C: Really?
(pause)
O: No. Not really, sir.
C: You haven't.
O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
C: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
O: Right-0, sir.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

C: What a *senseless* waste of human life.

All the best,

Cheers,


Ian

[ComplimentsOfSharky]

Hey, I think I'll head over to my local store tonight with a few cases of spam and start smearing it all over the walls...since you like it so much. Then I'll go buy something from Target!

hah!

Suck on that greasy meat spread, WalMart!

[SnakeEyes]

But with this $250 I can buy around 20 CR DVDs when they come out, surely with the assumed quality of the film, i'll then be left with multiple stylish coasters to dot around the house! And if i'm left with too many, the suplus can join the AOL CDs as target boards for my air weapons and throwing knife sets, all gratis of wal-mart!!

Oh shizzle, we don't have a wal-mart in the UK.

Ahh well, you can sling yer voucher up your fucking anus hole for all the good it does me. Coonts.

[Righty007]

WAL-MART, WHY DON'T YOU GO HIRE SOME MORE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS AND PAY THEM $1.00 AN HOUR INSTEAD OF POSTING HERE!

YOU SUCK! ..l....l..

[Righty007]

[Pussfeller]

Ahh, Wal-Mart, America's shame. Where else can you take in the spectacle of an obese woman beating her screaming mullet-headed toddler, as you grope through mislabeled boxes in a dank, urine-scented atmosphere, where the sound of piped muzak mingles with the squeal of a thousand defective shopping carts, where the only thing missing from this scene of economic mortification is an actual, physical phallus rammed up the shoppers' collective backside?

Golly, I can't wait for them to open a Wal-Mart in my neighborhood! As it is, I have to pay so much for milk and housewares, my family is close to starvation.

[zencat]

As Wal*Mart now feels they can freely advertise on our site, here are some more links for CBners about America's largest retailer:

Top 10 Worst Wal-Mart Actions

The Wal-Mart Trash Page

Why I Hate Wal-Mart

Song Lyrics: I Hate Wal-Mart

And on a more (deadly) serious note...

PBS Frontline: Is Wal-Mart Good for America?

[hrabb04]

As former inmate at Wal Mart (ie, employee) bring on the Wal Mart bashing. May they burn in hell.

[Genrewriter]

My take on The Spawn of Bill Z. Bub:

Ah, Wal-Mart. Where even the most sophisticated person can go and feel just like the biggest trailer dwelling- Pabst Blue Ribbon swilling, deer hunting, truck driving redneck in the whiole world. I'm actually surprised the trained chimps at Wal-Mart can operate a computer. Could the complete works of Shakespeare be in the future from them?

I went into a Wal-Mart just once to see what it was like, I don't think I could felt more like a whore if I actually was a whore!

$250 dollars at Wal-Mart? Oh, this is my lifelong dream? Well, that and a new pipe for the septic tank out back on account of the bird dropping and decaying critters and such!

I prefer Best Buy because there's just as much stiff I don't need for less and at least the girls working there have all their teeth. The whole hockey player look just doesn't do it for me.

Did you know that every time a Wal-Mart is sued an angel gets its wings? Very odd thing I found out.

Wal-Mart is the only place to make a swap meet look like Sotheby's.

If you were to take the smells in a Wal-Mart and mix them with nito glycerine you would create a weapon of horrible power.

Redneck SPAM, the wave of this minute.

I understand that the workling conditions are so bad that even sweatshops in Thailand call them up and tell them to go screw themselves.

And last but not least, Wal-Mart stinks worse than a camping ground that has just held a chili contest.

[zencat]

I actually had to buy something from the Wal-Mart website a while back -- a cushion for a patio chair that I couldn't find anywhere else (and believe me, I tried). Good price. Yes. So I clicked away. They RAPED me with the shipping charge! I mean, really outrageous! Do NOT order anything from the Wal-Mart website!

