68 replies to this topic

[DamnCoffee]

Lets just say that Bond is in a really foul mood. He really cannot be bothered with saving the world, but he has too. Just take any scene from a Bond movie, it could be anything and turn it around so that Bond is the evil one.

Aki: He didn't chase her. He did it so I could get away. He wouldn't touch that horrible girl. You wouldn't, would you?
*Bond looks around, pushes her face in her food, then glasses her*



In Never Say Never Again when Bond walks along the harbour, the woman turns around and nearly hits him with the fishing rods. Bond turns round grabs one and repeatedly smacks her over the head with it and throws her in the sea.


In Moonraker, Corrine shows Bond where the safe is. when they're done, Bond walks off and he shouts. "DRAX. CORRINE JUST LET ME READ YOUR DOCUMENTS!" Just to make sure that she gets it the day after.

Anymore?

[Mr. Blofeld]

Um, Harksters? That was Aki, not Kissy.

Anyway, I'll give it a try:

In From Russia with Love, when Sylvia Trench interrupts Bond's conversation with Moneypenny, he slaps her, then beats her over the head with his carphone.

In Live and Let Die, when Bond interrogates Rosie Carver, he gets so angry with her that he picks up a tiki head and hits her with it, at which point a dart shoots out and hits him in the groin, killing him.

In The Man with the Golden Gun, instead of trying to charm the exotic dancer, he just barges into her room, rips the golden bullet from her belly button, and jumps out a window.

In GoldenEye, Bond IS Janus.

[Loomis]

Hmmm....

- During the Palio pursuit, when Mitchell accidentally shoots an innocent bystander, Bond thinks "Cool! Now why don't I do that, too?". And does it.

- Just for kicks, Bond torches the shack or shrine or whatever it is at the end of DIE ANOTHER DAY after he and Jinx leave it. He giggles to himself like a one-man Beavis and Butt-Head as he watches it burn. And then kicks himself for the rest of the day for forgetting to shove Jinx into the blaze.

- At some point in TOMORROW NEVER DIES, Bond calls the TV licensing people and makes a false and malicious report to the effect that Robinson hasn't stumped up for his BBC.

Really, though, we could apply it to, well, every single scene in every single Bond flick, no?

[DamnCoffee]

In The Man with the Golden Gun, instead of trying to charm the exotic dancer, he just barges into her room, rips the golden bullet from her belly button, and jumps out a window.

LMFAO!

Kissy: This is my house. My friend has made us some food.
James: You call THIS a house. Do you live here alone?
Kissy: Yes. My parents are dead.

*Bond bursts out laughing at her*


In The World is not Enough, Bond runs after Elektra and he hears M in her cell...
M: BOND!
*Bond walks doubles back and deliberately misses the lock, shooting her in the head*

[iexpectu2die]

The job's done. The er ing bitch is dead.

Edited by iexpectu2die, 25 January 2009 - 12:06 PM.

[sharpshooter]

In From Russia with Love, when Sylvia Trench interrupts Bond's conversation with Moneypenny, he slaps her, then beats her over the head with his carphone.

How about wrapping the phone cord around her neck and strangling the cat. He then smashes the phone over her head repeatedly to get a better reception in that remote area. Bond calls M, and says “I'd say that it was a 30 year old fine, indifferently blended, with an overdose of heroin flavored bananas.” He picks up the body, joyfully lobs the carcass in the river there, causing a massive splash that attracts the hungry critters that dwell. He then drives off singing Munro's song with a huge grin on his face.

[Harry Fawkes]

OHMSS

Bond turned towards Tracy. She was dead and lying forward with her face burried in the ruins of the steering wheel. Her pink handkerchief had come off and the bell of golden hair hung down and hid her face. Quickly he got out of the car and as the Maserati reached the end of the road poked out his tongue and shouted at the top of his voice,

'Ya missed me ya stupid wankers!'

He then gave them the international hand sign for YOU and turned to the oncoming police man on a bike.


HF

I'm never gonna forgive myself for that

[DamnCoffee]

In From Russia with Love, when Sylvia Trench interrupts Bond's conversation with Moneypenny, he slaps her, then beats her over the head with his carphone.

How about wrapping the phone cord around her neck and strangling the cat. He then smashes the phone over her head repeatedly to get a better reception in that remote area. Bond calls M, and says “I'd say that it was a 30 year old fine, indifferently blended, with an overdose of heroin flavored bananas.” He picks up the body, joyfully lobs the carcass in the river there, causing a massive splash that attracts the hungry critters that dwell. He then drives off singing Munro's song with a huge grin on his face.

LMFAO. Genius.

A few more from me...

In Quantum of Solace, when Bond and Camille are walking through the desert, he silently ducks down and picks up a handfull of sand. He tips it down Camilles back, to make it irritate her scar. Bond see's the bus pull up, he trips up Camille, and runs to it. Camille has to walk for 50 miles.

