19 replies to this topic

[Tanger]

http://www.ajb007.co...sinthecards.php

Death Is In The Cards - This intriuging tale sets 007 against The Shark, a man of extraordinary skill when the stakes are high

[Bond_Bishop]

Can a mod take away this post please

(Are you please now Tangie? )

Edited by Bond_Bishop, 03 February 2004 - 07:47 PM.

[scaramanga1]

I reccomend this story. dortmunder has talent.

[deth]

so........ when is the discussion for this?

[Qwerty]

Tanger usually starts them on Sunday, I believe.

[Tanger]

Discussion can begin anytime on Sunday. Which is today!

I'll be the first to post.
Like the first stories that we read this is very similar. The writer has a good sense of the Bond character and you could almost imagine this story fitting nicely into a short story collection.
It tries to go back to basics giving us a worthy villain and a great card game very reminiscent of what Fleming himself wrote.
The Shark is a very interesting villain and his method of dispatch is particularly ingenious.
Again we have a classic Bond girl and everything seems to be in place and working well.
The writer displays a great knowledge of card games and even goes into too much detail sometimes. But this only helps to make the story more interesting.

I'd say that this is again a story that I recommend to all Bond fans and is a great little story to pass the time or if you are between books.

Overall a great effort that fits into the Bond canon well. All the details are there and the writing reads well. A great Bond adventure.

Another 4/5.

I'll be posting next weeks FanFic up tomorrow so look out for it!

[Qwerty]

I thought it was a good follow up from our first fan-fic. The idea for the plot is simple and confined, much like the novel, Casino Royale. I like how this one is confined relatively to one area, until the finale comes.

The real strength of this fan fic is how closely it lets you follow the intricate game Bond plays with the Shark. To speak of characters, I thoyught the Shark and the Bond girl were both very well, but I don't think both of them were developed enough throughout the story, IMO.

Overall, I thought the finale seemed a bit rushed somehow, it was very good and I did enjoy it, but I just didn't like all of it. It was a good book, and I'm very glad that I did read it.

Onto the 3rd!

Rating-- 6/10

[Xenobia]

There are two great things I like about this fan ficiton:

One is the card playing. It was sharp, it was intense, and I learned something about Poker, which is always a plus for me.

The second thing I liked was the one location. This gave Dortmunder a real good opportunity to describe the locale, which he handles very nicely.

The shark is nicely drawn out, but I would like to see more proof that he still thinks he is in love with his girlfriend, because I don't get that from the brief scenes where Bond observes them. I do get a sense though that the girlfriend wishes to escape, which is good.

The one thing I would like to have seen more of is the actual interogation. Why did the Shark break so quickly? Who did it? Why wasn't Bond involved?

All in all, it's a neat story.

-- Xenobia

[Joyce Carrington]

I enjoyed this story - it wasn't too complex and the details were there where I wanted them. The Shark had an interesting way of killing people (but maybe could have been more interesting himself). Anyway, good atmosphere and tension in the right places.

[clinkeroo]

Gosh, I hate being the last one to the party. Well, I've a Smirnoff in an iced glass at my side, and I'm leaning back in my favorite writing chair, so I'm primed to review some fan fiction.

Bravo, Dortmunder. I enjoyed this one quite a bit, and that was before I started drinking. Setting was great, if Dort hasn't been to, or even lived in Malm

[Xenobia]

I too, thought the story should have ended at the card table, perhaps with Bond throwing the poisoned card at the Shark, or having the dealer switched so the Shark was dealt his own dead man's hand.

But then again, much like the female M, and the easy girl, the street fight was very obvious to the public, and therefore keeping with the cinematic Bond who would do things like have a boat chase on the Thames, or drive a Gondola onto the streets of Venice, etc.

-- Xenobia

[scaramanga1]

You may be interested to know that when Dortmunder was writing this entertaining Casino Royalesque tale he approached me for some advice, as his story was mainly just about the card games to begin with. I explained that we needed more background on the reasons why the characters were where they were, and also some more detail on the characters, and a bit more action. I realised that his tale would appeal to fans of Fleming, but to other Bond fans brought up on the diet of splendid films -there was something missing. He agreed and ended up developing his plot, and providing many of those elements I suggested. Consequently he managed to produce a really good piece. Yes there may well be things that can be improved, but as yet I have not come accross a perfect novel or short story. This tale has few shortcomings and is entertainig. He has used Fleming's formula well, and as a consequence this author should feel proud.

