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[Bond's Lovechild #043]

Time for some comic relief to the bond titles...
How about;

* Never Say Connery Again
* Dr.Yes
* Gold Martini
* The Spy who ran off with another man and left me with 2 children
* PlantiumFinger (afterall, it's worth more than Gold!)
* Licensed to Sleep-around
* From Russia with Regret

there are plenty of others, i'm sure...

[walther]

Ok, forgive me..

On Her Majesty And Then Some

The Spy Who Paid Me $100 For One Hour In The Backseat

uhh I'll think of miore later

[Sanchez]

You only eat rice.

In Her Majestie's Church service.

Live and eat Rye.

The man with the swolen thumb.

Birds fly above me(well they do in the West Indies, anyway).

Spoon Breaker.

[Mouse]

CHICKEN ROYALE

FROM ESSEX WITH ERECTION

THE MAN WITH THE MORTGAGE AND NAGGING WIFE

A VIEW TO TAKE A PICTURE

LICENCE TO DRIVE

PAY YOUR RENT ANOTHER DAY

[Tanger]

Noel Coward's name for Ian Fleming's home:

"Goldeneye, ears, nose and throat"

My own:

-You Only Live Once So Don't Let Anyone Fob You Off With The Idea That You Live Twice.

-Diamonds Are Expensive

-Tomorrow Never Dies (Apparantly)

-If The World Is Not Enough Then You've Got Serious Possessive Tendancies

[The Mole]

Here's some I used for the Jimmy Bondage franchise, which appears to be ceasing to exist.

Dr Po (Teletubbies, anyone?)
From Amsterdam With Drugs
Silverleg
Lightning-Balls
You Only Die Once
On Her Majesty's Postal Service
Die and Let Live
The Man With The Golden Eye
The Spy Who Decided To Leave Me After A One Night Stand
Leaf-raker
For Your Nose Only
Quadpuppy
A Room With A View To A Kill
The Dead Nightlights
Licence To Drive
London Eye (that ferris wheel in London, where the final fight would have taken place)
Yesterday Always Lives
This Dinner Is Not Enough
Live Another Month

And the unofficials?

Royale With Cheese (tarantino-style!)
Always Say Lazenby's [cuss] Again

So there you have it!

[White Persian]

LIVE AND LET DIET
Obese mastermind Angst Starvo Bloatfeed [Richard Griffiths] plans to unleash a bio-weapon that will destroy all foods except wheatgerm and tofu, thus forcing himself, and all of mankind, onto a crash weight loss programme.

COLDFINGER
Bond has his back to the wall when he meets evil proctologist Ulric Coldfinger.
[Internet rumours that this film would be titled "Beyond The A*se" were a bum steer]

FOR FOUR EYES ONLY
Bond puts on his fake specs to masquerade as Sir Hillary Bray again to defeat evil optometrist, Dr Strabismus [Woody Allen].

CANTINA ROYALE
His expense account drastically cut, Bond is reduced to drinking cheap Tequila in a seedy Mexican dive.

DI 'n' ARTHUR DAY
Bond sent up against titular suburban couple [played by Julie Walters and Brian Murphy] who are head of an illicit Tupperware Party ring.

[Blofeld's Cat]

.
This thread has turned into an extension to one of the Freemo's Friday articles.

PS: Whitey, based on your synopsis of Coldfinger, maybe the title should be called Brownfinger instead.

[R]

Here's a few

Never Say McClory at All

The Man with the Currant Bun

Carry On Q

Things to do in Moscow when you're captured

Kevin McClory's "Not Another Remake of Thunderball, honest"

Pokemon Royale

[General Koskov]

Of course we cannot forget those two most-brilliant titles from MAD magasine:

For Her Thighs Only (Bomb (sic) is handed a doket that reads: 'OPERATION PANTYHOSE', rather than 'OPERATION UNDERTOW':D Also, Bomb remarks that Bebe scored better (their sex is rated by Olympic judges) than Britt 'Euckland' in The Man with the Golden Gum)

00$ Moneymaker When M. tells Bomb that the world-leaders are watching Goodhead and himself on the tv, Bond replies: 'We're only doing what they've been doing to us for years!'

In 1965, MAD had a suggestion that MGM should continue their trend of creating musicals of films by making: 007![i]
The songs include: 'Oh Oh Seven!' sung to 'Oklahoma!', and 'Everything's up to date in Iceberg City!' sung to Everything's up to date in Kansas City!' (the Dr No-type villain was towing England into the North Pole by his lceberg.)

But [i]MAD had some bad titles in it's 'Eight James Bomb films' series in '74.
They are as follows:

'Dr No-No'

'From Russia, With Lunacy'

'Goldfingerbowl' (Bond remarks to Goldfingerbowl while he's tied to the A bomb: 'Why don't you just wait ten years for Nixon to ruin the US economy?')

'Thunderblah'

'You Only Live Nice' (one panel showing the rediculousness of having Bomb end up in a raft with the girl again)

'On His Majesty's Secret Shamus' OK (villain is Sean 'Crockery'!)

'Dollars are Forever' (re: Connery's Million dollar cheque)

'Live, and Let Suffer' (Moore cuts Crockery's piton rope as he hangs over Vegas!)

[Hardyboy]

One of my favorite joke Bond titles--I got this from a website ages ago--is "Pullmyfinger," in which Bond battles his practical joke-playing uncle.