First off, welcome to the forums! I don't visit here as much as I used to, so this screenplay of yours happened to fly under my radar. By chance I visited the Fan Fiction section today and saw this topic from about two months ago. I just finished reading Act 1 so I'll share my thoughts:
- Cracking work on the PTS. I liked the small Fleming references with Magic 44 and later Mark Hazard. I feel inclined to mention that radical Islamic terrorism is something we'll probably never see in a Bond film; EON tend to veer away from overtly political plots and specific real world villainy. However, this is your script and I applaud you for not shying away from reality for the sake of political correctness.
- Overall your dialogue is strong and sounds natural coming from the characters. I could hear the voices of Craig, Fiennes, and Harris clearly in my mind's ear while reading. The pillow talk between Bond and Maria was a little clunky but that was the only exchange that sounded slightly forced.
- The Lupita Npyo name sounds far too similar to Lupita Nyong'o and I think the audience would pick up on that. I would modify her name to avoid this issue.
I do hope you decide to continue on and finish the screenplay, as I think it has loads of promise!