A discussion with Harmsway on the favourite Pierce Brosnan quote thread has got me thinking...
Which dialogue would you nominate as the crudest, most crass line in the series?
For me, it's TSWLM's "When one is in Egypt, one should delve deeply into its treasures"; particularly as old Rog delivered it to a girl who could've been his granddaughter.
Even at 15, when I first heard it in the cinema, I cringed at how awful it was.
What is the crudest line in Bond history?
Started by
Streetworker
, Oct 25 2005 09:12 PM
72 replies to this topic
#1
Streetworker
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Posted 25 October 2005 - 09:12 PM
#2
WC
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Posted 25 October 2005 - 09:16 PM
Anything delivered by Halle Berry.
She made the lines a single entendre, only to be taken in the crudest of ways. Everyone else could easily make their lines mean the more innocent interpretations. With Berry, she made it so that they only had one meaning - their sexual one. I absolutely hated her delivery of her lines.
She made the lines a single entendre, only to be taken in the crudest of ways. Everyone else could easily make their lines mean the more innocent interpretations. With Berry, she made it so that they only had one meaning - their sexual one. I absolutely hated her delivery of her lines.
#3
ComplimentsOfSharky
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Posted 25 October 2005 - 09:32 PM
Halle Berry......when her name came up on the title sequence.....if I had children, I'd have covered their eyes and left the theater.
#4
Problem Eliminator
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Posted 25 October 2005 - 09:42 PM
Definitely Brosnan's line that closes The World Is Not Enough. Luckily, like most Bond quips, it's a double entendre and does have a "clean" interpretation. The other interpretation however makes it easily the most crass of any in the series, surely an example of a "juvenile one-liner" that post-Bond Pierce admitted to "loathing." Worse yet, it's the last line of the movie and emphasized by a fade to black and the blaring James Bond Theme. Yikes!
#5
Streetworker
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Posted 25 October 2005 - 09:46 PM
Definitely Brosnan's line that closes The World Is Not Enough. Luckily, like most Bond quips, it's a double entendre and does have a "clean" interpretation. The other interpretation however makes it easily the most crass of any in the series, surely an example of a "juvenile one-liner" that post-Bond Pierce admitted to "loathing." Worse yet, it's the last line of the movie and emphasized by a fade to black and the blaring James Bond Theme. Yikes!
I know but the trouble with that line - like the equally atrocious "cunning linguist" - is that both made me snigger. Which, as I've posted elsewhere, reveals the "adolescent mind I happen to possess" to quote IF.
But I truly believe the "delving" line was worse; maybe because of Rog's leering when he delivered it.
#6
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Posted 25 October 2005 - 09:51 PM
The final line in TWINE...easily the crudest in the entire series....no wonder Brosnan loathed it.
#7
Simon
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Posted 25 October 2005 - 10:24 PM
By crude and crass, I understand it to be an abominal attempt at sexual humour.
In which case, this title has to be held by the 'cunning' line; stunning, it ain't. This really did dig deep into the history of early 70's schoolboy humour - quite what its place was in a Bond film advocating style and sophistication I will never know.
The 'delving' line I quite like. Crude, yes. But it was very well delivered thereby sidestepping crass quite smartly.
In which case, this title has to be held by the 'cunning' line; stunning, it ain't. This really did dig deep into the history of early 70's schoolboy humour - quite what its place was in a Bond film advocating style and sophistication I will never know.
The 'delving' line I quite like. Crude, yes. But it was very well delivered thereby sidestepping crass quite smartly.
#8
Mr. Somerset
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Posted 25 October 2005 - 10:36 PM
Also about the worst, IMO.The final line in TWINE...easily the crudest in the entire series....no wonder Brosnan loathed it.
#9
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Posted 25 October 2005 - 10:47 PM
The line I felt most crudest was "I think they're attempting re-entry" (or something like that) and I hated that they got Desmond Llewelyn to deliver it.
I felt that this line did not belong in a Bond film and should have stopped in Christopher Woods other series of films, "The Confessions of ...." where it belonged.
I felt that this line did not belong in a Bond film and should have stopped in Christopher Woods other series of films, "The Confessions of ...." where it belonged.
