12 replies to this topic

[Tanger]

Daniel Roberts` first fan fiction novel pits James Bond against a deadly adversary behind the old iron curtain.

"The room was silent for a moment. It looked empty, void of life. A large chair behind a desk reflected that, life had existed or continued to exist. But no one could tell for sure."

Week 3 - Here's the Fic. I'll post some more info about it later as I'm a bit busy right now.
You can have two weeks to read this one so the discussion will be Sunday after next.
I'm only halfway through this one at the moment so like many of you this will be my first time reading of it.

It can be downloaded here and is a Word document. Anyone who has any problems just contact me. I again recommend that you download it to your hardrive so that it can be read offline. It downloads as a zip file which is quick and easy.

http://www.mi6.co.uk...tion/tmwph.php3

As always, any questions comments please post in the other thread here: http://debrief.comma...showtopic=13707

And please refrain from posting HERE until the discussion date.
Cheers.

[Tanger]

Here's the FanFic to download as some people have had problems with it.

Post your reviews now. I'll post mine later as I'm busy at the moment.

[clinkeroo]

The first two stories we looked at, were such well done fan fics, that constructive, in-depth discussions and reviews were possible. I did finish this story, but it is hard for me to figure out where to begin. Anything that I could say in an attempt to be constructive, would most likely come across as cruel, and obviously by length alone, someone put a lot of effort into this story. Not knowing the age of the author, does one grade it as an enthusiastic young person's work?

I would suggest that Mr. Roberts read, read, read. Read as many books as he can get a hold of. Focus on the authors' use of setting, characters, and plots, and how the writers achieved their goals. One thing that Fleming was so wonderful at, was making sure that each event that occurred in the story, moved the plot along. What few tangents there were existed to add depth to characters, and to surroundings. The lack of filler material helped the stories to move quickly, something that is quintessential in writing action stories. Action, for the sake of action, is redundant and boring. Action, in literature, needs to advance the plot, and to mark the progress of a story's arc.

Daniel, if you read this, especially if you wrote this story as a youth, don't take this the wrong way, but your skills need to be honed. We all make mistakes, but if I may quote for purposes of review:

From TMWTPH, page 30:

Bond looked at her lifeless body. She was dead. Wow, Bond thought.

Wow, indeed. As they used to say in Marvel Comics, 'nuff said.

Edited by clinkeroo, 22 February 2004 - 10:36 PM.

[Qwerty]

I have to agree with clinkeroo. I did not enjoy this piece nearly as much as I did the first two. Now, I hate to say bad things about others work, because it's great that people do write these, but if it's the point of this club to express our views, then I will.

Personally, I felt this fan fic strived to be as big and bold as the original novels, but certain lines as mentioned above bring it down. I also noticed a lot of references with very similar lines from the films as well. I remember reading some line salmost identical to the evil exchange btween Bond and Kamal over the backgammon game in Octopussy, not sure itf this was intentional or not.

Nothing wrong with the fan fic here, but I guess I just wasn't in the mood to read a fan fic set in Russia. Just wasn't for me this time.

On the up-side, I think it was good that a lot of time and consideration was taken to express Bond and other characters.

I just think I wasn't in the mood to read one like this, nothing against the writer, it's a good fan fic.

5/10

[Tanger]

I was first attracted to this story by its title. Very Fleming-like yet almost in the category of rip-off. I must say though that the interesting title does not fit the story too well.
First of all, I found some of it to be clumsily written. Occurrences such as ‘He did this, she did that’. Also the opening to the story had me struggling a bit with all those Number 1s and Number 2s.
Secondly, the character of Bond in this story appears to be an odd mix of some of the film versions with a semi-American personality. This did not gel too well with me. The real Bond would never say “Wow”, “yeah” or “s”.
Like said above, I was also put off by the writers reliance on parts taken word for word from the films. I found some of the characters to be quite interesting although I didn’t very much enjoy Felix Leiter’s new knack for teleportation.

The whole pirate DVD subplot made no sense at all. Why bother? Why waste time and money setting up an operation that is a cover yet has no use what so ever. Excuse me if I’ve missed something but how do pirate DVDs detract attention from the President being kidnapped. I guess I need to read it again because to me, some parts just seemed to be there for the sake of it and had no relevance to the plot.

I think that with a final polish though this could definitely work. The writer needs to revisit it and work out some of the bugs.

Overall, I wouldn’t say that I didn’t like it (because I like all Fan Fiction) but it’s definitely one of the lower stories in my rank.

2.5/5

[Qwerty]

[quote name='Tanger' date='23 February 2004 - 07:52']
Secondly, the character of Bond in this story appears to be an odd mix of some of the film versions with a semi-American personality. This did not gel too well with me. The real Bond would never say

[scaramanga1]

I'm afraid I am in accordance with everything that has been said. This tale suffered mainly because the author bit off a little more than he could chew. It seemed all over the place to me, and had no real structure. Also some of the dialogue was cartoonish, and lacking in the sophistication that is expected of a Bond tale.

I'm afraid that tale is smorgasboard of ideas that have been tentively linked -but unfortunately have not produced a coherent tale.

If indeed this is the author's first full legnth project. I'd say to him try writing a much shorter story with a simple plot. Then with practice and a better understanding of bringing things together, he may be able to produce something that may entertain.

Edited by scaramanga1, 25 February 2004 - 09:19 PM.

[Xenobia]

I just finished this story as well, and while it started out with a very promising villian, and even an excellent idea for revenge (grief over the
Vietnam war), it fell apart very quickly into dialogue that seemed stilted at times, and locations that were just not entertaining.

The idea of an Alliance...of a shadow spy group that works and doesn't work with other agencies...is a worthy one. It might even be worthy of a story in its own right. But as it all stands right now, there isn't much there to keep the author interested.

The writer clearly shows promise -- there were some lines here and there describing the weather, that were quite poetic -- and of course anyone who can write a novel length work at least proves he has dedication to the craft. Now with practice, this person can become an excellent writer.

-- Xenobia

[clinkeroo]

Xen,

You're so nice and encouraging, sometimes I feel like the evil Simon to your Paula Abdul .

[Xenobia]

Clink...all we need is Randy and we are good to go.

Seriously....there are some good things to everyone's work, but clearly, this novel is still a work in progress.

-- Xen

[Qwerty]

Clink...all we need is Randy and we are good to go. 

What up dawg? Randy signin' in baby.

[Xenobia]

Clink...it appears as if the roles have been cast, Tanger is our Ryan Sequest, and all is good.

-- Xen

[clinkeroo]

Clink...it appears as if the roles have been cast, Tanger is our Ryan Sequest, and all is good.

-- Xen

Clink, as Simon,

"Well...I don't know if I'd say "good"."