88 replies to this topic

[chrisno1]

Very smart beginning, Terminus.
Not sure about Bond vomiting... I thought he'd be too cultured for such a display! It has a very swift feel to it, none of those long drawn out PTS of recent years, a simple 2-3 scenes to set the pace. Very smooth work. I look forward to the completed story.

[terminus]

Glad you enjoyed the script, chrisno. Hopefully the rest of the script will amuse you as much - rest assured that Bond being a little out of character (and vomiting, as you've specified) will make sense within the context of the larger picture.

Interestingly the PTS is about the same length as the Casino Royale PTS sequence which clocked in at about five pages. But, you're right, we wanted it to be pretty fast-paced and get the audience intrigued.

And it isn't a spoiler for me to reveal that the person in the photo is our villain, Sir Philip Masters, who would be played by Linus Roache.

[terminus]

As real life is still slowing the polishing process - have decided that I'm going to open the ground to questions about the script and offer one person the chance to read the FULL current draft of the script on the promise that they will write a review of decent length to promote the piece.

Any volunteers? PM me if you're interested.

[volante]

As real life is still slowing the polishing process - have decided that I'm going to open the ground to questions about the script and offer one person the chance to read the FULL current draft of the script on the promise that they will write a review of decent length to promote the piece.

Any volunteers? PM me if you're interested.

I suggest you ask Chrisno1; he always provides a full detailed review.

[terminus]

I suggest you ask Chrisno1; he always provides a full detailed review.

Thanks for the tip-off

[chrisno1]

Hi Terminus,
hope things are ok, haven't heard from you in a while.
Just a quick query... I was having a butchers at some old FanFic and saw that in Sep '08 you published a scenario for a screen treatment of a Craig movie entitled For Queen And Country.
I read it and rather liked it. It had some good ideas and I got a feel for the cinematic possibilities. (You had also utilised a few of my own future locations and ideas! Damn!)
Is your current screenplay an update, a re-write or a completely new tale?
Chris

[terminus]

Thanks for the wishes.

I'm starting to look at FQAC again with the eye to finishing it off in the next month or so. There's one element I'm still not very keen on - (it's a minor element, really, not plot or character related - just how something is described) - but hopefully getting that worked out soon.

The old FQAC treatment may share some elements with this new version but it's not, consciously, a revising or a re-write. I'd say that this is, more or less, a completely new tale.

[chrisno1]

Cool...
Can I pinch some of my own locations and ideas then?

[terminus]

I don't see why not Looking forward to see what the comparisons were.

[terminus]

Further to my earlier post, upon much re-reading and re-reading of the screenplay of For Queen and Country, I've realised that whilst I'm pretty happy with the script as it stands, I'm not happy with the villains plot.

I've realised that the plot that I was allowing to stew in prep for the hoped sequel to For Queen And Country is much more in store with the feel of the DC Era and, luckily, implementing this into FQAC wouldn't require massive change to the screenplay. I'm presently debating how to implement the change of the villains plot into the screenplay.

And the villain will now be portrayed by Jeffrey Donovan.

Edited by terminus, 03 May 2010 - 02:18 AM.

[terminus]

A revised version of the OST track listing I posted earlier now that the new details of the plot have been firmed up.

1 - You Really Screwed That One Up
2 - "Wicked Soul" - sung by Kubb
3 - Napoleon Masters
4 - Stand On Guard For Thee
5 - Downtown
6 - Why Did You Do It? aka Simone's Theme
7 - Eden
8 - Chateau Masters
9 - Do You Know Him?
10 - A Long Way To Fall
11 - Air Leiter
12 - Sydney
13 - I Thought You Were Dead
14 - Paloma
15 - See A Man About Some Lobster
16 - Company Car
18 - Masters' Forge
19 - Walkabout
20 - HMAS Launceston
21 - Bond vs Masters
22 - Down Under
23 - 007 2010

Plus - a provisional new release date for the project.

007 / 007 / 2010
FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY

Edited by terminus, 08 May 2010 - 11:14 PM.

