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The Death Collector Screenplay

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#1 MichaelBrown



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Posted 08 August 2016 - 10:28 PM



I'm new to this Forum, although have previously been a frequent guest some years back. I recently had a little bit too much spare time on my hands... so I decided to have a little fun and try and write a Bond script. Always been a big fan of the films and books, so thought it would be a good time filler. 


I have posted a first draft of the first half up and would welcome any feedback. Constructive critique welcome but a complete novice so go easy on me. I am about to have less time on my hands again (which is a good thing!) but I hope to finish the second half before too long.


Hopefully some will enjoy reading it!

#2 coco1997


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Posted 12 October 2016 - 08:44 PM

Hi Michael,


First off, welcome to the forums! I don't visit here as much as I used to, so this screenplay of yours happened to fly under my radar. By chance I visited the Fan Fiction section today and saw this topic from about two months ago. I just finished reading Act 1 so I'll share my thoughts:


- Cracking work on the PTS. I liked the small Fleming references with Magic 44 and later Mark Hazard. I feel inclined to mention that radical Islamic terrorism is something we'll probably never see in a Bond film; EON tend to veer away from overtly political plots and specific real world villainy. However, this is your script and I applaud you for not shying away from reality for the sake of political correctness. 


- Overall your dialogue is strong and sounds natural coming from the characters. I could hear the voices of Craig, Fiennes, and Harris clearly in my mind's ear while reading. The pillow talk between Bond and Maria was a little clunky but that was the only exchange that sounded slightly forced. 


- The Lupita Npyo name sounds far too similar to Lupita Nyong'o and I think the audience would pick up on that. I would modify her name to avoid this issue. 


I do hope you decide to continue on and finish the screenplay, as I think it has loads of promise! 

#3 MichaelBrown



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Posted 14 November 2016 - 12:08 AM

Hi coco1997,


Many thanks for your comments, I PM'd you thanking you for your feedback but I thought I would post here too. I'm hoping to have a complete first draft by the end of the year which is great as I wasn't sure I would have the staying power to finish it.


- I agree, its unlikely that any major studio would have the courage to tackle the issue of radical Islamic terrorism and I can understand why. My script doesn't actually tackle the issue head on in the end either but it does it explore it. I'm glad you noticed the subtle Fleming references, there are a few more particually towards the end of the script. I'm a big believer that there is still quite alot of unmined material that hasn't been used (well).


- Thanks for your comments about the dialouge. I have to be honest and say that the dialouge is one of the hardest things to write so its great to have largely positive feedback. Advice I was recently given was to blast out a first draft and then return to polish dialouge later, so some of my most recent dialouge is very 'on the nose' as they say.


- I have change Lupita to Ayesha in the latest version of the script, although I'm not totally set on it. A few of the names are only pencilled in at this stage. 


Thanks again for your comments, and I'm open to more from others if anyone else has managed to read it! 


Below is my vision for the screenplay, including a synopsis and a cast list to help you visualise as you read:


A soft reboot for a new Bond. A film largely set in sub-Saharan Africa, a first for the franchise, with a predominantly black cast.


Synopsis: After clashing with Bond, a high level CIA operative withholds information about an imminent attack on a British target somewhere around the world. After using his wits to discover the target, Bond heads to Nairobi to pressure a beautiful British national-turned-terrorist. In Kenya, the sins of the past collide with the enemies of the present and nothing is quite as it seems.  



Bond - ?

Ayesha – Lupita Nyong’o

Wycliffe – Clarke Peters

Leiter – Nate Parker

Maria – Christina Hendricks

Caro - Nicole Beharie

M – Ralph Fines

Q – Ben Wishaw

Moneypenny – Naomi Harris

Bob Franklin – Matthew Marsh

Zufar - Djimon Hounsou

Yousef - Barkhad Abdi

#4 MichaelBrown



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Posted 20 February 2017 - 04:28 PM

Just bumping this thread as it appears to have disappeared...
Still looking for feedback if anyone has read the script yet?