
TWINE five years on
#1
Posted 15 November 2004 - 08:40 AM
It's a film with many problems (as well as, to be fair, a few good points - I've always liked the pre-credits sequence, for instance), but for me its chief flaw is that it's just so darned joyless. Aren't Bond movies supposed to be fun? Escapist romps? It's not that I mind "serious" Bond flicks - I love LICENCE TO KILL, for instance, but TWINE is so po-faced and charmless as to make LTK seem a zany, fun-for-all-the-family entertainment like MOONRAKER or OCTOPUSSY.
Not sure what TWINE is, really, but I'm sure it's not a Bond film.
Anyway, your two cents, please.
#2
Posted 15 November 2004 - 10:16 AM

When TWINE was being filmed I had so many reasons to be excited based on advanced publicity: I loved Sophie Marceau,Cigar girl(Maria...? from 'Il Postino')and Robert Carlysle was also awesome in 'Trainspotting' and 'The Full Monty'. I knew Denise Richard's was eye candy but she was hot;I just didn't expect her role to be so ridiculously inappropriate for Denise's "talents"(would it kill us all and end the feminist movement forever to just have one bimbo Bond girl for a change?).
As for Carlysle's character, I was expecting him to be a Balkin version of 'Carlos the Jackal'.That seemed to be how he was being built up. I didn't expect him to be such an irrelevant and impotent(literally) character. A total waste of a cool actor and I think his career still hasn't recovered.
I was also anticipating the "third time is a charm" law of Bond history to play out for Brosnan. It didn't. This wasn't Goldfinger or The Spy who loved me. It wasn't even close. Brosnan's best moments come at the very beginning of the pretitle in Spain. He is genuinely cool and threatening. His James Bond hadn't fully arrived for me until that scene but then something happens after that credits are done. His Bond turns into a wimpy, p-wipped drip. I can't stand him in this film. Seeing him indignant just doesn't feel right; he's also bored out of his skull too and has too much makeup on (but those are minor quibbles). I blame Apted, who was grossly mis-hired as a director. What were they thinking hiring a chic movie director? Is being brittish all that matters to them?
So, Bond goes to a casino and doesn't gamble.I hate the gadgets, especially that puffy jacket which looks like a giant human buttocks.The ski action is contrived and dull compared to past snow stuff we've scene.The locales are dull and recycled, again.The last line made the audience groan with embarrassment, even the teens thought it was a lame comment.
Yes,The film is dull and joyless as you say.I still watched the first 3 minutes because it's terrific stuff but that's all I care to rewatch.

#3
Posted 15 November 2004 - 10:38 AM

What time is there Loomis?
#4
Posted 15 November 2004 - 10:47 AM

THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH review
I
#5
Posted 15 November 2004 - 10:49 AM
That's his best comment.Perfect.
#6
Posted 15 November 2004 - 10:51 AM
When TWINE was being filmed I had so many reasons to be excited based on advanced publicity: I loved Sophie Marceau,Cigar girl(Maria...? from 'Il Postino')and Robert Carlysle was also awesome in 'Trainspotting' and 'The Full Monty'. I knew Denise Richard's was eye candy but she was hot....
On paper, TWINE is an awesome James Bond film. Its makers appear to have had all the right ideas and intentions, and the thing should have worked brilliantly. A good story, with so much potential to be interesting, as well as relatively adult and intelligent, and many talented people involved....
In theory, it should have been the LIVING DAYLIGHTS of the '90s.
But the execution is just terrible. So many jarring changes in tone that the film is often an unpleasant, even nauseating, experience. It's just all over the place, and, like you, Tarl, I think Apted deserves a lot of the blame.
I was also anticipating the "third time is a charm" law of Bond history to play out for Brosnan. It didn't. His Bond turns into a wimpy, p-wipped drip. I can't stand him in this film. Seeing him indignant just doesn't feel right; he's also bored out of his skull too....
I, too, had been expecting Brosnan to "knock it out of the park", following his good work in GOLDENEYE and TOMORROW NEVER DIES. Boy, was I disappointed. It's such a lethargic, preposterous, charmless, nothing performance as to make Moore in A VIEW TO A KILL look like Connery circa 1964. Lord knows what it is, but it's not James Bond.
His overacting is horrible, his makeup incredible, but then it's not as though anyone else in the movie gives a remotely decent performance.... well, with the possible exception of Richards, who for some unfathomable reason is always made to cop all the flack for TWINE. She does her best with a simple, underwritten role, and exudes charm and sex appeal. She doesn't chew the scenery like Brosnan, Marceau, Carlyle, Dench, Coltrane, etc. etc., and - and I mean this - she gives by far the best performance in the film.
I hate the gadgets, especially that puffy jacket which looks like a giant human buttocks.
Possibly the lamest thing in a Bond movie ever.
ETA: It's 10.51 am here in the UK.
That's a great review by Knowles.
#7
Posted 15 November 2004 - 10:55 AM
#8
Posted 15 November 2004 - 11:07 AM
After Thomas Crown Affair, which was really the only James Bond film of 1999 starring Pierce Brosnan, I was convinced he'd really hit his stride as Bond.It was a disaster. Even on the plane, surrounded by Russian terrorists, he seemed to cool or bored to care if his 'cover' was convincing...speaking english...just plain lazy direction.
The Jacket was the lamest thing in any bond film, and then the x-ray glasses, which made him look gay as liberache.Not to mention the fact they were in a cheesy 80's Bond spoof already.