[Genrewriter]

The one time I went into one, I saw an open dvd case in their bargain bin, a scratched and thoroughly screwed up dvd only a few inches to the side. I also had the opportunity to pass the McDonald's they had built in and damn, if you think the normal chains of that place are bad try and imagine eating a Big Mac at a Wal-Mart. Me? I'll take the questionable meat (is it still kangaroo or have they switched?) where I know the amount of rat turds seared into the burgers are below the acceptable limit.

[Bondian]

I have to say, although you chaps are serious, it's turning out to be humorous.

Over here in the UK, we've got some really goddamn awful food, and if I called it rats plop-plops, it would be an insult to fine, fresh excrement.

I can remember eating in a 'Wimpey' at our local 'Mall'.

This was our order...

Carol
1 x Quarter Pounder ( with cheese ), potato wedges, milkshake.

Alexander
1 x Kiddies Meal ( Placenta's in Urine ), coke and ice-cream

Bondian ( the pig )
1 x Half Pounder with Cheese
1 x Quarter Pounder with Cheese
1 x BBQ Pork Rib
1 x Potato Wedges
1 x Banana Milkshake
1 x Onion Rings
1 x Puke Bucket

Now. I can tell you all the food was cold. All the burgers had a funny taste, almost like they were used a toilet paper pre-cooking. The chips were cold and greasy. The milkshake tasted like it came from MooMoo, and I was generally pissed off.

After the meal we visited the toilets ( to get some fresh air ), both were out of order ( probably run out of burger paper ), so Carol had to use the urinal in the gents lavvy.

When we hit the till, the customary "did you enjoy your food Sir?" spoken by a zitty, badly dressed, tattooed and pierced under aged girl chewing gum and constantly smacking her lips. I replied ( clenching both buttocks ), "to call it horse would be an understatement!!!". She almost collapsed backward with my snort. When she tallied up our colossal order, she said "that'll be

[Qwerty]

It's the work of Satan.

[Bondian]

It's the work of Satan.

He was off sick that day my friend. LOL

[Qwerty]

It's the work of Satan.

He was off sick that day my friend. LOL

In any event, that store often gives me a headache just to be in it for a while. I've never seen anything really like it around here.

[Johnboy007]

Wal-Mart = Crap

[hrabb04]

Hey, we had a Wal Mart Sucks thread a long time ago. Any brave, diligent soul want to go find and resurrect it?

[SecretAgent007]

Have you ever noticed the big, fat, dirty, greasy, Jabba the Hut looking people in Walmart that ride around on those 3 wheeled scooters? Someone should tell them that if they got off their lazy and walked, they wouldn't be so big and fat. I hate Walmart!!!

Did you know that Walmart is going to replace SMERSH in Casino Royale? LeChiffre is going to be a big, fat slob in one of those scooters

[007Travis]

Good, I hate Walmart. We won't even shop there.

[Qwerty]

Hey, we had a Wal Mart Sucks thread a long time ago.  Any brave, diligent soul want to go find and resurrect it?

Best to forget anything Walmart-related.

[SPECTRE ASSASSIN]

It's kinda ironic. My history teacher talked about mergers, and mentioned Wal-Mart today. He has the same feelings you guys have!

[Qwerty]

Everyone (or many) seem to.

[Blofeld's Cat]

If so many people like slagging off at Wal-Mart, why is it still so huge and - I guess - profitable?

[007Travis]

If so many people like slagging off at Wal-Mart, why is it still so huge and - I guess - profitable?

Couldn't tell ya. But when I say I don't give someone my money, I don't. I can't stand that place.

[Bond111]

I believe I could find better quality products on the bottom of my shoe.

[Johnboy007]

If so many people like slagging off at Wal-Mart, why is it still so huge and - I guess - profitable?

Red-necks.

[Qwerty]

In any event...

http://debrief.comma...1&st=&p=

[Athena007]

WAL-MART, WHY DON'T YOU GO HIRE SOME MORE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS AND PAY THEM $1.00 AN HOUR INSTEAD OF POSTING HERE!

Oh but they're paying the illegal immigrants $1.00 for each piece of spam they post on the net. Is that not good enough for you?