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This is a bit of fluff I wrote over the weekend, after an email correspondence set my mind wandering. It's a bit of Bond humor, if you will, and I've taken some license for humor purposes. Please, take it as what it is. There will be no continuations. I just wanted to post it here to give everyone a chuckle.
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"I don't know what happened, Moneypenny," Bond said. "I'm usually very...oh, I don't know, in control."
Moneypenny laced her fingers below her chin, and scooted up to place her elbows on the desk. Her eyes twinkled as she observed Bond in his agitated state. "It's nothing to worry about, James. This shows that you're more human than you think."
"Oh, that's utter dosh and you know it. This doesn't happen to me. Ever. You know that."
"Actually, I don't. I've never been obliged to be in the position to notice."
"Stop changing the subject," said Bond, impatient. He was pacing now, and he had loosened his tie.
"Okay," she relented. "But you have to admit that you're overreacting. What about that time in Austria?"
"I was called away. Urgent business. Russian agents had shown up in Berngarten."
"And the time in the Bahamas when you were chasing Emilio Largo?"
"That was underwater! In those conditions I couldn't be faulted for...Moneypenney, what are you getting at?!" Bond suddenly demanded.
"That you've been with MI6 for a long time, James," she said diplomatically. " These things happen. You can't expect to have the stamina of a young man anymore."
"Are you saying that because I've dedicated my life to representing this country and defending its honour..."
Moneypenny saw the fire in his eyes then. She suddenly felt for him, because she hadn't expected this amount of masculine chest-thumping from James Bond 007. He was a proud man, to be sure, an alpha-male if there ever was one. Cool, suave, controlled, lethal and efficient. But until now, she always thought he was secure in his reputation, and indeed, in himself. She chose her words carefully.
"...James, darling, I'm saying that many men stuggle with premature ejaculation. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And to those who really care about you..."
"It doesn't happen to ME!" Bond rumbled, stepping forward with one long stride and slamming his hands on her desk. His face quivered in a curious amalgam of anger and embarassment, to which Moneypenny would have smiled had the shock of hair falling across his forehead not distracted her instead. She chuckled then as she reached up and smoothed the bit of unruly hair away from his brow, noticing with yet more amusement the slight traces of gray he undoubtedly hoped no one would see. His face was only a few inches away from hers, but behind his piercing sapphrine gaze and the hard grimace of the _expression he tried to project, Moneypenny noticed a man who was wounded. She saw that he mouth was quivering ever-so-slightly, and his pupils were changing size, dialating and shrinking. In a sense, he was suddenly a like child who discovered that Father Christmas didn't exist. She knew now that she could no longer do this to him. She couldn't hurt him like this. Not her James.
"Alright, James," she sighed. "Q wanted a little revenge for all of those cars you destroyed and watches you never returned. He replaced your usual condoms with, uh...modified ones."
Bond continued to look at her for a few seconds more. Then he didn't say a word as he strode toward the door, pushed it aside, and continued down the hallway.
Moneypenny bit her lip, then smiled. She looked at her watch, and pressed the button on the commlink that opened a line to Q-Branch. A typically-eccentric voice answered.
"Yes, Moneypenney, what is it? We're quite busy down here, you know." An explosion in the background filled the line with static for a moment. "Styles, the rocket launcher goes the OTHER way on the car seat. No, the other way!" Q said to one of his mad staff. "So, what is it?" he asked again.
"I just thought you'd like to know that James is on his way down. Maybe you should tell Styles to turn that device the right way round before he gets there." Moneypenny smirked as she disconnected the comm.