64 replies to this topic

[stromberg]

The Hildebrand Rarity:
A sports documentary.
This one is obviously about Timo Hildebrand, goalkepper of German football (soccer, that is) club VfB Stuttgart. He set an all time record for getting no goal for 885 minutes in this season. In the first 16 matches of the season, he even got only 4 goals alltogether.
But in the last match before the winter break, he got 3 of them (against Bayer Leverkusen).

next up:
The Spy Who Loved Me

[Jim]

The Spy who Loved Me

The craftily retitling (for the Mormon market) of gay pørn film The Spy who Loved Men

The Man from Barbarossa

[Loomis]

The Man From Barbarossa

A man killed crossing the road in London is found to be the world's greatest freelance assassin (he comes from Barbarossa, natch). MI6 deduces that he was in the UK for a "hit", having slipped in undetected, and that only by a mundane fatal accident was he prevented from carrying out whatever his assignment was. 007 is sent around the world to shake down former associates, enemies and lovers of the man to try and find out A. what the job was that brought the fellow to London, B. who hired him for it, and C. whether there is any danger of the plot still going ahead. What Bond uncovers is a sinister conspiracy that goes right to the heart of the British establishment, a chilling scheme aimed at changing the world forever.

(Since I've never read "The Man From Barbarossa", this is the plot, for all I know.)

The Man With the Red Tattooo

[Jim]

Substantially better than the real thing, Loomie.

[Jim]

The Man with the Red Tattoo

The Man with the Red Tattoo a.k.a Uriah Ganges, former pedicurist and international hit man, leaves a mark on all his prospective victims (guess what that is?); but they know not how he achieves it. At the same time (not literally) he will have tattooed one other person in the same city with a green tattoo. The victims do not know the significance. As well as the tattoo, the first victim is injected with a mercury detonator which is slowly killing him; the second victim is injected with the antidote. For three days the victims will wear their tattoos and then time is up; the first victim will die, and the second victim's tattoo turns red (I have no idea how) and self-injects mercury detonator into him/her (again, no idea how); etc etc ad infinitum until "everyone dies, muhahahaha". Thus will pass the world. He never fails. "One morning", James Bond wakes up with a red tattoo on his hand (sorta like Treasure Island black spot thingie). He will die in three days unless he finds the antidote person. Unfortunately, the antidote person is someone Bond foiled in the pre-credits so is unwilling to assist, initially. [Gravelly voiceoverman] "The clock is ticking..."

OK, so it's a shameless rip-off of The Man with the Golden Gun (or The Man with a Golden Gun as some seem determined to call it).

Die Another Day

[homerjbond]

Sequel to the aforementioned You Only Live Twice where that cat gets another life after a hit-and-run accident involving Halle Berry.

Octopussy

[B007GLE]

Octopussy

A marine biologist (Ben Stiller) finds himself falling in love with the latest additoin to his Aquarium in this Farelly Brothers comedy.

On Her Majesty's Secret Serrvice

[Mister Asterix]

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
Richard Gere is a upper-class vetenarian in Pittsburgh who is pefectly content with his lifestyle of golf, polo, and society dinners, that is until Julia Roberts comes into the scene. Miss Roberts plays a trailer-trash nail technician who has lost her licence and now must work on dogs instead of people. Hilarity ensues when the oddball pair are forced to work together for a precocious pooch named Majesty.


Agent Under Fire

[Robinson]

The Hildebrand Rarity.

James Bond tries to outwit an egomaniacal Ebay speculator over a misprinted collector's plate from the Franklin Mint.

My Turn:

Permission to Die

[Mister Asterix]

The Hildebrand Rarity.

James Bond tries to outwit an egomaniacal Ebay speculator over a misprinted collector's plate from the Franklin Mint.

My Turn:

Permission to Die

Are we a little behind, Robinson? We are now onto Agent Under Fire.

[Icephoenix]

Agent Under Fire

The wacky tale of a new breed of secret agent - the scouts. Follow John Dough, sauve spy and scout trooper, as he must earn all his badges...and face his biggest foe...the camp fire!

Tomorrow Never Dies

[00Kevin]

Tomorrow Never Dies

A sad man tries to kill tomorrow, but everytime he waits for tomorrow, he finds that it's still today, so he waits and soon dies after going so many todays without food

The Living Daylights

Edited by 00Kevin, 09 January 2004 - 11:20 PM.

