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Bond-Related Cliches That Make You Cringe?


22 replies to this topic

#1 Trevelyan 006

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Posted 26 February 2015 - 01:52 AM

Do any come immediately to mind  (in pop culture, social culture, etc.)?

 

Scrolling through social media feeds recently has reminded me of mine. My main one, is the ultra-cliche high school prom/formal dance pictures that dates take standing back-to-back posing with gun hands. Basically trying to signify "Bond" and "Bond Girl". I find them really rather cheesy...


Edited by Trevelyan 006, 26 February 2015 - 01:56 AM.


#2 AMC Hornet

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Posted 26 February 2015 - 02:16 AM

People assuming that Goldfinger got his name because he had a gold finger.

 

Does that count?

 

Plus, anyone - anyone - ordering a martini and specifying 'shaken, not stirred'. I expect they get it stirred every time (my girlfriend back in the '70s ordered one for me when she thought I couldn't hear her. She even tried to fake an English accent - double fail).



#3 DaveBond21

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Posted 26 February 2015 - 04:19 AM

This topic makes me think of the cheesy lines used by media and especially British newspapers. Things like:-

 

Shaked and stirred!

 

Licence to Thrill...!



#4 AMC Hornet

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Posted 26 February 2015 - 03:53 PM

Excerpt from my article, "How to Write a Professional Bond Film Review":

 

First, your review must begin with the line: “Bond is back and he’s better than ever (and/or: “and he has a licence to thrill”), and he’s going to leave you shaken – but not stirred – in...” This establishes that you are aware of the iconography of the franchise, and that you are just as clever as the film makers when it comes to making up such an original play on words. THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL.

 

Also not optional is describing the lead actor as either:

  1. Donning the tuxedo
  2. Strapping on the Beretta, or
  3. Taking the wheel of the famous Aston Martin DBIII.

He is also the best actor in the role since Sean Connery.*

*Except for George Lazenby, who was terrible (more on that later.)

 

Whatever the plot of the film, you must describe the villain as seeking nothing less than world domination, whether it’s by threatening NATO, trading diamonds for opium, or charging a million a shot.

 

The lead actress is Bond’s equal in every way. She is a Bond ‘woman,’ not a Bond ‘girl’ like all the others who came before her.

 

Don't worry about getting names - or spelling of names - right. Diana Rigg could have played Tessa, Topol could have played Columbia...whatever.

 

Find sexual innuendo in absolutely everything. Here you can let your own sick, perverse imagination run rampant, then criticize what you’ve inferred for being too crude and obvious. (E.g.: “The timer is set for four hours – allowing for delays...” Delays? What kind of delays? Ooooh, tsk tsk. Hey, it must be deliberate – this is a Bond film).

 

Admit that the writing and directing of the film has its flaws – and it’s important to phrase this in a way that implies that you could have done better yourself, but modesty prevents you from saying so outright. Ditto for the editing and music.

 

 

Anything missing here probably appears elsewhere in the complete text.



#5 Vauxhall

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Posted 26 February 2015 - 04:27 PM

The idea that every single villain in every single Bond film is a bald man, wearing a Nehru suit and stroking a white cat.



#6 AMC Hornet

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Posted 27 February 2015 - 12:14 AM

The idea that every single villain in every single Bond film is a bald man, wearing a Nehru suit and stroking a white cat.

 

With an eye patch.



#7 DaveBond21

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Posted 27 February 2015 - 05:56 AM

This time it's personal

 

MI6 traitor



#8 Odd Jobbies

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Posted 27 February 2015 - 12:32 PM

Annoying canon Bond cliche is the 'Double-Take'.

 

Annoying Craig era cliche is: 'Bond needs to decide if he wants to do this job'.

 

Thought that one was put to bed in SF, but low and behold Mendes is citing it again for SPECTRE  :/


Edited by Odd Jobbies, 27 February 2015 - 12:33 PM.


#9 hilly

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Posted 27 February 2015 - 12:39 PM

Any tv feature/news report that focusses on Bond will inevitably end with the reporter saying their name in the "Bond, James Bond" format..

 

The female lead declaring that her character will be "Bond's equal" and "more than just a Bond girl"

 

The current trend is for movies (and to be fair it isn't just the Bond movies) to create scenes designed to be "iconic". I remember Gemma Arterton declaring that the image of Fields on the bed in QoS, covered in oil "will be iconic"



#10 hilly

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Posted 27 February 2015 - 01:00 PM

The "insider" revealing that everyone, from the blandest boyband/girlgroup to the hardest rock band on the planet is "in talks" to do the next theme song



#11 RedsBaron

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Posted 27 February 2015 - 03:59 PM

 AMC Hornet  and hilly both mentioned the cliché about the female lead not just being a "Bond Girl" and being "Bond's equal." I find that to be so tiresome. For the most part the female lead as simple eye candy without any skills quit being used 40 years ago.

 James Bond is supposed to be a "blunt instrument," an assassin with charm, but a killer. I do not want a "Bond girl" who comes off as incompetent as Jill St. John's Tiffany did in DAF, but the idea that a somewhat random female whom 007 encounters will just happen to be Bond's equal at his job usually is silly. I really liked Natalya in Goldeneye. She brought a skill set, including computer expertise, that was useful to the mission without suddenly being Bond's equal in hand-to-hand combat. Vesper's abilities in CR were believable without her being able to fight off the bad guys by herself.



#12 Guy Haines

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Posted 27 February 2015 - 04:17 PM

The description of Bond as a "superspy". He's not a spy in the strict sense - he doesn't just obtain secret information to pass on to his masters. It may be part of a particular mission to do so but he's really an intelligence agent/state sponsored assassin, amongst other things, who works for MI6.



