17 replies to this topic

[Greene Planet]

THE

KILLERS

PART ONE:
CHAOS

COMING SOON

[Vauxhall]

I hope the villain is called Dr Brightside.

[Greene Planet]

Why's that? His name is Morgan Cheynein.

[Vauxhall]

The Killers - Mr Brightside

[Mr. Blofeld]

Maybe he could have soul but not be a soldier...

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Or he could be a spaceman who reads minds...

[Vauxhall]

Quick vote: human or dancer?

[Conlazmoodalbrocra]

Human.

[Greene Planet]

Sorry to interupt, but this is a topic for a short story. Morgan Cheynein, not Mr. Brightside.

[Harry Fawkes]

Morgan Cheynein. Now that is a damn cool name!!

[Greene Planet]

Thanks!

[Greene Planet]

The first chapter is up now.

Spoiler

Cheynein fired his M9, he fired. He let out a yelp, with blood spirting out of his face, and laced with shrapnel. The M9 had broken into pieces when Cheynein had pulled the trigger.
Harding let out a smierk. Cheynein looked up back at Harding.
"Don't just stand there you chicken ****! Help me!"

[Greene Planet]

2
LANGLEY, VIRGINIA

COMING SOON

[Greene Planet]

I've changed my mind about chapter two, just adding on to the first. Any reviews?

[Mr. Blofeld]

Good so far; the villain's last name makes me think of a certain vice-president who's recently left office...

[Greene Planet]

Well I certainly didn't get it from Dick Cheney.
In fact I collided to two different names of my friends. But I changed the spelling.

[Harry Fawkes]

THE TWO GUARDS BRUSHED him as he set down he supplies to heal the wound. One of the employees had found the courage to come forward and put pressure on it. Harding gave her the signal to back away so he could work.

FINALLY, I CAN USE THE TRAINING to help someone not in battle, James thought.
Macarone groaned as the pressure was relived on the bleeding. Harding reached into the tool bag and pulled out a pair of small pliers. The man gasped in the thought of nauseating pain. Harding pushed through the access flesh and grasped the bullets with the pliers, the man’s face turned pale.

THE BULLET WAS OUT. Harding gave Macarone the whisky and Macarone drank in sips. The two men sighed as the employee put pressure back on.

Hope you don't mind but I couldn't resist putting that extract from your story up for show.
It is vivid. Descriptions are fast. Hardly time to breath. Action is fast paced and you don’t waist time with bull!

Yep, I think I’m going to like this one as much as TDA.

By the way - Like Pte Fawkes! He's now my hero

Harry Fawkes

[Greene Planet]

THE TWO GUARDS BRUSHED him as he set down he supplies to heal the wound. One of the employees had found the courage to come forward and put pressure on it. Harding gave her the signal to back away so he could work.

FINALLY, I CAN USE THE TRAINING to help someone not in battle, James thought.
Macarone groaned as the pressure was relived on the bleeding. Harding reached into the tool bag and pulled out a pair of small pliers. The man gasped in the thought of nauseating pain. Harding pushed through the access flesh and grasped the bullets with the pliers, the man’s face turned pale.

THE BULLET WAS OUT. Harding gave Macarone the whisky and Macarone drank in sips. The two men sighed as the employee put pressure back on.

Hope you don't mind but I couldn't resist putting that extract from your story up for show.
It is vivid. Descriptions are fast. Hardly time to breath. Action is fast paced and you don’t waist time with bull!

Yep, I think I’m going to like this one as much as TDA.

By the way - Like Pte Fawkes! He's now my hero

Harry Fawkes

Thanks very much! BTW I'm continuing with the battle, longer battle parts too.