[terminus]

The latest draft is due to be fired off to my beta readers tonight. Hopefully this will be the last major overhaul and it'll now be down to fine tuning. This last overhaul has pushed up the page count somewhat, added some nice little character building scenes and seen the closing scene completely overhauled.

[terminus]

The final revision is due to begin tonight after I've recieved beta notes from several of my beta readers, excellent notes that ought to make the final product even better.

[terminus]

Just to say that FQAC is undergoing a final polish and is on schedule to be posted on the 7th July, our revised debut date.

[terminus]

T MINUS 2 DAYS


FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY



007 / 007



YOU KNOW THE NUMBER

NOW, KNOW THE DATE

[coco1997]

Excellent.

[terminus]

(quotes from the review and beta-read that Chrisno1 did for me a month back that's helped greatly in revising the project)

T MINUS 1 DAY


... a fun and clever piece of espionage which brought a smile to my face. It’s exactly the sort of thing I like in a Bond film ...


TOMORROW


I thought (the torture) scene was gut-wrenching. Yikes! It almost made my skin crawl.


FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY


A car with gadgets! Ah, always so cool...


007 / 007


A satisfying return to the ‘big battle’ finales of the sixties and late seventies; no superficial ‘Arnie’ heroic’s here.


YOU KNOW THE NUMBER

NOW, KNOW THE DATE

[Harry Fawkes]

Can't wait! This one is on my number 1 list. Bring it on Terminus. Bring it on.

[volante]

Yeah baby. I've got tomorrow off - I'm all yours

[terminus]

Can't wait! This one is on my number 1 list. Bring it on Terminus. Bring it on.

Yeah baby. I've got tomorrow off - I'm all yours

Thanks, guys I do hope you'll enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed plugging away at it for the past eight months.

Heike Makatsch is Simone Masters

"What does the wife of one of the richest men in the world want with a simple hockey player? Danger, perhaps? No. Excitement?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mr Bond."

[terminus]

Talu lahRiley is Gala Brand

"Gala Brand? Unusual name. Sounds like a porkpie."

"Short for Galatea, actually. My father was in the Royal Navy. And I was named after the cruiser that he was serving on when I was born. I suppose I ought to be grateful. Daddy was serving on the Invincible when my brother was born -"

[terminus]

Sasha Roiz as Vincenzo Amado

"Oh, my dear Mr Bond, you don't think I'd dirty my hands with something as pedestrian as torturing a poor soldier, do you? No, I have people to do that for me.-"

[terminus]

Jeffrey Donovan as Sir Philip Masters

"You betrayed my trust, Doctor, it is only fair that I betray yours in return -"

[terminus]

And the script is live --->


007: For Queen And Country

[coco1997]

Fantastic job, terminus.

I think what works best for me with this script is that it manages to be fun whilst taking itself just seriously enough, similar to how I imagined Dalton's third film. The plot (the whole tequila diamonds caper) is Flemingly bizarre, the action is big and bad but not unbelievable and you brought some of that classic Bondian sexiness back. Including a complete cast list always help to add to the cinematic appeal of the script, as you did with your equally entertaining "Silverknight" script from a couple years ago.

Having been a beta reader and a creative consultant on this script over the past couple months, I can honestly say that it couldn't have turned out better. What began as collection of very raw ideas and musings matured into a solid script that I think could easily get the Bond franchise back on track in a few years' time.

[volante]

Well done Teminus.

I have begun; and am throughly enjoying FQAC

I don't understand the 'beat' symbol as a punctuation. Perhaps you could explain.

But the pace and visulisation are first class (just reached the pool scene)its very easy to see the characters; and the story is intreguing.
I'll blast through the next couple of chapters later.

cheers

Paul

[terminus]

'Beat' is a term used in scriptwriting to describe a pause in dialogue or, occasionally, a pause in action too.

Glad you've both enjoyed it so far.

[chrisno1]

FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY

Sorry, edited this out. The full review didn't post!
Read on to the next post....