#10
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Posted 25 October 2005 - 11:06 PM
The line I felt most crudest was "I think they're attempting re-entry" (or something like that) and I hated that they got Desmond Llewelyn to deliver it.
And that's what I see as quintessential Moore Bond entertainment.
#11
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 12:00 AM
Crudest line for me...
Bond - Are you sure you can handle this contraption, Q?
Q - Well it runs on hot air
Bond - Oh then you can
(I read far too much into that)
Bond - Are you sure you can handle this contraption, Q?
Q - Well it runs on hot air
Bond - Oh then you can
(I read far too much into that)
#12
Wade
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 12:13 AM
Well, there's one that's not exactly an innuendo, but it's still quite crass: the whole cigar tube scene with Moneypenny in TWINE.
Also, at the end of Moonraker: "James, take me around the world one more time." To those two or three of you who don't know what it means, it's quite sleazy.
Also, at the end of Moonraker: "James, take me around the world one more time." To those two or three of you who don't know what it means, it's quite sleazy.
Edited by Wade, 26 October 2005 - 03:32 AM.
#13
Harmsway
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 12:26 AM
My least favorite is the "leave it in" nonsense at the end of Die Another Day.
#14
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 12:30 AM
"Fetch my shoes", to me, is much more crude than any line mentioned here, so far.
#15
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 12:35 AM
Well, there's one that's no exactly an innuendo, but it's still quite crass: the whole cigar tube scene with Moneypenny in TWINE.
Also, at the end of Moonraker: "James, take me around the world one more time." To those two or three of you who don't know what it means, it's quite sleazy.
OMG, I've only just this second worked that out! (And I've seen the film a dozen times minimum lol)
#16
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 12:38 AM
"They feast."
#17
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 12:41 AM
Also, at the end of Moonraker: "James, take me around the world one more time." To those two or three of you who don't know what it means, it's quite sleazy.
Yeah, sorry, you'll have to enlighten me on that one because I simply can't see a sleazy meaning behind that. And I thought that my mind was just as corrupted as the next adolescent boy.
#18
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 02:12 AM
The line I felt most crudest was "I think they're attempting re-entry" (or something like that) and I hated that they got Desmond Llewelyn to deliver it.
I felt that this line did not belong in a Bond film and should have stopped in Christopher Woods other series of films, "The Confessions of ...." where it belonged.
I didn't think this was crude at all, because it was delivered in such an innocent way. Q was completely oblivious to what was going on, and it really left it up to the audience's obvious one-track mind to see the deeper meaning. It would be a perfectly legitimate thing to say if mission control said it during a space shuttle's re-entry into the earth's atmosphere during one of these space flights.
What I find crude is where a line is delivered in such a way that there can't be any innocent meaning but only a single sexual meaning.
After all, anything can be interpreted in a sexual way if you have a certain mindset:
Imagine a mother telling her young child in a shop "Come here at once!"
Or a teacher telling his students about a test that "I think you'll find this quite hard."
Or a bus driver saying to a passenger "Are you getting off now?"
Now any of these are perfectly innocent things to say. Such phrases shouldn't have to be censored from everyday vocabularly for fear of giving it a sexual meaning. Now in the same way, many lines in Bond can simply have the more innocent meaning like the above, and it's all a matter of how you interpret it. I'm sure there are thousands of people who would never have picked up on certain lines in Bond at all. But there are certain lines (such as those delivered by Halle Berry) where such emphasis is put on the way it is delivered that it makes it all to blatant that an innocent meaning is not intended at all. I don't, however, think that's the case with Q in Moonraker.
#20
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 03:34 AM
#21
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 03:47 AM
All great examples. It took me forever to get the "cunning linguist" one (isn't it a bit esoteric for the action flick audience?). All of Bond's double-entendres always sounded a bit clunky to me - would anybody really say "something big's come up"? More importantly, could they say it without laughing?
"I thought Christmas..." etc is a cheap jab at her completely ludicrous name, and furthermore is clearly an attempt by PC revisionists to make sure the audience knows that Bond's women are enjoying themselves just as much as he is - if not more so. Sad, sad, unnecessary, and stupid. Compare that to any Fleming love scene and weep.