4/5

[clinkeroo]

Yes there may well be things that can be improved, but as yet I have not come accross a perfect novel or short story. This tale has few shortcomings and is entertainig. He has used Fleming's formula well, and as a consequence this author should feel proud.

I agree, entirely. Everyone who writes fan fiction is doing so as a labor of love. I've always seen the purpose of having forums like this, though, is to work out the kinks of a story, and hopefully improve. When Cesari made his criticisms of my work on FDD, I was thrilled. Here was a French-speaking Bond expert who'd actually read my work, and thankfully, was willing to take the time to help me work out some some of my own trouble spots, not to mention my horrible abuse of the French/Corsican languages. I am deeply in his debt.

My own background, like Xen, is in English Lit. with a minor in journalism. I've spent quite a bit of time deconstructing stories and articles, and it is what I bring to this table. Jim, who has yet to join our reading club, does this for a living, and is extremely proficient at breaking stories down. I read every story twice; once to enjoy, and then a more analytical once through to find out why I enjoyed it.
Tanger selected your two gentlemen's stories because he already knew them to be of high quality (actually, I'm guessing at this, for him to have picked out two pieces of Bond fan fiction that were this good out of a hat, would be nearly impossible. ) I applaud his choices and believe both stories to be of very high quality.

I attempt to give the kind of constructive criticism I like to receive. I will never dismiss something out of hand, because I know an author somewhere put love and effort into it. I believe there is no such thing as a perfect story; even the best of stories can change for a reader day to day, depending upon whim and circumstances. One thing I have learned as a writer, however, is that I cannot become better without honest, constructive criticisms, both from myself, and from others, picking out the ones that I like, and leaving the ones that I don't. Everytime an editor points out what he sees as shortcomings in something I'm working on, my first instict is to get defensive and angry (it is my baby he is calling ugly, afterall), but eventually I take that anger and turn it into a reason to sit back down and and attempt to write something that he would dare not utter a negative peep about. I doubt if I'll ever be successful at silencing an editor, but I know I'll be better for trying.

Really, these are just a lot of words meant to say, "I agree with you about the story, but try not to take what are intended to be helpful words too personally."

[scaramanga1]

Thanks C, you have said exactly what I think. Constructive criticism is essential for anyone who gets creative. The main thing is to take these comments and use them to your benefit. I have taken onboard all those comments I have received here and over at AJB, consequently when I now write a short story, I endeavour to deliver an improved piece of work. I know Dortmunder will agree with what has been said and will also appreciate everything that has been said.

[clinkeroo]

Thanks C, you have said exactly what I think. Constructive criticism is essential for anyone who gets creative. The main thing is to take these comments and use them to your benefit. I have taken onboard all those comments I have received here and over at AJB, consequently when I now write a short story, I endeavour to deliver an improved piece of work. I know Dortmunder will agree with what has been said and will also appreciate everything that has been said.

Thanks, Jason.

I was worried I had ticked you guys off for a minute, something that was never my intention .

Keep writing and I'll keep reading,

[Xenobia]

I live for constructive criticism....it's the only way to learn. I am thrilled to get any sort of feedback at all, even the bad kind, because it means someone took the time to read it all the way through.

I like this sort of workshop, because perhaps we will all become better writers for it.

-- Xen

[scaramanga1]

I live for constructive criticism....it's the only way to learn. I am thrilled to get any sort of feedback at all, even the bad kind, because it means someone took the time to read it all the way through.

I like this sort of workshop, because perhaps we will all become better writers for it.

-- Xen

Hear, hear to that! Ironically I'm training to be an English teacher, and I'm also a published poet -but still I make the odd silly schoolboy errors when writing, I really understand how important feedback and self evaluation is. I applaud this idea of a FFRC, as it really is beneficial to both readers and writers.

[Bond_Bishop]

It was good i thought. It is always fun with some cardplaying action. But the best was that it was in SWEDEN

[Hawkeye]

Is Dortmunder writing any further Bond stuff, i'm enjoying this one. I know i've not signed up to the club, it's 'cause i take to long to read these things so by the time i can comment you've moved on. Also i don't think i can offer the kind of constructive feedback or feedback to that degree of quality that the likes of our English Lit majors Xen and Clink can. I haven't completed my degree yet (Creative Writing & American studies just to let you know) so i don't feel qualified to offer up improvements, or whatever.

Hawkeye

[scaramanga1]

Sadly I haven't heard from Dortmunder in quite some time. I too would love it if he wrote something new.