MICHAEL MOORE - Bond travels to South Korea in preparation for an incursion into the Communist North to sabotage the plans of the evil Colonel Moon. Bond discovers that Colonel Moon is not evil at all, and neither is North Korea - the wicked governments of the West, led by Washington, have simply cooked up pretexts to invade North Korea should oil be discovered there, and to make South Koreans buy lots and lots of lovely guns. Bond befriends the North Koreans and becomes a left wing hippy type, smoking funny hand-rolled cigarettes that give off a curious aroma, and growing long hair and a beard. He and his new chums pretend that he's been held captive for 14 months, as part of a plot against the West, which 007 realises is the real enemy. Bond then makes his way to Hong Kong, which is thriving under Communist China, and then to Cuba, which our hero thinks is a splendid country. Back in London, he investigates a posh, slightly effeminate Englishman with an irritating toothy grin who appears to want to be all things to all men (Argentinian orphan, diamond tycoon, champion fencer, Bransonite British businessman, environmentalist, adventurer, scientific pioneer, capitalist, socıalıst, etc. etc.). Yes, we're talking about Tony Blair, folks - turns out that the Prime Minister is actually a crook who underwent gene therapy as part of a crazy plot to dominate the world by pretending that various piss-poor, basket case countries possess weapons of mass destruction capable of obliterating the West within, oh, let's say 45 minutes. He's misspent billions of pounds originally earmarked for the National Health Service and various Islington-based gay and lesbian organisations in order to build a gigantic boondoggle in outer space, which is actually quite harmless but which he insists is a fearsome North Korean weapon called Icarus. "We must tread carefully," M warns. "Blair is politically connected." "Is he?" Bond asks. "Oh, yes," M answers earnestly. "He's the British Prime Minister." "Hmmm....," 007 muses. "From nothing to everything in 14 months." (Note: the film features numerous appearances by the director, culminating in butt-kissing interviews with Robin Cook, George Galloway and Ken Livingstone just prior to Bond's final confrontation with Blair.)
Okay. Next.