"They feast" can be taken in a multitude of ways, but none of them are interesting or funny. The whole exchange is stupid - like something I'd write in my head and then quickly discard, hating myself. Somehow it made its way into a film. The mind boggles.
"Straight up - with a twist" sounds painful, and is just silly. Yet another joke that belongs in a first draft - maybe.
But what is far and away the crudest line? Probably the exchange in TWINE that ends with Bond saying "first things first." You know what I mean. I'm really not sure what's being implied, and I don't think I want to. Runner-up is "do you know what happens when a man is strangled?" Runner-up because I'm a dark, disturbed, sadistic person inside and I rather enjoyed it.
An interesting point I was thinking about last night when I ought to have been doing homework: there is plenty of crudeness in Fleming's novels, but it's never really Bond who starts it. Those who attempt to put such crassness in Bond's mouth don't really quite get the character. Sure, he has a sense of humor, but he was brought up to know better. The waiter in CR who delivers a rather extreme French vulgarity is enjoyed, but not emulated by, our hero. Bond likes "earthy," but he's not. That's all.
"I thought Christmas..." etc is a cheap jab at her completely ludicrous name, and furthermore is clearly an attempt by PC revisionists to make sure the audience knows that Bond's women are enjoying themselves just as much as he is - if not more so. Sad, sad, unnecessary, and stupid. Compare that to any Fleming love scene and weep.
"They feast" can be taken in a multitude of ways, but none of them are interesting or funny. The whole exchange is stupid - like something I'd write in my head and then quickly discard, hating myself. Somehow it made its way into a film. The mind boggles.
"Straight up - with a twist" sounds painful, and is just silly. Yet another joke that belongs in a first draft - maybe.
But what is far and away the crudest line? Probably the exchange in TWINE that ends with Bond saying "first things first." You know what I mean. I'm really not sure what's being implied, and I don't think I want to. Runner-up is "do you know what happens when a man is strangled?" Runner-up because I'm a dark, disturbed, sadistic person inside and I rather enjoyed it.
An interesting point I was thinking about last night when I ought to have been doing homework: there is plenty of crudeness in Fleming's novels, but it's never really Bond who starts it. Those who attempt to put such crassness in Bond's mouth don't really quite get the character. Sure, he has a sense of humor, but he was brought up to know better. The waiter in CR who delivers a rather extreme French vulgarity is enjoyed, but not emulated by, our hero. Bond likes "earthy," but he's not. That's all.
#22
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 04:06 AM
"I thought Christmas only comes once a year."
Bad line, too obvious, too easy.
Bad line, too obvious, too easy.
#23
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 04:24 AM
And, of course, I managed to forget the obvious - "I think I got the THRUST of it." Might have worked if delivered straight, but not particularly crude, really, which is why I left it out.
#24
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 04:25 AM
"Fetch my shoes", to me, is much more crude than any line mentioned here, so far.
Good point. It's definitely the worst line in the entire series.
#25
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 04:47 AM
#26
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 05:45 AM
I've got a few here which I thought were crude, but had me roaring:
Sean Connery in DAF:
"Yes, I think there's something I'd like you to get off your chest"
"Gentlemen, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than just my hands up"
Roger Moore in TMWTGG:
"Why Miss Anders, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on"
Roger Moore in TSWLM:
FRED GRAY: "Bond what do you think you're doing?"
BOND: "Keeping the British end up sir"
Roger Moore in MR:
"Balls Q?"
Desmond LLewelyn in MR:
"I'm think he's attempting re-entry sir"
Roger Moore in OCT:
"Having problems keeping it up Q?"
Sean Connery in DAF:
"Yes, I think there's something I'd like you to get off your chest"
"Gentlemen, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than just my hands up"
Roger Moore in TMWTGG:
"Why Miss Anders, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on"
Roger Moore in TSWLM:
FRED GRAY: "Bond what do you think you're doing?"
BOND: "Keeping the British end up sir"
Roger Moore in MR:
"Balls Q?"
Desmond LLewelyn in MR:
"I'm think he's attempting re-entry sir"
Roger Moore in OCT:
"Having problems keeping it up Q?"