#9
Posted 15 November 2004 - 11:13 AM
After Thomas Crown Affair, which was really the only James Bond film of 1999 starring Pierce Brosnan, I was convinced he'd really hit his stride as Bond.
I remember seeing a trailer for TWINE when I went to see TCA at the cinema. I enjoyed Brosnan's performance, and when I left I was thinking: "Wow, if he's as Bondian and super-cool as he is in this, I can't wait to see how awesome he's going to be in TWINE."
#10
Posted 15 November 2004 - 11:16 AM

You asked for more detailed info on the risqu
#11
Posted 15 November 2004 - 11:17 AM

#12
Posted 15 November 2004 - 11:18 AM

We're south of the border now, it's a man's world.

#13
Posted 15 November 2004 - 11:20 AM

#14
Posted 15 November 2004 - 11:28 AM
In theory, it should have been the LIVING DAYLIGHTS of the '90s.
But the execution is just terrible. So many jarring changes in tone that the film is often an unpleasant, even nauseating, experience. It's just all over the place, and, like you, Tarl, I think Apted deserves a lot of the blame.
That's been the problem with all Brosnan era films. Good ideas, poor execution.

#15
Posted 15 November 2004 - 11:36 AM
The Matrix
American Beauty
Payback
Something About Mary
Thomas Crown Affair
*I should include 'The Sixth Sense' but it's too creepy for me to rewatch.

#16
Posted 15 November 2004 - 11:44 AM
BTW,Loomis, fives years on, did 'The Phantom Menace' get any better?
No. It sucked then and it sucks now.
I don't think 1999 was a particularly good year for films. (Which year was, though?) I've just looked at Box Office Mojo for a reminder of what came out, and I remember enjoying the following:
AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME
NOTTING HILL
ENTRAPMENT (like TCA, this is some "proper Bond" from the year Eon stiffed us)
ANY GIVEN SUNDAY
EYES WIDE SHUT
MAGNOLIA
That's about it.
#17
Posted 15 November 2004 - 11:54 AM
![[censored]](https://debrief.commanderbond.net/topic/19551-twine-five-years-on/style_emoticons/default/censored.gif)

Any Given Sunday? I'm going to assume that being a Limey your lack of exposure to the NFL prevents you from seeing how utter horrible that films is...Anyway,I love Boogie Nights but refuse to see Magnolia because of Cruise. I just can't stand the bastard. 'The Insider' was good. Russel Crowe deserved an Oscar for that one, not Gladiator.
1997 was a very good year:
Trainspotting
The Full Monty
Boogie Nights(my top choice)
L.A. Confidental
StarShip Troopers
Titanic(yes i still like it even it's cool not to)
Tommorow Never dies(most fun Brosnan 007 film)
Good Will Hunting
#18
Posted 15 November 2004 - 12:02 PM
I actually think Brosnan would have made entrapment (gulp) better. Connery was too
ing old! 60? yeah, right.
Nah, Brosnan seems to play a jewel thief in every other movie anyway. Connery too old? How dare you, sir! Watch ENTRAPMENT and then tell me that he couldn't have played Bond in 1999.
Any Given Sunday? I'm going to assume that being a Limey your lack of exposure to the NFL prevents you from seeing how utter horrible that films is
Well, admittedly, I don't understand American football, but, hey, I thought ANY GIVEN SUNDAY was watchable. I kind of zonked out during the matches. Presumably, though, in real life, if a player got his eye torn out they'd stop the game.
Right?


Anyway,I love Boogie Nights but refuse to see Magnolia because of Cruise. I just can't stand the bastard. 'The Insider' was good. Russel Crowe deserved an Oscar for that one, not Gladiator.
Was THE INSIDER a film from '99? Yeah, that's a good movie.
I suppose you've boycotted COLLATERAL? See, this anti-Cruise stance'll backfire on you, because you'll miss out on some decent stuff.
#19
Posted 15 November 2004 - 12:05 PM
He was too
![[censored]](https://debrief.commanderbond.net/topic/19551-twine-five-years-on/style_emoticons/default/censored.gif)

#20
Posted 15 November 2004 - 12:19 PM
Other trivial details about TWINE I don't like:
He wears a suit in almost every scene, even in the pipeline nuke chase;not very practical attire for that is it? Bond isn't always dressed formally in any other film.What ever happened to "action-casual"?