Edited by chrisno1, 11 July 2010 - 11:35 AM.

[chrisno1]

FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY

Terminus,

Firstly, thanks again for considering my feedback on your working draft. It was nice to see the screenplay develop. I though the improvements you made are just that: there is hardly a detrimental change.

While I am still not convinced about one or two scenes, this is rather akin to moaning about Casino Royale because I don’t like the chase at Miami Airport. Sometimes [in film] it’s better to accept everything can’t be perfect. Screenwriting is rarely a solo activity, more a committee project, and the result of FQ&C fully justifies this method. While the finished draft retains the bulk of your original work, the additions and subtractions you have included/removed show the input of others has made you see the narrative anew.

To refer to my original feedback:

The running time feels a little longer. The addition or expansion of a few scenes has lengthened the piece. I still think with judicious editing a movie version would come in at approx 120mins.

I have no complaints about the action sequences, which retain their muscle and tension. I especially liked the Ranger Thunder chase and the aquarium fight. These had great visual potential; they felt very James Bond! And you can never moan about a gadget laden car – the epitome of 007 cool! And as for that cringing torture scene... yikes!

Not every violent scene works quite so well, and on second reading, I wondered if there were too many fight scenes. I have to remember both Thunderball and You Only Live Twice have seven bouts of fisticuffs (of varying lengths) and I think a producer/director would employ a script editor to doctor some of your longer fights to avoid potential repetition.

There’s a good cast of characters, which you introduced with the minimum of fuss. I think you developed the personas very well, which is hard to do purely through the spoken word. Phillip Masters is especially believable villain, in the “Quantum Trilogy” mode. I’d take him over that slimy Dominic Greene any day. The game of pool has an undercurrent of cat-and-mouse between hero and villain. This is much better presented than in its original form, and a good film editor would montage this sequence to condense it from the five page format witnessed here. I still think the stakes increase way too fast! I was pleased to see M has finally been withdrawn to Headquarters, leaving Bond the focus of the story. For the best part the dialogue is swift and succinct. Like a novel, where speech should never be wasted, you’ve concentrated on the talk that matters. There is hardly a word out of place.

However I still squirm at the seduction/flirting scenes. To me they feel a little forced and unnatural. Love scenes of any kind are by their nature very difficult, the tendency is to drop into cliché or humour. I didn’t feel Bond developed a “romantic relationship” with any of the heroines in the story; none of them, frankly, are around for long enough. It’s interesting you make this a sexless Bond and I wonder, was this is because you too recognised there wasn’t any chemistry between the various women and 007?

There are a few incidents of deference to the books and the movies. The introduction of Gala Brand, the electric shock torture and the outback sequences have that “pick-and-mix” quality that Eon uses in the adventures these days.

Your locations are excellent. The realisation of them could be very Ken Adam.

So what’s my over all opinion? Well, I am not a producer, nor am I script writer. But there is an awful lot of crap out there! Sometimes you wonder how the stuff ever gets financed. I accept this isn’t designed for actual submission to Eon, but it holds up remarkably well against some of the real Eon projects. What I like most about FQ&C is the tightness of the piece. You haven’t filled the narrative with inconsequential characters or incidents. Almost every scene is relevant and drives the film forward. It has tremendous appeal as an action piece. While I enjoy the character development, this is probably secondary to the excitement we would witness on screen, and the lack of substantial scenes of philosophising (e.g. Bond and Mathis in QOS) creates a stark and studied treatment which I thoroughly enjoyed.

I congratulate you, Terminus, on a really fine effort. There’s nothing transparent about FQ&C, it has depth, peaks and troughs. You’ve thought a lot about the over all impact of the piece and that deserves a lot of praise. I for one wouldn’t have the patience to develop a project over such a long gestation. The wait was worth it for FQ&Q. Thanks for a great read.

Chris

P.S. Is it worth me reading Silver Knight?

[coco1997]

If you enjoyed "FQAC" (which going by your review, you very clearly did ), then you'll love "Silverknight". I know I did.