In The World is not Enough, Bond gets so annoyed with M, that when she offers him a drink, he throws it over her, blaming it on the loose carpet making him trip.

In Casino Royale, Bond broke into M's house alot earlier. He spent the afternoon changing the contents of the cupboards around so that when M came in, she couldn't find anything. He made her believe she was going senile in her old age.

In Thunderball. Bond finds Fiona Volpe in the bath, he smiles to himself and remembers what he did the last time he found someone in similar circumstances. He looks at the electric lamp next to her and lunges for it.

[Harry Fawkes]

In Goldeneye, Bond gets up and moves over to the door and just before he opens it, M calls out,
'Oh, and James,'
'Mam?'
'Come back alive.'
Bond lifted his hand and with only the first and little fingers outstretched in a fork, he prodded once, like a snake striking, towards M's face.
' you!'
He turned and stormed out!

[Mr. Blofeld]

In You Only Live Twice, Bond has a safecracker in his pocket so he can rob Henderson and impersonate him when the next 00-agent comes along. His rage is further inflamed when Henderson mixes up his drink, and is about to run up and stab him in the chest once he's done his monologue when, by happy coincidence, Henderson is stabbed from the other side of the wall by a secret ninja. Enraged that he's just lost the chance to kill Henderson, Bond bursts through the wall and disembowels the ninja. He then goes screaming into the night, ranting about vodka.

[Loomis]

In the CASINO ROYALE PTS, Bond hadn't actually been sent by M to kill Dryden. He was doing it off his own bat, for he was also selling secrets (not actually for the money, you understand [he donated what he made from this sideline to terrorists], but really just for the pure evil of it) and simply took the opportunity to eliminate the competition.

Oh, and he also took the time to rig the whole building with explosives, detonating them via remote control the following morning and killing dozens who'd turned up there for work. Just because.

[Jose]

From Goldeneye-
Bond: Your predecessor kept a bottle of cognac in the-
M: I prefer bourbon. Ice?
Bond: Cognac, bitch! (smacks M)

Also from Goldeneye-
M: I think you're a sexist, misogynist dinosaur-
Bond: Stop right there. You think I'm a dinosaur? Have you looked in a mirror lately? (Bond grabs a mirror and smashes it on M's head)

[Jim]

Seems to be a lot of violence towards women in here.

Perhaps he is only one step away from that, after all.

[DamnCoffee]

After Camille throws Bond out of the Ka, Bond follows her to the docks on a motorbike. When she goes in to see Greene, Bond gets off the bike, and cuts Camilles breaks. Just for the pure hell of it, tbh.

After Bond leaves Greene in the desert, he drives back looking for him. He finds him limping his way through the desert. He gets out of the car, and steals the motor oil from him. Before he drives off, he strips Greene fully naked and sets fire to his clothes. He then gets a spade out of the boot and burys him in the sand.

[Jose]

From The Living Daylights-
Bond: What are you up to? Selling dope?
Kamran Shah: Not so loud.
Bond: Gimme a cut of the profits! 90/10 or I'll kill you!

[Jaws0178]

After Bond leaves Greene in the desert, he drives back looking for him. He finds him limping his way through the desert. He gets out of the car, and steals the motor oil from him. Before he drives off, he strips Greene fully naked and sets fire to his clothes. He then gets a spade out of the boot and burys him in the sand.

Why ruin the gag by burying him As he is burning, Bond walks off singing "We don't need no water, let the Mr. Greene burn. Burn, Mr. Greene, burn!

[jaguar007]

In AVTAK when Zorin's blimp picks up Stacy Bond says to himself

"STUPID Bitch! if she can't tell a ing BLIMP is right behind her, she deserves to DIE!"

[DamnCoffee]

Quantum of Solace

Bond made Mathis wait outside the hotel, tied to a post like a dog. While he went inside and seduced the tart.



Bond: Would you like to go to a party?
Fields: I have nothing to wear!
Bond: We'll fix that!
*Drowns her in oil*


Mathis: Forgive her... Forgive yourself
Bond: Get off my ing suit! It cost more than your villa!"


*Bond drops Mathis into skip*
Camille: Is that how you treat your friends?
*Bond unzips*
Bond: He wouldn't care.


Bond: You're freezing.
*takes off coat and Smothers Camille*


Bond doesn't give a ing damn what Camille's story is, he's just nodding along... he really just wants his coat back.


LMFAO - Just a side note... the miserable bastard doesn't bother telling the poor dehydrating villagers that there's a ing lake 1/2 a mile away.