#13 AMC Hornet

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Posted 27 February 2015 - 05:21 PM

From James Bond: the First 21 Years:
 

"I had a marvelous dream last night - I dreamed I was James Bond. And you would have been proud of me. I was all dressed up in my Saville Row suit, and I was living it up. I had about 20 gorgeous creatures all over me and 20 more waiting in line. And any time a guy looked at me the wrong way I'd zap him with my atomic monocle, or blow him up with my nuclear ring." (Frank Sinatra)

 

Even at his worst, Roger Moore's Bond was never that gadget-happy or cavalier about killing.



#14 Odd Jobbies

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Posted 27 February 2015 - 09:06 PM

That 'nuclear ring' sounds painful - glad we never had to watch Q demonstrating one.



#15 AMC Hornet

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Posted 02 March 2015 - 11:51 PM

All henchmen are mute.

 

Oddjob had a cleft palate, Whisper whispered, Jaws was supposed to be mute (but Gilbert spoiled that in MR), and some goons - like Hans, Loque and Braun - just don't have anything to say, but they still let out a scream while being eaten alive or falling off a cliff.

 

One local reviewer described Kabir Bedi as Kamal Khan's "hulking, apparently mute henchman." Well yeah, if you don't count the lines he spoke in Urdu - or English - then I guess I can see that.



#16 glidrose

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Posted 03 March 2015 - 07:00 PM

Don't know if this is what you meant, but I can no longer abide all those annoying quips. The Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan eras suffered an unnecessary abundance.

#17 Guy Haines

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Posted 03 March 2015 - 08:18 PM

How about any news item which describes an event as "like something out of a Bond film" ? Then again, linking Bond to real life events might not be a bad idea. Reminds the punters that however far fetched Bond might seem at times, it has a grounding, however unlikely, in the real world.

 

Also, is it just me, or since December last year have any of you noticed the number of news headlines or sub headings which include the word "spectre" in them? Usually along the lines of "there is a spectre haunting Europe/US/the Middle East/the World [delete as applicable]" Once again, however, should we object if it gets the title of the next Bond film into the subconscious, if not intentionally? ;)



#18 stromberg

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Posted 03 March 2015 - 08:45 PM

Also, is it just me, or since December last year have any of you noticed the number of news headlines or sub headings which include the word "spectre" in them? Usually along the lines of "there is a spectre haunting Europe/US/the Middle East/the World [delete as applicable]" Once again, however, should we object if it gets the title of the next Bond film into the subconscious, if not intentionally? ;)

 

With SPECTRE, I didn't notice that, but with the word "Quantum" ever since QoS came out.



#19 AMC Hornet

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Posted 04 March 2015 - 12:36 AM

I wonder how the media will work 'Shatterhand' into their headlines?



#20 DaveBond21

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Posted 04 March 2015 - 12:38 AM

I've also heard increased use of the word "solace" since 2008.



#21 agentbug

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Posted 04 March 2015 - 07:17 AM

Excerpt from my article, "How to Write a Professional Bond Film Review":
 
First, your review must begin with the line: “Bond is back and he’s better than ever (and/or: “and he has a licence to thrill”), and he’s going to leave you shaken – but not stirred – in...” This establishes that you are aware of the iconography of the franchise, and that you are just as clever as the film makers when it comes to making up such an original play on words. THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL.
 
Also not optional is describing the lead actor as either:


  • Donning the tuxedo
  • Strapping on the Beretta, or
  • Taking the wheel of the famous Aston Martin DBIII.
He is also the best actor in the role since Sean Connery.*
*Except for George Lazenby, who was terrible (more on that later.)
 
Whatever the plot of the film, you must describe the villain as seeking nothing less than world domination, whether it’s by threatening NATO, trading diamonds for opium, or charging a million a shot.
 
The lead actress is Bond’s equal in every way. She is a Bond ‘woman,’ not a Bond ‘girl’ like all the others who came before her.
 
Don't worry about getting names - or spelling of names - right. Diana Rigg could have played Tessa, Topol could have played Columbia...whatever.
 
Find sexual innuendo in absolutely everything. Here you can let your own sick, perverse imagination run rampant, then criticize what you’ve inferred for being too crude and obvious. (E.g.: “The timer is set for four hours – allowing for delays...” Delays? What kind of delays? Ooooh, tsk tsk. Hey, it must be deliberate – this is a Bond film).
 
Admit that the writing and directing of the film has its flaws – and it’s important to phrase this in a way that implies that you could have done better yourself, but modesty prevents you from saying so outright. Ditto for the editing and music.
 
 
Anything missing here probably appears elsewhere in the complete text.


Very, very good AMC! And here's a bang up to date example of exactly what you're talking about, that I just read:


Daniel Craig has been given a TV licence to thrill as he prepares to bring James Bond to the small screen in a Comic Relief sketch for this year's Red Nose Day.

Further details remain top secret but Craig will appear as 007 in a one-off skit that BBC organisers promise will leave viewers "shaken and stirred in the best way possible".

#22 Guy Haines

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Posted 04 March 2015 - 08:08 AM

Re: the last post on Comic Relief - excruciating even by UK media standards! ;)



#23 AMC Hornet

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Posted 05 March 2015 - 12:45 AM

 

Very, very good AMC! And here's a bang up to date example of exactly what you're talking about, that I just read:


Daniel Craig has been given a TV licence to thrill as he prepares to bring James Bond to the small screen in a Comic Relief sketch for this year's Red Nose Day.

Further details remain top secret but Craig will appear as 007 in a one-off skit that BBC organisers promise will leave viewers "shaken and stirred in the best way possible".

 

"How original!"