42 replies to this topic

[Athena007]

Discuss Pierce James Bond's Agent Under Fire here

[Robert Watts]

My only problem is the lack of speech marks. Other then that it is quite good.

Edited by Robert Watts, 09 November 2005 - 09:16 PM.

[Pierce James Bond]

I would like to say that my version of Agent Under Fire is a work in progress.
I would also like to say that I think I am doing a good job on it and if anyone has any ideas they like to point out like Robert Watts "My only problem is the lack of speech marks. Other then that it is quite good." Yes feel free to point out anything that might look bad. I would also like to say that this is my first fan fiction that I am working on and hope there will be more. Also I would like to thank Athena007 for making this fourm.

Edited by Pierce James Bond, 09 November 2005 - 10:26 PM.

[Quartermaster007]

Mmm hmmm, two words, QUOTATION MARKS



I'll get reading this later.

[Qwerty]

[Mods Note: Discussion link added to story.]

[Gri007]

BOND BEGINS WOULD BE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IN CINEMA HISTORY!!!!!!!

Also 'Qoatation Marks'. I found that reading some Bond novels give you a good idea how the way the Bond novel are set out.

[Pierce James Bond]

BOND BEGINS WOULD BE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IN CINEMA HISTORY!!!!!!!

Also 'Qoatation Marks'. I found that reading some Bond novels give you a good idea how the way the Bond novel are set out.

I would like to say (my version)that Agent Under Fire is coming along nicely.
I would like to thank those who gave out some pointers on the novel. Anyway Thanks again.

-PJB

[Gri007]

BOND BEGINS WOULD BE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IN CINEMA HISTORY!!!!!!!

Also 'Qoatation Marks'. I found that reading some Bond novels give you a good idea how the way the Bond novel are set out.

Do not even aks my why I have got a qoute from 'Strange the cat'. I don't know. Must of put it on by mistake

[Pierce James Bond]

No clue huh? Well thanks again.

[Pierce James Bond]

I would like to say Agent Under Fire is coming along great. (Pardon the french words in there but I read some Bond novels and they have words like Damn and Hell etc) Just pardon my french Anyway thanks for the support everyone has given me on this story. I look foward to more fan fiction stories.

-PJB

[Joyce Carrington]

I must say your French doesn't bother me at all, PJB.

Your story would be much easier to read if you were to improve four things:
1. Tenses - the story is confusing because you switch between past and present tense a lot.
2. As already mentioned, quotation marks. 'Nuff said.
3. Paragraphs - a bit tied in with point two, but start a new paragraph every time another person starts talking.
4. Punctuation - some commas here and there would be nice.

With these points in mind, a revised part from what you've written would become something like this:

Meanwhile, Bloch was at the sub pen. The sub pen housed a vector class three nuclear submarine. The sub pen also housed two great white sharks. Bloch was on the top deck of the submarine along with ten guards, agents Nightshade and Brewer. A guard held Brewer and Bloch held Nightshade. Bloch motioned for a guard to tie up agent Nightshade to the mast on the sub. The guard tied her up and locked the chain also. He stuck the key in his right cargo pocket on his combat uniform.
Bloch asked Nightshade: "What are you doing here?"
She did not answer him.
Bloch said: "Fine, have it your way. Push him in."
Brewer was pushed in the water by the guard that held him. The first great white shark moved in on Brewer and pulled him under water. Within seconds his body was gone.
Nightshade said: "You will pay for this."
Bloch said: "Oh Really?"
She said: "Yeah, you will be killed by the rest of the team that is here."
Bloch said: "I'm counting on it, but you will die before I will!"

Makes for a much better reading experience. Other than that, I can advise you to try and make the story come to life a bit more. Address the feelings and thoughts of the characters a bit more rather than just stating plainly that 'this happened, and then that happened', even 'he said, she said' during the dialogue. Be a bit more descriptive. This shark-attack scene for instance could be particularly gruesome and Nightshade's reaction to it a lot more understandable if you were to describe Brewer's horrible death in more detail.

Good luck writing!

[Pierce James Bond]

Anyone who wants to do an interview. Just shoot me a PM,Email or reply in the interview thread on my fan fic story Agent Under Fire.

-Joe

[007NC]

Keep up the good work. Try to add more detail.

Edited by 007NC, 17 November 2005 - 10:37 PM.

[Pierce James Bond]

I will 007NC. I want to say that Agent Under Fire is coming along nicely. I also want to say that I have not and am not going to quit on this project. I have just been to busy to work on it. But I will continue to work on it. I also am working on another project so I am very busy. But I should and plan to have it done by the end of the year.

-PJB

[Qwerty]

Chapter 2 Up Now!

[Joyce Carrington]

Wow... that's quite a remarkable improvement over Chapter One.

[Pierce James Bond]

Thank you Joyce. Chapter 2 is up. I will hopefully have chapter 3 up tonight or tomorrow.

-PJB

[Pierce James Bond]

CHAPTER 3 will hopefully be posted tonight..

[Pierce James Bond]

Chapter 3 is up now.

Edited by Pierce James Bond, 27 November 2005 - 02:05 AM.

[Pierce James Bond]

Chapter 4 coming either tomorrow or Monday..

[Pierce James Bond]

FEEL FREE TO POST ANY IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Agent Under Fire is coming along great.

[Pierce James Bond]

HEY

SORRY BUT CHAPTER 3 IS NOT READY TO BE POSTED YET. I NOTICED THAT I HAD A LOT OF MISTAKES IN IT WHEN I POSTED IT TONIGHT. SO CHAPTER 3 WILL BE POSTED TOMORROW. I AM SORRY FOR ANY INCONVINCE I MAY HAVE CAUSED.............

-PJB

[Qwerty]

HEY

SORRY BUT CHAPTER 3 IS NOT READY TO BE POSTED YET. I NOTICED THAT I HAD A LOT OF MISTAKES IN IT WHEN I POSTED IT TONIGHT. SO CHAPTER 3 WILL BE POSTED TOMORROW. I AM SORRY FOR ANY INCONVINCE I MAY HAVE CAUSED.............

-PJB

PierceJamesBond, that post belongs in this thread; it has now been merged here.

[Quartermaster007]

OK COOL PIERCE JAMES BOND, BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN TO TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK?

[Pierce James Bond]

OKAY QWERTY.

CHAPTER 3 is not going to be posted tonight. I made a few typo's in it so I will have it redone tomorrow.

-PJB

[Pierce James Bond]

I know I said it will be posted two days ago.

Well I will jhopefully have it posted this week.

[Pierce James Bond]

Chapter 3 submitted to moderator. Hopefully it will be posted tonight.

[Qwerty]

Chapter Three up now.

[Robert Watts]

I agree with my Dutch colleague (forgive me if I spelt that wrong I am tired) above, Chapter Two is a vast improvement over chapter 1.

[Quartermaster007]

I agree with my Dutch colleague (forgive me if I spelt that wrong I am tired) above, Chapter Two is a vast improvement over chapter 1.

Agreed.

Looking better.