17 replies to this topic

[Hitch]

Should you have any comments about Ralf the Taxi, please post them here.

[Qwerty]

Discussion link added to story thread.

I hope I can get a chance to read this tonight, Hitch!

[clinkeroo]

Nicht schlecht, mein Freund.

Love that "leather kennel" line. You once said you were going to start calling me "Bleakeroo"; well, after this, you're going to be "Bleaker Hitch".

Moody and consistent in tone, and you can really tell you did your Berlin homework on this one. Such a shame (and a sham) to think that you would get this good at writing Bond stories, and then claim to be able to walk away from it. "Balderdash," I say.

Any of you who enjoyed Fleming...READ THIS STORY!

I've been sadly waiting for someone to take the time to do Bond fan fiction right lately (apologies to TF, you are an exception, my dear Lady.) That wait is now over, thank you Sir.

Edited by clinkeroo, 26 January 2006 - 02:41 PM.

[TortillaFactory]

apologies to TF, you are an exception, my dear Lady.

I'm honoured to be an exception.

(I even spell like a Brit now...the transformation is complete.)

[Joyce Carrington]

Hitch, you rock! Even Bleakeroo himself finds Ralf bleak.

- I must admit reading this story made me feel sad. Now that is good writing.
- The TLD tie-in was just perfect.
- We should kidnap Hitch and force him to continue writing Bond.

[Robert Watts]

Hmm, all we need is a computer, a warehouse and some black tape. As well as one of those illegal mini-cabs they have in London. And enough dough to buy imitation gruel to shove down his throat while he blindly types away at the computer.

And to block out all the emergency/police etc websites

Edited by Robert Watts, 27 January 2006 - 03:59 AM.

[Lazenby880]

First of all, I owe Hitch some apologies. I shall be commenting on TO WHOM IT MAY CONDEMN in rather more detail soon however I have been away from the site for a few weeks due to those two dreaded words: 'personal' and 'issues'. Expect thoughts on that work in a short while.

As for RALF THE TAXI, what is this that I am hearing of Hitch possibly giving up writing Bond? This short exemplifies why this should not be so. Great use of language here Hitch, bleak imagery and all together a pretty downcast piece of writing. That is a good thing, by the way. Please, do not put down that Bond pen! Very good stuff.

Joyce, I'll take the arms if you take the legs.

Edited by Lazenby880, 28 January 2006 - 03:14 PM.

[Robert Watts]

Then who'll open the doors?

HITCH, you are bloody insane if you are giving up writing Bond. This short story is flipping marvelous work. If not give it up at least submit it somewhere where I'll find it again once I get a new computer.

P.S A very nice/sad moment when Bond begins to talk about The Armourer in particular, that almost made me cry, though I did have a lot of water today

Edited by Robert Watts, 29 January 2006 - 02:03 AM.

[Hitch]

Have they gone yet? Is it safe?

Thanks for your comments re. Ralf the Taxi, but not re. kidnapping me and forcing me to write more of my Phlegming tales. Brrr.

(It's not that I think my decision to stop writing Bond fan fiction warrants newspaper headlines ; it's just that I can't think of anything else for poor old 007 to do.)

As always, my internal editor woke up only after Ralf made his appearance at CBn. By then it was too late, and the only suitable response to noticing my illogical syntax and wandering verb tenses was a resounding smack to the forehead. Tsk.

As has been noted, Ralf the Taxi is not a cheery tale; I think the sombre tone is a hangover from its origin in The Living Daylights. Some of Fleming's best work appears in his short stories - Octopussy and TLD are both superb and downbeat, in my humble opinion, though The Property of a Lady does let the side down somewhat. *Makes mental note to re-read TPOAL, because it's probably better than I remember.* Consequently, I fancied writing about a Bond with iron in his soul. I can't help it; I'm an artiste. It was fun to shoehorn a story into Fleming's universe, though using TLD and OHMSS is a bit greedy of me.