[Mister Asterix]

The Living Daylights
Ted works hard at the local GM plant, but he soon makes a terrible discovery about the new daytime running lamps.


007: The Authorised Biography Of James Bond

[Double-Oh-Zero]

007: The Authorised Biography Of James Bond

The mysterious figure known only as Authorised has created an in-depth profile of James Bond (the seventh publication in a series of novels detailing the inner workings of Military Intelligence). Bond, supposedly being very elusive and anonymous, is sent to investigate and stop the publishing of this novel before more copies are sent out, his cover is blown, and thus every supervillain and his dog knowing who James Bond and the Secret Service are. Megalomaniacs everywhere could bring the world to it's knees if the intricate workings of MI6 are revealed! Could the shadowy Authorised be a vanquished enemy of Bond's, determined to see 007's end? Or a turncoat agent who became jealous after Jimmy and his pals got all the attention at MI6, and is trying to get even?

Goldfinger

[00Kevin]

Goldfinger

In this Prequel to The Man With the Golden Gun, We learn how King Midus got his powers.

Moonraker

[neversaynever]

Moonraker

The story of a man who likes to do his gardening in the nude.

The Facts of Death

[00Kevin]

The Facts of Death

The Ben Stein-Narrated Documentary about Baron Samedi

The Dual

Edited by 00Kevin, 12 January 2004 - 03:48 AM.

[Xenobia]

The Dual

A making of guide to the Blades sequence in Die Another Day

Live at Five

-- Xenobia

[homerjbond]

Live at Five

Bond's adventure in anchoring Oklahoma City's number one-rated newscast in order to stop an investigative reporter's quest to incite panic by concocting a false "mad cow" expose.

Nobody Lives Forever

[B007GLE]

Nobody Lives Forever

A sequel to For Your Eyes Only and Indiana Jones and the last Crusade.

Young Hero - Bond (PB)

Old Hero - Jones (Harrison FOrd)

Try stop a crippled Blofeld from getting to the Fountain of Youth.

THRILLING CITIES

[00Kevin]

Thrilling Cities

Tales of a College Student's journey around the most crazy parties in the world. Locations: Vegas, Miami, Jamaica, Rio, Munich, Tokyo.

007 racing

[Athena007]

007 racing: After James Bond retired from the Secret Service he picked up a new hobby, racing. This film is a documentary about his 7 year winning streak.


Brokenclaw

[zencat]

Brokenclaw:

Ernst Stravos Blofeld drops Bond into the middle of the forest in yet another fiendishly slow and potentially ineffective way of killing the super agent. While foraging for food, Bond comes across a bear cub caught in a hunter's trap. Bond frees the cub, and in doing so discovers his latent maternal instincts. Bond nurses the cub back to health and stands guard day and night as the cub's broken claw means. Able to walk again, the cub returns the favor by teaching Bond how to catch fish in his mouth from a nearby stream and how to steal food from picnic baskets. Together, James Bond and the bear cub discover there is more to life than defeating evil... They learn to love.

The End.


No Deals, Mr. Bond

[B007GLE]

No Deals Mr. Bond

While in a Monte Carlo casino Bond comes face to face wtih his old foe Dr. No. The inevitable chemin de fer game takes place. Bond keeps asking for the shoe until the croupier chastises him "No deals, Mr. Bond!"

Serpents Tooth

[Athena007]

Serpents Tooth (Indiana Jones 4): We all know he hates snakes. But what will be do when he has deal with a snake charmer who wont take

[00Kevin]

Nightfire

Firefighter must both keep his mind straight and fight fire in the middle of the night while under stress from his Marriage, bound for Divorce.

Diamonds are Forever

[B007GLE]

Diamonds are Forever

Bond faces off against "The Ice Tong" a Chinese gang that is stealing and cornering the market in diamonds. They plan to use the diamonds to finance their overthrow fo the Chinese government and establish a thousand year dynasty.

Shattered Helix

[00Kevin]

Shattered Helix

After losing his wife and leg, Felix Leiter is shattered, but when his name is spelled wrong in his biography, he gots to the courts to change it

Blast From the Past

[neversaynever]

Blast from the Past

An unfortunately-titled documentary about the dangers of land mines.

Beyond the Ice (almost a Bond title!)

[Xenobia]

Beyond the Ice

Bond trains Tanya Harding, a former champion skater, as a hired assassin for the British Government. First up, Torvell and Dean.

Just Another Kill

-- Xenobia