The Car: Dull. Exists only to sell BMWs, finance said film.
The heli-tree-saws: Do people in IZERBAIJAN really care about triming trees along road sides? Seems like a cheap telegraphing of future boring action scene.
M: Her expiration date has come and gone. It's time for a crusty ol man again, preferably Bernard Hill.
Casino: How depressingly unglamourous. looks like a sleezing American casino on an Indian reservation in the middle of nowhere. Ugly, trashy women.Yuck.
Sets: The cheapest looking Bond film of them all. Not one set looks like it belongs in a James Bond film.
#21
Posted 15 November 2004 - 12:26 PM
Not sure what TWINE is, really, but I'm sure it's not a Bond film.
Anyway, your two cents, please.
Yes, we all know how much you say you hate it. Hear about it a few times a week on average, we do. So why the gratuitous and completely unnecessary thread? [i.e., an anniversary bash-filled thread, when there's been an unrelenting tide of vitriol preceding it, seems well-on toward spiteful]
#22
Posted 15 November 2004 - 12:49 PM
Casino: How depressingly unglamourous. looks like a sleezing American casino on an Indian reservation in the middle of nowhere. Ugly, trashy women.Yuck.
Sets: The cheapest looking Bond film of them all. Not one set looks like it belongs in a James Bond film.
TWINE is a very ugly film. Ugly locations, ugly sets, ugly people, all uglified further by ugly cinematography (and editing that seems to have been done by Freddy Krueger after a few too many beers). Nothing is beautiful to look at. Even the weather seems dreadful in every shot. A Bond film should be a ravishing feast for the eyes.
Bon-san, okay, enough of my two cents for now (actually, more like $12 or so by this point). If anyone has anything good to say about TWINE, well, be my guest.
#24
Posted 15 November 2004 - 02:28 PM
#25
Posted 15 November 2004 - 03:19 PM
Not sure what TWINE is, really, but I'm sure it's not a Bond film.
Anyway, your two cents, please.
Yes, we all know how much you say you hate it. Hear about it a few times a week on average, we do. So why the gratuitous and completely unnecessary thread? [i.e., an anniversary bash-filled thread, when there's been an unrelenting tide of vitriol preceding it, seems well-on toward spiteful]
Shame. I was looking forward to my "Licence to Kill fifteen years on" thread.
Ah well.
#26
Posted 15 November 2004 - 05:43 PM
Not sure what TWINE is, really, but I'm sure it's not a Bond film.
Anyway, your two cents, please.
Yes, we all know how much you say you hate it. Hear about it a few times a week on average, we do. So why the gratuitous and completely unnecessary thread? [i.e., an anniversary bash-filled thread, when there's been an unrelenting tide of vitriol preceding it, seems well-on toward spiteful]
Shame. I was looking forward to my "Licence to Kill fifteen years on" thread.
Ah well.
Go ahead and indulge yourself, Jim.

#27
Posted 15 November 2004 - 05:48 PM
I do, however, seem to have an internal barometer that trips when enough is enough.
Fair enough, Bon-san, but then again, where is the gun being held to your head forcing you to read this thread?
Not that I'm saying you're not welcome. But how about some counterargument, not just complaint? I presume you consider TWINE at least okay. Very well, then: tell us why you think it's good.
Personally, I'd love to read a "flaming diatribe" by Jim against LICENCE TO KILL, even though I'm extremely fond of the film, since I know that it would be funnier and more thought-provoking than these here rantings of mine against TWINE could ever hope to be.
#28
Posted 15 November 2004 - 05:50 PM
It reminds me of the view of my friend who I saw it with "There were no superlatives." What's more, the only thing he couldn't quit talking about in the film had to do with Denise Richards in the sub at the end.
So what are we left with? For one thing, it's a crime when a James Bond film can't deliver any memorable action, save for some of the precredits people trying to take themselves too seriously; a completely unfulfilling villain (watch as the man who feels no pain picks up hot rocks and punches tables); I still am not sure what the plot is; unneccesary characters (Zukovsky); forced scenes (casino, BMW with gadgets). That's about enough, for now.
As far as a description of what how to describe TWINE, how about The Lifetime Bond Movie. Lifetime is a cable television network aimed at women, and under Apted's direction, TWINE would fit perfectly on its schedule.
#29
Posted 15 November 2004 - 06:45 PM

#30
Posted 15 November 2004 - 10:04 PM
Doing an Advanced search for "TWINE" filtered by member name "freemo" will reveal many a more detailed explanation, most in bitter rant form.