Perhaps one day I might inflict a contemporary Bond on CBn (RtT is set a year or three after the fall of the Berlin Wall), and make our hero more like his cinematic counterpart, but I doubt it. Though I enjoy the films very much, I tend to think that the real James Bond, that moody, taciturn fellow who never stops to say hallo to his neighbours in the plane-tree'd square just off the King's Road, answers to two people only: M and Ian Fleming. That's not snobbery, I hope; I intend to catch up with Messrs Gardner, Benson, Higson et al, but will always feel that Fleming's authority in telling us about Bond is like Conan Doyle's with Holmes: accept no substitutes. Which brings me, stickily enough, to my own pawky efforts. I'm not sure why I started to write my silly stories, but I do know that I've enjoyed doing so - and that's reason enough, isn't it? Sometimes I've tried to imitate Fleming (Ye Gods! ), sometimes I've let my own weedy voice take over - but at all times I've received encouragement from the members at CBn (and MI6), for which many thanks. Perhaps I should shut up now, in the hope that all of the above ramblings will encourage Bond fans to dip their toes in the inky water and have a crack at writing Bond. Trust me, you'll have a blast.

Don't believe me? It's easy. All you have to do is write what you'd like to read. Have fun.

In the meantime, 007 is pawing half-heartedly at his notes for his long-mooted manual on self-defence. It's up to you to rescue him from himself...

[Hitch]

[Bond_Bishop]

Very good story as always Hitch!

It is sad that you won't write anymore Bond, we will miss your stories very much!

[Monsieur B]

Well, I must say that this story has done 2 things for me: it has really made my day but it makes me sad to see that my skills with a pen are pathetic in comparison with your prose prowess.

And when did you announce your retirement from the Bond fanfiction department? I never heard this until I saw this thread. I must say that it will be sad to not see any more of your stories here but perhaps, like you said, others will be drawn into the realm of fanfiction by your works.

Any ideas about what you're going to do? Where you're going to go?

[Qwerty]

Have they gone yet? Is it safe?

NOT A CHANCE.

You have such a talent for evoking dark, moody, and bleak (yes, that IS the word) tones in fan fiction - whether short or long. Ralf The Taxi is just another example. It is stories just like this one that immediately bring the 60's Fleming paperback covers into my mind; and it is a rare occurrance at that.

The heater in the car, Berlin, the character interactions, the “The Living Daylights” memento... it is all just right. What exactly 'right' is differs for each reader in my opinion, but it definitely works for me.

Thoroughly enjoyable.

[Robert Watts]

We should've tied him up and gagged him when we had the chance

[Santa]

Fan fiction is really not my thing, but I thought that was lovely. Please do some more.

[Qwerty]

We should've tied him up and gagged him when we had the chance

Most certainly.

[Hitch]

This is getting more drawn out than the end of Titanic. I'm very flattered by everyone's compliments, and very worried by everyone's threats. It's not that I want to stop writing Bond (quiet at the back), it's that I can't think of any more stories for him - and if I did they would take too long to scribble. I'm a very, very slow writer; even the short tales take quite an effort.

The fanfic forum at CBn is a particularly obscure corner of the murky world that is fan fiction, and it's been delightful to stumble around it and discover the excellent entertainment offered by Jim, Clinkeroo, Spynovelfan, Joyce Carring -

One minute to the commercial break, Mr Hitch.

- Joyce Carrington, TortillaFactory, Lazenby880, BondBishop, Robert Watts and all the other brave souls who love Bond so much that they're willing to put pen to paper and bring him to life. All my interminable ramblings (both stories and thread postings) would never have come to light if I hadn't read your stories and if CBn wasn't such a friendly and tolerant place.

But now it's time to holster my Parker PPK.

Sir, your mascara's running.

What? Oh, sorry.

*Dabs handkerchief*

I look forward to reading more of the adventures of the world's favourite superspy - especially if a certain OE can get round to finishing the account of his fellow OE's trials in Africa.

Thanks once again for reading my stories.

*Makes for Vladivostok*

[Hitch]

A drunken bump. Sue me. Yes, I know my tenses go astray mid-story, but I'm too busy wearing my cummerbund/restrainer and trying to convince the island's ladyfolk that I'm worth looking at. Oh, for a four-ball at Rye...