[Jaws0178]

The man with the Golden Gun
When Ms Anders holds Bond up with her pistol in the shower, he delivers his line about a water pistol, as he is reaching for the toilet plunger and beats her arm with. As she drops the gun, he picks it up and shoots her once, saying "Don't you ever, ever, ever, ever, point a gun at me, bitch! What the hell is wrong wit chu? Huh?" He then tosses a towel at her "Clean yourself up, bitch. You dead." As he walks out of the room, he notices the bellhop that offered to open the champagne. He pistol whips him and says "Why didn't you offer to open the champagne? The damn cork exploded out. Idiot." As he walks off.

[Mr. Blofeld]

Quantum of Solace

Bond made Mathis wait outside the hotel, tied to a post like a dog. While he went inside and seduced the tart.



Bond: Would you like to go to a party?
Fields: I have nothing to wear!
Bond: We'll fix that!
*Drowns her in oil*


Mathis: Forgive her... Forgive yourself
Bond: Get off my ing suit! It cost more than your villa!"


*Bond drops Mathis into skip*
Camille: Is that how you treat your friends?
*Bond unzips*
Bond: He wouldn't care.


Bond: You're freezing.
*takes off coat and Smothers Camille*


Bond doesn't give a ing damn what Camille's story is, he's just nodding along... he really just wants his coat back.


LMFAO - Just a side note... the miserable bastard doesn't bother telling the poor dehydrating villagers that there's a ing lake 1/2 a mile away.

Damn, Harkers, you're a comedic genius!

[DamnCoffee]

I know.

In Quantum of Solace, Bond didn't have a good reason for kicking the Motorbike guy in the face, he just did it because he didn't like his shirt.

In The World is not Enough, Renard didn't have anything to do with Elektra's kidnapping, Bond just left a trail of malicious clues so that she would believe a mad man was after her.

In On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Tracey get's shot in the head, she falls onto Bonds lap...
Bond: ...While ya down there.

In Live and Let Die, Bond can't be bothered to shag Solitare, so he goes to her apartment with a deck full of death cards, to make her think that she hasn't got long left.

[Jose]

From FRWL-
During the gypsy girl fight, Bond decides to up the ante by giving the girls rusty machetes to fight each other with.

From Moonraker-
Bond spots the capsule (?) where Jaws and Dolly are. Bond fires the laser and kills them.

From Goldeneye-
Bond and Natalya are trapped in the helicopter about to be killed. Bond, annoyed with her incessant screaming, decides to save only himself by ejecting his seat and not hers.

From DAD-
After Q (or R or whatever) finishes telling Bond to read the manual for the invisible car, Bond throws him in the air and lets the machine guns take care of the rest. He casually quips, "Only took a few seconds!"

Edited by Jose, 10 February 2009 - 06:06 AM.

[Mr_Wint]

In Quantum of Solace, Bond ignores his mission and goes out for personal revenge, brutally kills everyone that gets in his way and dumps his dead friends in nearby containers.

[DamnCoffee]

In Tomorrow Never Dies, after Bond kills Kaufman, he repositions both his and Paris' bodies so it looks like they both were killed during a sexual act. He then chuckles to himself and calls room service, asking for the most vulnerable waitress. He then leaves the hotel room, allowing the vulnerable maid to find a dead Kaufman, giving it to Paris doggy style.

[Jose]

In FRWL, Bond has sex with the unconscious Tatiana Romanova, and invites Grant to join in.

Ugh.

[DamnCoffee]

... and then leaves her on the train, unconcious, while he takes Grants escape route?

[Jose]

Naturally! He also makes it so that the train is involved in a terrible collision.

From DAD-
In the swordfight between Graves and Bond, rather than cut Graves' chest, drawing a little bit of blood, Bond mercilessly stabs Graves in the chest.

When Frost starts bitching, Bond stabs her in the stomach with the same sword he used on Graves.

Edited by Jose, 11 February 2009 - 12:15 AM.

[Mr. Blofeld]

In TWINE, Bond leaves Christmas Jones to drown in the submarine hatch; Christmas only comes once a year, bitch, not twice!

[Jose]

From OHMSS-
Bond finds the Playboy magazine and rather than just read it for the articles... he beats off until he blows his load, leaving a dripping mess between the pages. He puts the magazine back where he found it.

or

Same thing but he throws the tainted magazine in someone's face as he leaves the building.

Edited by Jose, 11 February 2009 - 03:16 AM.

[hilly]

The Living Daylights
" I heard you play at the conservatoire...It was bloody awful"

Live and Let Die
Bond insists that Solitaire sits upstairs..and then still drives under the bridge

Octopussy
Bond takes over the Major's seat during the backgammon game, loses even more and then runs off, leaving the Major to pay up or face Gobinda ominously crushing dice...

You Only Live Twice
Bond smashes Henderson on the wrong leg with his walking stick and then spits out his vodka martini shouting "NO! NO! NO! IT'S SHAKEN NOT STIRRED! HOW DIFFICULT CAN IT BE?? ASK YOUR DOORMAN AT THE RUSSIAN EMBASSY, THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE GETTING "OTHER THINGS" FROM HIM"