Terminus, the following is intended to be constructive criticism that you can use to improve your screen play. It seems to me that you have more of the plot and story development worked out in your head than you have committed to writing.
I don't quite understand why Bond attacks Thug 1 and Thug 2 in the lift. I only know that they are adversaries of Bond by their names in the script. Can you place a scene before the lift scene that establishes what their motivations are? Are they trying to kill Bond? Are they going to try and kidnap Claudia Fox? Why do they wish to do Bond harm?
Perhaps have a scene where Thug 1 and Thug 2 are looking at a photograph of Bond and then look up and see Bond entering the lift. "Is that the mark that Nemerov wants dead?" "Is he the man we are looking for?" Something like that before the lift fight.
Who is Alexei Nemerov? Why does he want to kill Bond? I imagine they have had some sort of past dealings. Was Alexei Nemerov a character from another screenplay you wrote and you are tying up the previous story threads by killing Nemerov at the beginning of this story? Its clear that Bond and Nemerov dislike each and that Nemerov wants Bond dead, but I don't know why? You need to answer the why question. Is Thug 1 and Thug 2 employed by Nemerov? What is the connection? Is Nemerov a bounty hunter or professional killer?
The line:
Why can't you just be a good boy for once ?
Seems like a paraphrase of a line uttered by Sean Beann in
GoldeneyeThe line uttered by Claudia:
Is that how you greet your friends ?
Hunh? Why does Claudia say this when she has just heard Nemerov say he wants to kill Bond and has already threatened Bond's life? Was Nemerov an ally to Bond in the past? The line just doesn't make sense.
For that matter, who is Claudia Fox? Is she just some bird he picked up Monte Carlo Casino who he is going to take back to his hotel room to have sex with? Was she sunning herself on a yacht in the marina?
Well I assume that since you have Sean Bean in your fantasy cast I suspect you have an undead 006?
Does the anonymous caller give a reason why she is informing on the whereabouts of 008? Just somewhere on one of the islands that make up the country of Japan? Any city or building in particular? Was he seen entering the Tokyo Hilton? Was he seen entering an office building of some industrialist who is under surveilance? There's not enough information. Was he seen entering the embassy of a hostile foreign nation? 008 was seen entering the North Korean Embassy in Tokyo, for example. Could the "call" or communications with MI 6 have included some photographs? You mention Hokkaido later when you mention Hokkaido airport, so is he in the city of Sapporo?
I don't quite understand why Felix Leiter is on the Island of Hokkaido and meets Bond in airplane hanger. Sorry, I don't know the geography of Japan very well but isn't Hokkaido an island and also a prefecture like a province in Canada or a state in the United States? Aren't there several airports on the island? Or do you mean Hokkaido airport just outside Sapporo? So I am guessing that the anonymous caller told MI6 that 008 was somewhere on the Island of Hokkaido? Any place in particular?
San Monique health care system? Wouldn't it have declined when it lost the revenue from the sales of heroin? It seemed like it was a very poor place to me and Dr. Kananga was just enriching himself. Did Felix regrow the limb? You should mention that he walks with a limp or has other mobility problems because he was gnawed by a shark. In "Licence to Kill" didn't he lose his left leg below the knee? I haven't read the Fleming novel yet so the injuries he sustained in the book may be worse. Does Raymond Benson have him in a wheel chair in
The Facts of Death?
Why is Q equipping Bond in the field again? Why is he not at MI6 Headquarters in London giving Bond the Aston Martin Zagato there and then having the car air freighted?
The Q Branch enhancements to the Aston Martin Zagato are clearly copied from the enhanced Jaguar XK coupe from the Raymond Benson novel
The Facts of Death with the
Goldfinger revolving number plate thrown in. Please give Raymond Benson credit at the beginning of your script for his ideas.
Sorry, I don't understand the "It's about time, Q" joke. It's about time that the watch has a magnetic pulse weapon? Or is the watch about time? Is this a joke based off of
Spy Kids that previous watches were so full of gadgets that there wasn't enough room left over for a time keeping mechanism? Sorry, I don't understand it.
Isn't it Father Christmas in England instead of Santa Clause. I don't quite understand what the have fun unwrapping your present line refers to. I don't think of Q as a chick magnet like Bond. Besides, Father Christmas give presents, he doesn't receive them.
Can you please think of these questions when you write the second draft of your script?