#27
SecretAgentFan
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 06:00 AM
I've got a few here which I thought were crude, but had me roaring:
Sean Connery in DAF:
"Yes, I think there's something I'd like you to get off your chest"
"Gentlemen, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than just my hands up"
Roger Moore in TMWTGG:
"Why Miss Anders, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on"
Roger Moore in TSWLM:
FRED GRAY: "Bond what do you think you're doing?"
BOND: "Keeping the British end up sir"
Roger Moore in MR:
"Balls Q?"
Desmond LLewelyn in MR:
"I'm think he's attempting re-entry sir"
Roger Moore in OCT:
"Having problems keeping it up Q?"
Come on, guys - all of Bond
#28
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 06:21 AM
Do you honestly feel that line is crude? I don't think it's anywhere near as vulgar as many of the other lines. In fact, I don't think it's vulgar at all. Just fun."Yes, I think there's something I'd like you to get off your chest"
But it was really DAF where the ridiculous/crude dialogue started to seep in and then flourished in the Moore era and reached ridiculous levels of awfulness during the Brosnan era.
I've nothing against a good quip here and there, but please give them the elegance of the Connery dialogue. The Connery lines were so wonderful:
DOMINO: What sharp little eyes you've got.
BOND: Wait till you get to my teeth.
Can't we return to that golden-age style of dialogue, instead of all these awful one-liners and crass innuendo?
#29
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 06:29 AM
[quote name='SecretAgentFan' date='25 October 2005 - 22:00'][quote name='rnblover1971' date='26 October 2005 - 05:45']I've got a few here which I thought were crude, but had me roaring:
Sean Connery in DAF:
"Yes, I think there's something I'd like you to get off your chest"
"Gentlemen, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than just my hands up"
Roger Moore in TMWTGG:
"Why Miss Anders, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on"
Roger Moore in TSWLM:
FRED GRAY: "Bond what do you think you're doing?"
BOND: "Keeping the British end up sir"
Roger Moore in MR:
"Balls Q?"
Desmond LLewelyn in MR:
"I'm think he's attempting re-entry sir"
Roger Moore in OCT:
"Having problems keeping it up Q?"
Come on, guys - all of Bond
Sean Connery in DAF:
"Yes, I think there's something I'd like you to get off your chest"
"Gentlemen, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than just my hands up"
Roger Moore in TMWTGG:
"Why Miss Anders, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on"
Roger Moore in TSWLM:
FRED GRAY: "Bond what do you think you're doing?"
BOND: "Keeping the British end up sir"
Roger Moore in MR:
"Balls Q?"
Desmond LLewelyn in MR:
"I'm think he's attempting re-entry sir"
Roger Moore in OCT:
"Having problems keeping it up Q?"
Come on, guys - all of Bond
Edited by rnblover1971, 26 October 2005 - 06:30 AM.
#30
Streetworker
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Posted 26 October 2005 - 06:41 AM
[quote name='rnblover1971' date='26 October 2005 - 06:29'][quote name='SecretAgentFan' date='25 October 2005 - 22:00'][quote name='rnblover1971' date='26 October 2005 - 05:45']I've got a few here which I thought were crude, but had me roaring:
Sean Connery in DAF:
"Yes, I think there's something I'd like you to get off your chest"
"Gentlemen, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than just my hands up"
Roger Moore in TMWTGG:
"Why Miss Anders, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on"
Roger Moore in TSWLM:
FRED GRAY: "Bond what do you think you're doing?"
BOND: "Keeping the British end up sir"
Roger Moore in MR:
"Balls Q?"
Desmond LLewelyn in MR:
"I'm think he's attempting re-entry sir"
Roger Moore in OCT:
"Having problems keeping it up Q?"
Come on, guys - all of Bond
Sean Connery in DAF:
"Yes, I think there's something I'd like you to get off your chest"
"Gentlemen, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than just my hands up"
Roger Moore in TMWTGG:
"Why Miss Anders, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on"
Roger Moore in TSWLM:
FRED GRAY: "Bond what do you think you're doing?"
BOND: "Keeping the British end up sir"
Roger Moore in MR:
"Balls Q?"
Desmond LLewelyn in MR:
"I'm think he's attempting re-entry sir"
Roger Moore in OCT:
"Having problems keeping it up Q?"
Come on, guys - all of Bond